Yeah I'm familiar with this lol. I think the simple fact that you see this at yourself means that you have gone a good deal of improvement and have done something that 99% of the people can't do. I say show absolute loyalty to him and be directly dedicated. That would be what I would be looking for. Everyone is different though.
Look at it from his point of view. Even if he accepts your apology he will always be wondering when you will get your panties in a twist again. I suggest you get a physical check up and check your hormone levels. something seems off kilter.
first, I think you should give him a little breathing room...not be distant, but give the man some space. When you both calm down, try to approach him to hang out. Do something vaguely friend-like, like rent a funny movie (NOT a romantic comedy) just straight up shit busting humor and or action.
We're not complicated ladies. We get that you lose your temper and we'll forgive you for being extremely emotional. On the other hand, you girls don't seem to get that dragging us into emotionally complex situations is never going to turn out well. Having an equally complex round-about apology will only confuse us.
There's a reason your boyfriend doesn't understand your prompting and read your mind. It's because we don't do that with other guys unless we are quoting some obscure reference to laugh at.
Keep it simple, get some food, have some laughs, say sorry. It's for the best.
I think you may have to realise that, you have emotionally abused him for a long time. Intentional or not, it has had effects on your relationship. It wont be easy to repair, and it may always be damaged.
You're going to have to acknowledge that you were a twit, write him a letter, apologise, and perhaps take him out on a date. Make him feel loved and attractive. We all like being treated well, so do that for him.
As for your snappiness, you're going to have to remember that you can not be rational and emotional, neither support each other. You're going to have to dismiss your emotions and calm down.
Do something sweet and spontaneous for him. Take him out on a date, or buy him a present, or prepare a romantic evening as a symbolic fresh start. After that it's a matter of patience: if you've damaged your boyfriend's trust it's gonna take some time before that's healed, and while you can certainly slow that process down by falling back into bad habits, you can't really speed it up.
Good that you've learned! Rejoice, because an awful lot of people never do. This is probably not what you want to hear, but you are very lucky to realize this, and you will have a lot to learn from it in the future, whether or not it works out between you and your current boyfriend.
The only thing you can do now is be truthful. Learn how to not crave his support when things go rough. Appreciate it when it's there, but stand on your own two legs and resolve your own shitty situations. Whatever it is that have been bothered you for the past years, bloody deal with it already and find a solution. You're not the only one it has taken a toll on, by the sounds of it, so take the hit for him too and fix it somehow.
Being truthful isn't an easy thing, and you need to be frank with yourself too. I probably sound like fortune cookie, but, really, it's difficult not to when there is no other information to go on .o: