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December 28, 2012


Replies: 14

Inferiority complex

DaBrandonSphere Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
All my life I have suffered from low self-esteem. Like other autistic people, I am socially impaired and prone to obsessiveness, so I have always felt inferior to everyone else and wanted to compensate for my handicaps. For this reason I have gone out of my way to obtain other people's validation, but to little avail. If anything, I usually end up annoying everyone else, thus exacerbating my inferiority complex. Furthermore, even when I do impress a few people, there are always even more who I can't impress. I can never make everyone approve of me no matter how hard I try.

What I want more than anything else in the world is to stop feeling like a lesser human being and see value in my own existence. I don't want to think of myself as kind of deformed genetic aberration that deserves nothing more than society's pity or contempt. However, the only way I know how to stop this self-hatred is to do something that everyone else will respect, and I don't know if I can ever accomplish that. :(

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Devious Comments

WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If I remember correctly, Einstein was autitic and so were many famous scientists. I understand your pain about inferiority complex. I struggled with it and at times, still do. The main point is stop searching for everyone's validation. Some will love you and some will hate. You cannot please everyone. I know this is kind of cliched but everyone is special in their own way if they are willing to look inside. In the movie, Kung Fu Panda, Po is a big fat panda and everyone makes fun of him. When he is fighting the villian Tai Long, he is called a big fat panda by Tai Long. Po says I am not just a big fat panda, I am THE big fat panda. :)
reesewhyte Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012   Digital Artist
Hmm, I think maybe you should try to take other people out of the equation for a bit and explore some qualities about yourself.

Make a list of things you feel you're good at, then make a list of things that you would like to improve on. That way you can see those things right in front of you and make an honest assessment to uncover the root causes of why you feel inadequate.

Once you start to appreciate yourself, you won't need that validation from others. Trying to impress others can be incredibly difficult for anyone, but it's even worse if you base your own self worth on the approval of other people. YOU are the one who determines your worth, no one else. I think once you start to realize that, you won't be so concerned about trying so hard to please others.

When you take the time to respect yourself and realize your own self-worth, people will naturally tend to have more respect for you :).
Rene-L Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
It is up to you, you have the key to be who you want to be. You do not need other people's approval but your own, you are the only one that seems to be limiting yourself.

The only person you have to impress is yourself, other people do not matter and those who matter do not care what you are.
Stripesandangelwings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You know what people respect? A kind, honest hard-working man who takes care of himself. Start with taking care of you. Do good work (even if you have to start a grocery store or whatever), think of what you'd like to do with your life, eating healthily and excercising help with self-esteem (I'm saying this because I'm 115 lbs...I still had no self-esteem.) It turns out that what I'm eating is not balanced and excercise was needed to make those good "hormones" to activate), set goals, and never give up on them, treat yourself nicely, too. You deserve to be treated with love, but you have to love yourself first. Even if you have to stand up, look in the mirror, and say something you don't believe about it anyway. "I am awesome. I am handsome. I am talented. etc." You'll believe it after time, and you will "be it". People who think they are those things usually change their lifestyles to accommodate that behavior.

You are a good artist and you seem like a nice guy. People think I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm pretty and look like I could take on the world, but the truth is I'm incredibly socially inept, but those things have honestly helped me. People think I have asperger's sometimes, but I just try say some things. It's really hard at first, but when you realize it doesn't matter what people think you become more comfortable. Truth is, most people are too worried thinking about themselves to worry about every mistake you make.

Hope I could help. :)
thisismyboat Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
It sounds cheesy, but just be yourself. People can smell desperation and fakeness from a mile away. If you're trying to impress them, it'll probably flop on that virtue alone. One further, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to make everyone like you. You'd have to constantly morph your personality (and god forbid you have two people in the same room). You'll be nothing but miserable in the end.

So instead, be yourself and you'll find people that like you for you. I don't have a ton of friends but the ones I do have love me for my personality, and that's far more satisfying than having a thousand friends I can't be myself with.

As for being worthy, you just have to find your own thing to contribute to the world. It could be your art, your humour, your intelligence, whatever. The important part is that it's your particular brand of that thing. Other people might be able to make something similar to it, but it'll never be the same as yours. As someone else said, just do something you enjoy.

Armonah's suggestion is a good one too. Volunteer work is a great way to feel you're helping the world out. I used to do a bit of volunteer work for a music venue, and even though it wasn't helping the homeless, it still felt great to keep those doors open and give bands/people a place to go on Friday night for fun.
Mununsah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Traditional Artist
the world a cruel place. it would be better that it would end. soon it will see it's final sunrise.
Armonah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I don't think the tendency to want outside validation is unique to people with autism. I think almost everyone has that to a certain extent, it's just harder to actually get that validation if you have autism.
But the solution isn't one that's tied to your handicap, but applies to everyone, and that's to get a source of validation that's seperate from other people, to set goals that are seperate from other people. Make it a goal to create things, or to learn things, to have read a certain amount of books by a certain date. Or volunteer, knowing that when you go to sleep the world is a slightly better place than when you woke up by virtue of what you did that day. If you've spent a day at a shelter and you can look at yourself and say "I'm someone who I can respect" it doesn't (or at least shouldn't) matter if nobody else does.

Here's a quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson: "As for me, I'm mainly driven by two philosophies: To know more about the world today than I did yesterday, and to lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you."

Notice how that doesn't include "being liked by other people"? That's just something that happens along the way :)
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You don't need to please people to be a worthy person. I imagine you can't exactly help it to some degree (cause of your autism) but try telling yourself every morning when you look in the mirror

"I am perfect as myself. I don't have to please people to be worthy. I am worthy in the eyes of my higher power, and that is all that matters. So kiss my butt world."

That last part is optional.

DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Fuck other people, most of them are dumb. Just do thing you enjoy.
Feyborg Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
DaBrandonSphere Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. BTW, my mood has improved since I made the OP. I have a strange tendency to go through periodic bouts of depression and self-doubt only to feel better later.
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I hope things work out for you. :hug:
Tturtle Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
sometimes i feel like this. i'm not autistic though so i can't say i know completely how you feel, but if you do your best in your endeavors and you know you did you can feel proud of yourself regardless of what others think
der-freishutz Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No-one can make everybody like them, you just have to live with that. fitness and fashion can help alot, making you look how you want to look. A healthy diet and exersize did wonders for my autistic friend, who now has a great attitude to life and alot of self confidence, although the equipment he bought was quite expensive.
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