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January 15, 2013
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I can't talk to my boyfriend. What do?

:iconthewingedboggart:
TheWingedBoggart Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
we've been together for two years, I am 23 and he is 21. We've been woking on various things with eachother for most of the time.
I just feel like he doesn't want to put work into our relationship anymore.
It's like he feels he's already done enough, and all the rest is up to me.

But i am fucking TIRED of being the fixer and having to do all the work, and having to be perfect and make sure I don't fuck anything up myself, because GOD KNOWS I'll never hear the fucking end of it. How many times am I supposed to forgive him for doing the same shit over and over? When I barely get a "Good Job" for all that I do?

I use soft language, "feeling" terms, I give him credit and I don't use absolutes, I try to take my share of the blame, I apologize correctly, I try to anticipate his needs- hookah, food, drinks, clothes, serving him.

Any time I try to talk him I have to deal with him blowing up and being hurtful and negating my emotions and telling me I'm wrong or him just full on shutting down on me.

Sometimes he's so wonderful and cute and sweet, but it's like those times are farther apart these days. I am tired of going to bed angry, staying up crying, feeling like he doesnt give a shit about me.

what do I do now?
Is there anything else I can do to make things better, or what? Am I doing something wrong still?
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Devious Comments

:iconhotpopcorn:
hotpopcorn Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Wow your good girl friend, you can't blame yourself He just looking for you to end it.
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:iconthewingedboggart:
TheWingedBoggart Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
We fixed stuff already, but thank you
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:iconhotpopcorn:
hotpopcorn Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
your welcome then and i hope things go well with you.
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:iconthewingedboggart:
TheWingedBoggart Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
thank you =]
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:iconhotpopcorn:
hotpopcorn Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
:)
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Move on. If you can't talk, collapse will follow. You'll drag on in this slightly abusive relationship for longer than you should have, not accepting it until it gets to the point that you're almost never happy, just wasting everyone's time.

If he puts no effort into the relationship then he doesn't care about you and is just using you. Effort never stops, no matter how long you've been together.
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:iconthewingedboggart:
TheWingedBoggart Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
I poured all of my thoughts and feels out and made it very clear that unless some serious change goes down, i'm not sticking around. We've planned out that I'm going to spend more time away and he is going to treat me like the totally awesome person I am. Lovin' ain't easy, and everything takes work.

You just have to find what you enjoy working for.
And he's said he's sorry and has been making the effort now.

Thank you for your weigh-in. Although I'm surprised how everyone's jumped to my side? like, what If i'm the crazy one? They only know my side of it.
But I asked him what his biggest problems were with me, and he said "I dont want to talk about problems anymore, I love you with all my heart and I love you more than the biggest problem I have with you, I'm going to do better"

Everyone's got their issues, y'know?
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Well for me, I've been him. And I know that it isn't you.
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:iconthewingedboggart:
TheWingedBoggart Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
It is very refreshing to know I'm not crazy about it all. I often feel like I'm asking too much. I know that I am pretty demanding, but I swear I give as good or better than I get. And hey, now that you know, when the next lady comes along and wants to be good to you you'll work at earning it and being good too. Appreciation means a lot in a relationship. It's the worst feeling to be breaking your back and bending over backwards for someone who is totally blind to it.

I feel like taking some responsibility because hey, if a kid is spoiled, it's not the kids fault. It's the parents' fault. People will do whatever they can comfortably get away with. People have to be taught.
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:iconanazei:
anazei Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
yeah, I recognize this situation. He's taking you for granted. I know because I was like that too once. But then my girlfriend broke up with me.

My ex-girlfriend kind of spoiled me too and the princely treatment she gave me made feel too comfortable with what I said around her and such. I was less mature then.

It took about six months before it finally dawned on me what I had thrown away before I finally started to appreciate her long after she had broken up with me.

Anyways, he's 21 and he doesn't quite see the overall big picture and have enough life experience to appreciate more things in life. These things happen, it's just life.

There's really no solution for this type of situation except to spend some time apart in my opinion.
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