Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

Details

Closed to new replies
January 2, 2013
Link

Statistics

Replies: 65

What /are/ friends for, anyways?

:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
When I was a child, I was always pretty excluded.
No one ever wanted to play with me. I think I met Pat in fifth grade, and he was the first person I could call a friend. We hung out together. We went over to his house and we went swimming, we went exploring, we helped teach a baby bird to fly (ironically, we named her Mayday.), we laughed at silly things and fan-d over Kingdom hearts.
And it made me happy.
But, of course, I lived in a military town, and he moved away. SO I was left completely alone. Around that time my parents divorced. At some point I tried to take my own life and, everything before and around that point I can't remember.

So, since then, I've had some pretty shitty friends, or no friends at all. And it's made me wonder, what ARE friends for?

They are not for sharing your troubles with, that is for sure. The people who I have been friends with these past seven years never have time for my troubles. If I tell them I want to talk, they say they don't care or, worse yet, they tell me to SHUT UP. That I have no right to be upset.
I've even had some one say, and I quote "No one wants to be friends with you because you're such a downer."
I wonder why I'm a downer. Maybe because I'm so lonely all the time?
Those who i try to speak to hate me. Or hate ON me. Or tell me that I'm stupid. So friends definitively aren't for sharing your troubles with or helping you through them. In fact, a friend from a different town would always insist I get drunk or high and I'd always refuse. That was her way with making her friends deal with their problems.

If friends are for hugs, then that's a bit too much hassle. To seek out someone you don't want to strangle. I'd rather hug my dog than have friends, if that's the case. He's very nice and he gives kisses, too.

Are they for accepting you? because I had friend that were only 'friends' with me because I was dating some girl. When we broke up, they sent me death threats. So surely, that can't be the case.

Are they for helping you? I help people a lot. Or rather, I tend to give everything that I have. I made a friend's costume for a convention all by hand. I brought one friend to a convention for her birthday, paid for her to come to Canada's wonderland for mine, bake my 'friends' cookies and brownies and things.
No one does any of those things for me, though. Maybe I value them more than they value me?
It must be something wrong with me, then,

Are friends people that you can be yourself around? Because I can't. They tell me I'm confusing, annoying, stupid if I am me around them.

Are they for hanging out with? I need to practically BEG to be included in the things they do. No one ever asks me directly to go to the movies or go shopping or go do this and that with them. I always have to ask, and they always make up some shitty excuse I know isn't true (Because I notice it on facebook, or because the excuse is just that lame.)

Either I'm extremely wrong and not friend-worthy (Which is probably the case, of course, as everything is always my fault, or so say my parents,) or...
Friends aren't for any of these things.

So what the hell ARE friends for? Somebody tell me so that I can stop being irrational?
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconbubbledriver:
BubbleDriver Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Student Filmographer
Oh,sweetheart.I'm so sorry you had to go through all that alone! You remind me so much of myself when I was younger,my parents were at the verge of divorcing and for twelve years I went through not having real or ANY friends too! But it'll get better,please trust me on this, never give up on people,no matter how bad,how lonely it seems, know that there are people out there who are also looking for someone like you! I remember the first time one of my friends right now drew me an artwork I nearly cried because all my life I had always drawn for others and no one had ever drawn for me.I remember I used to be excluded and being awkawd with a certain group of so called friends a few years back,I was like the friend no one wanted to be friends with, and shitty things happened,but I knew that not everyone is like that and I was right! Someday you WILL find some people,someone who appreciates you, who will draw pictures for you, will be interested in your opinion and interests and who will comfort you when you are down! You seem like a kind,giving and sweet person, and I am very sorry you have to deal with such scumbags! A real friend will never tell you are stupid or look down on you unless it's to help you up!You deserve people who will appreciate you for who you are and will respect you! If you want to,I'm always here to talk!
Reply
:iconchickenoobdle:
Chickenoobdle Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student General Artist
You're not wrong, they are. I'm going through a similar experience, except that I have an amazing friend who I've been friends with for about 8 years now- who I never want to hurt by leaving. Thats why I sit and suffer. I hope you stay strong and talk to me if you need- I've just started confronting them.

Hope it works out!
-Chick
Reply
:iconquisquose:
Quisquose Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Good friends are comparable to a symbiotic relationship between animals. Both sides should benefit, or else it's not like that. You sound like a really nice guy, so you should be friends with people who make you feel as wanted and loved as you deserve. I wouldn't suggest going for the 'popular' crowd, they aren't as accepting of new people. Talk to someone that doesn't look like they have any friends either, or go talk to the small group of the geeky people (Heh, that's who my friends are, and they're great.) There is always someone else. The only friends that should say mean things are the ones that you KNOW don't mean it and you can say mean things back and both laugh. Once you have one good friend, they'll introduce you to their friends, and so on, until you know almost everyone. Just remember to be nice and make a good first impression, because the people you hang out with now really don't seem like they deserve you.
Reply
:iconoathbinder-3d:
oathbinder-3D Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
yeah sometimes some of us are unfortunate to have that circle of 'friends'...

friends by definition are those willing to co exist, accept, help/support you and to be happy with when family isn't there physically.

Seriously if they decide to play ditch, leave them before they continue to leave you and use you to do horrible things when you fall into the trap of desperation for friends.

Maybe make new friends at a job? or at another place?
Reply
:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't have an cant get a job... Sadly that is not an option and making friends anywhere is easier said than done.
Reply
:iconoathbinder-3d:
oathbinder-3D Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
you know with that negative thought like that it comes out in action making it harder for you to make friends.

My sister is quite like you and it took her needed to be surrounded by people. It took her to make small talks to her own peeps and eventually she makes friends.

my dad told me once, everyone has a mouth, ears and a mind for a reason.
Reply
:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ha, actually, I'm not being negative. I actually can't get a job or go out. The only place I can go is school.
I'm sick. ^^; Like not temporarily sick, either.
Reply
:iconoathbinder-3d:
oathbinder-3D Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
V__V *sighs*
Reply
:iconwezenbeesje:
wezenbeesje Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional General Artist
As you describe it, I don't really call them friends. Or really sucky friends.
I think, friends are there to give you energy and yes to help you. I haven't had many friends in my life. I wish I had, then I would finish art school but I didn't because I didn't have friends there so I wasn't motivated. And now I'm still barely motivated because I have no friends.
Friendship is a very important part of life, we're social animals. That's why friendship is the most important part in love too.
To not feel lonely, to want to keep living, to get energy from, to share things with someone else...I value friends.
Reply
:iconmaltese101:
maltese101 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student General Artist
REAL friends will always be there for you, come hell or high water, always willing to lend an ear and try his/her best to help, and accepts you no matter what. :)

Don't worry, you will find the best friend you're dreaming of, you will, but only God knows when.
Reply
Add a Comment: