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December 30, 2012
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Talk to meeeee!!! :)

:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Welp, I hate discussing personal problems with people, but I figured this may help me out at least in the smallest quantity.
Im almost 19. Im a girl. Ive been deprived of true frendship for almost 3 years now as I have been reluctant to grasp the concept of "friendship". All of the friends I did have left for college, stopped talking to me or disowned me as a friend; acceptable as it is a natural process of life. People come and go, go and come. But Ive been struggling a lot more recently to sort of make new friends. My ideologies of this world have changed completely and I cant seem to find friends that (don't think me as boastful, or conceited as I know everyone is different in their own way; I do not judge others XD) aren't on the same "level" as me sort of thing. Im not saying im high and mighty shit, im saying that the majority of people that do talk to me all want to talk about sex. I dont. I infact hate it. Thats what most of my old friends would talk about too when I still engaged in friendship with them. It bothered me a shit tonne. This world is so fucked up is what I am basically trying to say- full of rapists, unjustfulness , lust, etc. To put it bluntly... Im looking for people who hopefully are in the same situation as I am, who share the same logic as me XD

If youre lonely and depressed like me and looking for a friend to talk to who is a die hard Zelda fan, loves drawing, cinematography, anime movies (spirited away <3333333) video games, and all that good stuff tomboys like... TALK TO ME PLOOXXXXX! I love talking to people, i dont judge anyone! I have good humor... I enjoy trolling people... So who knows. Maybe you and I will become good friends and troll the world together!
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Devious Comments

:iconmihaihen:
Mihaihen Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I get a lot of sexy time in real life. But i don't get people wanting to "cam" or whatever on line :( Makes me sick to my stomach. Like when somebody asks me: asl :( i immediately gtfo! It's so disgusting.
Any way... since you did say plox i guess we can talk :D But be warned... i am some what odd :\
Ps: best pc game ever is shadow magic!!!
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:iconmurealism:
Murealism Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student General Artist
Hi! :D I dont know if its too late but im reading this today xD I never go to the Forum at all. Well if you want a friend, here I am.
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:iconttfnjinx:
TTFNJinx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Student Interface Designer
Oh yay a teenager who doesn't like to talk about sex or say they've done it but are really virgins. Right now I'm realizing my own best friend might not be so much of one anymore after three years of loving her like she was a sister. You're two years older than me but I don't think it matters in that case. I'm still stuck in the high school la la land that I am sick of. But I could also use a new friend :) I love meeting new people :D
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:icondolcux:
Dolcux Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My friend. I will talk to you. I may not be a die hard Zelda fan, but I am working my way there. I am also in need of people to talk to. All of my friends are usually too busy to talk to, so if you got Skype, hit me up because I prefer real time chat to leaving messages :D
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:iconshadowflashdabearded:
Hi, but leave the trolling out :)
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:iconkandroid96:
kandroid96 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional Photographer
To be completely honest about todays society. All of it is about sex. That's all it is about...seriously think about it. Advertisers use models that are the most pristine of all men and women to appeal to the target gender to buy their products. That's just on a corperate level. Men and women are hardwired in their brains to desire sex, we all talk about it because that's what we want. It's the desire to reproduce and to continue our genetics into the future to better our race. You're never going to completely remove sex from your life. If you don't like it then that is your problem.

As for your friendship problem, as long as you continue to talk to people and you make new acquaintences, then you will eventually weed out those that aren't as good as the rest until you have your core friend group. I don't know your specific situation completely, because none of us do. However I can say one thing that I know from experience. You can't mope around all day and complain about how you don't do something. Nothing in this world is ever handed to you. You have to want to have something and you want to have to do something. If you want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, then you have to want to need to do something about it. As far as I am concerned you have to have an open mindset to people and desire to be friends with someone or something more. Finding things wrong with them will never help and you will never make any friends.
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:icondeclan2009supermega:
declan2009supermega Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey, its better to be sick of the topic of sex and get annoyed by hearing about it, than to love the topic of sex >_> and be annoyed that nobody discussing it treats the topic with respect.


PS: respect meaning, discussing the emotionial aspects passionately, rather than saying LOL SLOPPY SECONDS!! ANAL ANAL! SLUTS ARE LESSER BEINGS! LOL U R A VIRGIN U SUCK! MEN ARE KEYS AND WOMEN ARE LOCKS LOL.
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:iconthenaughticallife:
TheNAUGHTicalLife Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional Writer
We could be totes friends if you commit to a Visa marriage. I want that sweet Canadaian demonym.
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:iconmmzero01:
MMZero01 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I can talk to you.
Why would people talk about their own sexual experiences? Do they really think other people want to hear about that...?

I can be a friend with you... Provided you can handle my obsession with dragons, and my strange online schedule...


And I like Zelda games too. I bought a 3DS just to play Ocarina of Time again. And then I actually bought an ocarina.
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
thank god. i thought i was the only one.
i dont like hearing about it. soo awkward.

and thank you :) but its okay, having an obsession with dragons is okay, and whenever youre on and you wanna talk ill more than likely be here to answer :>

ohhhh my lordy, you bought an ocarina? DAMN. PLAY FOR ME SOME TIME
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:iconmmzero01:
MMZero01 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Sure. I'll play it for you... When I actually receive it. It should come on Monday.

I am looking forward to talking to you, but at the moment, it's 1:30 am... I'm usually only online until 2:00 am if decide not to sleep.
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
holy balls get to sleep

its almost 1pm here, haha i have a good ten hours before i go to sleep

good night!
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:iconmmzero01:
MMZero01 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Ehhehe... Perhaps I should...
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:iconkatotter:
KatOtter Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Well, I'm new to your watchers, but I have to say HOLY COW DO I FEEL YOU GIRL. Two years ago when I left for school I found out how close my old "friends" really were (Spoiler alert: Not at all). As it was I I found myself practically alone in an all girls dormitory, with stereotypically girly girls who seemed to have nothing to relate with each other but gossip and sex stories that I would rather not hear, as I'm waiting until I'm married to go there.

Now seeing as how I too am a tomboyish, anime watching, zelda/video gamer I really had a hard time finding anyone to relate to there and I still do. Eventually I did sniff a few people out who have a few traits in common with me, but that time was very lonely and I do not envy the waiting upon anyone. So yeah if you want someone similar to talk to, I'm here and on Skype. Just putting it out there.
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
uuugggghhh thhaaankkkk youuuuu. that sucks man. that sucks SO much. thank god at least someone on this planet is willing to wait until marriage to go there. it seems that everyone now a days just go to parties just to hook up with random strangers. bleh.

i would love to talk > : ) im super shy in person (skype considered) so id love to get to know you first before skype : ) (dont take that to offense) i just get choked up in person with people i first meet! <3
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:iconkatotter:
KatOtter Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
No problem, It's a little more awkward to tell a guy upfront though, that way no ones feelings are hurt later on. ^_^;

Cool beans, honestly I must say I'm pretty awkward around new people too. (Oh I'll talk till the end of time but eye contact is reeeally difficult. Leads to me not recognizing people I've know for WEEKS opps...) Honestly all the internet friends I talk to on Skype I just IM and speaking in text back and forth because I'm too shy to talk to them face to face. But I understand the awkwardness completely.
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Student Digital Artist
id love to talk the whole IM way, im like you... eye contact is so hard!
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:iconkatotter:
KatOtter Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I suppose one can always just wear sunglasses, then they won't know you're not looking at them...
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:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Are you at university? If so, there should be anime clubs or whatever that you can join. Then you can talk about anime to your heart's content. Same for video games.

Call it a feeling, but I have an idea about what drives people in real life away from you:

i dont judge anyone

I am more mature on the topic and do not kiss and tell; I don't go whoring myself around and I keep my legs closed 100% of the time. I have more advanced and logical things Id much rather talk about

Maybe that attitude is why you are, in your own words, "lonely and depressed". Not trying to be rude, but I can't see someone referring to sex as 'immature' and 'illogical' and saying that sexually active people are 'whoring' themselves around not being thought of as condescending at best.
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:icongoldacorn:
goldacorn Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
the drifting apart does tend to happen, I haven't spoken to any of the guys I knew in highschool (that are still alive) in more than a decade. don't get down about that stuff though, that its hard to form friendships for you is a pretty good deal I think. it acts like a serious filter so that as time passes the few who make the cut are the good ones. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand and have a couple fingers left over, but the ones I do count count for quite a bit, and I prefer it that way I think.
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:iconminijuuku:
minijuuku Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Looks like some people have misinterpreted what you're saying haha. But wow I think I'm lucky that I haven't had friends constantly talking about sex (I imagine I'd be pretty awkward). And yeah, true friendships are the hardest thing to find. I mean even with the people I hang around now I still feel kinda distant. I guess it has a lot to do with them not sharing much of the same interests/ mindset as I do.

and whoa you're a Zelda fan?? I never knew! AH also, speaking of anime movies have you watched any of Satoshi Kon's works?
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
yeah apparently lot of people have unfortunately. And yes you are lucky! It is extremely awkward, and fairly annoying.
i know how you feel. many people i guess dont share the same interests as i, unfortunately haha.
and yes, i am. since the age of 9 ^.^ i loveloveolvoeloloelvoevlov zelda.

and no i havent! I have seen ten minutes of paprika but i never got to finish the movie. what other stuff has he done?
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:iconminijuuku:
minijuuku Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Finding similar people irl is so so difficult. I dunno, I just want a friend who likes video games and is serious enough about art haha
Zelda was pretty much my childhood! I think I was around the same age when I first got into the games! but wow the series has gone a long way since then. just comparing skyward sword to the gameboy ones. I'm really feeling nostalgic now.

Paprika isn't even his best movie apparently, but still great! He's done tokyo godfathers (my favourite), millennium actress, perfect blue, magnetic rose, and paranoia agent which is 13 episodes (I've only seen ep 1 though. I think I lack the patience to commit to an anime series ;u; )
But I need to watch the rest of the Ghibli movies too! :'D
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
ouuuu then im your man. *ahem* woman. girl. anyways.

zelda is my life. Bleh, honestly skyward sword was the cut off line for me. Actually twilight princess was the cut off line for me because skyward sword was poo (not trying to be mean) but the graphics in skyward sword man.... bllleeeehhhhhh. ocarina of time and majoras mask will always be my favourites ^.^

and really? im gonna look into those ones, hopefully theyre as good as you make them out to be :)
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:iconminijuuku:
minijuuku Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
awesome awesome :)
omg you too? I thought skyward sword was pretty overrated actually! bird flying and playing the harp were awkward. too much dungeon backtracking. and the whole game was really linear?? I liked the art direction at least, but yeah the graphics weren't the best.. I'm really curious about what the next game will look like though.
ah I still need to play majora's mask! I bought it for my wii, except I don't have a classic controller D': but I'm happy I got to play ocarina of time, it was really something special~

YES. I liked them a lot! I don't know if you like psychological horror, but perfect blue freaked me out just a little haha.. anyway! I think most people have started with paprika ;D
also, do you use tumblr by any chance?
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Student Digital Artist
yeah! i completely agree. man it was horrible to be honest. do you think theyre going to make another game? o_0 hopefully its relatively close to twilight princess graphics... because otherwise i deem that game already a waste of money
majoras mask is amazing! so good i love it love it love it.

im gonna look into some more movies by him, ive yet to do that ive been extremely busy lately hence why this response is so late! i apologize! and i used to use tumblr but i havent gotten a chance to upload anymore pictures D:
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:iconminijuuku:
minijuuku Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Student Digital Artist
but ghirahim was pretty fabulous though *cough* a-anyway nintendo just announced a new game actually! for the wii U. they said it would be non-linear and that's all I know so far. twilight princess style graphics would be quite cool though. I wonder if the game will get a more futuristic setting, or if it'll stick to the medieval one (if that's the right word). oh yeah, and wind waker is going HD too *__*
I want to play MM so much, I keep hearing about how good it is! I think they'll remake it for the 3DS soon enough.

no worries! I'm a patient person anyway haha~
ah really?? it's a good place to circulate your art anyhow! I usually post there because my stuff gets ignored on DA usually :T
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:icongurlsluvchocolate:
gurlsluvchocolate Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Girl you have no idea how much I feel you (in a non literal way XD). I'm 19. Back in highschool I told my then friends that we would all drift apart after graduation. I wasn't trying to be gloomy, it was just the truth based on my past experiences. Turns out, I was right. But I'm not lonely because I made better and true friends. Though I was lonely for a while I gotta admit. And none of them talk about sex on a regular either so thats a plus lol. I know you'll find true friends. Maybe you need to do something like I did, (I had to get out of the house :D).

So anyways, I basically am all those things you mentioned you wanted in a friend so why not? I'll be your best freaking online friend who gives you a ton of virtual chocolate. I consider it a win-win :la:
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
haha XD
well good! im glad you found more true friends, that DONT talk about sex all the time >;3
hopefully i will, maybe leaving my comfort zone is my best bet :)

AND HELL YES, be prepared i am a weirdo :)
best online friend is better than nothing!
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:iconmeganmissfit:
MeganMissfit Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Honestly, I hardly know anyone who talks about sex constantly. There are plenty of people out there who have active sex lives AND have interesting, mature, intellectual and non-sexual discussions. Don't assume that those two traits are mutually exclusive.

Sure, the topic of sex might pop up from time to time, but honestly, it's just a part of life, so why not talk about it?
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:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Filmographer
Though I find it hard to believe that everyone only talks about sex, but maybe that's just from my own experiment. Sure, people mention it from time to time, but it's not horribly prevalent. Only one guy I know ever "kisses and tells," though usually the stories are pretty hilarious.

Do you go to a university? Maybe you could join a club or an activity that interests you. Or, you could try to find some sort of group in your community. I know in mine there's a local anime group or something (one of my old middle school friends invites me to events on Facebook for it, haha). Get out there and expose yourself to new people. But, if sex is brought up at some point, just change the subject or poke fun at them rather than get annoyed and/or turned completely off by it. :shrug:
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:iconestherrulez:
Estherrulez Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Ah ! I feel you. When people start to tell me about their sex lives for some reasons - i figured the best way to counter them was to ask about creepy details ... For exemple : " Last night, my boyfriend stuck it in my butt ! yolo !!!1!111 " , to which i reply " Oh really ? Did you fart ?" Most of the times people are too speechless to keep going x'D
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
HAHAH i love your humor!
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:iconestherrulez:
Estherrulez Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
It actually wasn't a joke xD But thanks :music:
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Haha I figured it wasnt, but i like how you respond to things like that. Gave me a good laugh.
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:iconestherrulez:
Estherrulez Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm glad I achieved to make you laugh <3 but you know, not enjoying to talk about fornication with people doesn't stop me from seeing dicks everywhere, curiously. Such as... your icon. I don't know if it was intended or not but this long curvy shlong rolling away on its balls is haunting my inbox XD HAPPY NEW YEAR PHALLIC SUGAR CANEEEEE ! :iconfatla:
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
HAHAH its okay, my icon is an inside joke between me and my little sister hahah
HAPPY NEW YEAR! XD
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:iconestherrulez:
Estherrulez Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
fail. :iconfatlaplz:
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:iconsachiko-the-biscuit:
Sachiko-the-biscuit Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ahahaha, oh life. :iconryojidaisyplz: I'll be a strange internet friend if that's cool with you/ you don't get creeped out lololol
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
no problem with me ^.^ i tend to like strange people more anyways
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:iconsachiko-the-biscuit:
Sachiko-the-biscuit Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconsuccesskid2plz: hell yes. Strange is pretty much just another word for 'interesting', after all strange people have the most interesting life stories~
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
thank god someone else agrees with me! :thumbsup:

maybe you yourself have an interesting life story

do tell me >:]
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:iconsachiko-the-biscuit:
Sachiko-the-biscuit Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh gosh, I'm not much older than yourself, so I haven't had many chances to do too many extraordinary things, though I might be discrediting myself haha. My life story is mostly just the story of a horrible misunderstanding escalating to ridiculous extremes. I would tell the story, but unfortunately my parents have withheld it from me. It's the people I know who are very interesting. Like I know this one artist who was kicked out of Disneyland just for seeming creepy, or another who makes sculptures of his neighbor's wives in the nude (with their permission of course).
Then there's my piano teacher, who likes to keep her story hush hush for good reasons. She's long lost royalty from a country I won't name. Was arranged to marry the brother of an emperor, but she ran off to America instead where she then married one of the co-inventors of the hard drive. Lots of interesting things about her and her son who's a small name actor and buddies with Clint Eastwood. Then there's my family.

Dear lord my family. I'm a mix of several things, Chinese, Italian, Dutch, German, and English. And from each side somehow I have/had family that had some sort of amazing status. Like for example my great uncle from my Italian side was the second in command of rebuilding Italy after WW2. When my grandma went to Italy, although only related by marriage, she had a very warm welcome. Apparently they haven't forgotten. He also knew quite a handful of actors and we used to play chess when I was very young.

My grandma's parents practically made the collectable coin and her father, or perhaps it was her uncle, was a fairly accomplished composer.

And it goes on, so I guess I'm at no shortage of interesting family members lol!

I guess my 'interesting' story would be about how I quit school and the events leading up to it.

sorry for the wall of text *flails*
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
sorry for the late reply! > : )
man, that sounds exciting. youre an intriguing story teller, i might add. Actually an extremely compelling story teller > : )
all of those people sound pretty bad ass,

AND WHUT youre like half the worlds population of ethnicities holy haha i love it
there have been a shit tonne of actors in your life some how at some points... you lucky son of a gun
you are by a long shot not short of interesting family members...

TELL ME YOUR SCHOOL QUITTING STORY RIGHT MEOW
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:iconsachiko-the-biscuit:
Sachiko-the-biscuit Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
omg also so sorry for the late response, I went to a con and then another state OTL
Haha, well I'm much better at writing than spoken word that much is true.

Proudly a mutt~ xD
There have been, though it never really occurred to me as anything special. I guess it's because I'm so used to it I don't think much of it haha. My grandma's had some interesting encounters before too, namely two with certain fastfood icons. Her first encounter was one summer, I believe it was, day when her tire had popped on a highway in the middle of nowhere. She had been sitting in her car waiting for quite some time when somebody pulls up behind her. And out of it emerges, clad in his trademark white suit, Colonel Sanders. Quite the gentleman he was, he had a spare tire which he was kind enough to replace my grandma's ruined one with. He went on his way and she had one hell of a story to bring home.
The other time my grandma was out with the girlscout troop she was in charge of on a canoe trip along the Colorado River. I can't quite remember how it went but it was either that somebody's boat capsized and they had no food left or it was the last day and a sudden storm rolled in, so they were unable to finish, leaving them without food the next day. Either way, setting up camp, a kind couple came to offer them food, given they have a few extra hands to help with the extra portions. It turns out that these two were the Galardi's better known as those people who made Weinerschnitzel. That night they had chili for dinner and the Galardi's wrote down their chili recipe for my grandma to take home and share with her family.

Ahahaha oh my god I'll try not to make it too long *sob*.

I last recall ever succeeding in school was eleven years ago in my 3rd grade. I had devoted ever hour of my year to agonizing over doing well even to the point of having reoccurring nightmares with my school as the setting.

I remember having the strangest sensation that year. In times prior I always had trouble keeping up. In the first grade I could only count to four. Five was galaxies beyond my comprehension, not to mention my handwriting looked just as bad as my stick figures. I was clumsy and uncoordinated (okay, maybe that hasn't changed much) and let's face it, I was kind of slow. But I was diligent, I would try so hard to learn, to improve. I remember sitting in the living room at my grandma's house laboriously practicing writing single letters one after another. My grandpa, Pat, would always be in his rocking chair engrossed in the History Channel's programming. I would shyly pester him always asking if my a's or s's looked okay.

Oh gosh this will be long, I'm so gomen.

It was at the end of my 3rd grade year that I had this unsettling feeling, this premonition that I would fail evermore. Which, I guess, is somewhat foreboding more so to others around you than yourself when you're just eight years old. Throughout my 4th and 5th grade I had gradually become incapable of pushing myself to do my homework or essays. My perfectionist nature started showing through and my knack for drawing blossomed. But it soon was considered a disciplinary problem. My father, convinced otherwise, brought the problem to my pediatrician's attention. From then onwards I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and was on medication for it. Unfortunately, we didn't correct the diagnosis until years later and let's just say that the antidepressants made me quite depressed. My dad was genuinely worried and with my near failing grades despite my proven learning capabilities, he felt it was time for a change of environment.

My 6th grade year ended in shambles. I was losing everything. My education was looking grim and all those friendships I had built before I became socially adverse would be lost. I was changing schools. Sure it might seem silly to be so devastated over something so casual, but that was my life, my ground and my concrete, ripped up from beneath my feet.

7th grade, it was perhaps the most quiet year of my life. Sure, my new classmates were more rambunctious than any other group of kids I had ever met, but I hardly spoke a word much less held a conversation unless school required it. By that time I had become increasingly self-conscious and awkward, still unaware of how much my meds were fucking with my mood. It wasn't until the next year, I believe, that my dad and I decided that I should get off my medication.

My 8th grade was rather dull and isn't much worth mentioning besides the fact that I had begun to pry open my shell just enough to see colors, figuratively speaking. That and the beginnings of a completely different story. The summer after my final year of middle school, my dad signed me up for summer school. Not because I had to make up classes, oh no, it was a much different reason. I took geometry for credits, which launched me two years ahead of the average math class in my grade and one ahead of the advanced.

Freshman year rolled around and I didn't have to deal with the pain of starting anew, this school was an intermediate and high school in one. At this point my school had insisted that I go to a certain sort of psychiatrist, I don't remember the proper terminology, so she'll just be Dr.Whatshername. Yes, I also forgot her name. Well we went through a lot of trial and error and bullshit, eventually finding that my problem is much less that my focus is untamed, but that I was too tired to focus at all. By my sophmore year I was taking meds for narcolepsy in order to regulate my sleeping pattern, which was so erratic I could hardly function while I was in class.

On top of that I was sporadically falling ill, quite frequently too. Most of it was likely stress induced, but I had missed the entrance test for pre-calc due to sickness. When I returned to class my teacher refused to let me take the test as my grades were, well, quite unacceptable.

So here I was, absolutely depressed and failing and bitter towards everything. My dad, yet again takes the initiative and intervenes, thank you dad. He admitted that Dr.Whatshername just wasn't cutting it. We never talked about me, we only talked about school and my problem was much deeper than just school. So I start going to sessions with another therapist, Dr.Brown, without my school knowing. We told them later and sure enough they weren't happy.

Dr.Brown actually worked with me, helped me look at my life, at my future, at the world and at myself. She was also the first one to tell me that I didn't have ADHD. It was so relieving and I couldn't understand why. I felt like the term had shackled me for years as a person. So she and my dad start looking into ways to work with me unlike everybody else who tried to mold me into their own vision.

They found a facility that was testing a 'treatment' for attention insufficiency. My dad was skeptical, but asking my opinion, we decided that anything would be worth a go at that point. It was quite an experience, especially the first time around. They lathered an electrode on my scalp and placed sensors over certain points to map my brain activity over a 15 minute period of time in which I was told to try not to think about anything. The findings were, apparently, curious. The doctor in charge called up Dr.Brown to ask her opinion. They called up another doctor for his take on it (I had to take an aptitude test before entering that school and he was the one who proctored it) and they all agreed; I have Asperger syndrome, a high functioning form of autism.

Everything made sense after he sat down with me and explained why I had been the way I was and why the medications never worked. Along with the sessions there, which used these little games on a computer to train your brain to make certain connections between different parts, I began to regain some confidence, I found that I had a little sense of humour, twisted as it was. I finally remembered what it was like to laugh and have sparing moments of happiness.

My junior year arrived. My grades hadn't improved, in fact I had ceased to even pay attention in classes that I would have had found engaging if it weren't for the fact that I was still depressed. Yes, I did have my little break in the clouds, but it didn't last. The only thing I was still excelling in, and took joy in, was art class. But this year the school administration put their foot down and insisted that art was a distraction. I was scorned for drawing. In fact if I was caught drawing at any time instead of doing homework I would be reported to the student services department. Student Services being a pretentious name for the department that dealt with students of mental 'disabilities'.

It would have been my last straw, but I was still so convinced that I could only ever succeed in life if I could make it through high school and go on to college. That was until I realized that my life would be painful to live if I kept forcing myself. One day I got called in to the principal's office. He was asked to have a word with me. He started to speak, but paused. This man took his job seriously, he took his students seriously and respected them.

"How are you doing?" He asked. How are you doing... it was the kindest thing a teacher had spoken to me in quite some time.

Nervous, I shrugged and mumbled, "Eh, I'm okay."

He chuckled a bit, the atmosphere was heavy and he knew I was terrified. He smiled and me and just simply replied, "I hope you're more than 'okay' the next time we talk." We stood up and shook hands like we had just come to some sort of agreement and I was free to go, just like that.

The next night, however, my dad spoke up at the dinner table. Apparently certain faculty members requested that the principal hold a meeting with my dad in regards to my unsatisfactory performance. It made sense then. The principal wanted to see for himself what sort of person was in question. And my dad wasn't going to let this meeting happen without letting me know. I wanted in.

The next week my dad and I walk into the principal's office, unprepared, yet not unexpectant, of what would follow. I was to be placed under 'behavioral probation' for not completing or turning in my homework. I had, in no way, displayed disruptive behaviour, nor was I a troublemaker or any sort. But that was the student services' ultimatum. If I were to break this 'behavioral probation' I would be suspended and then expelled on multiple infractions. I was livid. My dad was livid. The principal was apologetic. The faculty was not.

My dad, he told me to get my bags, get whatever I needed, we were going home even though the school day was still going. At home we sat silently for a moment. And then it happened.

"I know you've been fiddling with the idea for a while now, but would you, in all honesty, be okay with leaving school." What? Dad, what?

Everything else that transpired afterwards is merely an epilogue, or a transition into the next phase of my life, a phase of self meditation and metamorphosis of perception.

Though I will admit it was a somewhat indescribable feeling returning a month after I had officially left to clear out my locker only to find out that none of the teachers took my declaration of permanent absence seriously.
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Student Digital Artist
oh my sweet lord, im gonna copy this into a word document and slowly reply to all of the things you typed to me haha. give me a couple of years and ill have a response for you!
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(1 Reply)
:iconexplodingapple:
explodingapple Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist
*They
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:iconexplodingapple:
explodingapple Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist
I can empathize with that. Sometimes I feel that the majority of my peers at my school are highly immature as well as disrespectful torwards teachers and eachother. TGhey are also disrespectful torwards property. One time I walked into the bathroom, and all of the bathroom stalls were spray painted! Spray painted black! Not to mention someone left a "package" on the floor...if you catch my drift.
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:iconkingstephenarthur:
KingStephenArthur Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Photographer
lolol, what do you do to "troll" people?
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:icon13rianne:
13rianne Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
depends what the times call for
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