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January 4, 2013
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...I have... nobody.... nearly died....

:iconallicali:
AlliCali Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I am a very... lonely person. I am socially awkward, and very shy. I have had very few close people to me in my life. I had a boyfriend for almost two years, but three days ago we got in an arguement and he suddenly broke up with me. I couldn't handle it. That night I cried and criec non-stop. I wanted him. I needed him. I had NOBODY else.

The next day it was too much. I talked to him on the phone where he said we would never get back together. I couldn't take it, I took 25+pills to kill myself. I sent him a message after doing so alerting him to say my last goodbyes... he called me in seconds telling me to call 911. His pleading led me to doing so. (he would have if I didn't)

I went into the ICU, had to drink charcoal, was connected to machines for hours pumping medicines into me, and was put on suicide watch. I had to be watched going to the bathroom. I had to... WALK WITH A MACHINE ATTACHED at all times no matter where I went. I got an x-ray and many blood tests. I spent the night over being on suicide watch with somebody sitting there watching me sleep. It was terrible. I was told if I had not gone to the hospital when I did, I could have died of kidney failure, liver failure, or my stomach lining could have ripped. Some permanent damage was done to my stomach and they gave me pills for it, but not deadly, more like... future pain.

My own father refused to see me in the hospital. He said I was "crazy" and "so stupid" and he refused to visit me. My mom came for a bit, but as I was crying hysterically she said she couldn't take it and left. The nurse, when I was half-asleep, warned the other nurse watching over me that I was "very annoying and will whine about her boyfriend in a horrible nasally voice".

I was discharged today. I did hurt my ex with the whole thing... he cried and considered coming to see me. But the only other person I felt safe talking to was his friend... who is mad and refuses to talk to me for how much I hurt my ex's feelings. I also got a talk from my ex today saying that we must not have much contact from now on.

I seriously am so depressed that I honestly have no will to do anything. I have nobody. Literally nobody. The person I loved most left me, and may not even talk to me at all anymore. My own family was angry at me and thinks I'm crazy. I have permanent injury from my overdose. My eyes are red and hurt from crying so much. I don't even know what to do. I have a job but I don't relate to the people there. I only commute to college plus I don't go back for a few weeks. I have nobody. No friends. Only people mad at me. Nobody to just give me a hug. Nobody to tell me everything is ok. I tried suicide hotlines but they seem so uninterested and made me feel worse. I just feel worthless. I just want my boyfriend back. I want somebody who cares. It looks like if I died, besides my ex... there would be no care in the world. I don't think I could possibly feel any worse.
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Devious Comments

:iconnamenotrequired:
namenotrequired Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Interface Designer
:lock: at OP request.
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:iconsonrie-mucho:
Sonrie-mucho Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
There is no overnight cure to pull yourself out of this hole, but you definitely can get yourself out of it gradually. First, you need to love yourself. This is crucial, because if you love yourself, then it invites others to also love you. Seriously, give yourself a hug if nobody else will. :hug:

At first, develop a normal routine, keeping yourself busy. Try new things that cater to your interests like sports, clubs, interesting classes, hobbies, volunteering, projects; just focus on bringing yourself to self-reliance and full-potential. You're free- grasp this downtime as an opportunity to make new goals.
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:iconlahcat:
LahCat Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
well i have so much friends because i am the "joker", i dont speak about problems i help them, they sometimes dont -_-, but its ok.. well walking IN SCHOOL alone is the worst feeling, so if my friends no longer walks with me, it wont be hard, the first thing i would do is to ask them why, if i was the one who made the problem i will just say sorry with my jokefull spirit, if the reason is just that they dont want me, i will put my black jacket with the Hood, and take something to spend time with, and hang out with bad people that can be ruled easily.

that may be so much, but this is me, idk if that was useful, but i am sorry for what happened for you.
try to change your character a little at least just in school, and be nice to your family, dont listen to people, if people are letting you down then you are above them ;)
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That is really awful... :( I know what it feels like to have no one at all. I got kicked out of my house when I was 14, a year after I was raped. I had to go through a lot of bad things, both before and after that, (psh, I won't even mention what happened to me when I was 18, it's too terrible to even write here) and even if it feels like suicide is the only way out... Please don't do it. :huggle: Sometimes bad things happen, but we have to get through them to make it to the good times. It hurts not to have support from your family and other loved ones. I really wish there was something that I could say or do that I knew for certain that would help you. The way you've been treated is absolutely horrible.

I wish I lived closer, I'd totally be your friend. :heart: You can note me or message me ANY time and I PROMISE I will respond. I don't say this to everyone, but it sounds like you really need it. I wish I could hug you.

Just know this... Even in the darkest times in my life, I always knew that some day it would all turn around. Never lose hope. :heart: Don't give others the pleasure of dragging you down. Don't put all your faith in just a single person, even if it's a relationship. Having platonic friends is just as important, because they will be there when no one else is. Even if relationships come and go, friends will always be there for you. Know that there ARE always others out there who will treat you right. Don't allow yourself to become the victim.
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:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Filmographer
You probably need to seek professional psychological help, and it wouldn't hurt if your family sought out counseling as well, so the counselor can give them help as to how to communicate with you and each other more effectively. Best of luck. :hug:
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Your family probably hasn't read any information about how to deal with suicidal people. They're in the dark. Maybe family councelling will help if they're willing?
You should complain to hospital management about the Nurse--their bed side manners need work. :disbelief:
Don't let anyone make you feel like you've disappointed them; you're not the first person to overdose, it's more common than you think.
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:iconmingbatrox108:
Mingbatrox108 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, I'm so sorry :(
First of all I think that nurse was a bitch. :L
But like, the fact that your mother couldn't handle you crying?? WTF, seh needs to be there for you! She is one of the most important people that needs to be there for you. She should've realise that she could've lost you. But she didn't and that's what matters.
With your ex's friend, he/she is wrong. Sure you hurt your ex's feelings, but he was the one who inflicted this. If he hadn't of been quite an ass, which it seems to me, seeing as he can't even talk to you anymore, then maybe you wouldn't have ended up in the hospital but you'd be in your room or something. Being happy and cheerful.
I would be there for you, believe me. I would always be there.
I'm so sorry. :(
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:iconsilva4:
Silva4 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
;A; im so sorry this all happened to you... i can kinda relate to you, with the feeling of being all alone. if you ever need someone to talk to just note me, im almost always on (or atleast daily)
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:iconallicali:
AlliCali Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
...can this thread please be locked or hidden. i realize i have people i know on this account that may see this, i may make another profile to report. i apologize
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:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Filmographer
It cannot be hidden, but if you want it locked, contact a forum moderator.
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