The value of virginity?
I was always one of those people who planned on saving it for marriage. I'm now 22 and realize I suck at relationships. Almost every guy I've ever loved has been someone I met online, and things always failed before we could meet. I came to the conclusion that I will probably never be loved or get married, so I feel I'm "saving my virginity" for nothing. I'm starting to feel like an old virgin, but I don't know if I'm ready to have sex anyways...
Anyhow, one of my good friends is newly single, and he's been trying to get me into an FWB situation (which has already kind of started, but barely). He was the first guy I ever loved, and I'd be FWB with him because...well, there's a voice in my head, like my 15-year-old self's voice, saying "BUT, BUT, YOU USED TO LOVE HIM SO MUCH...YOU ALWAYS WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN." But he's changed a lot since I loved him, and I know there is no danger of me falling for him again, getting emotionally hurt, etc.
I dunno what my problem is. Should I care if I give my virginity to a man-slut who doesn't love me, just for fun? If I'm going to "waste" my virginity, at least it's on someone I once loved a great deal? Are any guys my age actually virgins, and if they are, are they interested in fucking virgins? I imagine a guy my age would want someone who has more skills in bed, so here is my opportunity to get them...should I go for it?
Anyhow, one of my good friends is newly single, and he's been trying to get me into an FWB situation (which has already kind of started, but barely). He was the first guy I ever loved, and I'd be FWB with him because...well, there's a voice in my head, like my 15-year-old self's voice, saying "BUT, BUT, YOU USED TO LOVE HIM SO MUCH...YOU ALWAYS WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN." But he's changed a lot since I loved him, and I know there is no danger of me falling for him again, getting emotionally hurt, etc.
I dunno what my problem is. Should I care if I give my virginity to a man-slut who doesn't love me, just for fun? If I'm going to "waste" my virginity, at least it's on someone I once loved a great deal? Are any guys my age actually virgins, and if they are, are they interested in fucking virgins? I imagine a guy my age would want someone who has more skills in bed, so here is my opportunity to get them...should I go for it?
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if you have sex too soon, then thats all your relationship will be about. after a few rounds you or he will start looking for someone else since you're not in a committed relationship. im always hearing ppl complain about that.
as far as being 22, youve been watching too much TV if you think thats too late. having sex too soon makes a great drama, and thats why you see it everywhere.
your friend and acquaintances that are having it, what would you say their IQ is at?
keep in mind, 1/4 adult americans have geneital herpes (not including other STDs), 80% are unaware they have it. actual statistic, search for yourself. im 23 and still carry a v-card. i dont know who my future wife is going to be but i know i dont wanna spread anything to her. (my cousin had chlamydia and later ovarian cancer and she was only 20. she survived but she cant have kids anymore.)
while im bummed i havnt found the right person yet, i'm not bummed i still have a v-card. big difference.
ultimately, choice is yours and stay safe.
as far as being 22, youve been watching too much TV if you think thats too late. having sex too soon makes a great drama, and thats why you see it everywhere.
your friend and acquaintances that are having it, what would you say their IQ is at?
keep in mind, 1/4 adult americans have geneital herpes (not including other STDs), 80% are unaware they have it. actual statistic, search for yourself. im 23 and still carry a v-card. i dont know who my future wife is going to be but i know i dont wanna spread anything to her. (my cousin had chlamydia and later ovarian cancer and she was only 20. she survived but she cant have kids anymore.)
while im bummed i havnt found the right person yet, i'm not bummed i still have a v-card. big difference.
ultimately, choice is yours and stay safe.
I wouldnt waste it, if your sex drive hasnt already landed you in trouble yet then what is the point in raising its ugly head?
Would you be happy to be pregnant to this guy, if not dont do it
Would you be happy to be pregnant to this guy, if not dont do it
Although I have little experience in this arena since I lost mine to my partner at 15 (After he proposed no less, 13 years together now). But the one thing I do remember was that it was awkward, uncomfortable and a horrible, clumsy experience that was more embarrassing then magical. Things didn't have "magic" until after a while once we figured things out.
If virginity is important to you, I would wait, but if you want the first time with someone you love to be special, it might be a good thing to pick up some experience before hand. Remembering what my first time was like I would be depressed and embarrassed to have a nice fancy romantic honey moon turned into a joke because it ends up being painful and awkward.
It does boil down to trust however. Do you trust your friend to help you learn? Do you think you will get hurt by it? If you go into this would he be understanding that he needs to take it slow with you and help you learn or would he be the jump and go type? Man slut can have many meanings, ranging from selfish dick to ladies man. The former would be disappointing and I would avoid it, but if he's a ladies first kind of guy it may be a good experience.
If virginity is important to you, I would wait, but if you want the first time with someone you love to be special, it might be a good thing to pick up some experience before hand. Remembering what my first time was like I would be depressed and embarrassed to have a nice fancy romantic honey moon turned into a joke because it ends up being painful and awkward.
It does boil down to trust however. Do you trust your friend to help you learn? Do you think you will get hurt by it? If you go into this would he be understanding that he needs to take it slow with you and help you learn or would he be the jump and go type? Man slut can have many meanings, ranging from selfish dick to ladies man. The former would be disappointing and I would avoid it, but if he's a ladies first kind of guy it may be a good experience.
You would not believe the number of men who have remained virgins until even 30. I have had several female friends/relatives who had virgin boyfriends at the ages of 24, 30, and 22. I can understand wanting to get "rid of it". However, you're better off waiting. From a practical standpoint, you need someone who is going to take lots of time preparing physically. Chances are that isn't going to happen with a "man whore". If you sleep with a friend, it can either explode or turn into a relationship. I've seen both ends of that spectrum. If you were in love with him a long time ago, and now sleep with him, you might get very very attached. If it blows up, or you meet someone else later, you might wish you would've waited.
i think if u must ask that question ..then is no value in it at all .. u make value yourself ..so all goes from how u act and what you do ..
Nonesense. There's very little to no value in virginity. It's only fetishism, romantic, and religeous ideals that assign such significant value to it.
Don't waste your time on empty values.
Don't waste your time on empty values.
Amen!
There's value in your own virginity if you feel there is, but if not then there isn't. It's not the same for everyone.
The thing is: there's about 8 billion people on the planet.
Approx. 3,487,869,561 (that's about 3.5 billion) men live on this planet.
That means there's about 3,487,869,560 guys you have not met.
There are still plenty of "fish in the sea."
I am saying this as a 21yo virgin myself:
DO NOT lose hope,
DO NOT give in to peer pressure,
DO NOT lose faith in yourself.
DO NOT let others sway your final judgement; in the end, you alone will endure the consequences.
DO what your heart (and yours alone) tells you is right.
STAND STRONG.
Approx. 3,487,869,561 (that's about 3.5 billion) men live on this planet.
That means there's about 3,487,869,560 guys you have not met.
There are still plenty of "fish in the sea."
I am saying this as a 21yo virgin myself:
DO NOT lose hope,
DO NOT give in to peer pressure,
DO NOT lose faith in yourself.
DO NOT let others sway your final judgement; in the end, you alone will endure the consequences.
DO what your heart (and yours alone) tells you is right.
STAND STRONG.
Meh. I'm aware of how math works. That 3.4 billion number is males, not men. Try taking out the number of infants, children, elderly, don't speak the same language, already taken. I'd estimate it reduces the number by half, at least. I mean, you still end up with a big number, but it's a far cry from 3.5 billion. Even if there are plenty of fish in the sea, what good does it do if you're fishing from a crappy dock in the middle of nowhere?
It's hard to know what to do when I don't know what's right. I probably shouldn't do it, though...
It's hard to know what to do when I don't know what's right. I probably shouldn't do it, though...
Seems more like you're desperate for affection and since you can't hold a relationship, you're turning to sex.
Bad idea.
You know deep down that you'll feel horrible after having sex with him or with a total stranger.
You should look inside yourself, pinpoint the mistakes made in your past relationships and correct them.
Aside from this...sort of...I'm one of those people that believes there's no such thing as an healthy relationship without sex so take this an advice or hint or something
Bad idea.
You know deep down that you'll feel horrible after having sex with him or with a total stranger.
You should look inside yourself, pinpoint the mistakes made in your past relationships and correct them.
Aside from this...sort of...I'm one of those people that believes there's no such thing as an healthy relationship without sex so take this an advice or hint or something
Saving it for marriage? Dumb.
Only sleeping with people you really like and trust? Smart.
Only sleeping with people you really like and trust? Smart.
I have trust issues: if I can't trust anyone, how can I sleep with anyone?
I am not talking about one night stands, or any sort of stupid "you have to do X by Y number of dates" protocol. Meet a boy/girl with similar interests, general life goals and preferences, attitude, etc. Spend time with them, lots of time, get to know them. Relationships are not a binary thing, it's something you carefully grow.
You're committing yourself a great disservice with the statement, "I can't trust anyone". I would know, I have used the phrase in the past. Ultimately I found it to be, "I don't like to trust just anyone". I met a girl, exceptionally kind and cute who is so similar to me in terms of interests, outlook, attitu-- everything-- that we both are still taken back from time to time by just how odd it is, almost ... suspicious (shifty eyes and then we both make a stupid smile).
To answer your question without trying analyze your statement? You can't. If you can't trust anyone you're fucked, I am not being mean I am being serious. I actually had accepted this fact and accepted I was fucked. Then, with my "I am fucked anyways" attitude I went and took a chance meeting someone who I would have never, ever, dared speak to before. Life changed.
You're committing yourself a great disservice with the statement, "I can't trust anyone". I would know, I have used the phrase in the past. Ultimately I found it to be, "I don't like to trust just anyone". I met a girl, exceptionally kind and cute who is so similar to me in terms of interests, outlook, attitu-- everything-- that we both are still taken back from time to time by just how odd it is, almost ... suspicious (shifty eyes and then we both make a stupid smile).
To answer your question without trying analyze your statement? You can't. If you can't trust anyone you're fucked, I am not being mean I am being serious. I actually had accepted this fact and accepted I was fucked. Then, with my "I am fucked anyways" attitude I went and took a chance meeting someone who I would have never, ever, dared speak to before. Life changed.
Just curious...How do you know if a girl is single? A girlfriend would be really nice at the moment...
You ask them on a date. Don't bullshit either, it's a bad way to start off a relationship. After some flirting ask her if she wants to go out on a date sometime. Have a few things in mind, don't try to be creative here, keep it simple. A dinner date where you can talk is good, maybe some other activity like mini golf or walking in a park. Just pulling from my own limited experience here.
I've had FWB before, it can be cool. Sometimes even kinky 
. Be aware though that things might get messy if one of you develops feelings. One of my former FWB had feelings for me, even though she vehemently denied it. She would say things like I'm only a toy to her, or that what we do doesn't mean anything. I took these comments at face value, so when I finally get a girlfriend and call up the FWB to tell her we can't be FWB anymore, the FWB does all she can to ruin my relationship so that I'm still available to remain FWB with her.
About the virginity issue, it all depends on what you personally want. There are some people who would be horrified to lose their virginity without being married, due to the shunning from others and being labeled a whore by the community, to the point an honor killing might be contemplated by their family. Then there are those who lose it the first chance they get, to prove to themselves that they are an adult, and that they are 'cool'. There are also others who view sex as just an everyday thing, a part of life. Nothing to be ashamed of, proud of, or whatever. They view it as a normal thing.
Just do what you want to do. That is all that matters, because it is your body and your life. Do what you want to do.
. Be aware though that things might get messy if one of you develops feelings. One of my former FWB had feelings for me, even though she vehemently denied it. She would say things like I'm only a toy to her, or that what we do doesn't mean anything. I took these comments at face value, so when I finally get a girlfriend and call up the FWB to tell her we can't be FWB anymore, the FWB does all she can to ruin my relationship so that I'm still available to remain FWB with her. About the virginity issue, it all depends on what you personally want. There are some people who would be horrified to lose their virginity without being married, due to the shunning from others and being labeled a whore by the community, to the point an honor killing might be contemplated by their family. Then there are those who lose it the first chance they get, to prove to themselves that they are an adult, and that they are 'cool'. There are also others who view sex as just an everyday thing, a part of life. Nothing to be ashamed of, proud of, or whatever. They view it as a normal thing.
Just do what you want to do. That is all that matters, because it is your body and your life. Do what you want to do.
I get what you mean. When he first started spending time with me, I didn't think it would be a problem, but I'd probably be better off trying to get him to be my boyfriend :/ Even then, not sure it would be worth it. He'd still be a manslut, even as my boyfriend, hah.
As a 21 year old male virgin, I can sympathize with much of what you say. I too, wanted to save myself for a girl I loved. I've been damn near "pounced" on by females in the past, but the situations never felt "right". They always made me feel like they were using sex as a bartering chip. Almost as if I wouldn't love them without it, when in truth, I already did love them. I realize sex is a natural part of life, but I also believe it holds a greater purpose than a means to reproduce.
Haha, that's actually kind of funny. One of the reasons I thought about getting better at sex is to manipulate men (sad, I know). I just...I want to be good at everything, that's my problem 
but I'm bad at sex. But I don't want to have sex. And it makes my brain hurt...
but I'm bad at sex. But I don't want to have sex. And it makes my brain hurt...well you know what they say "bad sex is still better than a good day at work". As for being good at everything, its a futile journey. Everything consists of EVERYTHING, and that's a lot. Try being good at being yourself. Now my brain hurts.
Technically the possibility that you're not a virgin anymore ist very hight due sport oder using tampons, visiting a gynecology or due just having your monthly female "problems".
Do want YOU need to feel good!
If you want have sex becouse it makes you feel good - do it.
If you feel good staying a virgin and waiting for the right man - do so!
You must hear into yourself what will you make feel good and happy. Nobody else than you can solve the problem, don't hurry after a decision, maybe wait longer until you know want you realy want.
And at last: don't do it becouse he told you it would ne nice, its your very own decicion.
At last it's just sex and you're not a whore if you have sex and feel happy (yeah i know americans always had and have problems with the whole "women having sex are whores" shit - but i'm not american )
Do want YOU need to feel good!
If you want have sex becouse it makes you feel good - do it.
If you feel good staying a virgin and waiting for the right man - do so!
You must hear into yourself what will you make feel good and happy. Nobody else than you can solve the problem, don't hurry after a decision, maybe wait longer until you know want you realy want.
And at last: don't do it becouse he told you it would ne nice, its your very own decicion.
At last it's just sex and you're not a whore if you have sex and feel happy (yeah i know americans always had and have problems with the whole "women having sex are whores" shit - but i'm not american
)You know, that's absolutely idiotic. You don't lose your virginity when your hymen breaks. I mean, think of it...if a woman loses her virginity WITHOUT HAVING SEX simply because part of her body changes...what part of the male body "breaks" when he loses his virginity WITHOUT HAVING SEX? It can't only work that way for one sex, you know.
Anyways, I get what you mean. I'm probably better off fucking myself for now
Anyways, I get what you mean. I'm probably better off fucking myself for now
That's nothing i believe btw, maybe i just have to say that BUT there are (religious) people realy believe a thin skin is EVERYTING that matters.
And well centuries ago it was the only real sign for people to check if someone is virgin or not.
I KNOW there is a difference between a mental thing and a thenical thing and i don't woreship a damn skin anyway i don't give a shit on this skin.
I just said that the only biological sign of virginity can be lost without sex. Thats all.
And well centuries ago it was the only real sign for people to check if someone is virgin or not.
I KNOW there is a difference between a mental thing and a thenical thing and i don't woreship a damn skin anyway i don't give a shit on this skin.
I just said that the only biological sign of virginity can be lost without sex. Thats all.