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December 27, 2012
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I am not happy with my life

:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Truth be told I am not happy with my life. I am in fact a bag full of regrets. I hate my self a lot and I feel alone

I was bullied my whole childhood and friendless until high school. I went to a christian school and I was literally friendless. It was a nightmare for me.

In high school I discovered that people could like me but I was too shy to go to parties or make meaningful connections with people.

When I graduated from high school I still have my greatest regret that keeps haunting me. I didn't to the test to enter the public university UNAM the most prestigious school in latin america. I was too scared of my future and I chose the most expensive school in my country ITESM for my dream carrer law.

But Now I regret that decision too because even tough I chose the most expensive school, I think it might not be the best at my chosen carrer law. I have some crappy teachers, bad schedule and very little classmates.

I feel bad because I fear that I made my family waste their money on super expensive school that is not even the best, I feel guilty when I see my dad over working for me to be a great lawyer (we didn't had christmas presents this year, for school fee's ). I fear that I will fail and not become a great lawyer., I fear that it won't be worth it. I have 2 years before graduation so it's too late to give up

I regret the fact that I wasn't able to get a scholarship

My dad is having financial troubles and I fear i am just being a burden with my tuiton fears

I also feel so very alone. Not just because I have very few classmates. It's also because I only have one good friend at college. Don't think I am antisocial, I am not so shy anymore.

I just wish I could go with a bunch of guys/friends to the movies and laugh, to drink coffe at starbucks and generally have fun, people to trust and not to protect myself. But I just didn't had close bonds with any of my classmates :( expectp t one good friend I barely see at school.

I feel like I am not doing anything with my life and that I am no progressing with anything, even my art has gotten stuck I do nothing but feel sorry for myself.

I seriously need help. I am not happy with my life at all :(. I needed to get out that of my chest sorry for all the angst :(.
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Devious Comments

:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
things might be hard right now, but they won't always be hard. And look at it this way, things don't go wrong to make you bitter, they go wrong to break you down and build you up in order to make you the one you are supposed to be, because only through trials of suffering can humans achieve what they really want. Learn from your past, always, but don't live it again. What you went through in your past is your experience, maybe it was bad, but you also learned a lot, and that is never wrong. And yes you are human, you are supposed to make flaws, everybody does. You can't possibly know the right thing from the beginning. And you know something else, I have regretted things I didn't do much more than things I did. Even if they were bad. I was introverted like you back then, and so what? it was me back then, another version, my character has changed since then, a lot. Don't focus on your past, focus on your future, and a lot on your present, as they say "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift". Plan for the future, but also live each day as if it was the last one.
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:iconjstar19000:
JStar19000 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope you're feeling a little better over the past 3 days.
And i'm probably useless because I've never experienced this kind of stuff but...

I would come over there and sit on the couch and eat cake and watch your favorite TV shows with you if i could...
But really... I can't.
So YOU have to be nice to YOU because I can't.

Do you promise me you will would?

Good! :D
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:iconrene-l:
Rene-L Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Stop dweling with what you do not like, start doing things to make your goals happen, remember there are doors that close and others that open, the difference is what you do stare at the closed doors or rush to the new open ones.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
I'm in graduate school too, with 2 and 2/3 more years to go before I'm done and have opportunity to get a good, well-paying job. I don't have any friends. Honestly, friends are easier to maintain with free time and money, which is what both of us will have when we graduate. Hang in there. Appreciate the friends you do have. Spend the time you're using feeling sorry for yourself either studying or working on your art. As for your family's financial problems, you'll be able to pay them back in two years. They're counting on that too. So hang in there. It WILL get better. :) You just have to get through school. Focus on becoming an excellent (or at least competent) lawyer, and everything else will fall into place.
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:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Well not everyone that graduates from law school becomes a lawyer, knowing the law helps you in a wide variety of things. So think it like this: now your family spends a lot of money on you but after you graduate, even if you don't do the exact job that you studied for, you will be able to pay them back. And if you don't want to pay them back rightaway, think it like they are investing on a good pension. When they get old you can take care of them.

Even if you think that law is not the thing for you, don't forget that you can always study a second or third time later. You still have time.

Even if you are failing at your classes, you can always ask for help from or befriend your instructors. They usually like directing students. Besides if your peers are not very good friends, maybe your teachers are.

And yeah if you are not shy than just take a shot and befriend someone. A good time always helps and loneliness is actually the base of all human problem.
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you very much for the advice
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:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
np :)
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:iconthegroovymurphy:
TheGroovyMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What exactly do you want?
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
peace in my heart
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:iconthegroovymurphy:
TheGroovyMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
More precisely, what do you want?
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I want friends to go to starbucks and the movies and make al the money my family is spending to be worth it.
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:iconbaranamtara:
Baranamtara Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
... I once watched a TV show about a girl who did a lot of mistakes and hated her life. In the end she said: What's so great about humans is, that thex can always restart.
I was unhappy too at that moment and I just thought: Yes, why not? Press the restart button and move on.

I know there are things that make it difficult... But how about talking with your parents about how you feel. At least your parents should be able to understand. Although it might be hard and they might get angry. Let them help you.
I think they might have a hunch that you are not feeling well.
And there is also the possibility that they just don't know...

I was like that back in school too. I was schared and had no friends. Now I changed my life and I am happy. It's soemtimes a mess though... But I try my best to find my way... I still am trying to find it. ^^ It's not an easy task. Don't give up.

There is a way for you too.
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I will talk to my father about this, thank you :)
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:iconbaranamtara:
Baranamtara Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's a good choice... He might understand and be able to help. ^^
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:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Yeah once my biology teacher said that the ability to forget was what made it possible for us to learn, especially if the new memory was accompanied with emotion. People can change and improve and I think that's the greatest ability.
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:iconbaranamtara:
Baranamtara Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It is awesome, right?
Changing is wonderful.

I love the reset button. ^^
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:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
*forces himself not to make a dirty joke*
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:iconbaranamtara:
Baranamtara Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
....
Don't you dare~~
XDDDDDD
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel sorry for you my friend. I was bullied in school and hence was awkward around people for quite some time. Then I did an English language speaking course from British Council and it helped me to be more confident about myself. It forced me to speak in front of everyone. Maybe you could try something like that. It is good for overall confidence since you said you do not have the problem of being shy. I am still shy though when it comes to interacting with people, I can hold my own. Also, it is too late to give up the college. You need to make the best of what you have. That is what I did. I can totally relate to what you are going through and you are more than welcome to voice your fears and frustration should you want to. :hug:
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much. Truth be told I am so very scared of failing :(. Did something similar happened to you?
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah Always remember, you can always think about all the things that might go wrong, but there are so many things that might go right What is done is done My grades were not very good in school and my dad basically got me into a college I felt I did not belong there and did not have good marks Apart from that, my life was a mess But after a series of events, I realized, our lives are our own We decide what it can be So go ahead and work your ass off and get good grades You can do it mate :)
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:iconladydata:
LadyData Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I forgot to add: You shouldn't hate yourself for your past and present life. We all go through hardships in life rather we made dumb decisions or someone brought suffering upon us but in the end those experiences make us stronger and wise. Look at your goal, you're to college to become a great attorney. Isn't that the reason you applied to ITSEM because you thought it was a good school for law? Your goal isn't the problem.
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yes I want to be a great lawyer and make the effort of my family worth it
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:iconladydata:
LadyData Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Therefore, you shouldn't hate yourself for it. You weren't aware that it was a bad school because you thought that if it's an expensive school it would have superb quality of education. Am I correct?
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no in fact it is the most prestigious private school in my country! i think it just doesn't excel so much at law :(
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:iconladydata:
LadyData Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm sorry to hear about your life experiences. Is it possible for you to transfer to UNAM? First of all how can you feel bad about going to the most expensive school in your area if you didn't know that it was going to be horrible? It's not your fault for not knowing. Just try the best that you can to pass your classes and try to open up to your classmates. Maybe you should have read reviews about ITESM before enrolling if there were any.

I can also relate with your social/friendship situation because I have also was bullied and have been through rejection ever since middle school. The irony is that i didn't do anything to harm nor offend them. Then in high school I also made very few friends and acquaintances but I struggled opening myself to people. Even in college I still struggle to meet new friends because everyone is to themselves and hang out with their own clique rather it's from a fraternity, sorority, social clubs, or friends since high school. I don't live on campus so I don't have the time to go to any social clubs like the anime club or folklorico club. This year I recently was rejected by my ex-friend over a Facebook status that I wrote about which said,"Before bashing the opposite gender for horrible relationships look at your own flaws!" At first I was mad at myself for saying such a thing that I was depressed for a week. Then I got advice from my father and online friends about it and they told me that my status wasn't offensive and that she's a fickle idiot for taking it too personal and that she should of respected me. I respected her viewpoints despite that they go against my beliefs as a Christian. Then whenever we hang out with each other she would always tell me that she would never get offended by anything I say or do and that she respects everyone's opinions. As I reflected on our friendship I realized that she was a hypocrite and a bad influence in my life. So in a way it was a blessing in disguise :D But I still have that fear of making new friends because what if they end up rejecting me for my view points/beliefs and for who I am. I've been through it so much already that I've isolated myself from people and if anyone wants to know me I just fear to come out of my shell. As a new year's resolution I want to fight my fear and try to open myself to classmates.
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:icongckatz:
gckatz Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
I'm sorry you are feeling unhappy with your life!
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you. I forgot to thank you also the other day for the help on the shading stuff :)
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Digital Artist
That's great, but do you have any advice for them?
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Try to think of the past the bad things that happened to you in it as a sack of stones. Imagine you are carrying that sack around with you. It’s very heavy. It takes a lot of energy. But you feel attached to those stones because they represent pain and suffering and experiences which have marked you. To give them up would be like saying that your suffering was in vain or that your experiences weren’t important. Except that carrying them around is weighing you down.

In life we waste a lot of energy worrying about things we can’t control or change. This is irrational. Which is reasonable, as emotions are not rational. It is also counterproductive. You cannot change the past. You simply cannot. You cannot go back, be more clever, more accomplished, more responsible than you were then. But you can move forward and be more clever, more accomplished or more responsible than you are now.
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:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you, this is so hard for me , but I will try :)
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Well I didn’t say it would be easy. This is insight I finally arrived at somewhere around age 30.
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