Women like confidence and surety, so sweating and being nervous doesn't help the situation. You need to first improve your confidence a little. You must not think of sexual things or of rejection, which is strange yes? But that's what makes you nervous, so, you must alleviate your tension by thinking of the woman asexually for now. It will relax you as if you were talking to anybody else. Thus you'll look confident. There's the forward approach, and the passive approach. The upfront, flirtatious approach only works for confident men and even then, a lot of women don't like the forward and obnoxious approach. You don't have much confidence so you should go in passive and when you're comfortable later on in the evening start flirting by simply asking if she's taken or not. and so on.
As for conversation starters, just ask the simple things eg. what do you do for a living? Ask what she likes to listen to - nothing too personal in the introduction. Try to find common ground early on to move into deeper conversation. Women enjoy chatting so it should go well if you ask the right questions. But read her body language so as not to be led on, she could just be being friendly.
Lastly, you're thirty so I can assume that some of the women you try to talk to might be in the brooding stage and are subconsciously looking for a suitable mate to raise a child eventually, and if so they'll be scrutinizing you more than normal to see if you have any suitable qualities.
My very first forum post... Okay, here's what I think. Firstly, don't let yourself feel too isolated about your virginity situation because it's really not uncommon at all, I in fact happen to know a few over thirties who are virgins - so in other words, don't let that inhibit you further or cause you to develop anxiety issues. Secondly, maybe start reading books or watching more tv - give yourself some more general topics to discuss when you do meet someone worth talking to, and then pull out your own interests - think of it as a warm up conversation.
Dolphins and animals are awesome so I don't know why you're not attracting anyone... Maybe you're too obsessive about it? Maybe you're only talking about that and not giving up enough information for the woman to decide whether or not she likes you?
You need to work on your shyness a little - some women really like shy guys, but perhaps you are far too shy. A little eye contact and/or a firm handshake in a greeting can really do wonders. Hope I helped!
Oh I'm on-topic on much stuff, I just never find a good entry for a talk I think... I feel a bit like Raj in "The Big Bang Theory"... just without the solution to drink alcohol to get loose... it's ot working for me: I mostly get sick directly. I can talk to girls, but my prob is to find the startingpoint... my shyness to engage in talk with an unknown girl is petty bad :/
No, I mostly avoid that topic. But they make odd faces if they see my car (dolphin on the backwindow) or my phones backgroundimage). And I wonder why.
What kid of information? Please tell me what is for them important? And what is an icebreaker in general?
Hm, eyecontact is okay with me, but I can't remember that it ever leaded to talkig or handshaking... I think I really need a good way to avoid my shyess to kicking in and a good icebreaker to start a talk.
1. Feel good about yourself. Nobody want a relationship with someone who does not like himself. 2. Treat women as human beings, not as possible mates. So be interested in them because of who they are, not because you want to have sex with them. 3. Online dating. Select a few ladies, start dating. If things don't work, move on to the next. Keep trying until you succeed. Nothing wrong with seeing several ladies at once, as long as you cut it out when you get serious with one. 4. Don't waste your time on possible relationships that go no where. Rule of thumb: If you don't have a first date after 30 days of first contact, move on. If you still don't know if things are serious by your third date with the lady, move on. 5. Always be honest, but try to sell yourself. Flirt.
1. I just don't like my voice, maybe thats what annoys the girls? 2. oh I do, my shyness won't let me ask "excuse me, fucking?" even under alcohol totaly rude. I think that's a pro for me? Online I can speak a bit more freely but I don't forget my good behaviour... atleast I hope. 3. Doing that since a few month. I must admit that I haven't got many replies yet. Neither a personal date. I think thats another problem: I have no training in meeting new people and dating them... I think the average guy does that while he is.... 15 or 16? 4. Do you think that 30 days are enough? How serious are you with that? 5. That's it, I have no flirt-experience. I have seen movies, tv-shows and videos on youtube somehow explaining all the nice tricks but if it comes to use it with girls in reallife all is gone and back is my shyness. Kinda seems like I've fear in front of women...
1. bullshit. If they don't like your voice, it is their problem. If you don't like your voice, change it. And if you can't change it, accept it and be happy with it. I have turned myself a bunch of disadvantages into advantages. 2. You don't have to be an asshole. Just don't treat women as sex objects, they will sense it if you do. They are HUMANS with all the same feelings you have, including being not sure about things, or having likes and dislikes. They are not whores or godesses, they are humans. Treat them as such. Don't grovel, don't be a macho. Be relaxed, try to have a good time. 3. I started dating real late in my life, and I made up later on. You plunge in, make a number of mistakes and learn from them. And you keep going. Dating is about having both a good time. 4. Completely serious. You can only mail and chat so much. Move to having some coffee or lunch in 30 days, or move on. After 30 days you are not a potential partner, you are the new best gay friend. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If things don't work out, there are still zillion great, interesting, lovely ladies out there. 5. Try it out on a few lady friends. Smile and compliment them. That's about it.
You seem to be overcaring. Dont stop caring, but stop showing it. If you ask 20 girls out, 1 is bound to say yes. Also I see a bit obsessiveness from your way of explaining your experiences. Stop giving an equal chance to the past and look at the future. People are not worth to be taken into account with all their time lapses.
Dude. there are roughly eighty million people living in Germany as of date. How could there not be any single women sharing any of your interests in your country? It really doesn't sound like the problem is that women doesn't share your interests - it sounds like the problem is that you can't talk about anything but dolphins. Even if you DO meet a woman who is as interested in dolphins as you are, chances are she's going to want to speak about other things during your hypothetical dinner date. How could she possibly get to know you, if all you do is talk about dolphins?
The dolphin thing just sounds like an excuse for your lack of social skills. It's great to like shit and have hobbies but don't be totally obsessed. Even if a girl liked dolphins, like a lot, she'd be turned off if you had a creepy unhealthy obsession with them. Hopefully it's not that bad. I know tons of girls who love animals of all kinds and adore zoos and outings and stuff like that so there must be some other reason why you are having problems. I'd probably have to meet you to tell you personally, but it seems like you have low self esteem and are awkward. Why don't you make an effort to reconnect with the friends that started talking to you or figure out why they left? Or why that girl friendzoned you and didn't even consider dating you?
Is that what she said? Well, you could be legitimately not her type. If that's the case I would not be hung up on one girl and try becoming friends with several. Actually, just becoming friends with people without any hope of a future potential relationship is probably the best thing to do now. Love comes and finds those who aren't looking.
However, there might also be something about you that turns people off? It's hard to say what that could be if you're not aware of it. Grooming is probably the first thing people notice about you. If you are well groomed, smell nice, look nice, and keep facial hair trimmed if you have any that will also increase your chances. Are you comfortable around girls? Or do you get excited or anxious? I would say feeling confident and comfortable with a girl is the second thing that's really important. The third and last thing is being stable and self sufficient. Do you have a job? Go to school? And take care of yourself well? I would say most people in general want someone who's secure and stable and happy with themselves as a person. I don't know if any of these things are your particular issue, but these are all basic things I look for and I think most people do too. Hope this helps.
At the moment I read an ebook that I got from a friend: "The tao of badass", not sure if it helps. The first few pages sounded promising. But hey, I also did read "She comes first - the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman", didn't help with my problem, too though now I know how I could drive my first girl totally crazy.
That shy friend tells me every time he is unaware what he does different than me. His clothing isn't a big difference, too. So I'm his ugly friend and I help him get the girls? What else could be the reason?
"Missed the best part" ... yes I think we can call you a virgin.
And I don't even know what half or all of those things you listed has to do with you. So, your friends have normal life where they get together, break up and all that jazz? Good for them. Moving on to your problems (because those are not your problems.) You being desperate, however, is. You don't have a girlfriend so you make a forum thread. Makes sense? No.
Dolphins. They probably don't change a thing as long as you don't talk about them all the time. Do you even have to bring it up unless you're talking about things living under the sea? Just stop "searching" and stop sounding desperate and you might find someone too.
The best way to find something is to DOLPHIN! No wait... that wasn't the answer I was looking for.
Looking might work for some people. At some times. But most of the time it only leads to a down spiral where the person doesn't find anyone, getting unhappy and starting to act more and more desperate... which is a major turn-off for (probably) most people.
So first, disclaimer: I could be completely in the wrong but I think I have something to add here.
Well... Virginity is not really anything you just bring up either and presentation is extremely important. It's not as if virginity is HIV that you're legally obliged to inform your partner about before intercourse.
"So by the way, I'm a virgin, just so you know, in case something happens later... not like, I'm counting on it or anything, it's like whatever you know? But just in case that happens, I'd like you to think of it as a chance to tutor me, teach me whatever you like." At this point the girl is slowly backing away and eyeing the exit, if not physically then at least mentally. Nobody wants to hear beforehand that their sexual experience might do little to nothing for them in the pleasure-department (and that's how it's coming across). That's the kind of investment you're likely to make when it's sort of agreed that this will be a more permanent arrangement of sorts, not while the current deal is one night and the other person is, in business terms - asking you to make a donation.
My suggestion is that instead of talking about sexual experiences (unless directly asked in which case I completely agree with the guy above - don't fake or act insecure about it), be attentive to body language while you interact - listen carefully and adapt. There's a reason why a good listener is a sexy thing, it's not just because women want to vent their heart, it's also because a very perceptive person who picks it up quickly is usually a good lover or at least shows great potential towards becoming one. But really I'd send you on to Doctor Nerdlove's blogpage, his advice on handling yourself amongst women is something that I definitely vouch for and it's none of that PUA-shit. Best of luck.
Oh PUA stands for Pick-Up Artist and refers to the guys who've read The Game and think that acting like an entitled asshole is the way to go in human interaction and have solidly bought into the idea of "alpha" and "beta" males. Because women aren't people you know. Very nice people to hang with.
Ah thanks. Never heared of that. But I know the type of men.... obviosly they seem to get to chose from the girls while the more shy, less asshole-guys get not a single watch from them. Or is it just my imagination?
In certain enviroments perhaps with certain people, aka the clubbing crowd. What PUA have done is that they've taken this concept that is based on specific scenarios and taken for granted that it applies everywhere, for everyone, making it very easy for guys with entitled "I'm such a nice guy!"-issues a nice scapegoat for their romantical failures.