You're looking at things from your own point of view, rather than thinking about what goes on in their heads. It doesn't mean their lives are terrible. If you don't know what something feels like, how can you miss it? You're looking at it from the side that if you were to wake up tomorrow with Aspergers, it would make your life difficult, because you feel like you would still have the same level of need for emotional intimacy, just you wouldn't be able to express it. Which isn't the case.
Often, people with autism and Aspergers have no desire to develop emotional attachments and no need to. Their brains are simply wired differently to "normal" people.
Many with ASD do not view it as a negative but as a difference; they do not want to be 'cured', some may even feel that the world would be a better place if more people thought the way they do. If it was a unanimous 'living hell' this would not be the case.
I don't want a fucking brain transplant just because of my aspergers and why I have been like this all my life I have had two boyfriends, and I have a ton of friends. My mum has been able to deal with 5 kids who have either ADHD or aspergers and to her we are normal of course she has been threatened with social services a billion times even know she copes fantastically well but she wouldn't want us to change. Also you are very closed minded if you think its like that for us with aspergers or ADHD.
Well, just wanted to point out that a brain transplant would kill someone. They'd die of blood loss; there are too many blood vessels and veins in someone's brain. There are some therapists though that help with that a lot.
Yeah right. It's also not that great of you to assume that being on the autistic spectrum is internal hell. Sure, there are certain things that make life difficult, namely social interaction, but to think that it's so awful that your suggested solution is to get a brain transplant, well, to put it simply reflects poorly on you as a person. Now, if your friend has asked you for help, then try to connect them with a counsellor or therapist or something along those lines. Usually the really troublesome aspects of the condition can be solved with something like behavourial therapy, where your friend will be able to develop social skills or improve their speech. It's not a disease, can't be "cured", and thus does not require surgery or anything of the sort. As an extra note, I place extra emphasis on whether your friend has asked for help. If they don't actually need it, you'll do more harm than good if you try and get them involved in something they may not be entirely comfortable with. By the way, I don't see any reason why people on the spectrum can't have normal relationships with others. True, it might be difficult to open up at first, but people with this condition tend to be quite loyal to those they are close to.
This is based upon real life experience. I'll take you through the hell I went through in my life:
ShinymanStudio and KorukiKonaru, you're both right in a lot of ways. At first, that's exactly how I felt. If there was an option to get a brain transplant, I'd do it in a heart-beat. Cuz, at the time, I was convinced it was either that or suicide. But, typically, people have these thoughts in Middle School or High School. Not me. The scary part is, I had these thoughts in elementary school. Starting in the first grade. Way too early for a six-year-old to be thinking about suicide. But, I was glad I was so young. I didn't know where all the things that could kill a person were in the house, nor some of the different methods on how a person could die. So, I resorted to trying to starve myself to death. But I like food, so that didn't work out. I hate breakfast the next morning then, when I was putting away my bowl, I thought "back to square one". This is what it was like for a few years until Middle School came.
I was put in a group during lunch hour to meet on Wensdays. The psychiatrist would be in the room, but we would get together outside of group. We all had autism, PDD, ADD, ADHD, you name it. But, we all knew each other's pain. By the end of sixth grade, we became each others' sisters, facing the world together. And they taught me how to love life again. For the first time in years, I felt happy. I found many of my other talents with my new-found friends. Drawing, writing, animating, piano. I found something that I loved to do and things that made life worth living.
By the time freshman year came, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. I felt like I really started to glow. I didn't wake up every morning, depressed. Wanting to waste away the days in my house forever. I woke up and greeted the new day. My life had purpose, now. I've never had a thought of suicide or brain transplant since.
Now, however, my friends from my middle school group are considering suicide which is tough on me, cuz I can't even talk to them the same way I once had. It kind of makes sense, then. Lots of people that have autism, PDD, ADHD, ADD, or some other kind of thing going on have thoughts of suicide once in their lifetime, especially girls. But, ShinyManStudio, I'm telling you to tell you friend that it WILL get better. No matter WHAT he thinks, things will get better and, soon, he will wake up every morning and smile at the sun.
I guess you've been luckier than me. I've never had a friend who was also diagnosed with Asperger's, and even now I don't want to talk about it with my friends because I'm afraid they'll treat me differently if I do. But until I came around to accept my diagnosis, I went through a period of denial so I still wouldn't say that my life has been hell.
If they're really your friends, they won't treat you any differently than they would now. But, yeah. I am pretty lucky. We looked out for each other and were one big happy family. And I'd never be able to show all of my gratitude for them. That's why I feel so terrible, now. One of my friends is considering jumping in front of a train and I feel like I'm not trying my hardest to help them. Cuz, I really don't know what to say to them besides "it's a pernament solution to a temporary problem" and "it'll get better soon"
Maybe so, but that's not a risk I'm prepared to take. Like I was saying to the other person, if you're concerned for your friend the best thing you can do is try and connect them with a professional, or advise them to call the suicide helpline.
I beg to differ. This is something I don't care to admit too often, but I myself have a mild diagnosis. I find it hard to relate to people, but I wouldn't describe it as hell. The trick to mastering a bike is to just try. If you're scared, attack with reckless abandon. Don't be making sweeping assumptions, now.
There are different types of therapy available for different conditions but that can get expensive if the person isn't covered by insurance. Medications are great for some conditions. It's rare for normal people to be in a serious relationship with abnormal ones--they usually reject the person during dating phase. (many people want children but don't want children with genes that will give them hell)
We're talking Aspergers here... there are plenty of relationships where one has it and one doesn't, and I should know since I know quite many people with Aspergers (and their partners ). And I hope people isn't that stupid that they reject someone who could be the best person they ever meet - just because they MIGHT have kids in the future.
Aspergers isn't that much of a deal that people make it out to be and it's funny that people seems to have so much prejudice against people with Aspergers.
I guess I'm ignorant about Aspergers. I don't know anyone with that condition. That is nice that people are giving them a chance.
I'm schizophrenic. I got rejected by so many dates with normal people. So did other mentally ill people I know. It's almost hilarious. One guy even yelled at me for not telling him sooner...said I was wasting his effing time.
I hate the fucking stigma about mental illness. Especially how people are biased against people with schizophrenia. I have bipolar (and very rapid cycling at that) so I have a really hard time dealing with things. I've never tried dating anyone since my diagnosis, feels like there is no bloody point.
I think there is less stigma then previous decades. Things are slowly getting better. We have the Internet and can get information very fast. In the old days, I'm betting few people would go to the library just to look up mental illnesses. I've heard bipolar is a nasty roller coaster. I hope things get better for you.
Well at least you've been through some bad reactions tied to your schizophrenia so I guess the reply was more from your point of view rather then just ignorance. Since my partner has Asperger I'm just getting mad when I see people treat it and such as if it's a real big deal, because, sure some things with Asperger makes it harder in social relationships and such, but most people I know (with Aspergers) aren't that "weird" or whatever people expect. There are a few things that might be harder, but most people have problems which makes part of their life hard...
I don't think I know anyone with schizophrenia, but I'd still treat it the same way. I would've given the person a chance since that might be the best person I'll ever meet. I think as long as you could work things out in the relationship and be clear what problems might come up, there shouldn't be that much of a problem. I think people over all are too ignorant when it comes to people "abnormal" people and guys like that one just deserve a kick in the nuts.
Sorry if I sounded too upset... I just don't get some people sometimes.
I saw the movie Rain Man once. That's my only real exposure to someone with the condition (and at first they thought it was Autism because it was an earlier time period). Raymond had a severe case where his main skill was math. He couldn't live outside an institution and he freaked out when his brother tried to hug him--he started screaming. I sometimes forget that the condition can come in less severe forms.
That's great that you'd give them a chance; the world needs more people like you. My experience is that people have a "Run for the hills!" attitude about schizophrenia. There are different levels of the condition. Some are very severe and some are less severe. Many people with my condition can't hold a job. I'm lucky that I can hold jobs.
It's impossible to completely cure some conditions. Maybe the normal one could become a little abnormal? Good relationships have compromise.
My experience as a schizophrenic is that I was screened out by a large number of normal people during dating (from late teens to now). Last year I was replaced at my volunteer work after I told the person in charge about my illness (they bitched so much about their health problems that I thought it was fair); shortly after that all my tasks were given to other people, tasks I had done for years (so I was let go, basically fired because she was scared of schizophrenics but she'd never admit it).
Plus, even with medication I still hallucinate (voices and visuals) and my mind churns up deluded scenarios so there is no complete cure...only a pill that dims the psychosis a bit...takes the edge off it. The pill comes with its own set of side effects.
What is abnormal and what is normal? Why do you think the person with Asperger would be more normal? Yes, they don't have Aspeger, Asperger isn't the norm, they are normal? But that doesn't make the other person normal either. In a relationship you have to work out the best way to communicate and decide what you want the relationship, no matter how "normal" or "abnormal" both part is. And in a relationship one couples normality is strange to another couple. Meaning: a relationship with someone with Aspergers doesn't have to be harder than one without as long as the person they are dating isn't really stupid and has prejudice about Asperger.
Those people who would be afraid would be the ones who doesn't know a thing about Aspergers. For most parts there are no difference between a person with Aspergers and one without. Those with Asperger can be shy/asocial because they can be bad at reading social codes. Though people with Aspergers are usually quite different form one and another so their problem might not even get in the way of their social life/ relationships. It's all from person to person what their problem is and how they deal with it.
And the last thing - I don't know. It's nothing I've come across.