Trust me, your not alone. Ive been that way myself since sixth grade. i feel literally frightend to look someone in the eyes and sometimes i'll say a sentence and the person im talking to will have no idea what ive said. an idea would be trying to join a club or sport team (if you like sports) who knows, maybe youll make some new friends or people who have simalar interests. I know this has been already said, but talking to a counsoler could be good for you too. You could practice talking and learn some social skills. Thats all I got. Hope this helps.
I can honestly say I know how you feel. I was practically forced to go to a counselor because it is interfering in my work life. I can't talk to people without getting butterflies in my stomach, I'll shake, do things wrong because I'm so nervous, my voice gets very quite, and I'll forget important things. All on a daily basis with pretty much everyone I meet, even people I've known for months. I only feel comfortable with someone after being able to relate and talk to them them for so long I finally get it through my head that they aren't judging me or my actions and they have managed to understand me on some level. My counselor has basically told me that thoughts, emotions, and feelings, change how we act, even on a subconscious level. If your looking at everything you do as negative, and then you do something wrong you may immediately assume everyone noticed and thinks less of you. And while most of us know that isn't true, we still can't get rid of those thoughts. I'm only in the beginnings of my counseling, but I've been told to put myself in uncomfortable situations on purpose, in order to expose myself to them and show myself they really aren't so bad after all. And if you get especially nervous, learning certain breathing and muscle relaxation techniques can help calm you.
One of the people I know was pretty similar to me, though not as bad. Now you would never guess he could have been shy. If it is truly bothering you this much and its interfering with your life, I suggest a counselor. I may hate going to the sessions, but I know its going to help. This is good that you were able to come out with this. It took me a long to time to come to terms with just how shy and socially awkward I am and that I needed to see someone about it. Apparently I have a social disorder, and I wouldn't doubt the same is true for you.
This might sound a little weird, But if that is the case, do something that you could never image yourself doing ( Positive things). i've heard that sometimes a traumatic or ext ream life changing experiences can help and change a persons social life. (Like Jumping out of a plane.. bungie jumping..) For me, i used to be pretty shy, then i went to an anime expo... and i found SO many people who liked what i liked and acted like how i acted when i was alone and i just felt REBORN. Personally that is one of the most significant experiences for me Socially. And after that life felt much easier, yes i still do have my shy tendancys, but i just think back to that time and i know i can make it.
Well no and that's exactly my problem. In the real world, I don't say things that make sense. The only reason I make sense to you is because I can edit whatever I type. I can't edit the words that come out of my mouth. My problem isn't enunciation or pronunciation or anything like that. It's just making coherent sentences.
Have you ever tried talking to yourself? I used to be much worse at gathering thoughts and saying what was on my mind. Talking to yourself in isolation will give you some experience for when you talk in the real world. Studies also suggest that those that talk to themselves have a higher IQ than individuals that don't Feel free to look that up on your own time. I do have two articles for other benefits of talking to yourself though.
Keep talking to people. Make small talk with cashiers, waiters, random people that you'll probably never see again and where your interaction will be very low pressure. Practice speaking clearly, give yourself a little time to reply to things. Learn some stock responses -- there are certain subjects, like weather, where people will always say the same thing. Listen to how people have conversations. You can take the things they say and use them in your conversations.
Start keeping a journal, where you can write/type your thoughts about events that happen during your day. This will help you clarify things better before you say them.
Also work on your self-esteem. Set goals which are meaningful to you, that run anywhere from small to large. Eat healthy foods and get enough sleep. Exercise regularly. I've found that really helps with posture and body language.
My problem isn't speaking. I can speak just fine. I'm extremely fluent and I can give a lecture on many subjects. My problem is that on the day to day small talk, I fail. I fail to make new friends because I think in another dimension. The words that come out of my mouth are not always entirely coherent to the situation in reality.
Eh, I'm pretty much the same way, or at least around people I'm not comfortable with I've found that I just need to give it time until I'm comfortable around certain people and I've gotten to know them better, and then I'm not so bad.
Of course, then I end up being too comfortable and I say stupid stuff Then I just go back to being quiet, but I honestly prefer that.
You mean articulating your point? Dude everyone has that problem. It helps to remember that and roll with it. If you talk to a set of friends enough then they'll understand you and how you think, and it'll get easier when it happens. There's also some guides on body language and what it conveys that you can find online. They might be able to help. C: Good luck with stuff!
I know but not having anyone in reality, my reality, to talk to is kind of depressing. In my school, I've been dubbed "philosopher" because I'm often silent in certain situation and I give strange other-wordly remarks such as "Life is an infinite propoganda". I mean, who says things like that?
Those who are more world-weary and wise than the rest of their peers. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people just think and theorize more than everyone else, and a vast majority of the "normal" people tend to think this is odd.
Looking into someone's eyes, is only necessary if your culture mandates it. If it doesn't then don't worry about it. Find someone to talk to, to practice with. There are people who are naturally introverted, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people love hanging out in huge groups while others like small groups or just having one other person for company. Besides, it's easier to communicate with someone in person than online because you can understand what they are trying to say better.
Yeah! and you don't have to be good, just keep doing it until you get better, just try to pick a 1-2 minute clip from a movie or a cartoon show or something and keep replaying and hearing what the original actors say and how they say the line for a couple of times, then try to mimic them. It's so fun.
Solum-IpsumFeatured By OwnerJan 7, 2013Hobbyist General Artist
Try to think with the head of your discussion partner. Try to find a more down-to-earth example, or stick with the core principles in the abstract and let them offer a way they understand it, then sculpt that further if it's wrong in some way.
To practice looking into one's eye takes some courage, but it's a way of connecting with the person, and it's another form of communication; you can recognize emotions from the faces others make.
Memorizing things is yet another issue. You should attach the practice reflex to the situation and the emotion. It's easier to remember what to do when a condition is the link to the memory that should trigger. When you forget, you have to reinforce yourself that you mustn't forget it next time.