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December 28, 2012
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Replies: 11

Does my dad hate me?

:iconmulta21:
Multa21 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know my dad says he loves me, but he is always yelling at me when I need to do something. I mean, shouldn't he just calmly ask? I think he is yelling at me because he doesn't want me to become a director. Maybe he wants me to become part of the Navy or something. But he isn't just hurting me, he is hurting my brother Sam as well. Its hard for both of us and, my dad never even laughs at my jokes or is impressed by my artwork. Does my dad even love me at all?
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:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
No, he does not hate you. When you hate somebody you are quiet. Very quiet. And wait.
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:icondemonlog:
DemonLog Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist
More than likely, your dad loves you very much, but has NO IDEA how to express it or cope with his own insecurities or unhappiness. This isn't a subject I know much about, nor can I really give much advice on it, but the best course of action would probably be to try to get to the root of the issue. He's shouting at you not because he's mad at you or doesn't love you, but more than likely because there's something wrong, emotionally, with him. My dad does the same, and he's a very introverted person with a lot of emotional insecurities that he's never dealt with, and likely never will.

Be patient, but NEVER compromise your own morals to appease him - that will only make matters worse. When he starts to shout, perhaps ask him, "Why are you upset?" although most therapists will tell you to NEVER start a sentence with "you", and NEVER put an assumption on the other person. Something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Is there anything that can be done to prevent this in the future?" ( it acknowledges their feelings, without labeling them, AND it offers resolution ) can often diffuse a situation quite quickly. Just research "How to Deal With Impossible People," "Study of Human Psychology," "Conflict Resolution," or other such models, and you should be able to hold your own AND make people happy.
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Professional Photographer
It’s more likely that your dad hates himself, than you. People who are not happy with themselves are rarely happy with anyone else.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student General Artist
parents have funny ways of showing love to their children. My parents wanted me to choose other careers, but in the end, your parents are your parents, and they will love you no matter what, as long as you are happy :) Sometimes they tell you exactly what they think without thinking, because you are their child, and telling the truth is of great importance otherwise they can feel that they don't care, that they know what's the best for you but aren't doing anything about it. Thing about art, many adults don't understand how to make a living of it, they see it more as a hobby, maybe that's why he doesn't become impressed. He is surely more used to other jobs. I don't know why he yells, but perhaps it's just his character? my mom is like that, yells for every tiny little thing, she likes attention. But there could be many other factors, like, maybe it's his way of sounding strict so you can understand that he means it, that he is serious about it. Maybe he is too stressed from other things and yells at you (even though you are not the problem).
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:iconfireflyinnocence:
fireflyinnocence Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sure your dad loves you very much, but it sounds like you and dad don't understand each other very much. If you want things to change I would suggest that you should listen to what he says and actually consider what he has to say and try to sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling.
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:iconangelxxuan:
angelxxuan Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Professional Writer
I ask the same very question of my mom, I have the same thing. she's all nice when I obey but as soon as I speak one word out of context of what she wants she's mean, evil, verbally abusive and the likes. I guess, deep down, she loves me. maybe your dad does too, just doesn't show it or know how to show it. maybe he was raised in a harsh matter and hasn't come out it and reflexes that upon his children.
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:iconunclegargy:
UncleGargy Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You should be worried if he hardly talks to you at all and does not bother to shout. Lots of adults are stressed at the moment. Give HIM a break.
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:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Writer
I think it's a little bit excessive to think your dad hates you. He pays thousands of dollars for your upbringing, gives you luxuries to allow you to pursue hobbies like art and is obviously trying hard to help you turn into a responsible adult.

If he doesn't want you to be a director, that's because he loves you and wants what's best for you. Maybe he feels like other careers would be more likely to be successful and doesn't want you to go through failure. In that case, I'd suggest that you bring it up with him in a calm discussion. It's possible he'll still think you're making a poor choice, but in that case it's your life and you can do what you want.

If you feel he's being short-tempered in general, talk to hin about that. He might be stressed out about a lot of things and that could be affecting his mood, including when he talks to you. That's a lot more likely that assuming the man who (presumably) raised you and is trying to influence you into getting a good career secretly hates you.
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:iconmeemie7:
Meemie7 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
He does love you. Maybe he's just stressed out right now.
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:iconjackkeahi:
JackKeahi Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
At least you're not a starving child in Africa :|
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