You're not going to kill yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be advertising it. You really are just a teenager being angsty. You want to be special so you make yourself feel "special" by acting troubled and depressed and saying things like "i'm sick" and such. You want attention, want someone to care, so to get the attention the care you go with the self bashing route. But you're young so you don't realize that it does the exact opposite of what you want. People won't care about you when you don't care about yourself. Eventually no one will even care to listen to your cries of wolf.
I know you won't believe me, and I know you'll think you're the exception, that you really do have issues. But really you don't. You're just going about the wrong way to get what you want.
When we really do want to die, we don't do what you're doing here, running in screaming hey guys I'm suicidal!!!!! We just do it, and tell no one. It's only through luck that we're still here.
I feel exactly the same right now, and I really want to help you. For me - cutting is the only solution - and as hard as it is to stop, I'm trying so hard. Please just try to stop, get help for your anger problems and if you ever need to talk, please turn to someone on here, heck, you can even talk to me, I don't mind. Friends on here are just like friends in real life.
my dear, what is the reason to all of this? Why are you feeling this way? I`d recommend reading, because it helps you lose yourself in a good way, and pretend you`re in a life that you`d like. Maybe if you haven`t read Harry Potter yet? If you want I could recommend a couple of books. Keep a journal, and write it kinda like a novel. With all your beliefs, perceptions and ideas. Get a hobby, embroidery, sewing, knitting, horse riding, carving, photography, writing, calligraphy? You could help charity work as well, so you wouldn`t feel you aren`t contributing to people that need it. As a result you would also meet other people. You can always talk to me, I can be your friend c:
Helping people and buying things for your friends will give you temporary good feelings, but won't solve the problem of you feeling dead inside. You have to decide what YOU want out of life and work toward getting it. Then the dead feelings will fade.
There's a perfectly rational explanation for your cutting. When people feel pain, the brain releases feel-good chemicals, and you're probably addicted to them. You can get similar chemicals from the "pain" of eating spicy food, though, so try different ways of making yourself feel better than cutting and your laptop.
Therapy is definitely a good idea here. Even a school counsellor may help. I'm concerned about the cutting, but hopefully you'll grow out of it. Unlike many people believe, it's possible to do this well into adulthood. I've done it in a few isolated incidents when I was desperately suicidal but needed something to avoid it.
From what I can gather, you are not at the stage of serious suicide ideation. But you need to nip those feelings in the bud. I felt depressed I hated myself just the same throughout my teen years, but never did anything about those, and eventually I developed bipolar disorder. Not fun. So therapy is a great idea. While many teenagers feel this way growing up, that doesn't mean that you have to. A good therapist will teach you coping strategies and ways to combat those thoughts.
Pet your dog, and give him cuddles - it will make you both feel good. Take him for long walks - exercise is a great way to improve your mood, and perhaps if you lost weight your body image would improve.
You may just feel like shit because a mixture of hormones and stress, but I think any suicidal thoughts need to be taken seriously. Speak to your school counselor at the very least. Strangers on the internet are not psychologists, and we aren't able to diagnose or provide you with therapy. I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you to everybody, it DID help quite a bit, and I realize my rant was a little.. over the top, maybe? But again, thank-you to everybody who took the time to say something, weather it was positive or negative, it still counts. I appreciate it ^^
The only advice worth listening to is the stuff you get from a therapist. I have no idea what advice you think some 15 year old artists are gonna give you that would do shit for your problem. Did you really think this through?
GO. TO. THERAPY. Those dudes go to school for ten years for a reason, because they know their shit and can help you deal with yours.