Forgiving is an act of the will. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is hard. When it's hard, it's painful, like forcing yourself to sit someplace cold when you'd rather sit by the fire. Also when it's hard, it requires basically your whole mind to constantly be vigilant and force, retrain itself to forgive instead of holding on to hate.
After enough practice though, the mind changes itself and forms itself around this forgiveness which you willed, and even forgiveness that was hard at first, with vigilance becomes easy. Then what was once unnatural becomes like second nature.
It is possible to forgive. Yes I was in that circumstance. My own mum I struggled to forgive for something about 5 years. (before that it didn't even occur to me to forgive her; I just hated her) It was really an act of will & grace. If you try hard enough at forgiving someone, God will help you out (hence grace) why? because God loves forgiveness. After about 3 years of failing to forgive her, I got serious about it, and because my life became very hard, I found the ability to forgive her. At this point I love my mum and I don't hate her anymore, though she still gets on my nerves sometimes.
The rage dissapeared in the midst of pain. I was personally suffering at that point in my life, and I found when I really looked inward with all my might that I was able to stop blaming other people for my suffering and just accept that suffering is a necessary part of life. Very sweetly, where I had been angry, I now had love.
No one is asking you to forget.. but it is important to forgive a person. We're all human, and everyone makes mistakes. But forgiveness is one of the good things in life that should be treasured you know?
Forgiveness means canceling a debt, it is deciding that people who wronged you do not owe you anything. It doesn't mean that what they did was okay, or that you forget it, or that you are reconciled with them. It is freeing yourself from waiting for them to make things right. It is having power over yourself rather than leaving power with those who did wrong.
I think rage takes time to cool. To some degree it can be accepted. You can say to yourself, "I am full of rage about [whatever it is] - but the rage is not going to be in charge of my life." You check it out from time to time - "Yup, still rage there" and go on leading the life you want to lead.
forgiveness happens over time and the severity of what needs forgiving. but sometimes forgiveness is not the answer. you can forgive some one for something, but they may end up doing the same thing. i cant tell you how many times ive forgiven people, only to have them pull the same shit. over. and over. and over. the choice lies with in you and its a double edged sword
Not forgiving others is very self-centered. Everyone is a sinner, everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes it's really hard to forgive someone, but you just have to do it. You are no better than anyone else, because everyone is the same. We lie, we cheat, we steal. So, not one person is entitled to any "privileges" in life. If you can't forgive someone else, how can you ever be forgiven for your own sins? Forgiving someone is the best thing you can do because it brings you closer to God than ever before.
At first it seems impossible to forgive someone. But no matter what they do, no matter how bad their wrong-doings are, you still need to forgive them. You just need to let it go because everyone will answer for their own problems. You are not the judge, you are not God. Holding on to your anger will only make things worse and destroy you. It may seem hard, but trust me when I say that the minute you forgive someone, you will feel much better, and they will too. There were a lot of people in my life who picked on me and did bad things to me. But I forgave them, especially when they apologized, and even when they didn't. It's just a matter of letting go of what they did to you and realizing that we are all sinners. Everyone needs a second chance, and everyone needs to be forgiven.
People are going to impact your life in a bad way, but you are responsible for how you react to it, not them. You are responsible for whether you choose to let them get to you. You are responsible for your own actions, no matter what people do or say to you. Saying that other people influence your actions is basically like saying that you murdered someone because you got beat up in school in the past. Does that change the fact that you killed someone? Does it automatically make you innocent? You still committed a crime, no matter what happened to you in the past. You are responsible for your own actions!
Forgiving people is difficult, I know. But you just have to do it, you have to rise above it and be the example for others. When you forgive someone, they remember, and God remembers. And just think that if you were in their position, you would want to be forgiven too. Forgive others no matter how bad they treated you, no matter how terrible their sins are. Just forgive!
Here is an amazing video that will really make you realize how powerful forgiveness is: [link]
And also check out these links about forgiving others: [link] [link]
I think that everything can be forgiven, within time of course. I know how it feels like, I've had rage towards my parents, towards my boyfriend... it becomes too much if you are in a slow process with no real changes and it eats you up inside. I also had a huge rage against a teacher for several years. I don't think I yet have stopped this rage inside me, as soon as I hear about him or think about him, it's like I explode, I just want to hit him so hard. I tried to forgive him, and for once it felt like I had peace within me, but then it restarted, I still feel that I am against him in so many ways. But when it comes to my parents/boyfriend, I'm not mad at them anymore. I think that there must be an understanding, that people must talk/explain all situations, because you don't know what happened and why, things might look in a certain way, but it's not always what it seems. It's hard to forgive if you have no reasons to forgive, I think that it's possible to still feel rage towards someone even after many many years, if you still haven't processed the situation. If you have forgiven someone, then you can look the person in their eyes and not feel any rage inside you. You still feel good being with them. But honestly the person must also deserve forgiveness, it's not that simple, simply forgive like that, he/she must earn it.
There are things I do not forgive. Forgiving to me somehow means wiping the slate clean and giving these people a fresh chance. In some cases I don't do that until they've proven that they've really changed and I think that is healthy. You don't owe second chances to people who've hurt you - it's something you choose to give.
Sometimes you can get closure by talking out with people but when it's not possible I've found that one way to find closure by yourself is to come to terms with how they're hurting themselves with these bad behaviours they can't keep under control. Pity settles rage fairly well.
Had to learn to let go of the rage at myself first. I can hold a grudge against me like no one else. Things I did years ago, and everyone else has forgotten I still hold against myself. Don't know if this is your issue, but when I stopped expecting perfection from myself, it became easier to see that no one else was perfect either. And forgiving does not mean letting them stick it to you again, when people show you who they are, believe them.
I don't think it is, you can try. I have a friend who's husband left her dying in a hospital to go meet up with some girl. She recovered, but I don't think she'll ever forgive him and I certainly wont.
I understand your situation. I cannot tell you what to do since I do not know what you had to go through. I just got on with my life and shut out the abusive motherfuckers from my life. I try to avoid all the poisonous people in my life and even if I have to deal with them, I keep contact to a minimum and always stand up for myself. The worst thing you can do is rue about what might have been and all the negative things that have happened to you. Just get on with your life and try to make the best of it since for every abusive person, there are a few helpful people or people who enrich your lives. I hope this helps my friend.
Not forgiving someone is one thing-- they may not deserve forgiveness. But that rage sounds pretty toxic. Are you saying that you cannot help but feel very strongly angry at them despite wanting to let it go? I would suggest talking to someone about it or trying something like meditation. You sound like you're fixating too much on things that cannot be changed and are not helped by you ruminating. On the other hand it may be something very serious that you would be helped to receive some counseling for.
I've definitely struggled to forgive people in the past. Still kinda do now. The most recent incident I can think of is being treated like garbage by a family member over the years, then finally just cutting ties with that person completely. They're slowly starting to creep back into my life, but the raw emotion kind of dissipated into indifference now.
I think forgiving can just be a matter of you accepting that the person made a mistake (or several) and making the choice to not let it bother you anymore because it's in the past. However, that does NOT mean you have to go back to the way things were like nothing happened. Forgive, but don't forget - just be more conscious of how you interact with that person (if you still do) and be aware of any signs that the person might do something to hurt you again. If you're still having bouts of rage, try to think about what aspects are causing them and, if you can, talk to the person responsible. Sometimes you might be surprised to know that the person didn't actually intend to hurt you in the first place. If that's not the case, then consider how crappy that person must feel if they go out of their way to make others miserable (or if they do it unconsciously and avoid taking accountability). Keeping that in mind really helps me deal with what people have done, and even provide some understanding as to why they are the way they are. Maybe that might work for you too .