Girlfriend is depressed up at school and I don't know what to do.

!Rapidfire1012 Jan 14, 2013

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. And about 6 months ago it became long distance, and trust me we have really made it work.

But now she has fallen into a state of depression. She is sad and lonely and is too afraid to make friends. I keep begging her to go out and do something. She just stays holed up in that dorm of hers.

And on top of that, she owes about $2,200 by Friday or else she's going to get kicked out of school. She has a man that pays for a portion of her school and he might be able to pay for it. But seriously, it's going to get harder and the costs are going to pile up even more. The guy he has his own family, and I really hope he can keep it up. She got a full ride to a private university (University of Texas at Dallas) that would have handled everything, but now she is stressed, exhausted all the time and lonely. And most of all far from home. I introduced her to a lot of my friends when she was here, and they got along great. She clicks with people great, but she just needs a push and I am not there to do it.

And I'm going to say something extremely selfish:

I want here to come home.

Her best friend up there is crap. Her mother who is extremely lonely can't even see her. And the next time she's going down to Texas is for Winter Break. I can see her more often, she won't be as depressed, I can force her to go to more clubs and meet more people. There are times when I want her back for my own selfish reasons but days like this... I want her back for her own well-being.
I know that college is all about growing and becoming independent. But she was just thrown out there with no guide. She's extremely shy and I just want her to get out and make some friends.

How can I do this? Should I feel selfish for wanting her to come home? I can't stand watching her study, go to class, go to work and sleep. It hurts me too much. I haven't seen a genuine smile on her face in awhile.

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Devious Comments

*VampireNyan Jan 18, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

maybe you could get her to visit a counselor? i don't know, but i really hope things get better for her. and for you.

!Rapidfire1012 Jan 20, 2013

She's working now and is meeting a few more people. It won't be wrong before she makes a solid friend.
It's getting better. But if it stops, we will look at that option.
I appreciate it bro.

*VampireNyan Jan 22, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

that's good, and i'm glad to hear it's getting better!

*Mystery-Kitty Jan 17, 2013 Student Photographer

Why don't you just go to her?

!Rapidfire1012 Jan 17, 2013

I've thought about it. I've looked for it. I'm doing better in school so I can go. I have a 2.6 GPA and she goes to Ohio State. The chances of me getting in there are small, and the chances for a scholarship are almost non existent. But I will try.

*Mystery-Kitty Jan 17, 2013 Student Photographer

If it's the right decision for YOU then it wouldn't hurt to try. Being Australian I'm not overly sure if a 2.6 GPA is good or bad. But what I do know about university is that they aren't just looking at your grades. They're looking at you as a person. If you can show that you're willing to commit and grow as a person then you have an even greater chance at getting in.

*OrangeKrissy Jan 15, 2013

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

*Juliabohemian Jan 15, 2013 Professional Photographer

She needs to learn how to handle being on her own while going to school, instead of being dependent on you or her mother to make her happy. It’s not necessarily selfish of you to want her to come home. But all you would be doing is breeding codependence.

!Rapidfire1012 Jan 15, 2013

I couldn't agree with you more. I guess I need to go off and do my own stuff more often so she can learn how to do it for herself.

*EbolaBear Jan 14, 2013

"I can force her to go to more clubs"

That's the best way to get an education.

If she cannot handle the costs associated with school and has no real options to get loans or grants she might have to drop out for a bit or slow down the pace with part time schooling.

She shouldn't be depressed about friends and wasting time, she should be buried in books and maybe even working to help cover costs of school.

She needs to evaluate her situation and determine if she has the ability and will power to make it work at school and also decide on what she wants to do about her personal life and how she handles that stuff.

If you're going to try and bring her "home" so she can waste away in clubs you need to make a good sales pitch that appeals to her irrational sense of loneliness.

Good luck

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