Well, I've had similar issues, not with just anger, but controlling emotions in general, and a lot of getting through that for me has been just changing thought and behavior patterns. Kinda like what you're already doing, but it can take time for it to really click. I would say you need to do more than just be quiet and breath, you need to actually observe yourself and the situation was objectively as possible. If they keep talking, don't just stew over it and let yourself react emotionally. Try to figure out what they're trying to say. Ask questions if you have to. Avoid judgmental language. If that doesn't work, then distancing yourself from that person is the best option. I know that can be hard if you live with the person, but you can always take a walk or go on a drive. Or find something else to focus your attention on--read a book, watch TV, etc.
You might look into cognitive behavioral therapy, which is oriented toward changing emotionally-based behavior and thought patterns. Some of the ideas are similar to mindfulness, which is another area to explore. You might also find something like nonviolent communication useful for interactions. This is a very brief but useful how-to: [link]
I discovered cognitive behavioral therapy in college and ended up applying some of the ideas to emotional problems I was having. So I always recommended reading up on it with these kinds of issues. I know that some in the field have researched mindfulness techniques and have found meditation helpful in relieving stress and regulating emotions. Anyway, you're welcome, glad to offer some things to consider.
Counting or taking breaths is actually in line with certain kinds of mindfulness and meditation. It's basically the idea of quieting your mind, focusing it, and learning to better control your impulses. If you have some time to yourself, you can try a simple meditation by sitting down, drawing a breath in through your nose, counting to 3, then breathing out and doing the same. Even just a minute or two of this feels nice.
My suggestion is to pick a moment when you are both calm and not arguing, and start a conversation about the issue then. During the conversation you can explain how you feel, how what they are doing is making things difficult for you, and ask them to please give you a chance to calm down when such an occasion arises.
It's better to fix things before they get intense.
I've tried that, tried talking to them about it and tell them that I have to calm down, but they still talk to me about the things that were making me angry and never listen. Sometimes it works for 5 minutes, then it's back to the same old same old.
If your fist are clenched when you become angry, try unclenching them and leaving them at you side. Play music in your head while they yell at you. I know that sounds weird but if you've got a song that usually calms you down, try to imagine it playing.
Ok I can fully and honestly say I'm in the same situation as you because I don't really have anger problems with anyone but a certain family member,and like you I've tried several ways to calm down and things end up the same way as you they do for you.They either end up following me or talking louder and I end up snapping and starting the fight starts all over again.
The thing I do to calm down now is go to my room,lock the door,and listen to some music with my headphones on so I can no longer hear them and that way I don't end up snapping and continuing the fight.So I'd say hold back from continuing the fight.make your way to your room,lock the door,and listen to some music you like with headphones on so you no longer hear them and if you don't hear them then there is no fight.
Well, the lock on my room has been broken for a few years (not a good thing with annoying siblings either) but I'll find another place to go. But I'm afraid when I come out of the room they'll just nag me again.