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December 28, 2012
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Doing the right thing.

:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I don't know how to start so here we go.

Last night I sent an email to my ex best friend out of a moment of madness. been thinking about it for a few weeks, but I got the courage. We haven't spoken in 2 years because my boyfriend and her slept together. I forgave my boyfriend because he was generally sorry. I never heard a sorry from her we exchanged some nasty words and I cut all contact with her. She never understood why and why she was getting the blame for it. I know it sounds harsh, but it's easy to blame the person you don't love.

Anyway, as I said, I sent her an email last night. I don't know if it's still the email she uses but this is what I sent.

'Hey.

I don't know if you use these emails any more, but it's worth a go. You've blocked messages being sent to you by non friends on Facebook so what choice do I have?

It's been hard deciding if I wanted to get back in touch with you again and whether I was ready to or not. I've been playing around with the the idea for a few weeks now and I've just plucked up the courage to write this email.

I think we need to meet up and properly talk. If you don't want too, that's fine. It's took me a while to talk myself into this, so I can easily talk myself out of it again, but I think it would do us both good.

Let me know what you think.'

Now I'm questioning my actions. I don't know if I'm ready to face up to it yet. I feel I can forgive her, but I'm not the type that will ever trust her again. I feel stupid for sending that email.
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Devious Comments

:iconsaykha:
saykha Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
It's good to want closure - It's exactly what you're doing. You shouldn't feel stupid for sending the e-mail - you did the right thing. You should make up with her, showing that you don't have any hard feelings towards her anymore. After that, you would've made amends and you would've showed that you forgave her - but this doesn't mean that you necessary have to be her friend afterwards. Sometimes it's best to part ways with some people - but at least, when you part, make sure it's a peaceful and good parting.
Should she not want to accept your invitation you should just forget about the whole story. You tried on your side and knowing that should set your heart at ease. God loves peace-makers and people who willingly forgive others - you're a good person for doing this :heart:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" Matthew 6:14

To give your life to Jesus Christ, please read the following :pointr: [link]
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:iconnairoze:
Nairoze Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Well maybe if you do meet up and talk to her about what happened you can then decided how you want to go with the relationship. If you do become friends with her it will never be the same because of what happened.
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:iconredlipstick444:
redlipstick444 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Professional Writer
Forgive her. Just like you did your boyfriend. But don't let her back into your life like she was before. Forgive her, and keep her at a distance. Then move on (and, in my opinion, dont let her become much of your friend again. Like not harsh or anything, but i would only talk to her maybe wheb necessary?) But don't get all buddy-buddy with her again. She's not worth it.
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, meeting up and talking is the way to go. Try to get her side of the story. Both your boyfriend and her are equally guilty. She is no best friend if she sleeps with your boyfriend and then does not even apologize for it. So, talk to her but you do not have reoncile if you do not feel like it. Do bring a closure to this though otherwise you would not have sent the email.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
True, thanks :)
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You are welcome :)
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I think it's fine that you and your ex are still friends but don't ever date him again. I think the people being harsh on you for forgiving him don't realize that you're not still in a relationship, since your post made it seem as though you continued the relationship.

I wouldn't forgive her if she never apologized. Forgiving someone for something they haven't indicated they're sorry for is stupid. I don't know what the person above me is smoking but don't apologize to her. What the fuck did you do that you have to apologize for?

Blaming the "other woman" for a cheating man's infidelity is stupid, sexist, self-destructive toward all women, and just plain incorrect. That doesn't exactly seem to be what happened here, but it's close to it and that's what people here are having a problem with, so just stay aware of what their separate wrongs against you actually are.

He cheated on you. She did not cheat on you. The end of your relationship is not her fault in any way; it is your ex-boyfriend's fault, no matter how much you might want to blame the person he cheated on you with. She was not in the relationship, therefore she was not unfaithful to the relationship.

However, since she was your friend she did basically cheat on your friendship, and that similarly is her fault and not your ex-boyfriend's fault.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
The main reason I had to forgive him was because I pretty much saw him everyday as we took the same course at college. And I have no idea what I have to apologise for. I realise that I'm wrong for blaming her and keeping a grudge against her, but I did blame him also. It's just that he did at least say sorry.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
You have nothing to apologize for. Someone else said she was waiting for you to apologize and red flags and alarms went off. Don't do that.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Don't worry. I'm not. Haha, thanks for your advice though :)
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:iconmeemie7:
Meemie7 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's not stupid that you sent the e-mail. It's smart. Just be brave. You can do this. Just hear her side of the story. Also, are you and your boyfriend still dating, 'cause he's a cheater. You deserve better than a cheating, disloyal, back-stabbing boyfriend.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
No, but we are good friends still. The only reason I didn't speak to her and I spoke to him is because I never heard a sorry from her.
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:iconmeemie7:
Meemie7 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
She wants an apology from you
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
How come?
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:iconmeemie7:
Meemie7 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
She wants to know that she's right. Even if she is wrong on many levels, she wants to know that she is right.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Your boyfriend was "generally sorry"?
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
We're good friends now. At least he apologised.
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
If it was me, I would cut all contact with both of them. You really want a cheater and a betrayer as your two closest companions...?
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Not really, but this was 2 years ago now. I did split up with him straight after, but we are now really good friends. I know what you mean by that, but at least he apologised. She didn't.
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
:lmao:

Guess you'll learn the hard way. Once a cheater, always a cheater. 2 years is nothing.
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You probably shouldn't have, however, forgiving your boyfriend and then not her is double standards, your boyfriend is supposed to be more loyal, all you're doing is directing the hate to her for what HE did. He still stuck his penis inside of her, sure she was stupid selfish and awful. However, he is YOUR boyfriend.

Did you get an STD test after you found out? Also how on earth can you ever forgive him again. Once a cheat, always a cheat.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
We are now only good friends, but at least he apologised. I never heard anything of an apology from her.
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Apologising doesn't make it any better. I can't believe you have forgiven him. More fool you.
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:iconthisomessedup:
ThISoMessedUp Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
To be honest, I didn't have a choice. We did the same course at College so I had to see him everyday.
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