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January 1, 2013
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My friend's brother tested positive for HIV.

:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
And my friend is the only one who doesn't know. I'm in a moral dilemma of whether or not I should tell him. I've known him and his parents for nearly 10 years now and they've been nothing but good people, as me and my dad celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with them every year. My friend's brother has been in the hospital for about a month or two and not recovering. Due to his partying lifestyle, as well as being homosexual (something I'm perfectly okay with, as my other friend is gay as well), and given his symptoms, I suspected AIDS...but I was really hoping it wasn't.

I don't know if I should tell him or not. It's usually the parents who bring the news, but I feel rather bad knowing and him not knowing, and I don't know how long it will be till he knows, and I feel he has the right to know. What should I do? :shrug:
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:icontheartofcbyoung:
TheArtOfCBYoung Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't envy the situation you are in. If it was your friend's brother asking for advice, I would be telling him that he should tell his family. However, it is not him asking.

It is his decision whether or not to disclose his HIV status to his family, not yours. Let him tell his brother on his own terms.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
He's comatose.
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
If you don't mind me asking... why is it the brother does not (or did not at the time of the post at least) know that the test was positive? Are you saying he don't know he did the test in the first place? How on earth did they make a blood/saliva/urine test that he wasn't aware about? Did they lie and say that the test came back negative? O.o
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:iconingodzhandz:
InGodzHandz Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Professional Photographer
You need to tell his brother the truth. He needs to know what's going on and be ready if he dies.
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:iconoverboard-insanity:
overboard-insanity Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
It's a hard question but i agree with Hurricaneclaw. talk to his parents. Descide with deep conversation who should tell him; his family and/or you. You're right in thinking he shouldnt be in the dark on this but, with that said, find out if you should tell him or his family. Some people may feel it a touchy subject for even their BEST of friends to know...
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:iconcrystalwaterfall:
crystalwaterfall Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist
I think is not your duty. Even of you are a good friend, this kind of things are a family thread.
I suggest you to talk with your friend's brother and his parents about the moral struggle you feel, you'll find a solution.
Be strong, i wish the best for your friend's brother.
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:iconrockstarvanity:
RockstarVanity Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   Photographer
I don't believe it's your place to tell him. If your family is close with his family, then perhaps you could talk to his parents about it, or ask your dad to talk to them. It really seems like it's up to them to let him know. You can be there to support him when he finds out.
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:iconsaykha:
saykha Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
It is best that you let his parents tell him. You can tell him, but then he might get mad at his parents for not telling him, and right now they need peace among themselves so as to give his brother all the support and love that he needs. What you can do, is talk to his parents about telling him as soon as possible - it isn't right that he doesn't know yet. Other than that, you can only pray for them, and support your friend as much as you can.
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:iconlealahlupiniii:
LealahLupinIII Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Your dad is right. It's his brother's/family's place to tell him, not yours. Telling him now would be a good way of getting a lot of people very upset at you.
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:icongoodbyemoon:
goodbyemoon Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
God, they need to do another AIDs/HIV campaign. I would keep quiet about it, I think it is unfair that you have been put in this position by the person who told you.

Your friend will find out soon and when he does, just be there for him.
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:iconnyanko-dono:
nyanko-dono Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Honestly? Not your family, not your business :/ I wouldn't like my friends telling my family anything without my permission, personally. You have no moral obligation to tell anyone anything, unless it was you knew he was living a "loose" lifestyle and other people were at risk. Then you'd call the cops. But if he's sick and hasn't disclosed his illness to his family and hasn't asked you to, then it's not your place to say anything. Hard as it is.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
His family does know. Just not his brother.

His brother is my best friend and we've known each other for nearly 10 years. If I'm not mistaken, I believe the one who's sick is comatose right now.
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:icontreasures-of-wisdom:
Treasures-Of-Wisdom Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If you don't mind my asking, how do you know this while the person's own brother does not?
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:iconlexxii:
lexxii Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconclop0: For sure i dont know, but best wishes whatever you decide & Stay Strong :iconclop0:
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Thanks. :hug:
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:iconlexxii:
lexxii Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconclop0: Welcome
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:iconjuice-04:
Juice-04 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wouldn't say its your place to tell, with something as serious as HIV it is the families responsibility to tell eachother. Gossip is not the respectful approach.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Spill the beans. You're friends, or you're supposed to be, so act like one and inform the unknowing person.

If the brother does have AIDs and is suffering from AIDs related complications he could be DEAD at any moment. You're wasting the one thing the brother doesn't have: time.
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:iconsarahjaderoseblood:
sarahjaderoseblood Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
ewwwwwwwwww
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:iconcaptainfantasy:
CaptainFantasy Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
What a mature, thoughtful response. Thanks for sharing. :)
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:iconandshedreamed:
andshedreamed Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Photographer
At least she has been suspended.
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:iconcaptainfantasy:
CaptainFantasy Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Nice! It takes my breath away sometimes when the admins actually do their jobs.
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:icongoldacorn:
goldacorn Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I'd stay out of it, he's gonna know with or without your influence and in the case of an ill family member who is likely to get worse before he gets better I wouldn't want to chance making him feel like his family betrayed him somehow by telling you and not him. if you let it be and let his family handle it he will feel like they waited to tell him until he/they were ready and not feel the kind of resentment towards his family he might feel if you are the one to tell him.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
And if what if he tries to tell me and I tell him I already know? Then he's going to feel betrayed.
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:icongoldacorn:
goldacorn Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
why should you tell him you already know? wouldn't it be better just to comfort him?
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:iconfooly-cooly:
FOOLY-COOLY Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student
Definitely not your place to do that. Talk to the parents, not to your friend. I think it is likely they will want to tell your brother even if they haven't quite yet.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Not my brother, his.

Though we are quite close as friends, so yeah. I still want him to know.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Is there something preventing his brother from telling him? (Like being in a coma).
If that isn't the case, I don't think it's up to you to tell your friend. That's up to his brother, and maybe his parents, but not you. You could talk to your friends' brother or his parents why they haven't told him yet, and ask them to, but it's not your place to reveal a secret they've kept from him for whatever reason.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
He might be. I'll have to check again, but I think he is.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Still, just talk to the parents first, see how they feel about it. They're only doing this because they feel it's best for both of their kids, and they probably have a good reason for it.
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:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Talk to the parents or something, but you can't just leave him in the dark like that.
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:iconadrianfarenheittepes:
AdrianFarenheitTepes Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
I don't plan to. But my dad was adamant, without me even bringing it up, saying "it's not your place to tell him. It's the parents'."

It's like he already suspects I'm going to, which I actually plan to. I want a green light before I do that because I don't want it to get any worse for them. It's hard enough as it is.
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:iconcaptainfantasy:
CaptainFantasy Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
I don't really know your life situation, but as a longtime friend of someone who has HIV I don't think you should be the one who reveals the illness. It should be up to them to say so when the time is right. Unfortunately in this miserable world that condition carries an extra stigma. And the fallout family wise can be unpredictable. Which is why I urge you to hold out telling for now.

But that's your choice in the end to make.
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