I'm really sorry for your loss, truly. The only thing I've had close to me dying was my cat being murdered, but that's nothing compared to a person. My brother lost his best friend to cancer a really long time ago, he even got a tattoo of a heart beat monitor dying out on the day, he was extremely upset. I don't know the circumstances of your friend dying, and your symptoms of reliving the last moments and remembering her alive is completely normal, don't blame yourself. You cry and you cry and you cry, at the randomest moments, I did too, a lot of people do, it's just how you get when you're extremely emotional. But with all that, it passes, they are there for you, in your memories, they are never truly gone. Not even saying that in a "christian" or religious manner. They never died. They're your best friend. They're in your heart.
The feeling will never fade, that of sadness, but you will remember her happiness, your time together and I think your wound will heal. Just, cry I guess, talk to her family, talk about how wonderful she was. It takes a long time to get over someone passing, but it will happen. Sorry if I sounded harsh there, but it's true. You "get over it" in the sense that you will never forget them and the extreme sadness will fade.
We don't always understand why things happen and it becomes extremely difficult to cope because of that. I know it is for me. Like people are saying, I don't think you can ever "get over" something like this. It will change you as a person. The initial shock and grief hits hardest and cuts the deepest and life is hell for a while, but the pain does fade eventually. I promise you. Everyone has a different grieving process and there is no definitive timeline you should feel compelled to follow. One day you will be strong enough to begin picking up the pieces. We won't call it "moving on," per se, but maybe more like healing and ajdusting so that you can continue on with your life happily.
If you feel like you're overwhelmed or it's getting in the way of dealing with life, then I would advise you to seek some counselling. If that's not really an option, try seriously talking with someone you trust. Until then, peace and best wishes to you.
I feel your pain. I had a friend who always wore green and brown, and we were both very close friends. We'd been neighbors forever, and we were even born on the same day. However, she developed an unseen case of diabetes at age twelve. The doctors found out a few days before she died and they said it was genetic, so there was no special diet they could put her on to stop it. She died on her fifteenth birthday (and mine as well). My parents told me I could get anything I wanted on my birthday, and I knew this was impossible but I asked them to bring her back. They told me that they couldn't bring her back, but they would try their best. So instead of actually raising her from the dead, they made a realistic doll of her and gave it to me. I still have it as a prized possession on my drawer. I went to her funeral, on October 31st (her parents had requested that on account of her love of candy and her love of Halloween). They dressed her up in the outfit she planned to wear that year and tossed candy into her grave as a final parting wish. I played her favorite song for her as they sealed the tombstone.
Really, there's never a "normal" after you suffer death. The new normal becomes the new normal; she'll always be part of your heart and you'll never be able to fully part from her. I found that going to her funeral really cheered me up, especially since I was the one who got to dress her in her costume, and that I was the one to play the song, and that I was the one to throw her favorite candy.
Its getting me sad reading this kind of situation. I think the more u cry for her. the more she can't enter the heaven. so the way for u to do is a prayer that hope she is fine entering the bridge of the heaven.
we are all temporary it this world. some just go earlier. which it hurts. at this time I have no suggestion. cause thats one of my weaknesses. stay strong and hoping for u to move on. don't blame god but be more closer to god. I'm sure god will understand u and ur bff will more be proud of u in the other world.