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January 17, 2013
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The value of virginity?

:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
I was always one of those people who planned on saving it for marriage. I'm now 22 and realize I suck at relationships. Almost every guy I've ever loved has been someone I met online, and things always failed before we could meet. I came to the conclusion that I will probably never be loved or get married, so I feel I'm "saving my virginity" for nothing. I'm starting to feel like an old virgin, but I don't know if I'm ready to have sex anyways...

Anyhow, one of my good friends is newly single, and he's been trying to get me into an FWB situation (which has already kind of started, but barely). He was the first guy I ever loved, and I'd be FWB with him because...well, there's a voice in my head, like my 15-year-old self's voice, saying "BUT, BUT, YOU USED TO LOVE HIM SO MUCH...YOU ALWAYS WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN." But he's changed a lot since I loved him, and I know there is no danger of me falling for him again, getting emotionally hurt, etc.

I dunno what my problem is. Should I care if I give my virginity to a man-slut who doesn't love me, just for fun? If I'm going to "waste" my virginity, at least it's on someone I once loved a great deal? Are any guys my age actually virgins, and if they are, are they interested in fucking virgins? I imagine a guy my age would want someone who has more skills in bed, so here is my opportunity to get them...should I go for it?
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:iconcrunchyspart:
crunchyspart Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
if you have sex too soon, then thats all your relationship will be about. after a few rounds you or he will start looking for someone else since you're not in a committed relationship. im always hearing ppl complain about that.
as far as being 22, youve been watching too much TV if you think thats too late. having sex too soon makes a great drama, and thats why you see it everywhere.
your friend and acquaintances that are having it, what would you say their IQ is at?
keep in mind, 1/4 adult americans have geneital herpes (not including other STDs), 80% are unaware they have it. actual statistic, search for yourself. im 23 and still carry a v-card. i dont know who my future wife is going to be but i know i dont wanna spread anything to her. (my cousin had chlamydia and later ovarian cancer and she was only 20. she survived but she cant have kids anymore.)
while im bummed i havnt found the right person yet, i'm not bummed i still have a v-card. big difference.
ultimately, choice is yours and stay safe.
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:iconhastsmak:
hastsmak Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013   General Artist
I wouldnt waste it, if your sex drive hasnt already landed you in trouble yet then what is the point in raising its ugly head?

Would you be happy to be pregnant to this guy, if not dont do it
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:iconio-t:
Io-T Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Although I have little experience in this arena since I lost mine to my partner at 15 (After he proposed no less, 13 years together now). But the one thing I do remember was that it was awkward, uncomfortable and a horrible, clumsy experience that was more embarrassing then magical. Things didn't have "magic" until after a while once we figured things out.

If virginity is important to you, I would wait, but if you want the first time with someone you love to be special, it might be a good thing to pick up some experience before hand. Remembering what my first time was like I would be depressed and embarrassed to have a nice fancy romantic honey moon turned into a joke because it ends up being painful and awkward.

It does boil down to trust however. Do you trust your friend to help you learn? Do you think you will get hurt by it? If you go into this would he be understanding that he needs to take it slow with you and help you learn or would he be the jump and go type? Man slut can have many meanings, ranging from selfish dick to ladies man. The former would be disappointing and I would avoid it, but if he's a ladies first kind of guy it may be a good experience.
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:iconiaiarose:
IaiaRose Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
You would not believe the number of men who have remained virgins until even 30. I have had several female friends/relatives who had virgin boyfriends at the ages of 24, 30, and 22. I can understand wanting to get "rid of it". However, you're better off waiting. From a practical standpoint, you need someone who is going to take lots of time preparing physically. Chances are that isn't going to happen with a "man whore". If you sleep with a friend, it can either explode or turn into a relationship. I've seen both ends of that spectrum. If you were in love with him a long time ago, and now sleep with him, you might get very very attached. If it blows up, or you meet someone else later, you might wish you would've waited.
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:iconscalman:
scalman Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
i think if u must ask that question ..then is no value in it at all .. u make value yourself ..so all goes from how u act and what you do ..
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:icontororoplz:
tororoplz Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
Nonesense. There's very little to no value in virginity. It's only fetishism, romantic, and religeous ideals that assign such significant value to it.
Don't waste your time on empty values.
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:iconnecrocoitus:
Necrocoitus Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013
Amen!
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:iconwinxclubgirl:
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
There's value in your own virginity if you feel there is, but if not then there isn't. It's not the same for everyone.
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:iconcyberprime:
CyberPrime Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Writer
The thing is: there's about 8 billion people on the planet.
Approx. 3,487,869,561 (that's about 3.5 billion) men live on this planet.
That means there's about 3,487,869,560 guys you have not met.

There are still plenty of "fish in the sea."

I am saying this as a 21yo virgin myself:
DO NOT lose hope,
DO NOT give in to peer pressure,
DO NOT lose faith in yourself.
DO NOT let others sway your final judgement; in the end, you alone will endure the consequences.

DO what your heart (and yours alone) tells you is right.

STAND STRONG.
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:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
Meh. I'm aware of how math works. That 3.4 billion number is males, not men. Try taking out the number of infants, children, elderly, don't speak the same language, already taken. I'd estimate it reduces the number by half, at least. I mean, you still end up with a big number, but it's a far cry from 3.5 billion. Even if there are plenty of fish in the sea, what good does it do if you're fishing from a crappy dock in the middle of nowhere?

It's hard to know what to do when I don't know what's right. I probably shouldn't do it, though...
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:icon2lazy2talk:
2lazy2talk Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Seems more like you're desperate for affection and since you can't hold a relationship, you're turning to sex.
Bad idea.
You know deep down that you'll feel horrible after having sex with him or with a total stranger.
You should look inside yourself, pinpoint the mistakes made in your past relationships and correct them.


Aside from this...sort of...I'm one of those people that believes there's no such thing as an healthy relationship without sex so take this an advice or hint or something :P
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:icondefinitelyroark:
definitelyroark Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
Saving it for marriage? Dumb.
Only sleeping with people you really like and trust? Smart.
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:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
I have trust issues: if I can't trust anyone, how can I sleep with anyone?
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:icondefinitelyroark:
definitelyroark Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
I am not talking about one night stands, or any sort of stupid "you have to do X by Y number of dates" protocol. Meet a boy/girl with similar interests, general life goals and preferences, attitude, etc. Spend time with them, lots of time, get to know them. Relationships are not a binary thing, it's something you carefully grow.

You're committing yourself a great disservice with the statement, "I can't trust anyone". I would know, I have used the phrase in the past. Ultimately I found it to be, "I don't like to trust just anyone". I met a girl, exceptionally kind and cute who is so similar to me in terms of interests, outlook, attitu-- everything-- that we both are still taken back from time to time by just how odd it is, almost ... suspicious (shifty eyes and then we both make a stupid smile).

To answer your question without trying analyze your statement? You can't. If you can't trust anyone you're fucked, I am not being mean I am being serious. I actually had accepted this fact and accepted I was fucked. Then, with my "I am fucked anyways" attitude I went and took a chance meeting someone who I would have never, ever, dared speak to before. Life changed.
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:iconkiwi-punch:
Kiwi-Punch Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Just curious...How do you know if a girl is single? A girlfriend would be really nice at the moment...
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:icondefinitelyroark:
definitelyroark Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
You ask them on a date. Don't bullshit either, it's a bad way to start off a relationship. After some flirting ask her if she wants to go out on a date sometime. Have a few things in mind, don't try to be creative here, keep it simple. A dinner date where you can talk is good, maybe some other activity like mini golf or walking in a park. Just pulling from my own limited experience here.
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:iconmechakraken:
MechaKraken Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've had FWB before, it can be cool. Sometimes even kinky =). Be aware though that things might get messy if one of you develops feelings. One of my former FWB had feelings for me, even though she vehemently denied it. She would say things like I'm only a toy to her, or that what we do doesn't mean anything. I took these comments at face value, so when I finally get a girlfriend and call up the FWB to tell her we can't be FWB anymore, the FWB does all she can to ruin my relationship so that I'm still available to remain FWB with her.

About the virginity issue, it all depends on what you personally want. There are some people who would be horrified to lose their virginity without being married, due to the shunning from others and being labeled a whore by the community, to the point an honor killing might be contemplated by their family. Then there are those who lose it the first chance they get, to prove to themselves that they are an adult, and that they are 'cool'. There are also others who view sex as just an everyday thing, a part of life. Nothing to be ashamed of, proud of, or whatever. They view it as a normal thing.

Just do what you want to do. That is all that matters, because it is your body and your life. Do what you want to do.
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:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
I get what you mean. When he first started spending time with me, I didn't think it would be a problem, but I'd probably be better off trying to get him to be my boyfriend :/ Even then, not sure it would be worth it. He'd still be a manslut, even as my boyfriend, hah.
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:iconcheckerheart:
CheckerHeart Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
As a 21 year old male virgin, I can sympathize with much of what you say. I too, wanted to save myself for a girl I loved. I've been damn near "pounced" on by females in the past, but the situations never felt "right". They always made me feel like they were using sex as a bartering chip. Almost as if I wouldn't love them without it, when in truth, I already did love them. I realize sex is a natural part of life, but I also believe it holds a greater purpose than a means to reproduce.
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:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
Haha, that's actually kind of funny. One of the reasons I thought about getting better at sex is to manipulate men (sad, I know). I just...I want to be good at everything, that's my problem :lol: but I'm bad at sex. But I don't want to have sex. And it makes my brain hurt...
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:iconcheckerheart:
CheckerHeart Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
well you know what they say "bad sex is still better than a good day at work". As for being good at everything, its a futile journey. Everything consists of EVERYTHING, and that's a lot. Try being good at being yourself. Now my brain hurts.
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:iconsanguisa:
Sanguisa Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Technically the possibility that you're not a virgin anymore ist very hight due sport oder using tampons, visiting a gynecology or due just having your monthly female "problems".

Do want YOU need to feel good!
If you want have sex becouse it makes you feel good - do it.
If you feel good staying a virgin and waiting for the right man - do so!
You must hear into yourself what will you make feel good and happy. Nobody else than you can solve the problem, don't hurry after a decision, maybe wait longer until you know want you realy want.
And at last: don't do it becouse he told you it would ne nice, its your very own decicion.
At last it's just sex and you're not a whore if you have sex and feel happy (yeah i know americans always had and have problems with the whole "women having sex are whores" shit - but i'm not american :P )
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:iconhananoyosuke:
hananoyosuke Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
You know, that's absolutely idiotic. You don't lose your virginity when your hymen breaks. I mean, think of it...if a woman loses her virginity WITHOUT HAVING SEX simply because part of her body changes...what part of the male body "breaks" when he loses his virginity WITHOUT HAVING SEX? It can't only work that way for one sex, you know.

Anyways, I get what you mean. I'm probably better off fucking myself for now :giggle:
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:iconsanguisa:
Sanguisa Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's nothing i believe btw, maybe i just have to say that BUT there are (religious) people realy believe a thin skin is EVERYTING that matters.
And well centuries ago it was the only real sign for people to check if someone is virgin or not.
I KNOW there is a difference between a mental thing and a thenical thing and i don't woreship a damn skin anyway i don't give a shit on this skin.
I just said that the only biological sign of virginity can be lost without sex. Thats all.
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:iconaitheos:
Aitheos Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
virginity is not tangible you can't lose it from using tampons ok
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:iconsanguisa:
Sanguisa Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well no? It isn't TECHNICALLY (i wrote that) the lost of a thin skin? Well if not why some people out there ask a doc to restore this skin before a marriage? Well this is the visible sign that a girl/woman is still virigin and yes you can lose this visible sign without having sex on a very normal way.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Why then is it all about breaking the hymen - a tangible, physical thing?
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:iconaitheos:
Aitheos Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
no no no
that is not what losing your virginity means
some people are born without one- does that mean they're born not virgins?
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is part of the meaning, yes. You can't opine it away.

Why else would you think that women all over the world get reconstructive surgery on their hymens?
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:iconaitheos:
Aitheos Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
They probably have their own reasons.
They also probably don't know the actual meaning.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, they probably don't. It is a matter of virginity.
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:iconiratheiv:
IRAtheIV Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   Traditional Artist
depends whether a fuck is more important to you than your self respect and dignity....I would personally go for the fuck :D
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:iconmylastel:
mylastel Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
We're on the same age bracket and still virgin. :dummy: Nice to meet you. :handshake: I'm actually happy to know that there are FEW girls that remain virgin nowadays. Seriously, when I was younger, I wanted to save it for marriage too because I grew up in a conservative family. But now I've grown up, I've changed my beliefs & point of views, too. To be honest w/ you, I wasn't pressured at all if my friends have sex life now and I'm none (unfortunately, some of them got pregnant and left by guys - became single mother). I can always decide for myself, and one of the things I've decided is to give my virginity, even before marriage, to the right man (hopefully). This is to prove to him that I waited for the right guy and for the right time. :) Wouldn't that be special?
Besides, it's still better to know the person before you give everything. ;p

Well, the decision is still up to you. For some it may be OK, but pls consider the consequences before you make an action. Nobody wants to regret things in the end so it's better to listen to good advices. =D

By the way, you may also want to read this stuff I've found before. If you haven't yet, you (or other young virgins here) may realize something here. :thumbsup::meow: [link]
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:icondinos4breakfast:
Dinos4Breakfast Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Save it. That's all I've got to say. I'm only 16 and I know that's what is best in the end. I've witnessed a lot of people regretting the things they did and crying on my shoulder because of it. My 37 year old mom is one of them. Just save it dear... I'm begging you.
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:iconm-g-studio:
M-G-Studio Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Guys tend to love taking a girls virginity because he can get her first and also because she hasn't been stretched "down there" so it will be much more pleasurable for him, while it will hurt for you (depending how turned on you are during the process. This is why foreplay is important). Giving your virginity to a man slut might cause you a head full of regrets, especially when you meet the very guy you wish you had saved your virginity for. I don't get why there's so much pressure from the media to give it away as soon as possible. This is something you were born with, you sure you want to spend it someone that isn't worth the effort?

I know 23-50 year olds that are virgins and living a fun happy life. I don't get why people listen to movies so much and think that virgins are miserable just cause they didn't ever have sex. It's all about what works for you. So don't listen to anyone else except your instincts and your heart. If you have ANY doubts, no matter how small, then don't go through with it. Everyone has their own time, it's never too late.
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:iconjaylphotography:
JayLPhotography Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Well said!
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:iconm-g-studio:
M-G-Studio Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you :)
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:iconmylastel:
mylastel Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
I agree with you, too! ;) Some guys only after girls' virginity, and after they got what they want, they'll leave the girls crying. Well, I'm not generalizing the guys though. =P
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:iconm-g-studio:
M-G-Studio Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
It's true and yes, not all guys are the same but sometimes it's really hard to tell who's real and who's acting.
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:iconkimsy2358:
kimsy2358 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
DO IT!!!
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:iconamai-kawaii:
Amai-Kawaii Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sex is always what you make it.
If you feel that your virginity is a big deal, then it is. So if you feel like you'll be wasting it by giving it away in a FWB-situation, you'll probably regret it later on.
Now, it's true that there really is no such thing as virginity, you don't actually lose anything when you have sex with someone for the first time. But like I said, it's what you make it.

On a side note, do not get into a FWB relationship with someone you might fall in love with, because it's not going to end very well. And going into it thinking "well, maybe he'll fall in love with me too" is also very dangerous.
Not saying that kind of relationship is impossible, but it doesn't always work out. I'm sure you already know this - but it's important to consider!
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:iconmetalhartrockandroll:
metalhartrockandroll Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
I'm not a big fuck person, but I got married at 19 almost 8 years ago and I'm glad my wife and I were each other's first. I know I'm not your average person, but I'm guessing you aren't either.

I've actually thought about what I'll tell my daughter about sex when she's old. I was raised super Christian so it took a little while to get the whole "Sex is evil" thing out of my head but I'm also not huge on sluts.

But yeah, what I plan to tell my daughter is this: No great man wants a well-used woman.

I know, it probably still needs some polishing but I have about ten years still.
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:iconmylastel:
mylastel Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
No great man wants a well-used woman.
Sad but true. It's really happening in real life. :( It's just funny that there were a lot of guys who have sex w/ random girls, yet in the end, they want to settle down w/ someone decent. :p They suck.
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well used sounds very degrading, like the woman is a used condom or something after she's had sex a certain number of times. You definitely need to work on that. :lol:
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:iconmetalhartrockandroll:
metalhartrockandroll Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
True, but I stand by the point.
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Its not necessarily the point that is flawed, its the wording. You need to come up with a way to say that its better to be sexually conservative but that is she slips up that it isn't the end of days and she may still correct her behavior and find a good man.
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:iconmetalhartrockandroll:
metalhartrockandroll Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Well, now I think your taking just a bit too far the other way. I feel like that comes off as "Don't go overboard. Or do. Either way."
I want to convey that there will be consequences for actions, whether they are good or bad.

Eh, Like I said, I have ten years to work in it.
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well the way I said it it says that you need to be conservative to be get a good partner but its not the end of the world if you slip up for a while because you can still redeam yourself but of course its not ideal. But of course, that approach bothers me. You should instill in her a reason to abstain for herself, not for anyone else because if she's doing it for someone else what's to stop her if her partner askes her to have sex with him?
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:iconmetalhartrockandroll:
metalhartrockandroll Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Honestly I'm just not as PC as you are. I can appreciate your view, but mine is a bit more conservative. I find being overly sexual a turn off in consideration for a serious partner. I recognize a woman's right to be as sexually (heck, slutty even) as she wants. I don't even think less of a woman for sleeping around, being overtly sexual, posing nude or even being a slut. I just don't want to marry that woman.

And keep in mind, my approach only says that no great man wants a well used woman. I never said she needs a man. She may well decide to be single. It's not limiting and, let's be honest, it's true for all intents and purposes. There are virtually no guys out there who are honest, respectful, bring-home-to-mom type of men that aren't put off by a lengthy or overly aggressive sexual history. At least if there are, I've never met any.
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You totally ignored my second point. If she thinks she is dating a man that is "the holy grail of men" and he askes her to have sex with him, what is there to stop her from having sex with him if her reason for abstaining is that if she has sex before marraige is that she will be unable to get a good man?

I also never said that you implied a women needs a man. I also said that a promiscuous partner is unideal but if someone managed to reform themself they could find a good partner. Are you saying they too couldn't get a good partner?

There are plenty of very good reasons for not being a whore that are internal: sacrificing intimacy, trivializing sexuality, risking stds or pregnancy, training yourself to be terrible at staying commimited to a partner, etc.

But what you said is like "Who would buy a cow if they get the milk for free?" Which pretty much implies the only reason to marry a women is to have sex with her. Your's wasn't as bad but it has very slight similarities with this phrase so I'm bringing it up.
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