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January 7, 2013
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Silent Treatment

:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So I am getting the silent treatment from my long term best friend who thought I was being annoying for asking the same question, but for different situations. Her family shuts off her internet during the day time so she can get out and be active. That means she can be in 3 places, where two of them have internet. (Coffee shop and a friend's house.) I linked her something asking her if she can view it, and apparently she was home, and got very snobby about it. Apparently it irritated her so much to where she spat out at me thinking I was stupid and said she wouldn't view the link because of it. I didn't mean to annoy her of course, I wound up looking like I am asking the same question, but its because I have no idea where she is at, and I know she doesn't like to be home now because of her parents constantly telling her to get out and do something.

Little bit of history, we clashed heads before, and technically she gave me the silent treatment for 3 months. That was back in 2009. That really did hurt me and changed me, and I really didn't trust her after that but I was willing to give her a second chance to see if she would understand.

After she snapped at me, I kind of broke down from her behavior, because she's been rude toward me, ignorant, and thinks she smarter than me ever since we reunited in 09. I always put it behind me because it shouldn't be a big deal, but now I just feel like I have to please her in order to remain friends with her, and it finally lead me to ask her why she treats me like that, and mentioned that I was crying. (Because I couldn't handle it any longer.) She just logged off and never talked to me since then.

She has been giving me the silent treatment for a week and a half now, and I am not sure what to do. I did some research that explains people who use the ST will keep on using it, and it can be a form of emotional abuse. Back then, I was crying every night, but now I am just worried about myself. I want to make the choice if the friendship should stay or not. I care for her, and I want her to be happy, but I don't wish to be treated like this anymore. I just have a awful feeling she will ignore that fact and think its okay to be the way she is still.

I heard from a other friend that she was mad at me and needs time to cool down, but the cold shoulder really doesn't help this friendship, and I don't like how I am being treated. Its like I am being punished for being emotional. I wish she communicated with me about the situation and I could had a chance to explain myself. I don't want to have this issue again for the 3rd time.

I need help making a choice. Should I just forgive her and give her a 2nd chance? or should I call quits on the friendship? Your advice/opinions will help me.

I thank all of you for any advice. :heart: (Sorry about the long text)

td;lr:

My friend has been giving me the silent treatment for a week and a half for being irritated, she also did it to me for 3 months in 2009. Should I give her a 2nd chance or just let the friendship go?
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Devious Comments

:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
It's up to you girl. I'm going to ask a question here though:

Is there any positive contributions this girl has made to your friendship? Is there anything about her that makes you happy? Or something she does that shows that she likes you/cares about you as a friend?

some people have moments at which they are really unpleasant people. Those same people sometimes have moments in the which they are really great people.

You have been willing to overlook her actions in the past. that's fine. if you choose to do so again, that's your choice, and your emotions which you are choosing to put on the line. But if the relationship is entirely one-sided, if what you have described describes everything, the relationship will likely deteriorate to a point that it is unrecoverable.

friendship is a two way street. one person might do more walking than the other, but if only one person walks, than it's a terrible friendship.

if this is one of those terrible friendships, I will offer a third option: you can become more of an acquaintance than a friend. Maybe someday you might become close friends again. :shrug:
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:iconadder-snakebite:
Adder-SnakeBite Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I would say you should sever your friendship (if that's what you call it) with this person. It sounds like they're not worthy to have friends if they treat others like something dirty on the bottom of their shoe.
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:icontinoculars:
Tinoculars Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
She sounds like a passive aggressive bitch that needs to be kicked in the cunt.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you everyone, I think I got enough advice and support here. The thread can be closed at any time.
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:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're going to have to talk to someone about getting it locked.
BTW, she's a wanker. If she tries to guilt trip you or anything, just remember that and move on.
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:iconfreakylaurent:
FreakyLaurent Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Professional Photographer
Kiss - Keep It Simple Stupid

So why waste time and energy to win em back?

Just drop it and make another friend and start over?
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:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Student Writer
Ignoring someone is petty and manipulative, but if it gets results (in this case, you apologising and grovelling for forgiveness), she'll keep doing it. Don't reward her childish behaviour; let her get on with it and then she can talk to you if she stops sulking. Don't try to apologise to her, initiate conversation or anything until she's ready to grow up. It's all very well to be annoyed - who doesn't get irritated at friends from time to time? - but past the age of eight nobody should think that the silent treatment is the best way to solve conflict.
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:icondivine--apathia:
divine--apathia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This is what you'd call a best friend?
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
At a certain point of time, yes.
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:iconmidnightmagnificent:
MidNightMagnificent Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's probably difficult losing a someone whom you've considered a friend for a long time. But, give it a while more. Soon, you won't even know or care that they're gone.

Source: Gotten rid of a few "friends" in that way before.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hope so! I hope all those doubts and sadness likes to visit my brain from time to time will go away too.
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:iconmidnightmagnificent:
MidNightMagnificent Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Don't worry, it will. Just hang out with other friends. Make some new ones. You'll get over her. She's not worth it.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. :heart:
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
that likes*
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
So why are you being lame and seeking her approval? Have you no dignity? You act like you just have to have this person in your life and her ignoring you is bugging you and giving her power over you. She knows she can treat you like crap and you will go crawling to her. Get a backbone and dump her.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah I know, I was pretty attached to her, but now I am not. I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation without taking action that will come back to bite me. :meow: Thank you though, bluntness always seems to knock the sock off the head.
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist
That's the thing, there is no action required but inaction. She's not acting like a friend so you're not wasting your time on her. No need to tell folk (or her) that the friendship is over (that'll just look like you're creating a scene). Don't see how that can come back and bite you. She's the one with this whole silent treatment business.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, I don't plan on letting the world know that its over. I just want it to seep away like you mentioned here.
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
As all other comments, yes you should stop this relationship.
She is unfortunately... abusing you and that is not going to help at all. The best method is to move on and if she tries to talk to you just act normal but don't give her the silent treatment too and don't be close to her anymore.This friend of yours is the kind who like to take out their anger/ego on others and are looking for someone who can take it, you cannot because you are sensitive.

e.g I gave up trying to keep a friendship with a guy because he keeps trying to get into my personal life, so when we meet I just talk like we are okay friends

Although we will give these advices to you, you have to act on it. I know some people who ask for help and she does the exact opposite of the advices.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mmhmm, I was afraid of being abused, and it will hurt my life in front of me, so I was very questionable this time, and pretty happy I asked on here. I am a very sensitive type, and I never really grown out of it because its still me, but I have grown stronger to stick up for myself.

Thank you for letting know about how to really handle the situation. I was kind of unsure of how to end the friendship, and of course peaceful is all I want. I will take the advice, what I really needed was kind of that slap on the face saying "DUH" so I can put my feet firmly on the ground and feel like my reason to end it is firm. When you have no one to talk about it with, your feet just keeps getting swept up, and you just don't know how to handle it. This helps, so thank you. :heart:
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You should take care of yourself before others until you are stronger. In the past I had to the the one pushing my friends forward like exam,homework,study etc and they did appreciate it but of course once I left they just... dropped. Oh well :shrug:

There are people out here who do put effort in helping, although some are harsh you only need to wake up and another problem solved for those who helped you.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my, well I never was the one to be pushed, I was too afraid to have bad grades and did a lot of that personal work myself as to taking care of myself. I guess the only thing that bothered me was the fact that I wanted to be with people, I wanted friends, and that was my soft spot to get anyone in there to hang out with. I dislike loneliness to the point to where its almost a great fear for me, and that is probably why I latch to people that are probably not good.

Yeah sometimes roughness is the only way to get out of a situation that you are sleeping in. Every time I had it, it woke me up about the situation and helped me straighten up.
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, thats what I noticed from you but my advice is try to be free and think about what you want and not what others want. I get bad grades too but I know I cannot get the job I want if I don't work hard.

Well, you have your answer so break down that barrier and walk free
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! :heart:
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:iconslave2karma:
Slave2Karma Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
She sounds like a nasty, selfish, and manipulative person. Not talking to you for a WEEK because you mistakenly repeated a question online? That's psychotic. You may have been good friends once, but it's obvious she's changed, and not for the better. I say take this for the blessing as it is and get this girl out of your life, and make some friends you don't need to walk on eggshells around. Life's too short to waste on people who treat you like trash.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know! I was pretty surprised that she gave me the ST out of that reason. I will slowly attempt to make my way out of the friendship. Thank you :heart:
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:iconslave2karma:
Slave2Karma Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
I wouldn't say you have to do it slowly--she's stopped talking to you, so just don't talk to her. Problem solved. :D

How old are the two of you if you don't mind me asking?
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well I heard from a friend she is going to come back around when she cools down, so that is why I am prepping for it. Well I am 22, and she is 20, we've been friends since 7th grade though. That is why the situation is difficult for me. ><
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:iconslave2karma:
Slave2Karma Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
You did absolutely nothing that should warrant her needing to 'cool down' and when she comes down from whatever psychotic power trip she's on, you shouldn't be prepping and you shouldn't be waiting. Doesn't seem like she grew up from the 7th grade. Adults do not act like that, and friends don't and shouldn't treat their friends like that. She's proven herself twice to be a bad friend, so don't just stick around for the times she decides to grace you with her presence.

I've had a few of friends who treated me badly over the years, many of them going back to the fifth and sixth grade. And know what? I'm much happier without them. ^_^
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:iconwatchherfly:
WatchHerFly Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
That's kind of a stupid reason to give someone the silent treatment if you ask me.
Sure it can be irritating to be constantly asked "Can you see this?" but that's not the grounds for doing that.
Unless she thinks you're mocking her. Which is silly, you don't seem to be mocking her at all from what I can tell.


Give her a taste of her own medicine, end the friendship. Two chances is good and this relationship sounds stressful and not really good for you.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I always thought it was too, and made me even more confused of why she was mad about it. x_x I guess I will never know. Well I of course didn't mean to be annoying, but I guess it all came out the same to her. I think I will cut the friendship, but hopefully in a peaceful manner so I won't have to avoid her at all cost since she is apart of the neighborhood.
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:iconwatchherfly:
WatchHerFly Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Yeah. At least let her know how bad it makes you feel and leave it at that. Don't stress, find better people to associate yourself with. :)
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I will attempt to tell her in the most positive manner I can get so she won't get the feeling like tearing off my head, but if I don't get the chance, then yeah I will look for more better people in my life. :meow:
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:iconshadee:
shadee Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You don't have to tell her at all. Ending a friedship doesn't need to be announced, that'll just be seen as unnecessary drama.
Just stop contacting her. If she greets you in the street in a polite manner, be polite back and leave it at that.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am pretty aware of that, but I don't plan on causing the problem to be worse, I really don't want to end it to where I have to resent her all my life. I only think just growing distant and more distant is the only peaceful way out of this. Thank you. :heart:
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:iconhtimsnayr:
HtimsNayr Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013
I would drop her. You already gave her a second chance, remember? Did things change?

I refer you back to your words: "...she's been rude toward me, ignorant, and thinks she smarter than me..."
The phrase "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" comes to mind.

I wouldn't associate with people who only bring me down, and who freak out easily over minor things.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I guess I am having it rough because long term friendships can be hard since there are good days mixed in. You are right however, it has got to the point to where its pointless to carry on with the friendship. I really just hope we don't growl at each other when we see each other. Its unpleasant to feel like there is someone you have to watch out for in your neighborhood.
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist
Silent treatment? Why are you friends with a three year old? Can give her another chance if you want but I wouldn't put any more effort into a friendship with such a drama llama. Just move on and continue to have fun. If she decides to stop being childish and actually use words to communicate, then you can choose if you want to continue a friendship. If not, from what you described, doesn't seem like anything of value was lost.
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:iconfreeservice:
FreeService Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:lol: "3 year old" <-- I like that.

I technically ask because being in a long term friendship, its hard and confusing. I get all the goodies mixed up with the badies and sallow it all whole because there was some goodies in it, and realize its numbing my tongue and I black out.

I appreciate it, a good comment like yours helps me realize whats truly going on. (At times you can't see that from the inside.) Thank you. :heart:
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist
:bow: I have my moments :)

I've been in this situation a few times where a friendship is ending. Sometimes folk just drift apart. It's sad but life goes on.

Hope I was of some help! Good luck!
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