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January 15, 2013
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When do I ask the question?

:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
I've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for over 2 years now (and I've known her for... 10? years before that) and I am thinking a lot about marriage. I'm not ready to propose yet; I definitely want to give it some more time to make sure we're both absolutely compatible and happy with each other, especially since our relationship was long-distance for a little over a year. Still, the thought is lingering there in my mind and I'm wondering what people think is a good sign to pop the question? Just looking for a little advice. Thanks!

By the way, the situation is doubly complicated because we are a lesbian couple and, if we want to marry, we are going to have to move to another state, which means new jobs, new home, etc. So I definitely don't want to do this lightly since it's going to be stressful and difficult for us from the very beginning.
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Devious Comments

:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional
Do you feel like you're pretty well-to-do in your current situation? Steady income, your own place, etc etc?
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
No, we're not very financially well-off at all. We have our own place, but it's a struggle to get by. Hopefully I'll have a better job soon so I can contribute more, but finances right now are not very good.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Professional
You definitely want to hold off then.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Yeah, I think I'm going to give it some more time and, even when I do propose, it will probably be a looooong engagement.
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:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm nowhere near marriage, let alone legal age for it, but, like these other deviants say, communication is key! Talk, talk, talk! Best wishes!


I hope you can overcome all those ignorant legal difficulties, but if you are serious and passionate about it, it will all be worth it and make the relationship that much sweeter!
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
=) Thank you! I've settled to waiting it out for a while longer, but I'll be testing the waters until I am ready to make that step.
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:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student General Artist
Good idea. Well, when you do pop the question, I hope the rection is something like this -------------> Her: :iconlawooplz: You: :icondummywooplz:
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
:giggle: That's the hope!
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:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student General Artist
:iconlikeasirplz: Indeed.
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:icondeetay:
DeeTay Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Writer
Ooh, marriage, how exciting! Unfortunately I've no clue about this, never been anywhere near marriage. :lol: But I just wanted to wish you both happiness and the best of luck, married or unmarried! :heart:

(Also, not commenting after reading would make me feel a bit like a stalker :lol:)
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
Hahaha, I'm always happy to hear support. Thank you for the well-wishes!
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:icondeetay:
DeeTay Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Writer
You're quite welcome. ;) :aww:
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:iconbohobella:
bohobella Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Well, you can remain engaged for an indefinite amount of time, it's not like you'll be forced to run out and get married. Not only is relocating a huge deal, but with the way the States are, I'd hate for you to move to one that then changes it's mind and voids your marriage a la prop 8.

This may be nothing, but I clicked on your username and saw how you have a "LGBT" account and one where you don't want to talk about that. Maybe it's just me, but I feel you should be fully embracing and accepting of yourself before you get married, gay or straight. I don't know - maybe I didn't understand - but it stuck me as very strange for someone in a committed relationship to do.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
Yeah, probably we will make it a long engagement, and perhaps a private ceremony. The legal marriage is mostly important once we want a family, but that is a while in the future. I need a better job before I can even think about that!

As for the LGBT account, I am in a committed relationship and I am fully accepting of myself. That doesn't mean that other people are. There are family members that I have not come out to because I fear for either my safety or my family's (I have a cousin that said that he would pull his gun on a gay person, make them kneel and ask them if they want to pray, and then shoot them. I hope he isn't serious, but hell if I'm going to test him by revealing that there's a gay person in his family). Plus, my immediate family has more-or-less placed an ultimatum, that they are only willing to be involved in my life if they don't have to hear about the "gay parts". Obviously, that means that they aren't very involved in my life at all and they will be involved less and less as time goes on, but I left my old artwork site up so they can see my art at least without my rants on LGBT stuff. Mostly that site is for the enjoyment of people who can't accept who I am. It's not much of me, but it's one of the few glimpses they get into my life anymore, and it leaves me feeling comfortable to post whatever I want here. I hope that clears it up.
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:iconannietheninja:
AnnieTheNinja Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Talk to her about it... But casuly... Like when your watching a movi or just talking or whatever.. Just be chilled and ask "what do you think about marrige?" If she doesnt feel comfretabil just be chilled... Most people freak out about marrage..
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
Haha, I know she has considered it, but I don't know when she wants to really be serious about it. I don't know.
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:iconannietheninja:
AnnieTheNinja Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ask her... Thats all how you'll find out...
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Why are you long distant and when will that change?

I mean, does you/your partner study/work in another city at the moment or what?

I would wait until you move together again. Though that could be me. Because somehow it would feel... I don't know. More right. But that depends on how your relationship looks and how long you will be apart. Either way, decide whenever you want to wait or if you want it done as soon as possible. Maybe talk to her about how she feels about marriage over all.

My boyfriend really didn't want to get married when we first met (overall, not that we talked about getting married at once) he though marriage was unnecessary (I sort of agree, but I would still like to get married, I guess I'm a bit romantic ;) ) Anyway, a couple of days a go he just casually asked if I wanted to marry him. I asked him if he was proposing, but he said that "No, I just realized that I would actually want to marry you one day"... so he was just checking the pulse, knowing if I felt the same. I... wouldn't advice you to do the same, but knowing what the both of you stand when it comes to marriage would be a good start to know if it's a bout time.

Oh, and don't worry about stupid marriage laws for now. Where I'm from more people just gets engaged and stay that way. I know engagement is supposed to mean that you are going to get married, but as least here there is no shame in being just engaged for a couple of years, or for the rest of your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't get married, just that you could still get engaged and worry about the legal stuff later. I mean, in a couple of years your state might have changed their rules too, who knows!
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Hey! Thanks for answering. =) I'm not long-distance anymore. We've been living together for about 7 months now, but before that, I was overseas. I am quite certain (based on some slips of the tongue from both of us) that she is interested in marrying me some day. I just don't want to jump at it too early before we're really sure.

As for the marriage laws... yeah, I think we will have a really long engagement. I don't /need/ to get married until we are interested in having a family. I'd like to be able to marry before then, but it's not as crucial. That is probably a good idea since that will spare us from having to move so soon. =)
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Ah, sorry, I misread it and though you lived apart now.

Anyway. As long as you both seems to want it, the "when" isn't as important. It's more about the "how" :)

Marriage isn't as necessary as it was, but I understand that you'd want it for later, especially for the family matter which I guess is, too, mostly legal things so that there will be no problems later on. But things are changing so either the laws will change, or you'd be able to move later on.

Either way I wish you good luck :)
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Thank you!
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
If I were in your position, I would wait a little longer. But that's me.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Yeah, I'm trying to wait, but I'm wondering when it WILL be right.
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Usually if you live together for a year, or (not counting the long distance period)have been in each other's physical presence about a year. that's the minimum timing in most of these cases.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Yeah, I think that would be a good starting point.
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Glad to help, if I did
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
It helps to be able to talk this out with folks, so yes!
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:iconandharian:
Andharian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
how about on a special occasion? Or when you`re both in a situation where moving wouldn`t be as much of an inconvenience? I`m not sure. I think you just need to know when, sort of go with the flow.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Hmm, interesting thought. I think I would probably at least try to make it a special occasion... like take her to a place that's special to us just for fun and then ask. Augh, now I have ideas lol. Must resist!
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:iconandharian:
Andharian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
maybe reenact something from a fandom you both like? personally I don`t see why she would refuse xD
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
=) Yeah, I just don't want to get into something that she's going to regret later, so I'm trying to take my time. It's hard though.
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:iconandharian:
Andharian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
I sincerely hope it all works out, love c:
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Thank you!
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   Digital Artist
When she's on the toilet...:paranoid:
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Snort.
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:iconherenity86:
herenity86 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
I say wait for marriage. My boyfriend and me have been together for two years as well, and at the year mark I wanted to marry him. He slapped some sense into me and said um how about we wait till we've moved into a house together, and have steady income first. I agreed.
Also on the whole legal issue, I say you do what you think is right with that, and move to where your heart is. I'd be happy just living with my boyfriend. Having some pretty decent jobs, and just being able to live life to the fullest, but that's just me. I wish you luck regardless in your endeavours.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Eventually we want a family, so eventually I will want a proper legal marriage. However, I am happy until then to just be with her.
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:iconherenity86:
herenity86 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
<3 <3 <3 <3
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:iconraven-maniac:
Raven-Maniac Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
When the moment strikes you, you will feel it and truly know its the right time. if she loves you its going to all be fine. Now go get your woman ;3
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Haha soon, maybe. Not yet.
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:iconraven-maniac:
Raven-Maniac Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Kiss her.... KISS HEEEERRR >:3
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
=D Oh I will.
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:iconraven-maniac:
Raven-Maniac Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
:iconkissingplz:
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:icondrsabir:
DrSabir Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Think about the job and the house and the money and everything before the marriage, because the two first reason why people divorce is because of sex (I'm not asking about your sex life don't worry) and money, so think about the money and everything about the money before getting married. When everything is ready ask, so it won't be that stressful to do that after. And don't go to France for your Honeymoon XD Ha! Ha!
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I won't, haha! It will be a low-cost wedding.
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:icondrsabir:
DrSabir Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
That is very smart, I approve and raise my glass!!!
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Couldn’t you maybe do some kind of ceremony just for the two of you, in order to avoid having to relocate? Or are you hoping to benefit legally by being married -taxes or healthcare etc.
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
We'd probably start with a personal ceremony, but would definitely eventually want a legal one because we will want a family.
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
So you would have children unless you were legally married? Is that a religious thing?
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:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
No, it's a matter of protecting them. I would want to be sure that I could legally protect them in the case of a separation, death, or in case I need to make medical decisions for them, etc.
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