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January 4, 2013
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Arguing with people in threads!!

:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
I keep arguing with people accidentally in threads! People post something, I try to find something I disagree with slightly (so there's something to discuss) and I write back offering my view, then they attack without regard to logic/ sensible argument design.

In my opinion it should go: Primary post --> dissonant post --> civil discussion of differing opinions, why they may be different, perhaps which is more valid or not (maybe it's just opinion based and subjective) --> resolution or agree-to-disagree.

What do you do when people don't want to cede anything at all? When they just throw random insults?

I am so FRUSTRATED. When someone insults me I can't stop posting back to them, even though I'd probably prefer to rewind and not engage with such a stupid person in the first place. But maybe that's part of the problem, I'm so bored/isolated currently that even negative interaction is better than nothing...



What do YOU do to keep a conversation positive even if you have a different view point? (Or, if you don't care about keeping it positive: how did you manage to not care? how do you disengage?) Do you think that always agreeing is the only way to keep a discussion civil/positive?
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Devious Comments

:iconmayela:
mayela Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Don't take yourself too seriously, nobody does. Also remind this to the trolls, it pisses them off.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
That's a good idea :D Probably a good way to lighten a conversation. Thanks!
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:iconedarlin:
edarlin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
If someone replies with something that pisses me off, I just delete their reply and don't carry on the conversation. Most of the time I don't even bother reading their whole reply if I see that they're being intentionally mean. They probably think that they won the argument, which is just fine with me. That's why the internet is great: it's so easy to ignore the people that irritate you.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Easy for you >.< Though I guess it's easier to do that (for me) if it's a private message. If it's in a forum though where everyone can see, it's so hard D:
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:iconangelxxuan:
angelxxuan Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Student General Artist
I stopped doing that myself. I stopped feeding them but as long as people do this sort of thing they are going to continue with arguing. I have been on other sites in the past where they would create alts just to argue with themselves. quite sad really, the right thing to do would be ignore them, walk away and not feed them. it's hard to do but it can be done.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Alright, I'll try to do that! Thanks :D
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:icondraculeariccy:
DraculeaRiccy Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional
If they start acting like idiots, stop talking to them.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
I'll try, thanks!! :)
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
The way I solve this problem is the way I solve every problem on the internet:
add 3 grams of 'arguement is a waste of time'
2 grams of 'positive attitude towards people'
5 grains of salt
and 15 grams of 'sense of humour'

if someone posts something I don't like, I may talk about it for a little while, but if it gets out of hand, well, find a plz account that will end or lighten the convo.

:iconagree2disagreeplz:
:iconjackiechanplz:

another method is to respond with a progression of faces or icons to each response they give.
them: I think 32 degrees is a boiling point and you are dumb!
you: :iconnotimpressedplz:
them: my fish died at 32 degrees. do you think you are clever with your silly face? you're an idiot!
you: :iconverynotimpressedplz:
them: I hate you! you are a poptart!
you: :iconimrlynotimpressedplz:
them: UNCONTROLLED SWEARING
you: :iconmadlynotimpressedplz:
them: i leave this conversation and/or develop a sense of humor.

or alternately, develop some catchphrases that end conversations.

example: i understand what you are saying
you understand what you are saying.
You're a very smart person
etc.

or, say something that you both agree on.

example: puppies are adorable though.
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:iconladykuki:
LadyKuki Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Student General Artist
Actually it's :iconnot-impressedplz:

Lol sorry about that. That was a really funny post btw. :XD:
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Omg THOSE FACES. LOL!!!!! I am saving this post forever in my 'great comments' folder xD
I think I may actually use something random like 'puppies are adorable' too... You're too funny!
Quick question, how do people always find this plz accounts?? Do you just type in a random relevantphrase+plz.deviantart.com? Or do people save them whenever they find ones they like? Or just try to remember them... I have too much stuff to remember already D:
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
sometimes i remember them but most of the time i use google. in order to find those faces i went to this devart account: [link]

there are actually several accounts similar to that one which have catalogued a variety of plz accounts to choose from
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Omg thanks so much!! That's so helpful :D
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:iconcait-cait93:
Cait-Cait93 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
People like to fight.

If you want to state your point of view, do so freely. You can tell immediately when someone is trying to fight. Simply state that you respect all opinions, but you won't fight. If they continue, delete the message. Simple as that :3

It takes self-restraint not to fight or reply. But it gets easier and easier with time. Eventually, in my case, I stopped caring. If I have an opinion, I'll share it- if you don't like it, tough sh*t.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
That's amazing :D I'll take your word for it that it gets easier, since you've been there. I'll try. And I'll try being clear like that, that I don't want to fight. Because yeah, I don't think *fighting* is ever worth time.. Thanks :)
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:iconcait-cait93:
Cait-Cait93 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
In regards on how to have a lengthy conversation with someone who shares your opinions- you can play devils advocate, explore why the person feels that way, how they came to their point of view, alternate ways of thinking on the topic. Nobody will ever agree 100% about every detail of every topic in the world. You can learn and expand yours and others views by having a mutual shared opinion. You can't go into a conversation like that with a poor attitude though, you need to be open to all possibilities and views.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Isn't that just a way of saying that you can find minute differences to discuss even though you agree on the whole? I still feel like it's hard to discuss things that you agree about xD Seems like that's always where a conversation ends... But I suppose you're right, you could ask them how they arrived to thinking that way, their feelings about it, etc.
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:iconcait-cait93:
Cait-Cait93 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
No, it's not meaning that :)

I mean you can always find something new to consider- maybe you agree with me on somethimg, but we came to the same conclusion in different manners. Learning the differences can help you develop your own opinion even more, perhaps help strengthen your conviction in your belief.

Try it sometime, it works fairly well if both people are willing to talk freely of their opinions. You might find a new friend by doing this, you might also find that someone doesn't have a reason for the opinion and end up giving them a way to support their own opinion.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
That sounds interesting! Yeah, I'll try it some time :) Could be fun.
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:iconcait-cait93:
Cait-Cait93 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Good luck~
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:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
YOU SOUND LIKE MEEEEE haha i have the same problem... i like arguing with people, but i hate arguing with people. yep, both things are true somehow. i like arguing a little, but then i regret it lol...

sometimes i just have to hold myself back and not say anything in the first place.

here is a good idea... if you are angry at what someone says, click reply, type a bunch of angry stuff... but don't post. do something else for a few mins. then come back and decide whether all that angry stuff is really worth posting.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
That is a good tip!! And I'm glad you can understand... Arguing is fun if it's civil, but not if it gets out of hand >.< -Next time I'll try that, writing and then coming back to it later before submitting. I bet that would help!
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:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yes it is so helpful to do that... :nod:

uhhh btw your avatar looks familiar to me and i see that i have given you a llama. XD where have i seen you before, what did you say? (it's probably something extremely obvious and i just have a bad memory)
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Haha, I've been kicking around in the forums the last few days, you've probably seen me! I vaguely remember your avvie too :)
I was probably either arguing or giving people friendly advice - tends to be what I do! If I recall you're super nice and like to give advice too ^.^
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:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
aww you're nice too :hug:
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:iconttfnjinx:
TTFNJinx Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Interface Designer
I have a similar problem too. When I get angry I must reply back like there's no tomorrow even though I hate it. It's like being possessed. Honestly sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and walk away and pretend nothing happened. The worse is when you start think about it over and over like i do. If the situation is extremely bad it takes me months to get over it. I'll get so worked up I hate it. So before it gets nasty and once you can tell its going to get like that just don't reply back, ignore and breath and distract yourself. Fight the urge to get tangled up in an ugly mess.

People hate being ignored, try acting like you don't care. If they insult you and you can't walk away just say, "Okay," over and over (for each reply) and you'll irritate the fudge out of them. (Its actually quite funny).
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Hahaha xD that's great. And dismissive, and it sounds like it would work really well... I'll try that! (The okay thing). Glad to hear someone else has the same problem too >.<
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:iconttfnjinx:
TTFNJinx Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Interface Designer
I'm happy you think so, because that technique irritates me so badly that i picked it up. :)
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Haha xD That's a good way to learn! (Some people would experience that and not learn from that, so kudos!)
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:iconmoxiee:
moxiee Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It's already been said but don't argue with stupid people.
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:iconmercury-crowe:
Mercury-Crowe Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
lol civility? On the internet? Surely you jest.

I usually read a comment that ticks me off, wait a while, then respond. It's no use typing back when you're angry.

Don't argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience XD
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
LOL I've never heard that last line before xD That's great xD
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:iconmercury-crowe:
Mercury-Crowe Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
Hehe Mark Twain FTW :)
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Mark Twain said that? xD That's awesome!!
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
stop looking for arguments in the first place.

People post something, I try to find something I disagree with slightly (so there's something to discuss)
You just answered your own question. You find something to disagree with, therefore you are provoking the arguments.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Don't you think that you can't have a discussion unless there is a point of difference between your opinions and the opinion of another? I want to discuss things with people :) And I want those discussions to be more interesting than even the most elaborate form of "I agree with what you just stated."
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you can have a discussion without looking for argument.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
How do you have a discussion if both parties agree? Can you provide an example?
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Two people who form the same opinion can discuss why they agree with one another. Simple as that.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
If both parties are sufficiently intelligent, wouldn't they arrive at those similarities in an agonizingly short amount of time?
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
why does it matter? All I see is you trying to justify your reasons for arguing. The first point I made is you are looking for it, which is why you find it.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
I'm looking for discussion, not arguments :) They're not the same thing. I don't see how a quality conversation can be had without differing opinions.
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(1 Reply)
:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
You look for something to disagree with, post to someone, and are surprised they attack?

I think you needed to just haunt the forums and watch the threads a little more before jumping in, that is the way things go around here.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
It seems to be the way it goes, yeah, but I want to have discussions :) Maybe some people who post just want people to agree with them, and others are actually open to discussion. Maybe I should just try to avoid the former. Any tips figuring out which are which?
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
See how they react to other's who disagree, they will probably react the same way to you.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Ah! Good tip. I guess I'll have to wait until a thread is old enough that other people disagree too.. Sometimes I guess you can tell by the tone of the original post too. Hm. Thanks!
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
I found it helps to say "Let's just agree to disagree and call it a day. Bye." I should probably use this more than I do. It's easy to get tangled up in arguments.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
That's great advice :) I'll try to use that more often too...
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:iconwezenbeesje:
wezenbeesje Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Professional General Artist
I really hate discussions. I happen to be a person often with another opinion. Most of the time I don't say anything, but when I do, I just say what I had to say and then sort of run away. I just ignore what other people say to me. It's the best thing to do on the internet. You won't change the opinion of someone else anyway.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Yeah! For me, I come to a discussion feeling like it's interesting to have a different opinion and that it should be interesting for everyone. It provides points to discuss. But... people get mad xD I guess I just have to deal with it, and try to do what I can to diffuse situations or walk away when people get angry.
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