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January 17, 2013
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My best friend died

:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist
On January 5th my best friend died... And I'm pretty much falling apart. We were childhood friends, I've known her for 20 years. She helped me and I helped her, we supported each other threw everything.
I've lost so much weight, I cry at really weird times and for a long time, like when I'm doing the dishes or making my bed. I get angry at nothing and I want to do nothing. I keep reliving the last moments we had together. I dream about her still being alive and we talk and hug.
I just need some help coping. Suggestions on how to move on? Ways to make it not hurt so much. Ways to get back to normal?
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:iconzero587:
Zero587 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
:(


:hug:
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:iconbruised--vein:
bruised--vein Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
:( I'm really sorry for your loss, truly. The only thing I've had close to me dying was my cat being murdered, but that's nothing compared to a person.
My brother lost his best friend to cancer a really long time ago, he even got a tattoo of a heart beat monitor dying out on the day, he was extremely upset.
I don't know the circumstances of your friend dying, and your symptoms of reliving the last moments and remembering her alive is completely normal, don't blame yourself.
You cry and you cry and you cry, at the randomest moments, I did too, a lot of people do, it's just how you get when you're extremely emotional.
But with all that, it passes, they are there for you, in your memories, they are never truly gone. Not even saying that in a "christian" or religious manner. They never died. They're your best friend. They're in your heart.

:) The feeling will never fade, that of sadness, but you will remember her happiness, your time together and I think your wound will heal. Just, cry I guess, talk to her family, talk about how wonderful she was. It takes a long time to get over someone passing, but it will happen. Sorry if I sounded harsh there, but it's true. You "get over it" in the sense that you will never forget them and the extreme sadness will fade.

:heart:
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:iconruarc:
Ruarc Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
I'm very sorry for your loss.

We don't always understand why things happen and it becomes extremely difficult to cope because of that. I know it is for me. Like people are saying, I don't think you can ever "get over" something like this. It will change you as a person. The initial shock and grief hits hardest and cuts the deepest and life is hell for a while, but the pain does fade eventually. I promise you. Everyone has a different grieving process and there is no definitive timeline you should feel compelled to follow. One day you will be strong enough to begin picking up the pieces. We won't call it "moving on," per se, but maybe more like healing and ajdusting so that you can continue on with your life happily.

If you feel like you're overwhelmed or it's getting in the way of dealing with life, then I would advise you to seek some counselling. If that's not really an option, try seriously talking with someone you trust. Until then, peace and best wishes to you.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you so much for your kind words :heart:
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:iconangelheartthewarrior:
AngelheartTheWarrior Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel your pain. I had a friend who always wore green and brown, and we were both very close friends. We'd been neighbors forever, and we were even born on the same day. However, she developed an unseen case of diabetes at age twelve. The doctors found out a few days before she died and they said it was genetic, so there was no special diet they could put her on to stop it. She died on her fifteenth birthday (and mine as well). My parents told me I could get anything I wanted on my birthday, and I knew this was impossible but I asked them to bring her back. They told me that they couldn't bring her back, but they would try their best. So instead of actually raising her from the dead, they made a realistic doll of her and gave it to me. I still have it as a prized possession on my drawer. I went to her funeral, on October 31st (her parents had requested that on account of her love of candy and her love of Halloween). They dressed her up in the outfit she planned to wear that year and tossed candy into her grave as a final parting wish. I played her favorite song for her as they sealed the tombstone.

Really, there's never a "normal" after you suffer death. The new normal becomes the new normal; she'll always be part of your heart and you'll never be able to fully part from her. I found that going to her funeral really cheered me up, especially since I was the one who got to dress her in her costume, and that I was the one to play the song, and that I was the one to throw her favorite candy.
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:iconedaofblacklagoon:
edaofblacklagoon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Its getting me sad reading this kind of situation. I think the more u cry for her. the more she can't enter the heaven. so the way for u to do is a prayer that hope she is fine entering the bridge of the heaven.

we are all temporary it this world. some just go earlier. which it hurts. at this time I have no suggestion. cause thats one of my weaknesses. stay strong and hoping for u to move on. don't blame god but be more closer to god. I'm sure god will understand u and ur bff will more be proud of u in the other world. :'(
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Although I appreciate your intentions, I'm not a believer in god. I am of a different faith, and I have done some of my own practices to sooth the pain. Everyone has their own path, please respect it.
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:iconedaofblacklagoon:
edaofblacklagoon Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well sorry about that. I don't know so u shouldn't get mad at me. lol,
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist
You should not assume everyone believes as you do. You should not talk to people as if your faith is the only one, as if it is the only way.
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:iconjstar19000:
JStar19000 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
God, losing someone close is really rough!
But don't worry, they're in a better place.
And i'm really sure other people out in this world loves you and hopes you're doing okay.

And besides...

I'm also really sure your best friend doesn't want you to be like this forever. :)
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you
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:iconskytch:
Skytch Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
Music can help. A lot. I'm not talking about sappy music that just makes you more sad, I'm talking about music that you love and want to dance to all the time. I know when I feel bad, I try to listen to some of my favorite songs, or even watch some funny videos on YouTube that cheer me up. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks, i've been doing a lot of music listening lately.
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:iconskytch:
Skytch Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
That's good! :D
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:icongreeneyedyoshika:
GreenEyedYoshika Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While it may seem like things are bad, just remember that no matter what happens, life goes on. I'm sure your friend would want you to be happy even without her by your side. You can never forget her, which shows that you really cared about her.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you
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:icongreeneyedyoshika:
GreenEyedYoshika Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome.
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:iconsana24:
sana24 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student General Artist
This might sound a little cheesey but a few months ago a really close friend of mine passed away in a car accident. Right after he died my friend quoted Andrea from The Walking Dead saying "the pain never really goes away, you just make room for it". I still get sad when I think about him sometimes but I've accepted it, and I've learned to live with it.

I think of the good times we had and I'm reminded of how lucky I was that he was in my life. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it gets better, just remember the good times, someday you'll feel normal again I promise you :hug:
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
Being a military kid myself, I have lost many of my friends in my lifr, more than I would like to admit. But the one thing that helps me is to think about the life they would want for me. Many of them were men, and thry did not like to see me cry. They would do anything to make me stop when they saw me on a bad day.

At my uncle's funeral last month (not real uncle, but e was family friend , close like an uncle), a friend of mine looked at me and said that peoplehate to see their friends in pain because of them. So, think, what silly things would they do? She would want to see you happy and move on, not broke down .

Find a counselor, somebody to talk to. Find a new hobby for a while. Something yo give you domething you enjoy to do.

You have every right to mourn. You were good friends, and the pain will never fully go away. But i still live my life with my memories and love for them. It will take time, a while. But remember the good, not the sadness that is her death.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you, for that
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
No problem. You doing better now?
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:icon135711cal:
135711cal Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
It is a sad thing to loose someone you love. I understand, my younger brother died last month. It hurts a lot. Meditation will help. Try this form; find something beautiful. It needs to be outside you, something bigger than you. I have a passion for sunrises. It could be a place by the river, a tree, a field of flowers or snow, The make up doesn't really matter but it should be a place quiet without distractions and beautiful.

In this place of beauty, relax and watch try to let it inside and just for a moment let it take the place of the hurt. (You should also try and eat something.)
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks I really like this idea. I do some meditation anyway, with winter its not so easy to get outside but the idea is solid.
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:iconodalist:
Odalist Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
My better half went through this recently, losing her best (and only, for some of her life) friend.

I don't want to scare you at all, but please be careful with therapy. Wake up early on planned treatment days, a good few hours before appointments if possible. Do something outside that you can enjoy. Walking is almost universally helpful. Keep your body, mind, and sense of hope as awake and alert as possible when receiving outside help, and it will pay off immensely. Losing stability is one thing, but losing control is a disaster in the wrong hands.


Strength and Luck to you.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you
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:iconkingstephenarthur:
KingStephenArthur Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Photographer
All you can do is continue on with your life as you always have, the thoughts will always be there but if you keep carrying on things will get better and all you'll remember were the good times you've had together. :)
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
When you loose someone close to you, it takes a couple of years to recover. And in many ways things never get back to normal, but you learn to move on with life. Sorry for the bad news.

Best way to move on is to keep living life as best you can. Go out, do things you enjoy. No, it is not easy. But there are some people, who when they are gone we miss them forver. A friend of 20 years is one of those.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you
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:iconsummitstars:
summitstars Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
My heart broke as soon as I read the title to this. My best friend (also childhood friend) passed away due to cancer in 2006 at age 15. I still can't believe that it's been almost 7 years. I'm not going to lie, it took a long time to get back to "normal". It's not something you ever get over, you just simply learn to live with it. In my case, I've come to terms with the fact that she would be in worse pain (emotionally and physically) if she was still here. I remember a few months after she died I wrote a song for her and played it at the school talent show. It helped an awful lot. I still think about her every day, and it hurts, but for the most part I've stopped crying about it. I know that initially it's just unreal...like you can't even imagine life without the person. That's always going to happen with grief I suppose. I think the main thing that helped me is knowing that - sorry for the cliche - she's in a better place. She doesn't have to deal with the horrors and cruelty that this world can show. She can be at peace, and so can your friend.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
I had to come back to this message on a later date. When I first read it I cried and got off the computer right away. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words :heart:
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:iconsummitstars:
summitstars Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Aw I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that to you :( You are very welcome...I know it's a hard situation but I know that you will get through it one step at a time.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist
Its okay, somewhat necessary. Thank you
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:iconhappilydayzed:
HappilyDayzed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Alan Watts: Death (1959) [full length] - [link]

:love:
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:iconlosercreep:
losercreep Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
I'm sorry this happened.
I think they are right when they say it doesn't really get easier, it just changes.

But please take care of yourself Niki. Eat, please.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Yes, I know. Thanks
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:iconstingroll:
StingRoll Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been in the same situation.
Best friend died, and not in a great way, it was a very sudden and unexpected departure.

When I was told it felt like the bottom fell out of my stomach. Unfortunately there is not much you can really do, time is the only thing that really lessens the pain. What helped me a bit was whenever I dwelt on his death a bit was to focus on the fun times, the laughter and the good memories that came from my time as his friend.

This happened for me over 10 years ago and I still think about him from time to time.

All the best.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks. I look threw our photos, I had some around my place already. Sometimes I end up crying. Its nice to know I'm not alone.
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:iconstingroll:
StingRoll Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds like you will get there, all the best :hug:
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:iconbogrune:
Bogrune Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry for your loss. What the others are telling you is true. It takes time to move on after a loss. Just know that your family is there for you.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you
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:iconfelissauria:
Felissauria Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
There is no such thing as moving on. Only the pain lessening. :hmm:

Maybe you should talk to a therapist?
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist
That's probably the best idea. Not much in the terms for free in my area tho.
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Have you thought of seeing a counselor or participating in a support group?
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist
No but I am going to try and look into some resources in my area
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
That's good. A friend of mine, her 18 year old son recently died and the support group seems to have made all the difference for her.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Hydrate. Eat healthy food. Find a way to relieve stress.
Make sure you get proper sleep.
Maybe lean on friends and family?
If you can, maybe talk to a professional.

The only way things return to "normal" is when you move on beyond the disbelief/shock/surprise and start
moving through your days in a more "normal" fashion. You need time, can't force it.
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:iconbloodymess:
BloodyMess Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist
Haha, I know I should be doing these things, but It's nice to hear it from someone else too.
I feel bad putting my bad times on others, so that doesn't happen often. I feel like my subconscious is torturing me, cause I keep dreaming of her. A few nights now. I wake up feeling confused and sad, but the dreams themselves aren't bad.
I'm gunna try and find some local places for grief counselling or something. I feel like everything is rushed. Thanks for your kind words.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
You're not putting bad times on them if you just need company in a time of need. That's supposed to be part of the magic of friendship, love, and family (or a midget locked up in your closet).

Yes, indeed!
Look for help. If you're near any medical colleges I bet you they have free clinics and such.
Or, if you have health care (not sure what country you're in) your provider might have it's own network of support or resources.

Your dreams are just memories probably meant to keep you happy. To let you know it's okay, she's still with you.
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