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January 6, 2013


Replies: 10
AllOfTheAlts Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013

Creating an alt wasn't probably necessary, but o well. Also this needs a bit of back-ground info, so bear with me?

The short story is that I recently got my heart broken by a boy I met at university. However the facts don't make sense to me, so I'll give you the long story. everything he has said and done in the past year and a half since i met him do not add up to me so I wanted to make a thread to ask all of you lovely unbiased people what you think.

I got a crush on him first last school-year when our group of friends were all out drinking to celebrate a birthday, and he and I kissed. The next morning he said nothing about it and I was very hurt, but I chalked it up to shyness (and he is very shy, even after we became close I had to bring him out of his shell alot) and since I wanted to remain friends I did not make a big deal of it.

Since then we have become very close friends and I would even call him one of my best friends, and this past october I noticed he started being a little more 'friendly' with me, playing with my hand and flirting a bit and over-all acting in a way which made me think he had finally started to like me too. I talked to my friend, whose boyfriend is one of his good friends, and heard from her that he had indeed admitted to her boyfriend to liking me. I was excited to hear this since this kind of hting never happens to me, so I slowly started to be more and more affectionate with him and he always reciprocrated although neither of us 'said' anything about it to each other, we just acted more and more like a couple, even around other people.

Eventually we got to a point where we kissed, hugged, and did all the playful-flirty things together regularly, and after that we eventually started having sex. Things went very well for several weeks and I was very happy and he seemed happy too.. Then shortly before christmas break I decided I wanted to know for sure if I could call us a couple, since we'd been acitng like one for a long time and since he gave me every indication that he felt about me the way i felt about him. However, he said, "I am not ready for a relationship right now, but I really like what we have."

Hurt, I took that line to mean that he just thought of me as a mere vagina and that I was nothing more. However, since returning to university after christmas, I have begun to wonder some things.

I don't want to believe hes' just an asshole like the other boys. Call me in denial, but that's fair, I don't want to think that this whole time I was used and I meant nothing. But this whole time he really acted like he cared for me, and when I know that he was a virgin before me and that he has never had a girlfriend before, I wonder, could he just be scared of being 'tied down'?

Last year the 'lads' knew he was a virgin and would always try to get him drunk and get him to have sex with random girls, but he always said, "No, I would never sleep with somebody I didn't really care about." He always had 'morals.' Was that a lie, or did I really mean something to him?

When I tried to explain how I felt hurt and led on, he looked very guilty and upset. I said that I felt 'used,' and he said that "It wasn't like that." Well, what was it like then?

He has always been so good and respectful to me. Not only do I not want to believe that I have been used, I don't want to believe that one of my best friends is really such an asshole. Even now, as we've both returned to university (we also share a house, which has made this doubly hard), he hasn't said anything (but he is also very inward and shy about his feelings; rather than talk about things he usually just broods) but has treated me like before: sweetly, friendily, as if things were back to before things happened this school-year. Earlier I tried poking him with my paint-brush when we were play-fighting about something and he grabbed my hand to stop me, not my wrist, and he held onto it.

And other people have noticed us being close too, and since all the 'lads' were trying to get him to have sex with girls last year, when they found out from the grape-vine that we were acting like a couple, they assumed that we were dating and poked fun at him for it, however he did not say that we were not. He did not say we were, but he did not dissuade them either. In fact when I first found out that the 'lads' had found out about us (which happened because I told my friend what was going on with he and I, and she told her friend, who took it uponn herself to tell everybody else in our group), I was afraid he'd shy away back into his shell and back off, but he just laughed when I told him and said, "They can't get rid of me that easily."

If he didn't want to go out with me at all, surely he would have dissolved any rumors immediately? The others aren't shy about poking fun at him about us, so I would think that he'd tell them that he felt nothing for me if he felt nothing for me. Even when we all went out to celebrate another birthday and he and I got drunk and were hanging off each other, he wasn't shy about being affectionate with me around the others, even the 'lads', and when they poked fun and told us to "make it official" between us, he just laughed but didn't say no.

He did tell me early on that he does really like me, but is afraid of getting into a relationship because we are living together, which I understand. However, after that he remained affectionate with me, and I assumed he had gotten over that fear.

I know this thread is really disjointed but I am trying to remember all the details as I can and some of them are not in perfect order. I hope this is legible to read.

My main question is, with all these facts together, is it possible that this best friend of mine and this boy who I love is really just an asshole, or is he just afraid to tie himself down? I don't want to believe that after everything, I meant nothing to him. I want to think I still mean something to him. But maybe I'm just in denial.

Please give advice, and maybe hope, if possible. Talking to him is difficult as neither of us ever know what to say, so should I just go on like friends and see what happens? Should I still have hope in him?

I'm sorry for how long this is. Ask questions if you need to, I'm sure I;ve forgotten one fact or another along the way ^^;

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

pink-anthony Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
2lazy2talk Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I suppose you have to ask yourself: are you ok with this or you really want a steady "oficial" relationship?

Personally the doubt would eat my brain out, so I'd probably go paranoid mode and finally run away.
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Wyntry Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Alright. So... from reading this, You are obviously confused. And it makes sense. However, it seems like there is a lot going on...
I don't know about the time frame in this, but I do know that it seems that he just isn't ready for a relationship. Most guys will tell you outright if they don't like you in a serious manner.
I am sure if it was just for the sex, he would probably have the balls to tell you to your face. If he didn't, did you ask him? If you confront him about it and he blows it off or says something, or nothing...then it means it probably was. If he defends himself. Then it aint. Thats about all I got, Hope it helps.
AllOfTheAlts Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013
The time frame is rather short I'll admit, from when things first started happening this school-year. And if he's never had a girlfriend or anything before, who knows what's going on in his head.

I am very bad at confrontation, but after everything happened I did ask him if he was just using me, and he looked at me and said back very definitively, "It wasn't like that." That was the only way he defended himself, but that was the only way I confronted him too.

Thank you, it did help :)
nicetints Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist honestly probably should've made sure you were an actual couple before the kissing/hugging/sex stuff
He doesn't sound like an asshole but the two of you should really talk this out.
AllOfTheAlts Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013
Well, that's hindsight i guess ^^; However, and I know this sounds cliche, but after knowing him for as long as I have I had every indication that he was going to do the right thing.

I plan on talking to him again soon but atm we're both completely swamped with portfolio work, his biology assignments and revision for exams so I should probably wait til after that's all finished.
bleachrocks2010 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
One of me ex's blamed me for everything bad that happened in his life after we broke up and we tried to be friends but its just so awkward between us now and I dont like it. So you can either be his friend or try being his GF again and it could fuck up again.
AllOfTheAlts Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013
Atm we're both just doing the friends thing I guess. However it's gone to how it was before anything got 'serious,' we're friends but going back to the playful-flirting thing again. I don't know I guess time will tell.
bleachrocks2010 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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