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December 26, 2012
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My Mom tells me I NEED makeup to look nice

:iconsexlessdemon:
SexlessDemon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Whenever I don't wear makeup she tells me I NEED it. "You look tired" "You look too pale"
I had a job for a while and I would go not wearing makeup and always had a clean uniform and my hair pulled back neatly.
After leaving that job I got a new one where I was able to dress up. My mother said "You always went to your old job looking hideous."

One thing that really bothers me is that she constantly complains about my scent. I shower and brush my teeth regularly as well as floss and gargle but she always says "You don't smell fresh" or "your breath stinks", even when she's far from me.

My friends and I are very honest with each other and whenever they smell bad I let them know and they do the same for me. However, no one really ever complains about my scent and they usually always compliment me. I get nervous about letting people close to me because my mom always says I smell bad.
They don't know how bad my mom makes me feel about it so I'm certain they aren't being dishonest to spare my feelings. Even strangers have complimented my looks and scent on days my mom said I either smelled bad (which is every day) or needed makeup.

I don't tan or try to wear fake tanners and my mom always tells me that I am TOO pale. Whenever she says something about me needing makeup or a tan I say "I'm perfectly happy with how I look."

I really am generally pleased with my natural appearance. The only thing I disliked was my frizzy hair, but after trying the "no shampoo" hair washing routine several people suggested, my hair is no longer the frizzy mess it was.

My mom is very kind and sacrifices so much so that I can have a good life so I know she cares about me but these comments are hurtful. I know she doesn't say these things to hurt me and thinks in a way she's helping. I tell tell her I don't like being told I need makeup or that I smell even after I have washed up and she usually just says "Well you obviously didn't wash up enough" or "you're being too sensitive".

I have no idea how to get her to stop. She's even made comments about me looking "weird" or "crazy" in front of my boyfriend. It's so embarrassing but he always assures me that I look nice.

Does anyone else have this type of issue?
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Devious Comments

:iconreasonablerobot:
ReasonableRobot Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
tell her to fuck off and that outer beauty is a primitive tribal tradition followed by savages.
what you think of yourself is important. what others think is of little consequence.
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:iconthilu:
Thilu Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
That's so mean... At a time, I weighed 7 kilos more than I do now, which was 65 kilos, (I am 160 cm long) and she kept telling me that I looked fat. I really got hurt actually but I started exercising and now, when I look at old pictures I am glad she said it. Because saying "honey I love you but you need to exercise a bit, you will feel better", that would not have made me exercise. Do you know what I mean? Also she sometimes say I look ugly in some of my tops or t-shirts, but I just say that she look ugly too and then we laugh so I don't think she really means it in a hard way.

But try to talk to her, I had to talk to my mother and say that I actually got hurt and she said that she didn't mean it like that. The best you can do is talk it out with her!
Good luck :hug:
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
Tell her exactly how she makes you feel. Be polite, but honest and blunt.
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:iconcatderson:
catderson Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can totally relate!!

My mom doesn't criticize me about make-up, but I seriously can't remember the last time I went out without wearing any! I'm a ginger and my eyelashes are blonde so it makes my eyes look puny...I was so down on myself so putting on makeup become like, a routine since about the 5th grade. :S

Sometimes I wish I had just never started wearing it in the first place.

But this is not your case!! If you feel confident without any makeup, show it to the world, girl! Let them know you love yourself and your natural looks, and you don't give a damn what they think!!
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:iconimdsound:
IMDSound Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Digital Artist
She's probably jealous of your youth, I'm not joking. If you look in the mirror and are happy with what you see then live and be happy! Don't let anything take that away from you.
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:iconshidaku:
Shidaku Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Well, considering you haven't posted up a dozen whoreish pictures of yourself on your page, you either have enough self respect to not give a damn, or you're ugly as shit. So either take your mom's advice or tell her to piss off.
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:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student General Artist
Okay, so, first off, nobody needs make-up to look pretty. Not even if you have scars on your face or something. It's just you, and it sounds like you do a great job of "owning it" already! Honestly, I know far more people who look worse with make-up than without because they don't blend well or use clashing colors.

Secondly, it sounds like you're doing a good job handling it, so, you know. Keep on truckin'. My best guess? Your mom loves you. But she loves you in a way that makes her want your to be great, possibly even perfect. You're not perfect, and that bothers her. But she'll get over it eventually :)
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:iconwandereratheart:
WandererAtHeart Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I don't say I have this issue and I'm also a little bit of a smart ass so if my mom said I needed a tan I'd say I'm going for the vampire look. If you think you look fine and smell fine then you probably do and your mom might just be too hung up on appearances and she might want you to look a certain way but that's her issue and not yours. If everyone else thinks you look fine then you're doing something right and one person's comment, and it doesn't matter whose, does not cancel that out. Just remember to stay happy with yourself and her opinion is not the most important one, yours is.
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:iconlauracallsen:
LauraCallsen Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
your mother shouldn't talk to you like that. It's not okay. Let her know these comments hurt you. With words she just can't misunderstand like " Mom, please stop this. It really hurts to hear this all the time. How would you feel, if I tell you every day how tired you look and that you're getting older? That is not okay mom" If she doesn't want to understand this and keeps on with this, change your attitude. Don't let her push you down. You have a mouth you're allowed to speak with and you have words that are allowed to be heard. If you like your face without make up you're allowed to tell her exactly this. If you like how your hair looks, you're allowed to say: No Mom, I like my hair today. Keep your head up. Nobody, not even your mother, can give inferiority feelings, if you don't allow them to do so.
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:iconbonbonjelly:
bonbonjelly Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe she's jealous of you being this young and pretty and thinks she never had all that..?
Just guessing, I can be wrong....
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:iconmoofactory:
moofactory Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
mum needs to mind her own business and keep her opinions to herself.

tell her so.
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:icongenajag:
Genajag Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, obviously you're happy with yourself and that's what matters most. But when someone makes these comments its going to affect you. Maybe try talking to her again. It seems to be her problem with you, not anyone else's. But be gentle. She doesn't seem to know she's in the wrong :/
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:iconisistius:
Isistius Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Don't wear makeup. It ruins your skin and your self-esteem. Of course, there are situations where a small amount of makeup is appropriate. Job interviews, weddings, important meetings with clients, etc. It sounds very much like your mother is trying to tear your down because of her own poor self-esteem. No parent I know would accuse their child, or anyone for that matter, of looking weird and smelling bad after that that person took a shower, brushed their hair, and dressed up in nice clothing.

As far as getting your mother to stop, I recommend organizing your reasons for not wearing makeup all the time and presenting them to her in a very matter-of-fact way. If in-person won't work, then write her a letter. Make it clear that you have good reasons and aren't just being a belligerent teenager. Also make it clear that you will not continue to tolerate her constant criticism. After that, verbally shut her down politely but firmly any time she brings it up.

Good luck!
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:iconmetalhartrockandroll:
metalhartrockandroll Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Tell her she's looking old.
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:iconwquon:
wquon Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
4 bad breath, tongue scrapper. for b/o find the right deodorant or body spray 4 u. as far as make up in my opinion very few females need it to look better, even so a little goes a long way. as for you mom y not surprise her with a makeover night where u do each others make up. have a sit down to try & find some common ground or just to simply talk it out (try to avoid argument)(lol 4 each day she doesnt wear make up, u will wear it).

oooooooor maybe ur weird just like the rest of us lol
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:iconabsolutesnichts:
AbsolutesNichts Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
BE YOURSELF! Life's too short to be the one others want you to be, and as Long as your friends and you are happy with it, SHE will have to live with it.
don't let yourself be pushed to do htings you don't like, you won't be happy with it.

my mum and aunt always told me i should wear high heels, Dress up and such.
they told m i needed to go to Discos and met new People but i never did.
on one vacation my best friend, my mum and aunt were going into a Disco (i had to)
and my aunt flirted with the 40 year old dj, when leaving she grabbed a 18-year-oldes ass
she never met before.

i may tell you, she was married at that time, and had one Lover besides her husband, she could
never decide. my Cousin was the one who had to live with this shit - of course he wasn't happy with it.

i don't want to tel you that your mum is JUST LIKE my aunt but sometimes People who do
this stuff have Problems they never talk about. maybe you try to see it this way ...
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:iconangelheartthewarrior:
AngelheartTheWarrior Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If your mother is insulting you like that, no offense, she might be trying to protect you, but I think she might not realize that she's acting a little bit paranoid. You should try talking to her about the fact that you don't want to wear makeup.
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:iconnataliebee:
NatalieBee Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012
Jesus! And I thought my mom was bad! She has forced me to go to makeup counters when she would drive me to work before I had a licence and say to the counter, "She was going to go to work like this!" I would tell her how my friends would compliment me on my looks, but she would always counter it, saying they weren't lookers themselves.

She still comments on my acne marks. I've actually discovered that she stopped being so critical of my appearance once I was critical about hers. "Mom, you have a big blemish there. Why haven't you put your makeup on yet? That shirt makes you look too boxy. Can't you fix the back of your hair so it's not so flat?" I don't recommend this method, but it's worked for me, even though it wasn't like I was trying to be nasty. I was used to it being done to me. Now, when she comments about my smell or looks, I just say "Yeah I KNOW. I'm a damn animal. THANKS for giving me your defective DNA, I inherited this shit."
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:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012
You don't need makeup. Just wear a bag with a smiley face.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My mom is exactly the opposite. She'd be like: "Why are you wearing make-up? You look fine as it is." or "Don't put on too much or you'll look silly or older, than you are." :giggle:
She doesn't think make-up is evil or anything, she just cares too much. And I don't even wear that much make-up, the only things I do is emphasize my eye-brows and put on mascara and maybe eye-liner once in a few months. No foundation, powder etc.

You need to explain to your mom that her words are hurtful and make you feel bad about yourself. As your mother I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you, so if you explain to her that her actions are hurting you, she might stop.
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:icondeclan2009supermega:
declan2009supermega Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:( awwww that's horrible, she seems to just have a very looks focused view of things, and possibly a sexist one, thinking its unreasonable for a woman not to constantly be adding things to make themselves look fancy

Try appealing to her sense of reason and logic, explain it like you did here :) if she is too ignorant to listen, then her opinion isn't worth taking seriously in the first place!
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
1. Bullcrap

2. I never wear make up, except for the occasional light powder for bad acne days. Im 21, and very rarely use it. As far as your mother, I do not know her, but she sounds extremely paranoid. She may, deep down, only tryong to help, but her methods are wrong. You do not have to wear make up. I do not, and I get compliments. You obviously do too. I think she is just a victim of a society that thinks "if you do not wear 50 pounds of make up to look like you have perfect flawless skin and smell the way socisty says, then something is wrong" trap.

3. As for scents, I can not really be fair. I am a hyperosmiac, so all scents, good or bad, ate exyrely stong to me. So, I can not ise anything too scented or I get major headaches. I would say, as long as your friends and co workers do not complain, do not worry. Trust me, if it is an issue, it will be brought up by somebody.

4. My granmother always asked me why i never wore make up and complained about me too. But whenever I asked anyone about it, I never got a bad reaction. My mother still does this to me. I am in vollege now, and I have never gotten a complaint.

You seem to be doing fine on your own. I think your mom is being paranoid. Keep up what you do. :3
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:iconinkysnowflakes:
InkySnowflakes Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You could always try talking to her about it and telling her how hurtful her comments are? From what I hear of your mother, she sounds like a generally reasonable person, so for all you know she might just take your words to heart and stop.

If that doesn't work, you could try ignoring her or saying something along the lines of, "Thanks for your input, but I am the one who makes the decisions about whether I wear makeup or not, and I have decided not to. I'm happy with myself the way I am, and if you don't like it then that's your problem."

As for the body odour thing... well, you stated that you and your friends are honest to each other about those sorts of things, and that they haven't pointed it out. Your mum is likely overreacting or trying to make sure you're washing daily and the like, and going about doing so the wrong way. So, again, try talking to your mum about it.

It's great that you're happy with your appearance, though. There are so many people out there who aren't, and it's a great feeling to have. I applaud you for that, and wish you luck with your mum. <3
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Ignore your mother. If she's not getting a reaction from you for like three weeks or more she might just shut up. It's worth a try.
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:iconcandydechocolate:
CandyDeChocolate Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
it sounds like your mom is obsessed over make-up and things like that. Sorry to say it but... ignore her! If you are happy the way you are then it is not necessary to use make up or appear something that you are not. Just be confident on how you look :) good luck!! ;)
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:iconthornpie:
ThornPie Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Wow, it sucks that a lot of people have family that pushes that kind of crap on them. :(

I've personally had that problem, mainly from my mom and grandma. For years my mom has constantly pushed me to alter myself and harm my self esteem. I've dealt with the topics thrown at by my mom that are the same to the ones you listed. One time my grandma got extremely angry with me because I didn't feel like wearing makeup at an event, and when I told her that I felt like I didn't need it and that I put on make up to impress myself if needed and not to please others, she replied with, "Well, that's what you like to think." I think that whole "respect your elders" saying should be changed to "Respect your elders so long as their knowledge can actually meet up with their age."

Sadly, people like that won't change. Personally, that thought used to really bum me out, but I started to realize that I'll be able to get to an age where people won't make a comment about "teenage rebellion/angst" towards me and use that to belittle me one day, and they'll have to find a more legitimate reason to tune my voice out. UuU
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:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I never understood how somebody would look bad without make up..
Just ignore her, I'm sure you look and smell fine. :)
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:iconindigosparkles:
IndigoSparkles Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You sound very much like me, I'm the type of girl who prefers running around with little or no makeup and I'm happy with the way I look even if my hair is frizzy. Yet I'm constantly being told that I'm "too pale" and "too tired" and I need to get out more by my relatives but my friends are the opposite and tend to give me lots of compliments.
I'm not beutiful by anyone's standards but that doesn't get me down but you sound to me like your a very attractive person in both body and soul. I woudn't let your mum pick on you like that - maybe if you ask her why she's saying these things it might not frustrate you so much but I don't think any mother in their right frame of mind should look at their daughter and only see the flaws.
Maybe the only realsolution for her actions is that her mother treated her the same way and it passed on to her.
Anyway, don't let it get you down, I've never met you but I'm sure that your a wonderful person :)and don't let
any sort of hateful comment get you down.
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:iconunclegargy:
UncleGargy Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sounds like she is jealous of your natural beauty and is passing on HER paranoia to you. Carry on as you were. Sounds like she needs some body confidence. Don't let her drag you down.
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:iconlabradoriteeyes:
LabradoriteEyes Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Traditional Artist
That's not right for her to say. Unless you're thin and pale because of poor health, it's not her place to interfere or tell you how to look. Her words will still hurt, but at least you're able to see that you are beautiful.

My stepmom will tell me that I "have no ass" or that I'm flat-chested (in front of coworkers, too), but I think maybe she's insecure over how much weight she's gained since her her marriage. I'm size 0 because I eat well and work out, but her job requires her to be on the road for hours so she can't work out and she chooses to eat poorly. When she says mean things about my body I try not to get mad and just remember that she's probably feeling really badly about her own body and that her comments are due to her not being able or not trying to change herself.

Would you mind describing your mom, physically? Maybe she'd like to be thinner, or be confident without makeup, or maybe she's paranoid about her own body odor and transfers her insecurity onto you. I'm sorry that she's so rude to you, but at least you'll be going to university soon. :)
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:iconsexlessdemon:
SexlessDemon Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
My mom is very attractive and hygenic. She's fit and naturally tan. Everyone always comments on how beautiful she is and my male friends call her a "MILF". It grosses me out when they say that, but she is a good looking woman. I don't think she has anything to be insecure about physically.

As for your mom, that's so degrading to make comments like that about your body, especially in front of others. I wish parents would think more about how hurtful comments like that are instead of being so adamant that they are just trying to help and we should tolerate and accept it.
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:iconlabradoriteeyes:
LabradoriteEyes Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012   Traditional Artist
That's pretty crude of your friends to say. :( To they only say it to you or do they actually hit on her?
Fit, tan, and clean are attractive to most people, so maybe she picks on you because you're not the normal version of "pretty". Of course, that doesn't mean you can't be beautiful, just not in a mainstream way. :)

Stepmom, not mom, luckily. I don't see her husband much and I see her even more rarely, except when I worked for her during the summer. However, she does have two adult sons and I hope she treated them better. I've never met them to know their personalities, but they're often in financial or legal trouble. People don't seem to realize how hurtful their comments and actions can be, and how far they can influence others.
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:iconzombie-goldfish:
zombie-goldfish Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I have the same issue. I'm happy with my appearance, I'm full figured but not over weight. I rarely wear make up and almost always have my hair tied back (I have trichotillomania and tying my hair back helps heaps with cutting down the hair pulling).
Yet both my mum and my dad keep telling me that I've let myself go, that I'm now too fat, that I need to start wearing make up again and that I need to do something with my hair instead of 'tying it back like a grandma'. They tell me my appearance is the reason my old highschool friends don't see me much anymore (because being busy with uni and work is not a reason) and claim my boyfriend will also leave me over it.

I can see that they are just looking out for us in their own insensitive way, but they just don't realize that their own opinion regarding appearance is not the same as everyone else in the world, which is more than likely our case from the sounds of things.
It might not sound like great advise, but disregard everything your mother says, if you personally are happy with how you look then you're all good.
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:iconsexlessdemon:
SexlessDemon Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I'm both happy and saddened to see so many people relating with me in terms of this issue. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but I'm grateful for your insight.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I was going to ask you if moving out is at all possible, but you wrote that you're going to live on a college campus in a few months anyway.

I honestly think that's the best solution right now. Your mother is unlikely to change her behaviour any time soon, so getting out of that environment yourself is the next best thing.
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:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Filmographer
Ignore her. It sucks to listen to, but as long as you're well-groomed and happy with your appearance like you said, you sound perfectly fine to me. :)

If a serious talk like UnreasonableReasons suggested doesn't work, ignoring is the best you can do.
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:iconunreasonablereasons:
UnreasonableReasons Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ever since I cut my hair, my mom's been telling me I look like a boy. She's hating on the pixie cut. :P

Unfortunately, you can't do much about it. Sit her down and try to have a "this bothers me, please stop" conversation, and if that doesn't work, all you can do is ignore it. When my mom's getting on my nerves, I tell her she looks like an elephant, and it usually makes her stop for a while. But I feel like other people's mother's may not respond as well to the "fight back" approach.
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Start wearing makeup badly. Like 1980s style.

Get some really stinky perfume.

Find some fake tanner or something that will turn you orange (and washes off).

Add some horrible 'designer' clothes and really tacky jewelry.

Make yourself bootiful and present yourself to your mom.

Seriously, though, you can tell her you are confident enough in yourself not to feel like you need all that, and if you are embarrassing her it's her own fault, not yours. You are not responsible for her feelings.
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:iconzeflyingmuppet:
ZeFlyingMuppet Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'd actually like to see that in a comedy or something xD

but yeah OP's mom is her mom, can't do anything about that, really.
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:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student Writer
I second everybody's advice to ignore her, but I also can see why it's hard not to become paranoid when someone's makes comments like that, especially about stuff like smell that you can't really notice yourself. Still, if you brush your teeth twice a day, shower once every day or every other day and use soap/deodrant/etc, it's pretty unlikely you smell and more likely she's the paranoid one.

All I can really think is to say to her that even if you are pale, don't wear makeup and look weird, people seem to like you and your life is going pretty well, so you can't see why it matters in the slightest.
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:iconenuocale:
EnuoCale Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Tell her to go fuck herself.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
agreed :|
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this
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:iconkingstephenarthur:
KingStephenArthur Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Student Photographer
I just wouldn't give a fuck. seriously. lol :)
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:iconl-echo-l:
l-Echo-l Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It could be out of jealousy.....perhaps your mother thinks that you've grown more beautiful than she has, the only way to make herself think she is still pretty is by telling you all those rude comments. You are you and you shouldn't please anyone else. Perhaps it is a phase as others said. You like the way you look and so do other people you care about (i mean other than your mother) that should enough:) have confidence, if it gets worse try to confront her. gently of course, if she doesn't give a solid enough excuse as to why she's said something then she did out of irrational emotion. I sincerely hope things get better for the both you
<3
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Yes, I have that kind of issue. Parents are parents, and in my family and extended family they have all acted like you describe. However in my family, its all about respect, so I simply ignore what my parents say. Take my Dad, for instance. If he tells me to do something that concerns him, or to do something which isn't directly against what I'm about, I do it. However, a good percentage of the time, he tells me all kinds of stuff that basically undermines everything I am. So I just disobey. I tell him, "I disagree." and that's it. I don't make a big deal of it. If he keeps up nagging me, I simply look at him and say nothing. Or I say "I understand." [unspoken is my thought: but I disagree] That's what I do. It's good to respect and honor your parents, but it isn't good to let them destroy you. Just ignore them/ quietly disagree with them and fill your life with people who will help you to be the person you're meant to be. If you do this enough you will have enough positive energy that your mom's negativity won't bring you down.
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:iconsexlessdemon:
SexlessDemon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Thank you for the good advice
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:iconkemcar:
kemcar Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
I don't have any such issues but can say that you can try bearing with your mom, because there comes an age where people become nagging with their children. Maybe your mother too is going through that phase, so try to ignore her hurtful comments for the time being and give her some space, hopefully it will help.
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:iconsexlessdemon:
SexlessDemon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Thanks for the suggestion
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
My mom used to do that too, until about the thousandth time that I told her I didn't need her putting me down and I was happy with the way I looked. You said you were happy with yourself (which is really great), so I guess your best bet is to ignore her and not respond to any of the hurtful comments; who knows, maybe if she doesn't get any reaction out of you she'll stop. Or maybe she won't, in which case you either tell her to shut up or continue to ignore her.
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