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January 6, 2013
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Depression, Self Worth and Getting Back Up After Life Knocks U Flat

:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
Hello, my name is WhiskyWitch.
I've been a Deviant here for a little over 10 years now (this is a new account...sort of), am 28, live in BC Canada and am aspiring to become a tattoo artist as well as publish a few books along the way.
I am single.
Have no children.
And have just recently come out of a very dark spell for the first time in 6 years.

Depression isn't anything new to me, having suffered with it on and off since early childhood. I was the "fat kid" in school everyone seemed to enjoy picking on and it wasn't unusual to go home sometimes bloodied and bruised; yes, children will go that far to show their dislike for someone. Yet home was no different. Although my parents never raised a hand to me unless I deserved it, they were not exempt from calling me "fat", "lazy", "dumb", or "worthless" should I have done anything not up to their standards.
Later, after I'd grown up, I asked why they'd done that and never seemed to show any sympathy or much affection towards me as a child and was given the answers, "That's how we were raised" and "No one ever patted us on the back for a job well done or helped solve our problems for us, so what makes you so different?"
In some sense I can understand that a person is only a product of their upbringing and the stories I've heard about my grandparents from both sides would suggest that neither of my parents knew much about love and affection; how could they express to their children what they'd never learned from their own?
That said, am I wrong to still think "But that shouldn't have stopped them from learning better"?

Anyway, my teenage years weren't much different, so by the time I graduated I still suffered depression and low self-esteem. I never seemed able to keep a job, a place to live, and failed every single one of my classes in both semesters when I went to University trying to get another education.
Life just seemed full of failures and just when I thought things were working out and I'd finally reached happiness it always seemed like something would come along and take it all away, leaving me with nothing to start over with.

Six years ago, things reached a boiling point when my older brother let me rent a small mobile trailer from him in a trailer park under the understanding that it was going to be sold BUT that he'd offer it to me first when he was ready.
I had a job, made good money, seemed to have my own place to start off with and things were looking the brightest they ever had.
Then, one day, my brother comes to me and tells me I have 15 days to move out because he'd sold the trailer.
I was devastated and with nowhere else to go I moved back in with my parents after they told me they needed help now that they were both disabled.
I've lived with them ever since, helping them as I got back on my feet and rebuilt my life the best I could until recently.

Just last April both my Great Uncle and Aunt passed away (we were very close), my father had to under go 2 months of treatment for bladder and prostate cancer, and my parents marriage has gotten alot rockier then it already was from the beginning.
I'd also suffered a small heart attack in October of 2012 and then got laid off from my job (which i'd loved) in November.
Everything that'd happened over 2012 built up until, just this week when my parents started calling me 'useless' again because I've been depressed over losing my job, I went back over into the rut of depression and literally spent the last two days curled up on my bed feeling like a useless lump with a wasted life.

I am stubborn, however, and while I'd gotten in trouble for it in the past it's always been that stubborn streak in me that's pulled me back up to my feet after being knocked on my knees to continue on.
I'm too stubborn to give up.

I don't know exactly why I'm writing this, but I felt the need to, and it's helped alot.
Has anyone else gone through anything like this?
I'd be interested in hearing other stories about how others have gotten through depression and tough times, maybe draw some inspiration and motivation in the process as well as offer some as one who's gone through it myself.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Devious Comments

:iconxxquorrabrittanyxx:
xXQuorraBrittanyXx Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013
I was at the other way, I was very slender when girl, but now I'm a little fatty, some people try to annoy me because of that, but I only act friendly to them, but I'll be sure not to be like a puppet. I also like to play videogames, and ride in bike, and some of them said that I'm a baby, but, Doesn't professionals play videogames? Doesn't people ride bikes at the olympics? Be happy in the way you are and you'll be happy forever.
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:iconnevael:
NevaeL Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Wow, I found someone who went through many difficult stuff like me. Your story looks similar too mine in some parts.
I would like to it with you as soon I'll be done with it. Actually I'm writting it and I'll put on my deviantArt's journal tomorrow or in 2 days. I've a meeting with my doctor to speak about how I am now since I was out from hospital since 2 weeks.
If you don't mind we could share some topics when you'll know about my story.
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:iconnevael:
NevaeL Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Ow... sorry I forgot some words -_-. 2:00 am here and I'm kinda tired so forgive me.




Wow, I found someone who went through many difficult stuff like me. Your story looks similar too mine in some parts.
I would like to share it with you as soon as I'll be done with it. Speaking is really therapeutic and it was a good idea to share your feeling in my opinion. Actually I'm writting mine( there is 5 parts ) and I'll put on my deviantArt's journal tomorrow or in 2 days. I'll also post it on the forum.
I've a meeting with my doctor to speak about how I am now since I was out from hospital since 2 weeks so I'll try to finish it as fast as I can.
If you don't mind we could share some topics when you'll know about my story.
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:iconsevenphotodfw:
SevenPhotoDFW Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Check your messages; its not much, but I went through a few things similar, especially the whole laying in bed feeling worthless :)
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
Oh wow! You didn't have to do that...thank you so much. :hug:

Yes, it wasn't a good feeling, but things had been mounting and I'm glad it happened because it needed to release and now it's over with and I can move on. I feel much better and am making the changes I need to for it not to have to happen again.

I really appreciate your kind words, even besides your great gift that I'm very greatful for, and value the support probably more then you know.
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Your mistake is staying around people that enable your depression, mainly your family. Family is supposed to support you not derail you. People say you have to love your family, but I say BS to that. Not when they put you down, depress you, and really are uncaring when it comes to how they effect your self esteem. Why do you put up with it? Family or not, if someone can't support me and instead bring me down I will distance myself from them. Someone who calls you worthless when you are there for them in their time of need when they were never there for you are really the worthless ones. I hope you see that family, in your case, is better put out with the trash. Once you get away from the verbal and mental abuse I believe your self esteem will improve.
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
That must be easy to say for people who have friends and other family they can turn to, but I don't have either of those things so it's nowhere as easy to turn away from them as you make it sound.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
You do not have to turn to anyone.
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
I don't understand what you mean. Sorry.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
You do not need others for support, you have all the tools you need to survive and get by.

Once you're independent and in control of your life you'll have the time to meet people who can bring substance to your life.

Good luck:hug:
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