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January 10, 2013
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FAVORITISM in family?

:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is a very long post, but i really need help with this. I hope you can take the time to read it, and possibly relate to it.
So it's no question that some parents or...alot of parents favour some of their children over others.

This is the case in my family, with my younger brother being the favourite. He is 16, while i am 17. I am female by the way.
Now i know my parents love me very much, and they care a great deal for me, but the favouritism is quite evident with my brother.
It started pretty early on when we were kids. I guess you could say they "babied" him for lack of a better word, and they still do.
Regardless of the fact that he is less than a year younger than me, he has never had to carry any responsibility in his life, has not learned to do any chores fully and does them half ass,and has had others care for his personal needs.

For example, he has to be constantly reminded to do certain tasks around the house regardless iof the fact that he is constantly reminded. An example of this is with our aquariums (he and i both have one- him for 2 years, i for 5 or 6). I constantly tell him to put in the right amount of chemicals each week, but he never does it. When i do tell him, he give the predictable "well you didn't remind me". It's quite annoying, and is due to the fact that my parents have akways taken care of these things for him. Another example of this is when he gets in trouble. If it is something that he clearly did, my parents will lump us together saying something along the lines of "you guys need to smarten up". Now if i was involved, i understand and i deserve it, but the fact that i am not usually involved with something he did and I am getting in trouble seriously bothers me. As for chores, he does them with vague interest and in a sloppy manner- and BRUTALLY slow. They are usally half finished, and i have to pick up where he left off along wiht finishing my own. My parents never do anything about this. As for his personal needs, my mom always helps him clean his room and fold and organize his clothes and belongings. Thats not to say i want help with these things-i rarely want anyone to help me with the things i do, but with him it's just constant. Regardless of all of this, he never learns to do things on his own. In addition, this is where it gets really pathetic, he only learned to clip his own nails two years ago. Two. My mom has been doing them for years. It's just...*sigh.

Now as for my parents and the favouritism, they take greater interest in his grades when he excels, constantly saying "oh my god! I'm so proud of you! Good job sweetheart!! Hugs, kiss kiss", or a "Good man! highfive" from my dad. I generally get a simple "Good for you". We both gets pretty good grades as well, ranging from 80's-90's, so it bothers me when i get just as good a grade as he does, but get minimal positive response. There is also the constant "Good man" response from my dad, when my brother does something considered "masculine", which is never more than something like getting an extra piece of meat or something. Simple stuff, but bothersome. They also take greater interest in his activities , which are mainly sports and gtes high praise for them, while they take a vague interest in my art studies. It hurts...Mainly because i know that they favour him just because he is a male.

I have proof that my dad regards my brother as his favourite child, as i have heard it from his own mouth. He was drunk and with a family friend, and he did not know i was there, but he said, quote on quote:
"There isnt anyone in your life more important than your son"
My mom saw me as i overheard, and gave a pained expression. It has stayed with me ever since even though it was a few years ago.

In short i was wondering if anyone can relate to this, and maybe offer some advice on how to cope with it. It's hard to know that you are favoured less than your sibling, and that no matter what you do you will always be lower in their eyes. It was like this in my dads family and in my moms family as well- the boys come first.
It's painful emotionally, and sometimes i cry thinking about this...

Thanks for reading.
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Devious Comments

:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Student Filmographer
Ah, well that rings bells. I always feel like that with my brother. I'm one of three - I'm the eldest, my brother is the middle child, and then there's my little sister. My brother is a year and a half younger than I am, and my sister is about four and a half years younger than me. When I was living back at home, for some reason my dad would always come down on me for whatever bollocks came to his mind, and that went on for a fair bit to the point where everyone else noticed too. I think it's because everyone ignored him. If I tried that, I got yelled at harder. If chores weren't done, it was somehow my fault. If I had done chores and GC (GC was the nickname we gave my brother, 'golden child') hadn't, it was still my fault. To be fair, my brother even knew he was the GC but he didn't really like having that sort of privilege.


Anyway, I had a fair moment of joy at one point. My estranged uncle called me his favourite on facebook, and I was very happy. Apparently I'm my grandmother's favourite too, but that's only what my brother says.

The whole favouritism from my dad got a lot better in time though. We called him out on him constantly yelling at me, and things went up. :nod:
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:iconfangirldinosaur32:
fangirldinosaur32 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, while I can't exactly relate in the same way, mine is similar.

My older brother, is still favored. He constantly claims that he was 'replaced' when I came, but they still favor him as much as though he was a child.

When his daughter came along, that's when I really started to be ignored. She's almost 3, will be in Feb. the 8th. She overrules most of the things I do, and I am ignored from my parents when it comes to my older brother, and my niece. So, it's similar, I guess. But, yeah, I can relate. I'm sorry. It stings, yeah.
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:iconcat-of-shadows:
Cat-of-shadows Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
Hmm. It sounds as if your parents wanted a son the first time they got pregnant, and had a daughter, instead. So they may favor your brother more because he was the son that they were hoping for. I might not be correct, but I'm thinking that this definitely sounds like the case. The root of their favoritism must be gender-based, and probably nothing else.

This type of favoritism was common throughout history as males were valued more, so you know that thousands of women through history were put in the same position as you. I assumed that this type of favoritism, and especially at this severity would have died out in the 21st century, but I am mistaken. It still exists in many countries such as China, Countries in the middle east and some parts of Africa to name a few. There are also parents who desperately wanted a daughter, and got a son instead.

I would feel sorry for your brother, though. If he has everything done for him, chances are, he will not learn or want to do it and the future. And he may grow up to be lazy and rely on others to do things for him.

I cannot relate to this situation, but my younger brother, who is the middle child, had often griped that he was the unfavorite. I don't see any evidence to support this. But perhaps some unfortunate things have happened to him that hadn't occurred to me, so idk.

Somehow, though, some people seem to think that males are better in spite of the fact that women can do just about anything a man can, and that's in places like the US and UK. I can't really speak for other countries, though. Shame on your father for saying that. You should perhaps confront your parents and tell them how you feel. Especially bring up that situation to your father. Ask him if you really are that unimportant to him. And if possible, just live with another relative if you cannot bear the favoritism. Tell them that you are going to live with ( insert relative's name)because they feel that their son is obviously more important to them.

Unfortunately, it seems as if nothing that you will ever do can impress them. And you know what? Don't waste any time trying to. There will be people that you meet in life that will appreciate you greatly. And if you do have kids one day, you can break the cycle of this gender-based favoritism.

I wish you best of luck.
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:iconangelnekodemon:
AngelNekoDemon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
I know exactly how you feel, I may not have siblings, but I do have cousins who are close enough to be my siblings. With my female cousin, she apparently "cannot do wrong". She gets all the high praises, and so forth. When I try my damnedest, it just isn't enough, and goes unnoticed. And it goes, " (cousin's name) is doing so well for herself, why aren't you?" that is what my grandfather said to a best friend of mine. She gets spoiled, praised and gets anything she wants. Also, I get condescending remarks from my grandmother about when I move back out of the house. I said out loud a few days ago, "I can't wait to get back out of this house.." and I got a "well, good luck with that.." response. Then I came back with a whitty comment, which was pretty cool and made me feel good.

But, the thing is you can't blame your sibling what your parents are doing, I have spoken to my cousin about this with what is happening with our grandparents and she hates that they treat me like that. I understand that you want to be mad at your Bro, but don't be mad at him, it's not his fault. Do what makes you happy, get good grades to make yourself feel better, to know that in the future, you can buy things after college, and you paid for them, and didn't have anyone truly help you. Then you can say those items are yours, and that your hard earned money paid for it. That's what I usually do. (If I want it, I buy it so I don't have to rely on anyone else to get it for me)

Be strong Mayvi! If you need to talk to someone message me! :hug:
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you :)
Though i'm not really mad at him, i mean i do get annoyed, but i still love him. Same goes for my parents. And they do buy me things (mostly for school, and occasionally clothes. They'll do anything if its for my schooling- which is extremely nice of them, and i pay them back with good grades), but it's more or less the way they treat him compared to me that upsets me at times.
All the best to you.
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:iconangelnekodemon:
AngelNekoDemon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
You too. I know how you feel though, be strong!! :D
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:iconplaguey:
Plaguey Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate slightly. Both of my brothers, especially the one I live with is extremely favourtised by my mother compared to my other brother and I. He's 20, dropped out of school and has no job and my mom will get him anything he asks for and he doesnt have to do chores. I on the other hand, have made it academically farther than both my brothers and Ive been trying to get a job. All i get from my mom is "good job" and my brother gets fed with a silver spoon whilst I wash the dishes.

Its hard to cope with, but I guess all you can really do it talk to your parents about it. Or continue being independent.
Im fairly independent myself and its slightly annoys my boyfriend since I never really need his help.
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:iconangelheartthewarrior:
AngelheartTheWarrior Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah... Favoritsm... always a problem.

Yup, as a kid I always felt that my parents cared for my older brother more than me. We were both over average students, always about 200 points overaverage. Same grades, same stuff. I was a little less sociable (I preferred working by myself) and also have a sadly permanently-disabled body part (left arm) for a few years now. But that was after. Anyway, as a kid my brother was always cared for more.
Got an A+: "Good job."
He got an A+: "AHHH YOU GOT AN A PLUS! I'll go buy you whatever you want!"

I've babysat with two children of which one was favorited over the other more. Prized, almost; the other child was badly deformed. The deformed child was not the favorite and was blind as well as mute and was deaf in one ear but had better grades. The favorite child was completely normal and beautiful; but honestly I feel for the lesser child.

I'm not sure how to help you, but maybe the fact he was larger then? I've noticed that adults always prefer the more muscular, stronger type than the skinnier, weaker type. :shrug: Sorry that I couldn't help much.
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Holy crap, i felt like I read my personal story.

My brother is 18 months younger than me, got terrible grades, was popular, huge jock. He was much more loved at school than I was. I was a nerd, band gerk, and artist. At home my brother got all the attention for his sports. I ways had to do his chores for him to avoid being yelled at when my mom and stepdad came home. I had two other younger brothers, and as the only fdaughter, non sports, i got ignored a lot.

Always i heard, "Why can you not be like your brother? More active and cheerful than you." Now he is in the Military like my dad and grampa were, and I am just an art student.... i feel overshadowed. He has tons of money, a job he loves, and all sorts of praise for being patriotic.

I am just poor, in debt art student. :C



._. Having someone else get more attention is hard and it hurts a lot. I feel you man
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Yep. It's pretty common in families with boys...
*hug
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:iconrobotrabbit:
RobotRabbit Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yes. I had two siblings that were favored by my family (the ones that complain the most are always the most favored, it seems). Their selfishness ended up going over the top, and they stopped talking to the family. People now tell me "I was the smart, wise one," even though I was told I was weak to my face prior to that. I'm not angry about it anymore, but it sure does make it hard to trust anything they say.

Honestly, stand up for yourself. If you get blamed for something he did, tell your parents no. Not an angry or defensive no, just a literal no. Refuse to take responsibility for him at all, because there is nothing they can do about it (well, except for the fishies, since they're living things and all x'D ).

And please, please don't let how your parents or anyone treats you make you feel like any less of a person.
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:iconxnotamorningirlx:
XnotamorningirlX Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
I can see where you're coming from. Up until I was 13 my dad always treated my younger sister like his favourite. She's two and a half years younger. When we were little he would often give her sweets and then shout at me when I would ask for some or shout at me when I entered the kitchen but welcomed my sister when she did. I've always had good grades and never really went out much. My sister often didn't do her homework and became friends with the wrong kinds of people but still received countless praise from my dad. This led to me being quite socially awkward and I don't like other people seeing my artwork or stories if I meet them in person because I worry of their opinion.

Me and my sisters relationship suffered because of the difference and we would often fight but I found the more time we spent away from dad , the more laid back we would be. My stepdads parents wouldn't even get me christmas present since I'm not his legitimate child, my brother is. Not like I minded but it was still a bit hurtful.

When my parents split my dad would shower us both with compliments but it felt kinda forced to me and I couldn't help but be quite stiff when he hugged me; I was never used to that before. I live with my mum now and my sister lives with my dad and I know he's given her things like pets, clothes and money ect. but hasn't even sent me a card on my birthday. I know my sister is always off school and is failing academically which saddens me since she had a lot of potential but she just needed the motivation that my mum had always provided her with.

My mum always told me that a parent loves each child for different reasons but they may spend more time on a child they feel needs a push. I find that working hard on the relationship with my mother has really helped me a lot and were practically sisters now. I love her to pieces and it makes me glad when I come home from school and the first things she says to me is "How was your day?". I hope things will work out for you eventually and good luck on your projects that you're working on at the moment ^^
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:iconlets-fight-darkness:
lets-fight-darkness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I understand how you feel, I have a little sister who is two years younger than me. She never tries hard for anything, not even school. Because my parents focused on her most of the time when we were younger, I would always get myself into trouble to get noticed. She has never been fully grounded before or anything so whenever we get into any trouble, she'll cry and get out of it, so I had to take her punishment for her. Now I get blamed for everything, even if I didn't do it everyone automatically says, "BECCA!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?" It doesn't really infect me anymore, I'll use to fight back and say it was my sister but none would believe me, so I gave up on that.

As for school, the same thing happens to me. None would care if I got an "A" on a report or something but when my sibling does, she automatically gets a stuff animal or anything she wants for a reward. Plus when she wants her friends over, my mom automatically says yes, when I do, its always a no. Then, when I do have friends over for something like to work on a project or something, my sister always bugs us and never gets in trouble. When her friends are over my mom tells me to stay away from them and let them do their thing. Pfft I never listened to her before anyway. So I always bugged them some how.

Now, I basically hang out and let my sister do what she does because to me, I know that everyone will expect more from her than from me so I can basically do what I want without being bothered. It actually helps me with art for some reason..

(I'll just get to the point) So anyways, they're are pros and cons about it. Some pros are that you can get bothered less about things at times and do what you want. Some cons, they'll want you to do some things more often and you won't get as much attention as you'd want.

So just keep your head up, I don't want your tiara to fall and focus on making yourself happy with your life and future :hug:
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:icontheawesomeshoexd:
TheAwesomeShoeXD Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I understand completely. I have a rather large family on my mom's side. We are all very close in the sense that we see eachother often. My mom lives in grandmas house with one of my aunts and 3 of my cousins. We often get visits from one of 7 other aunts and uncles and dozens of cousins. There is a LOT of favoritism in that family and I'm at the bottom of the totem poll for a few reasons. First off, I'm a girl. There are a lot of women in that family and very few men, so that means Charles, Joey, David, JR, and Chalael all have higher positions than me. Second, I don't conform. I don't give a rat's ass if a male cousin tells me to do something and I won't do it just because he is a man and he says so. This is looked down upon. Third, I'm half white in a Mexican family. My dad is mostly German, I speak German and I look very friggin German other than my hair and eye color. This makes me the "grenga" of the family, and they hate grengas and grengos. Fourth, I am not a Christian. This is a very Christian family, and I don't believe their bullshit for a second. They have made attempts to exercise supposed demons, convert me, and such but since they obviously failed I am considered to be the antichrist, and they have told me as much. Fifth, they think I'm a Nazi. I have a fascination with ww2 history and I have a fetish for their uniforms. I made a replica uniform and my uncle David saw me do it, so now he told everybody I am a Nazi, not that he didn't already think that because of the German in me... racist. They also suspect I'm gay because I support gay rights. Little do they know, they are right. I'm pansexual. They would disown me if they confirmed this.

The worst part is that their very favorite member of the family, who is idolized beyond belief is my cousin JR. JR is an asshole. He hasn't ever had a job, he wears all white, grew a beard and says he is one of Jesus's chosen, he has only had 1 date since high school, and she hated him after it, he throws his food back at his mother when she doesn't make it right, he hasn't done a hard day's work in his life and he is such a sexist it's not even funny. I'm the only one that ever stands up to him or debates with him instead of blindly following the asshole. His reply is always a very predictable "You don't know anything you're just a little girl." Also, when he brings god and the bible into our arguments I tell him to stop hiding behind god and solve his own problems or show compassion to others with basic humanitarianism. He then turns to my mother and says "See this? This is the fruit of your looms! You have raised a heathen! She is the antichrist!" He is the favorite of the family. He is treated like a king. They have bought him a house, 3 cars, all the pot he can smoke, and a hooker or two, but the hookers are okay because he is a boy and they have needs that I wouldn't understand being a girl. Bullshit. I get horny, too but I don't risk AIDS and fuck the nearest slut to me. THIS is what beat me. This is who they consider better than me. He is an asshole! *facepalm*

Point is, I feel your pain, but I don't cry over it. I just pull pranks on him whenever I can and flip him off while he's talking to me.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is really, really normal. :(

It's mostly subconscious, and your parents would probably deny it rather honestly, but it's there: Boys often get favoured by their parents and expected to do less house work.
Mothers are often more critical of daughters. (Because they remind them of themselves and they're self-critical, so far as I remember the theory.)

I can't help you on how to cope, only know that you're not imagining things, and you are not alone in experiencing it either.
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:iconariyannaxshiku:
AriyannaxShiku Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey, I know what you're going through. I'm not just saying it either, I really do understand, because I deal with it at my mum's and my dad's.

Keep in mind that not one of my siblings are fully related to me, they're all half.

=At my mum's house=

So after divorcing my dad my mum had a one night stand with some creep, and that was how my first sibling was born.
Now I only have to deal with one sibling in my mum's house, but that doesn't mean it's any less irritating.
My brother is 13 now (I'm 16) and he has no responsibilities AT ALL. I've had to pretty much throw away my childhood (I'm not trying to over-dramatize that) because my mum had kidney problems after giving birth to him, so I was the one left raising him, WHILE taking care of her at the same time. That's a lot on a 3 year old's shoulders, so you can guess that I didn't get that much time to actually be a kid.
But anyway, I raised my brother until he was about 4 (so I was 7 then), and he was the perfect little child. Yes, he could be unbearable at times, but what child isn't? Then my mum finally decided to take over the raising, and since then my brother's attitude (and view over life) has changed drastically. Now, I'm not saying that I raised her son better than she has. I mean she raised me, and it was that knowledge that helped me to raise him till he was 4. It was the way she TREATED him that screwed up my little brother.
No matter the time of day, she was always coddling him. Morning, coddle him. Evening, coddle him. Night, even more coddling. All the praise and attention went to him, and him alone. Sure, I got the occasional praise here and there, but it was never like what he got. Now I'm not saying I want all the attention on me, but I would just like to know that she actually notices my presence.
Yes, she talks to me, but it feels more like when you're talking to a stranger. It's uncomfortable and awkward. And she really only talks to me when she has something "new and exciting" to tell me about the stupid games she glues her eyes to 24/7 on her computer.

I don't want what my brother has, but I do want it off of him. All the coddling he receives on a daily basis is not good for him. The older he gets the worse it effects him. He's now coming abusive towards her, and me every time we tell him he can't do something, or he can't have something. And he thinks money grows from trees.
He always wants this, and he always wants that. And when he can't get it, he throws the biggest fits and usually ends up breaking something.
It doesn't stop at that. He never listens to rules. Ever. He expects everything in life to just fall at his feet. He expects mum to look after him well into his adult years. He says he's not going to get a job and just live off the money mum gets on her disability pension (my mum can't work because she really hurt her back a long time ago when she used to do car detailing).

I'm honestly not worried about his life. I've given up on trying to save him. I'm worried about what'll happen to mum if I move out. My brother's becoming a very violent person and he's only 13. Imagine what he'll be like when he's older? I want to move out as fast as possible, but there's the thought that he'll do something really bad to mum if she denies him something she can't afford.

I was going to point out what happens at my dad's house, but I think this is long enough, and I'm sorry about that. Basically, my dad and his girlfriend breed like rabbits (I have 5 siblings at my dads, all under the age of 7, and soon will have ANOTHER one) and all the attention is pointed to them. I get that they're busy with all the kids, but all I ask for is a little time with my dad. Every time I go down there I'm stuck babysitting the spoiled brats. The whole point of going down there is to spend time with HIM, not clean up after his drooling messes.


Unfortunately I can't give you any advice...because I myself am still searching for it. The whole purpose of this long, boring comment was to hopefully make you feel less alone in your situation. :) I really do hope someone can give you good advice, I'm just sorry that I couldn't. :(
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
My Dad favours my brother. It's a cultural thing for him. It doesn't bother me. I suggest you learn not to care so much or see if you can get your Mom to favour you so it evens out.
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:iconlyokostar:
LyokoStar Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student General Artist
i understand you. i have two sisters, one older, one younger. we don't see much of my older sister anymore. when she stops by its a really big deal. my little sister is a total brat but she's the favorite. the only real attention i get is when my parents yell at me and call me a failure over my grades (i'm getting c's but i'm still passing!!!). other than that i'm often forgotten. i just chill in my room with my cats because my parents forget them too. Cazz and Danielle Bakura are really the only ones that seem to give a damn about me.
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:iconmonkeydoodles:
monkeydoodles Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I know how you feel. I have several siblings, 2 of who were treated a whole lot better than me.

Don't look for anything from your parents. Make your own support system with a bunch of really good friends and move out as soon as you can. Once you're out of there, keep strong boundaries. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing things for your brother that he should be able to do for himself.
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:icongolden-apple-ribbon:
Golden-Apple-Ribbon Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
n im very sorry for how u feel, but like i said i hope things get better for u!
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:icongolden-apple-ribbon:
Golden-Apple-Ribbon Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
sucks i cant relate to this, i dont have sibilings, but all i can say is that i hope everything will soon turn out to be more fair for you! ; w ; srry i cant help, i dont wanna say stuff i dunno about XDDD but i still wish i had a bro...*sigh*. ahaha watever, anyways wish u luck!
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:icongirlnight:
girlnight Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I know how u feel I have a 8-year-old bro ( I'm 12) and he is supper scared of being up stairs taking a shower by himself, so as i was taking my shower my mom opens the door and says that i need to get out of the shower so he can take his shower and I've been in the shower for 3 min. And even for me thats not a long time, and alot of the time he makes the messes in the living room and i am told to clean 3/4 of the room and he gets the cleanest part of the room!
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:iconookamibabe:
Ookamibabe Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Internet Hug! I deserve a hug, a big hug! Even though we are strangers and a face behinds a screen, I send you Internet hugs!
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:iconschnee-fee:
Schnee-Fee Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Filmographer
I completely understand your situation. My half brothers on my father's side is severely favored more than me, partially because they're males, partially because they're engineers like him, partially because they have the same nasty personality. I'm the oddball child because I'm female, of alternative standing, completely liberal, and interested solely in getting majors in English and Art. My father has been completely absent in all of the things important to me, cold and cruel when he IS around, and, as I recently learned last May, wanted me aborted. He never cared when I was bullied to the brink of being completely broken, doesn't care I can't completely fit into society, doesn't even BOTHER with providing clothes, food, water, etc.

To this day, I sadly must say that I hate him to the deepest pit of my soul. I resent him for denying me the same well treatment he gave his sons, to the point that he won't even help me with college, despite being more than capable of paying it in full.

The best advice I can give is when you have all the resources you need to go on your own without any help, do it, and never look back. Not within a large chunk of time, if you want to keep contact. Prove to them you can handle yourself just fine. Eventually, they WILL feel remorse for the damage done, even if it's far too late.

Push harder. Improve your work. Start doing things for yourself instead of doing only what they want.
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:iconsilvereyeshinobi:
SilverEyeShinobi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
(ah crap sorry about the giant italics thing...I screwed up the hypertext thing or whatever it is...
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:iconsilvereyeshinobi:
SilverEyeShinobi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
To be honest, I've heard of favouritism in families before. I'm awfully sorry that I can't understand, simply because I am kind of the favourite in the family... I expect though it really hurts my younger brother because I set the bar ridiculously high for him, and I'm sure he feels the pressure to catch up and be just as good. In recent years, he's given up. So instead of surpassing me in academics, he tries to get more attention than me by farting around all the time. I still get people asking me if I'm "Mitchell's Sister" and I get so angry about that because I don't want to be associated with my brother because he's such a nitwit.

*sigh* anyway, putting myself in your shoes, I can understand how unbelievably painful that can be. I can't understand it myself because I've never gone through it. But there WAS a moment when I was a lot younger where my brother got a lot of attention. Everyone was shouting about how proud they were of him simply because he learned to ride a bike two wheeled when he was like thirteen. However, he can also be a bit of a favourite simply because he's disabled. He's a dwarf (which means he's about three feet tall at the age of 17) and people are always paying more attention to him than me.

As for something to do...maybe you could talk to your parents about it. At the same time though, I would be too nervous to say anything if I were in your position...

Ah...have I helped? Honestly, I'm normally one to just listen to problems and over a shoulder to cry on if need be. I'm not that great with advice ^^;

Regardless, I'm almost certain you are a wonderful person. And just because your parents favour your brother doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you. *offers big hug with bright smile on face*
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks, you did help :) And i know my parents love me, and i love them too :) It's just, i'm bothered by the way they treat my bro.
*hugz
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:iconsilvereyeshinobi:
SilverEyeShinobi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*hugs back*
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:icongirlnight:
girlnight Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I can give u a hug too! *hug*
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:iconsilvereyeshinobi:
SilverEyeShinobi Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Post it on her reply so she gets it and not me lol XD
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:icongirlnight:
girlnight Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
K
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Is there a reason for their favoritism that you can see, aside from gender? Was he a premature baby or was he ill or did he suffer a near death experience at some point that would result in them perhaps having some paranoia about his safety or expecting less of him in general? Or are you a member of a culture that favors males?

I find -as a parent- that I have to be careful to make sure I praise my children equally. It seems they will often feel as though I love one more than the other, even though that is not the case. But something I’ve learned is that because my children have their own individual strengths, I will sometimes take for granted some of their accomplishments. It’s possible your parents are not as quick to praise your grades because you always get good grades and for your brother, that might be more of a struggle.

There is also the possibility that they know you are seeking their approval and they are withholding it as a means of control, which is what my mother did with me and my siblings. She actually used to try and pit us against one another. But I learned early on that approval wasn’t really there to be had anyway, so seeking it was a waste of time. It simply had to be enough that I was proud of myself.
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
We were both babies that were a little different when we were born because my mother smoked with us when she was pregnant. I came out too small, while he came out much heavier and bigger than me. We're both naturally skinny, but he almost looks anorexic. It may be because of what went on during my mothers pregnancy, or it might be genes. My family has some pretty thin people. But he is perfectly fine mentally, and is physically capable. Nothing happened as a kid that would scare them into fondling over his safety though. My family hails from Europe, mainly England and Ireland (and a few other European countries), and from what i've seen from personal experience, the males are usually favoured in those cultures. But again, it's just my experience.

As for the grades, we're both pretty equal and get 80's and 90's regularily, so thats not a problem.
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Yeah, if they are just favoring him because he’s a boy, I don’t know what to tell you except you will have to find a way to supply your own self esteem and become immune to their inability to reinforce you.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
This may be harsh, but you're looking for the approval of the sort of moron who's aware they're being nasty but don't bother changing it. They don't respect you in that aspect, why are you them to the point where you actually want approval from them? Approval from a person with no real sense of reason is meaningless. You realize that don't you?
That and you're jealous of a person who won't even make it in the real world at this rate.
It can be frustrating when you live there I suppose, but I wouldn't tolerate them trying to make you take punishment for something you didn't do at least. You might want to make it clear that it's bullshit and not let them tell you otherwise, unless it gets you in more trouble than it's worth in your view.
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Actually, they do not seem to be aware that they are doing it. It was the way they were brought up- but it was the wrong way of being brought up in my opinion.
I also want to mention that i am not jealous of him in any way. I do not want to be fondled over, and i do not want to be treated like a baby like he is. I'm a young adult, and it wouldn't be right. I find it discusting in fact.
I'm not seeking approval, i'm seeking acknowledement. Acknowledgement in, "hey! I'm here! You know, your daughter? Remember me? Hi, want to talk?", and "The way you are treating this situation is disastrous to us all".
As for being blamed for something i did not do, i do not tolerate what they say. I make it clear that what they are accusing me of is false, and we often get in aruguments about it. However, it is usually pointless as it makes my situation worse, and they gravitate to my brother.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
If your father presumably confirmed it when drunk and you know he speaks the truth when drunk, then yes, he is probably aware. I sort of find it hard to believe that they could outright accuse you of things you didn't do just so they don't target your brother precisely, yet are supposedly unaware of any preferences. If they really aren't then they're still too dumb to value their approval, just not malicious.

I meant that you wish you got the same attention he did, but you wouldn't wish everything else that resulted out of it. When you wish you had something someone has, and you feel negatively about it, it sort of means you're jealous of their situation in it's entirety by default.
And this certain situation is not really desirable.
I see.
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:iconkittymeow13:
kittymeow13 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student General Artist
I can entirely relate to this. My brother has always been smarter, and my parents know that, when I have grades that are better than him, just a "Nice job Katie. Is all I get. It annoys me to death. My brother constantly instigates me and has no punishment, when I instigate, "Katie, stop doing that." My brother had NO physical activities, and I played basketball for one season. "Nice job Katie." When he gets angry, "Calm down son" when I get angry, "Katie! Go to your room without dinner!" I hate it. they rank me below him and it makes me feel under-appreciated. My brother is 20 years old, while I, at a measly 14. My brother has Aspbergers and I have no mental disorder. They rank him above me just because of that. They favor him. I'm glad I can relate to your troubles.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I think it's not because they prefer your brother, but because of his age. Children are commonly pushed around by a lot of parents, and when you grow up and you can't be pushed around neither physically, nor deemed inferior mentally by default as an excuse for them to demand what they want of you, you automatically get more respect.
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I'm sorry you are going through that, but i am glad we understand eachother. If you ever want to talk i'm here.
:)
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:iconkittymeow13:
kittymeow13 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student General Artist
Same to you :)
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
thank you :)
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Looks like you have a combination problem here.

In some families one gender or the other is given preference. Sometimes it's the boy. Sometimes it's the girl.

In most families the oldest child is ignored and treated with indifference.

In most families the youngest child is given special treatment.

It sounds to me as if you have a combination of all three of these issues.

All of these issues existed in my family but because there are three children, it somewhat evened out; the only one who was really treated as less favorite was my older sister.

All I can say is, if parents have favorites, there is nothing you can do about it. It sounds like your parents love you also, so at least it's not like you're hated or anything. (that does happen in some families)

Heres a kicker that will make you feel better: You are going to have a much easier time in life once you move out of your family. Your brother on the other hand, is going to have life smack him in the face repeatedly because he doesn't even know how to do the basic things. Probably you will end up being a support for your brother when, chances are he goes through a lot of struggles as he becomes an adult. But, that's what being the oldest is about. being responsible, and helping your younger sibling.
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Yeah, thats a nice way of looking at it.

Oh. Dad just called me a "dumbass" for making a simple mistake. Good self esteem dad treatment dad...Good self esteem...
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I tend to think this was more prevalent for the middle child than the older one. From my experience, the oldest child is treated the best as they are simply the oldest and help look after the younger siblings.

But anyway, maybe your parents think that since they've done such a good job raising you, you don't need that babying or constant praise.

Your parents are kind of crippling your brother by not being stern with him and not making sure he does his chores. Or just be responsible all together for that matter.
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I agree with the "crippling" thing, but as for the raising part, i can say that i pretty much raised myself most times growing up because they were so busy with him...
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Are your parents planning on having any more children? I guess it really has to do with him being the "baby" and they want to coddle him as much as they can. :B
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:iconmayvi:
Mayvi Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
No no, they are in their late forties and early fifties. No more kids :)
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Okay. I do think you should tell your parents how you feel though. :B
I don't see anything wrong with defying your parents when it's the right thing to do. Especially your father. He needs to hear it from you.
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:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Writer
You've got a rough deal there. It sucks when parents favour one child; sucks worse when they make it obvious.

The only thing I can really suggest is to try your best to be wonderful without their constant pandering. You seem pretty mature and independent; it doesn't look like their coddling of your brother is doing him any favours. When it's time for you to go to college, get a job or just move out then you're going to be the one who can handle it while he can't cope and needs your mother to visit every weekend and do his laundry. You could try to discuss it with your parents, but I'm not sure that would change much and it would be very upsetting for you.

I knew a girl in a similar situation to yours, once (the mother is painfully clear that she favours her son over her daughter) and she reacted by going completely off the rails, presumably because she'd rather have negative attention than no attention. She's sixteen now and has been smoking, doing drugs, drinking and sleeping around for about three years. The fact that you're not like her shows that you've done the best you can with a bad situation, in my opinion, and in the end you'll be the one laughing when you've build an adult life of your own and your brother's either struggling or just still living at home.
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