I can't talk to my boyfriend. What do?
we've been together for two years, I am 23 and he is 21. We've been woking on various things with eachother for most of the time.
I just feel like he doesn't want to put work into our relationship anymore.
It's like he feels he's already done enough, and all the rest is up to me.
But i am fucking TIRED of being the fixer and having to do all the work, and having to be perfect and make sure I don't fuck anything up myself, because GOD KNOWS I'll never hear the fucking end of it. How many times am I supposed to forgive him for doing the same shit over and over? When I barely get a "Good Job" for all that I do?
I use soft language, "feeling" terms, I give him credit and I don't use absolutes, I try to take my share of the blame, I apologize correctly, I try to anticipate his needs- hookah, food, drinks, clothes, serving him.
Any time I try to talk him I have to deal with him blowing up and being hurtful and negating my emotions and telling me I'm wrong or him just full on shutting down on me.
Sometimes he's so wonderful and cute and sweet, but it's like those times are farther apart these days. I am tired of going to bed angry, staying up crying, feeling like he doesnt give a shit about me.
what do I do now?
Is there anything else I can do to make things better, or what? Am I doing something wrong still?
I just feel like he doesn't want to put work into our relationship anymore.
It's like he feels he's already done enough, and all the rest is up to me.
But i am fucking TIRED of being the fixer and having to do all the work, and having to be perfect and make sure I don't fuck anything up myself, because GOD KNOWS I'll never hear the fucking end of it. How many times am I supposed to forgive him for doing the same shit over and over? When I barely get a "Good Job" for all that I do?
I use soft language, "feeling" terms, I give him credit and I don't use absolutes, I try to take my share of the blame, I apologize correctly, I try to anticipate his needs- hookah, food, drinks, clothes, serving him.
Any time I try to talk him I have to deal with him blowing up and being hurtful and negating my emotions and telling me I'm wrong or him just full on shutting down on me.
Sometimes he's so wonderful and cute and sweet, but it's like those times are farther apart these days. I am tired of going to bed angry, staying up crying, feeling like he doesnt give a shit about me.
what do I do now?
Is there anything else I can do to make things better, or what? Am I doing something wrong still?
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Wow your good girl friend, you can't blame yourself He just looking for you to end it.
We fixed stuff already, but thank you
your welcome then and i hope things go well with you.
thank you =]
Move on. If you can't talk, collapse will follow. You'll drag on in this slightly abusive relationship for longer than you should have, not accepting it until it gets to the point that you're almost never happy, just wasting everyone's time.
If he puts no effort into the relationship then he doesn't care about you and is just using you. Effort never stops, no matter how long you've been together.
If he puts no effort into the relationship then he doesn't care about you and is just using you. Effort never stops, no matter how long you've been together.
I poured all of my thoughts and feels out and made it very clear that unless some serious change goes down, i'm not sticking around. We've planned out that I'm going to spend more time away and he is going to treat me like the totally awesome person I am. Lovin' ain't easy, and everything takes work.
You just have to find what you enjoy working for.
And he's said he's sorry and has been making the effort now.
Thank you for your weigh-in. Although I'm surprised how everyone's jumped to my side? like, what If i'm the crazy one? They only know my side of it.
But I asked him what his biggest problems were with me, and he said "I dont want to talk about problems anymore, I love you with all my heart and I love you more than the biggest problem I have with you, I'm going to do better"
Everyone's got their issues, y'know?
You just have to find what you enjoy working for.
And he's said he's sorry and has been making the effort now.
Thank you for your weigh-in. Although I'm surprised how everyone's jumped to my side? like, what If i'm the crazy one? They only know my side of it.
But I asked him what his biggest problems were with me, and he said "I dont want to talk about problems anymore, I love you with all my heart and I love you more than the biggest problem I have with you, I'm going to do better"
Everyone's got their issues, y'know?
Well for me, I've been him. And I know that it isn't you.
It is very refreshing to know I'm not crazy about it all. I often feel like I'm asking too much. I know that I am pretty demanding, but I swear I give as good or better than I get. And hey, now that you know, when the next lady comes along and wants to be good to you you'll work at earning it and being good too. Appreciation means a lot in a relationship. It's the worst feeling to be breaking your back and bending over backwards for someone who is totally blind to it.
I feel like taking some responsibility because hey, if a kid is spoiled, it's not the kids fault. It's the parents' fault. People will do whatever they can comfortably get away with. People have to be taught.
I feel like taking some responsibility because hey, if a kid is spoiled, it's not the kids fault. It's the parents' fault. People will do whatever they can comfortably get away with. People have to be taught.
yeah, I recognize this situation. He's taking you for granted. I know because I was like that too once. But then my girlfriend broke up with me.
My ex-girlfriend kind of spoiled me too and the princely treatment she gave me made feel too comfortable with what I said around her and such. I was less mature then.
It took about six months before it finally dawned on me what I had thrown away before I finally started to appreciate her long after she had broken up with me.
Anyways, he's 21 and he doesn't quite see the overall big picture and have enough life experience to appreciate more things in life. These things happen, it's just life.
There's really no solution for this type of situation except to spend some time apart in my opinion.
My ex-girlfriend kind of spoiled me too and the princely treatment she gave me made feel too comfortable with what I said around her and such. I was less mature then.
It took about six months before it finally dawned on me what I had thrown away before I finally started to appreciate her long after she had broken up with me.
Anyways, he's 21 and he doesn't quite see the overall big picture and have enough life experience to appreciate more things in life. These things happen, it's just life.
There's really no solution for this type of situation except to spend some time apart in my opinion.
Yeah thats what we're going to do. I'm going to spend more time away and let him have to do stuff for himself.
I really like spoiling my partner, but, I can't do that without them earning it first. I've spoiled ex's too.
SO, I need to hold him more accountable for his shit, which I am doing, and stop giving so much, which I am also doing.
We had a huuuuge huge talk-it-out and I'm stickin' to my guns about spending some time away, even though, nooow, he doesn't want me too.
I really like spoiling my partner, but, I can't do that without them earning it first. I've spoiled ex's too.
SO, I need to hold him more accountable for his shit, which I am doing, and stop giving so much, which I am also doing.
We had a huuuuge huge talk-it-out and I'm stickin' to my guns about spending some time away, even though, nooow, he doesn't want me too.
We spent a good 3 hours talking about everything. i'm going to spend some time away from him, and he's going to work a lot harder at treating me with respect and appreciation. He apologized for being an asshat. We got a friend of ours to mediate for us too.
Your relationship is dead. Your best bet is to get out.
Be honest and open with him about how you feel. If you don't come to a conclusion you're both happy with, find a neutral third party to mediate your discussions. If I was in your situation, I would find a pastor or other church official because they're usually nice, reasonable people.
To make it very simple, you have three options:
Learn to tolerate it.
Find a way to communicate and get on the same page.
Get out of the relationship.
It sounds like one is not happening, and two isn't working so far. Have you tried talking to him and just listening? You might not get any further communicating what you want to tell him, but you will understand his perspective at least a little better, which can only help you both.
Learn to tolerate it.
Find a way to communicate and get on the same page.
Get out of the relationship.
It sounds like one is not happening, and two isn't working so far. Have you tried talking to him and just listening? You might not get any further communicating what you want to tell him, but you will understand his perspective at least a little better, which can only help you both.
If you haven't figured out that it's time to leave and find someone who appreciates you and actually wants to share life with you....then you need to just suffer some more until it sinks in the relationship is done.
You're the only one doing 'the work', when pressed the man gets upset and venomous, you go to bed angry or crying.
Just how many more signs do you need?
You're the only one doing 'the work', when pressed the man gets upset and venomous, you go to bed angry or crying.
Just how many more signs do you need?
I recently got out of a relationship like this
It's all nice and well when he's good to go but that seems to all go way when he disrespects you or hurts you, that's emotional abuse
A relationship needs equal effort on both sides, I know you are trying your hardest, but if he doesn't do the same for you in return, you will never be happy with him, please don't put yourself through this anymore, being on your own and being happy is more important than having a boyfriend that makes you unhappy
It's all nice and well when he's good to go but that seems to all go way when he disrespects you or hurts you, that's emotional abuse
A relationship needs equal effort on both sides, I know you are trying your hardest, but if he doesn't do the same for you in return, you will never be happy with him, please don't put yourself through this anymore, being on your own and being happy is more important than having a boyfriend that makes you unhappy
Let me say this. NO MAN deserves being served like that. HELL NO. Okay. I hate to sound like a feminist but still. You deserve better. No do not get counseling, waste of money for a bf/gf relationship. just break it apart. You can get a whole lot better hun. My longest relationship was 5-6 years. and we broke up because he was being clingy. Get yourself better. seriously.
How clingy!
Ikr.
You are not a servant, you are supposed to be his girlfriend who he SHOULD treat with respect and love. I suggest you dump the idiot.
"Serving him"
Unless you're being paid at a business to do this, DON'T DO THIS.
He's using and abusing you. Dump the fuck.
Unless you're being paid at a business to do this, DON'T DO THIS.
He's using and abusing you. Dump the fuck.
Volume is key. Invest in a megaphone.
A megaphone, you say? Would they have one to match my whip?