When do I ask the question?
I've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for over 2 years now (and I've known her for... 10? years before that) and I am thinking a lot about marriage. I'm not ready to propose yet; I definitely want to give it some more time to make sure we're both absolutely compatible and happy with each other, especially since our relationship was long-distance for a little over a year. Still, the thought is lingering there in my mind and I'm wondering what people think is a good sign to pop the question? Just looking for a little advice. Thanks!
By the way, the situation is doubly complicated because we are a lesbian couple and, if we want to marry, we are going to have to move to another state, which means new jobs, new home, etc. So I definitely don't want to do this lightly since it's going to be stressful and difficult for us from the very beginning.
By the way, the situation is doubly complicated because we are a lesbian couple and, if we want to marry, we are going to have to move to another state, which means new jobs, new home, etc. So I definitely don't want to do this lightly since it's going to be stressful and difficult for us from the very beginning.
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Do you feel like you're pretty well-to-do in your current situation? Steady income, your own place, etc etc?
No, we're not very financially well-off at all. We have our own place, but it's a struggle to get by. Hopefully I'll have a better job soon so I can contribute more, but finances right now are not very good.
You definitely want to hold off then.
Yeah, I think I'm going to give it some more time and, even when I do propose, it will probably be a looooong engagement.
I'm nowhere near marriage, let alone legal age for it, but, like these other deviants say, communication is key! Talk, talk, talk! Best wishes!
I hope you can overcome all those ignorant legal difficulties, but if you are serious and passionate about it, it will all be worth it and make the relationship that much sweeter!
I hope you can overcome all those ignorant legal difficulties, but if you are serious and passionate about it, it will all be worth it and make the relationship that much sweeter!
Thank you! I've settled to waiting it out for a while longer, but I'll be testing the waters until I am ready to make that step.Good idea. Well, when you do pop the question, I hope the rection is something like this -------------> Her: 
You: 
You: 
That's the hope!
Indeed.
Ooh, marriage, how exciting! Unfortunately I've no clue about this, never been anywhere near marriage. 
But I just wanted to wish you both happiness and the best of luck, married or unmarried! 
(Also, not commenting after reading would make me feel a bit like a stalker)
But I just wanted to wish you both happiness and the best of luck, married or unmarried! (Also, not commenting after reading would make me feel a bit like a stalker
)Hahaha, I'm always happy to hear support. Thank you for the well-wishes!
You're quite welcome. 
Well, you can remain engaged for an indefinite amount of time, it's not like you'll be forced to run out and get married. Not only is relocating a huge deal, but with the way the States are, I'd hate for you to move to one that then changes it's mind and voids your marriage a la prop 8.
This may be nothing, but I clicked on your username and saw how you have a "LGBT" account and one where you don't want to talk about that. Maybe it's just me, but I feel you should be fully embracing and accepting of yourself before you get married, gay or straight. I don't know - maybe I didn't understand - but it stuck me as very strange for someone in a committed relationship to do.
This may be nothing, but I clicked on your username and saw how you have a "LGBT" account and one where you don't want to talk about that. Maybe it's just me, but I feel you should be fully embracing and accepting of yourself before you get married, gay or straight. I don't know - maybe I didn't understand - but it stuck me as very strange for someone in a committed relationship to do.
Yeah, probably we will make it a long engagement, and perhaps a private ceremony. The legal marriage is mostly important once we want a family, but that is a while in the future. I need a better job before I can even think about that!
As for the LGBT account, I am in a committed relationship and I am fully accepting of myself. That doesn't mean that other people are. There are family members that I have not come out to because I fear for either my safety or my family's (I have a cousin that said that he would pull his gun on a gay person, make them kneel and ask them if they want to pray, and then shoot them. I hope he isn't serious, but hell if I'm going to test him by revealing that there's a gay person in his family). Plus, my immediate family has more-or-less placed an ultimatum, that they are only willing to be involved in my life if they don't have to hear about the "gay parts". Obviously, that means that they aren't very involved in my life at all and they will be involved less and less as time goes on, but I left my old artwork site up so they can see my art at least without my rants on LGBT stuff. Mostly that site is for the enjoyment of people who can't accept who I am. It's not much of me, but it's one of the few glimpses they get into my life anymore, and it leaves me feeling comfortable to post whatever I want here. I hope that clears it up.
As for the LGBT account, I am in a committed relationship and I am fully accepting of myself. That doesn't mean that other people are. There are family members that I have not come out to because I fear for either my safety or my family's (I have a cousin that said that he would pull his gun on a gay person, make them kneel and ask them if they want to pray, and then shoot them. I hope he isn't serious, but hell if I'm going to test him by revealing that there's a gay person in his family). Plus, my immediate family has more-or-less placed an ultimatum, that they are only willing to be involved in my life if they don't have to hear about the "gay parts". Obviously, that means that they aren't very involved in my life at all and they will be involved less and less as time goes on, but I left my old artwork site up so they can see my art at least without my rants on LGBT stuff. Mostly that site is for the enjoyment of people who can't accept who I am. It's not much of me, but it's one of the few glimpses they get into my life anymore, and it leaves me feeling comfortable to post whatever I want here. I hope that clears it up.
Talk to her about it... But casuly... Like when your watching a movi or just talking or whatever.. Just be chilled and ask "what do you think about marrige?" If she doesnt feel comfretabil just be chilled... Most people freak out about marrage..
Haha, I know she has considered it, but I don't know when she wants to really be serious about it. I don't know.
Ask her... Thats all how you'll find out...
Why are you long distant and when will that change?
I mean, does you/your partner study/work in another city at the moment or what?
I would wait until you move together again. Though that could be me. Because somehow it would feel... I don't know. More right. But that depends on how your relationship looks and how long you will be apart. Either way, decide whenever you want to wait or if you want it done as soon as possible. Maybe talk to her about how she feels about marriage over all.
My boyfriend really didn't want to get married when we first met (overall, not that we talked about getting married at once) he though marriage was unnecessary (I sort of agree, but I would still like to get married, I guess I'm a bit romantic ) Anyway, a couple of days a go he just casually asked if I wanted to marry him. I asked him if he was proposing, but he said that "No, I just realized that I would actually want to marry you one day"... so he was just checking the pulse, knowing if I felt the same. I... wouldn't advice you to do the same, but knowing what the both of you stand when it comes to marriage would be a good start to know if it's a bout time.
Oh, and don't worry about stupid marriage laws for now. Where I'm from more people just gets engaged and stay that way. I know engagement is supposed to mean that you are going to get married, but as least here there is no shame in being just engaged for a couple of years, or for the rest of your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't get married, just that you could still get engaged and worry about the legal stuff later. I mean, in a couple of years your state might have changed their rules too, who knows!
I mean, does you/your partner study/work in another city at the moment or what?
I would wait until you move together again. Though that could be me. Because somehow it would feel... I don't know. More right. But that depends on how your relationship looks and how long you will be apart. Either way, decide whenever you want to wait or if you want it done as soon as possible. Maybe talk to her about how she feels about marriage over all.
My boyfriend really didn't want to get married when we first met (overall, not that we talked about getting married at once) he though marriage was unnecessary (I sort of agree, but I would still like to get married, I guess I'm a bit romantic
) Anyway, a couple of days a go he just casually asked if I wanted to marry him. I asked him if he was proposing, but he said that "No, I just realized that I would actually want to marry you one day"... so he was just checking the pulse, knowing if I felt the same. I... wouldn't advice you to do the same, but knowing what the both of you stand when it comes to marriage would be a good start to know if it's a bout time.Oh, and don't worry about stupid marriage laws for now. Where I'm from more people just gets engaged and stay that way. I know engagement is supposed to mean that you are going to get married, but as least here there is no shame in being just engaged for a couple of years, or for the rest of your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't get married, just that you could still get engaged and worry about the legal stuff later. I mean, in a couple of years your state might have changed their rules too, who knows!
Hey! Thanks for answering. I'm not long-distance anymore. We've been living together for about 7 months now, but before that, I was overseas. I am quite certain (based on some slips of the tongue from both of us) that she is interested in marrying me some day. I just don't want to jump at it too early before we're really sure.
As for the marriage laws... yeah, I think we will have a really long engagement. I don't /need/ to get married until we are interested in having a family. I'd like to be able to marry before then, but it's not as crucial. That is probably a good idea since that will spare us from having to move so soon.
I'm not long-distance anymore. We've been living together for about 7 months now, but before that, I was overseas. I am quite certain (based on some slips of the tongue from both of us) that she is interested in marrying me some day. I just don't want to jump at it too early before we're really sure.As for the marriage laws... yeah, I think we will have a really long engagement. I don't /need/ to get married until we are interested in having a family. I'd like to be able to marry before then, but it's not as crucial. That is probably a good idea since that will spare us from having to move so soon.
Ah, sorry, I misread it and though you lived apart now.
Anyway. As long as you both seems to want it, the "when" isn't as important. It's more about the "how"
Marriage isn't as necessary as it was, but I understand that you'd want it for later, especially for the family matter which I guess is, too, mostly legal things so that there will be no problems later on. But things are changing so either the laws will change, or you'd be able to move later on.
Either way I wish you good luck
Anyway. As long as you both seems to want it, the "when" isn't as important. It's more about the "how"
Marriage isn't as necessary as it was, but I understand that you'd want it for later, especially for the family matter which I guess is, too, mostly legal things so that there will be no problems later on. But things are changing so either the laws will change, or you'd be able to move later on.
Either way I wish you good luck
Thank you!
If I were in your position, I would wait a little longer. But that's me.
Yeah, I'm trying to wait, but I'm wondering when it WILL be right.
Usually if you live together for a year, or (not counting the long distance period)have been in each other's physical presence about a year. that's the minimum timing in most of these cases.