That's so mean... At a time, I weighed 7 kilos more than I do now, which was 65 kilos, (I am 160 cm long) and she kept telling me that I looked fat. I really got hurt actually but I started exercising and now, when I look at old pictures I am glad she said it. Because saying "honey I love you but you need to exercise a bit, you will feel better", that would not have made me exercise. Do you know what I mean? Also she sometimes say I look ugly in some of my tops or t-shirts, but I just say that she look ugly too and then we laugh so I don't think she really means it in a hard way.
But try to talk to her, I had to talk to my mother and say that I actually got hurt and she said that she didn't mean it like that. The best you can do is talk it out with her! Good luck
My mom doesn't criticize me about make-up, but I seriously can't remember the last time I went out without wearing any! I'm a ginger and my eyelashes are blonde so it makes my eyes look puny...I was so down on myself so putting on makeup become like, a routine since about the 5th grade. :S
Sometimes I wish I had just never started wearing it in the first place.
But this is not your case!! If you feel confident without any makeup, show it to the world, girl! Let them know you love yourself and your natural looks, and you don't give a damn what they think!!
Well, considering you haven't posted up a dozen whoreish pictures of yourself on your page, you either have enough self respect to not give a damn, or you're ugly as shit. So either take your mom's advice or tell her to piss off.
Lucy-MerrimanFeatured By OwnerJan 10, 2013Student General Artist
Okay, so, first off, nobody needs make-up to look pretty. Not even if you have scars on your face or something. It's just you, and it sounds like you do a great job of "owning it" already! Honestly, I know far more people who look worse with make-up than without because they don't blend well or use clashing colors.
Secondly, it sounds like you're doing a good job handling it, so, you know. Keep on truckin'. My best guess? Your mom loves you. But she loves you in a way that makes her want your to be great, possibly even perfect. You're not perfect, and that bothers her. But she'll get over it eventually
I don't say I have this issue and I'm also a little bit of a smart ass so if my mom said I needed a tan I'd say I'm going for the vampire look. If you think you look fine and smell fine then you probably do and your mom might just be too hung up on appearances and she might want you to look a certain way but that's her issue and not yours. If everyone else thinks you look fine then you're doing something right and one person's comment, and it doesn't matter whose, does not cancel that out. Just remember to stay happy with yourself and her opinion is not the most important one, yours is.
your mother shouldn't talk to you like that. It's not okay. Let her know these comments hurt you. With words she just can't misunderstand like " Mom, please stop this. It really hurts to hear this all the time. How would you feel, if I tell you every day how tired you look and that you're getting older? That is not okay mom" If she doesn't want to understand this and keeps on with this, change your attitude. Don't let her push you down. You have a mouth you're allowed to speak with and you have words that are allowed to be heard. If you like your face without make up you're allowed to tell her exactly this. If you like how your hair looks, you're allowed to say: No Mom, I like my hair today. Keep your head up. Nobody, not even your mother, can give inferiority feelings, if you don't allow them to do so.
GenajagFeatured By OwnerJan 6, 2013Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, obviously you're happy with yourself and that's what matters most. But when someone makes these comments its going to affect you. Maybe try talking to her again. It seems to be her problem with you, not anyone else's. But be gentle. She doesn't seem to know she's in the wrong :/
Don't wear makeup. It ruins your skin and your self-esteem. Of course, there are situations where a small amount of makeup is appropriate. Job interviews, weddings, important meetings with clients, etc. It sounds very much like your mother is trying to tear your down because of her own poor self-esteem. No parent I know would accuse their child, or anyone for that matter, of looking weird and smelling bad after that that person took a shower, brushed their hair, and dressed up in nice clothing.
As far as getting your mother to stop, I recommend organizing your reasons for not wearing makeup all the time and presenting them to her in a very matter-of-fact way. If in-person won't work, then write her a letter. Make it clear that you have good reasons and aren't just being a belligerent teenager. Also make it clear that you will not continue to tolerate her constant criticism. After that, verbally shut her down politely but firmly any time she brings it up.
4 bad breath, tongue scrapper. for b/o find the right deodorant or body spray 4 u. as far as make up in my opinion very few females need it to look better, even so a little goes a long way. as for you mom y not surprise her with a makeover night where u do each others make up. have a sit down to try & find some common ground or just to simply talk it out (try to avoid argument)(lol 4 each day she doesnt wear make up, u will wear it).
oooooooor maybe ur weird just like the rest of us lol
AbsolutesNichtsFeatured By OwnerJan 5, 2013Hobbyist Digital Artist
BE YOURSELF! Life's too short to be the one others want you to be, and as Long as your friends and you are happy with it, SHE will have to live with it. don't let yourself be pushed to do htings you don't like, you won't be happy with it.
my mum and aunt always told me i should wear high heels, Dress up and such. they told m i needed to go to Discos and met new People but i never did. on one vacation my best friend, my mum and aunt were going into a Disco (i had to) and my aunt flirted with the 40 year old dj, when leaving she grabbed a 18-year-oldes ass she never met before.
i may tell you, she was married at that time, and had one Lover besides her husband, she could never decide. my Cousin was the one who had to live with this shit - of course he wasn't happy with it.
i don't want to tel you that your mum is JUST LIKE my aunt but sometimes People who do this stuff have Problems they never talk about. maybe you try to see it this way ...
If your mother is insulting you like that, no offense, she might be trying to protect you, but I think she might not realize that she's acting a little bit paranoid. You should try talking to her about the fact that you don't want to wear makeup.
Jesus! And I thought my mom was bad! She has forced me to go to makeup counters when she would drive me to work before I had a licence and say to the counter, "She was going to go to work like this!" I would tell her how my friends would compliment me on my looks, but she would always counter it, saying they weren't lookers themselves.
She still comments on my acne marks. I've actually discovered that she stopped being so critical of my appearance once I was critical about hers. "Mom, you have a big blemish there. Why haven't you put your makeup on yet? That shirt makes you look too boxy. Can't you fix the back of your hair so it's not so flat?" I don't recommend this method, but it's worked for me, even though it wasn't like I was trying to be nasty. I was used to it being done to me. Now, when she comments about my smell or looks, I just say "Yeah I KNOW. I'm a damn animal. THANKS for giving me your defective DNA, I inherited this shit."
My mom is exactly the opposite. She'd be like: "Why are you wearing make-up? You look fine as it is." or "Don't put on too much or you'll look silly or older, than you are." She doesn't think make-up is evil or anything, she just cares too much. And I don't even wear that much make-up, the only things I do is emphasize my eye-brows and put on mascara and maybe eye-liner once in a few months. No foundation, powder etc.
You need to explain to your mom that her words are hurtful and make you feel bad about yourself. As your mother I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you, so if you explain to her that her actions are hurting you, she might stop.
awwww that's horrible, she seems to just have a very looks focused view of things, and possibly a sexist one, thinking its unreasonable for a woman not to constantly be adding things to make themselves look fancy
Try appealing to her sense of reason and logic, explain it like you did here if she is too ignorant to listen, then her opinion isn't worth taking seriously in the first place!
2. I never wear make up, except for the occasional light powder for bad acne days. Im 21, and very rarely use it. As far as your mother, I do not know her, but she sounds extremely paranoid. She may, deep down, only tryong to help, but her methods are wrong. You do not have to wear make up. I do not, and I get compliments. You obviously do too. I think she is just a victim of a society that thinks "if you do not wear 50 pounds of make up to look like you have perfect flawless skin and smell the way socisty says, then something is wrong" trap.
3. As for scents, I can not really be fair. I am a hyperosmiac, so all scents, good or bad, ate exyrely stong to me. So, I can not ise anything too scented or I get major headaches. I would say, as long as your friends and co workers do not complain, do not worry. Trust me, if it is an issue, it will be brought up by somebody.
4. My granmother always asked me why i never wore make up and complained about me too. But whenever I asked anyone about it, I never got a bad reaction. My mother still does this to me. I am in vollege now, and I have never gotten a complaint.
You seem to be doing fine on your own. I think your mom is being paranoid. Keep up what you do. :3
You could always try talking to her about it and telling her how hurtful her comments are? From what I hear of your mother, she sounds like a generally reasonable person, so for all you know she might just take your words to heart and stop.
If that doesn't work, you could try ignoring her or saying something along the lines of, "Thanks for your input, but I am the one who makes the decisions about whether I wear makeup or not, and I have decided not to. I'm happy with myself the way I am, and if you don't like it then that's your problem."
As for the body odour thing... well, you stated that you and your friends are honest to each other about those sorts of things, and that they haven't pointed it out. Your mum is likely overreacting or trying to make sure you're washing daily and the like, and going about doing so the wrong way. So, again, try talking to your mum about it.
It's great that you're happy with your appearance, though. There are so many people out there who aren't, and it's a great feeling to have. I applaud you for that, and wish you luck with your mum. <3
it sounds like your mom is obsessed over make-up and things like that. Sorry to say it but... ignore her! If you are happy the way you are then it is not necessary to use make up or appear something that you are not. Just be confident on how you look good luck!!
Wow, it sucks that a lot of people have family that pushes that kind of crap on them.
I've personally had that problem, mainly from my mom and grandma. For years my mom has constantly pushed me to alter myself and harm my self esteem. I've dealt with the topics thrown at by my mom that are the same to the ones you listed. One time my grandma got extremely angry with me because I didn't feel like wearing makeup at an event, and when I told her that I felt like I didn't need it and that I put on make up to impress myself if needed and not to please others, she replied with, "Well, that's what you like to think." I think that whole "respect your elders" saying should be changed to "Respect your elders so long as their knowledge can actually meet up with their age."
Sadly, people like that won't change. Personally, that thought used to really bum me out, but I started to realize that I'll be able to get to an age where people won't make a comment about "teenage rebellion/angst" towards me and use that to belittle me one day, and they'll have to find a more legitimate reason to tune my voice out. UuU
You sound very much like me, I'm the type of girl who prefers running around with little or no makeup and I'm happy with the way I look even if my hair is frizzy. Yet I'm constantly being told that I'm "too pale" and "too tired" and I need to get out more by my relatives but my friends are the opposite and tend to give me lots of compliments. I'm not beutiful by anyone's standards but that doesn't get me down but you sound to me like your a very attractive person in both body and soul. I woudn't let your mum pick on you like that - maybe if you ask her why she's saying these things it might not frustrate you so much but I don't think any mother in their right frame of mind should look at their daughter and only see the flaws. Maybe the only realsolution for her actions is that her mother treated her the same way and it passed on to her. Anyway, don't let it get you down, I've never met you but I'm sure that your a wonderful person and don't let any sort of hateful comment get you down.
That's not right for her to say. Unless you're thin and pale because of poor health, it's not her place to interfere or tell you how to look. Her words will still hurt, but at least you're able to see that you are beautiful.
My stepmom will tell me that I "have no ass" or that I'm flat-chested (in front of coworkers, too), but I think maybe she's insecure over how much weight she's gained since her her marriage. I'm size 0 because I eat well and work out, but her job requires her to be on the road for hours so she can't work out and she chooses to eat poorly. When she says mean things about my body I try not to get mad and just remember that she's probably feeling really badly about her own body and that her comments are due to her not being able or not trying to change herself.
Would you mind describing your mom, physically? Maybe she'd like to be thinner, or be confident without makeup, or maybe she's paranoid about her own body odor and transfers her insecurity onto you. I'm sorry that she's so rude to you, but at least you'll be going to university soon.
My mom is very attractive and hygenic. She's fit and naturally tan. Everyone always comments on how beautiful she is and my male friends call her a "MILF". It grosses me out when they say that, but she is a good looking woman. I don't think she has anything to be insecure about physically.
As for your mom, that's so degrading to make comments like that about your body, especially in front of others. I wish parents would think more about how hurtful comments like that are instead of being so adamant that they are just trying to help and we should tolerate and accept it.
That's pretty crude of your friends to say. To they only say it to you or do they actually hit on her? Fit, tan, and clean are attractive to most people, so maybe she picks on you because you're not the normal version of "pretty". Of course, that doesn't mean you can't be beautiful, just not in a mainstream way.
Stepmom, not mom, luckily. I don't see her husband much and I see her even more rarely, except when I worked for her during the summer. However, she does have two adult sons and I hope she treated them better. I've never met them to know their personalities, but they're often in financial or legal trouble. People don't seem to realize how hurtful their comments and actions can be, and how far they can influence others.
I have the same issue. I'm happy with my appearance, I'm full figured but not over weight. I rarely wear make up and almost always have my hair tied back (I have trichotillomania and tying my hair back helps heaps with cutting down the hair pulling). Yet both my mum and my dad keep telling me that I've let myself go, that I'm now too fat, that I need to start wearing make up again and that I need to do something with my hair instead of 'tying it back like a grandma'. They tell me my appearance is the reason my old highschool friends don't see me much anymore (because being busy with uni and work is not a reason) and claim my boyfriend will also leave me over it.
I can see that they are just looking out for us in their own insensitive way, but they just don't realize that their own opinion regarding appearance is not the same as everyone else in the world, which is more than likely our case from the sounds of things. It might not sound like great advise, but disregard everything your mother says, if you personally are happy with how you look then you're all good.
Ever since I cut my hair, my mom's been telling me I look like a boy. She's hating on the pixie cut.
Unfortunately, you can't do much about it. Sit her down and try to have a "this bothers me, please stop" conversation, and if that doesn't work, all you can do is ignore it. When my mom's getting on my nerves, I tell her she looks like an elephant, and it usually makes her stop for a while. But I feel like other people's mother's may not respond as well to the "fight back" approach.
Mercury-CroweFeatured By OwnerDec 27, 2012Professional Artisan Crafter
Start wearing makeup badly. Like 1980s style.
Get some really stinky perfume.
Find some fake tanner or something that will turn you orange (and washes off).
Add some horrible 'designer' clothes and really tacky jewelry.
Make yourself bootiful and present yourself to your mom.
Seriously, though, you can tell her you are confident enough in yourself not to feel like you need all that, and if you are embarrassing her it's her own fault, not yours. You are not responsible for her feelings.
I second everybody's advice to ignore her, but I also can see why it's hard not to become paranoid when someone's makes comments like that, especially about stuff like smell that you can't really notice yourself. Still, if you brush your teeth twice a day, shower once every day or every other day and use soap/deodrant/etc, it's pretty unlikely you smell and more likely she's the paranoid one.
All I can really think is to say to her that even if you are pale, don't wear makeup and look weird, people seem to like you and your life is going pretty well, so you can't see why it matters in the slightest.
It could be out of jealousy.....perhaps your mother thinks that you've grown more beautiful than she has, the only way to make herself think she is still pretty is by telling you all those rude comments. You are you and you shouldn't please anyone else. Perhaps it is a phase as others said. You like the way you look and so do other people you care about (i mean other than your mother) that should enough have confidence, if it gets worse try to confront her. gently of course, if she doesn't give a solid enough excuse as to why she's said something then she did out of irrational emotion. I sincerely hope things get better for the both you <3
Yes, I have that kind of issue. Parents are parents, and in my family and extended family they have all acted like you describe. However in my family, its all about respect, so I simply ignore what my parents say. Take my Dad, for instance. If he tells me to do something that concerns him, or to do something which isn't directly against what I'm about, I do it. However, a good percentage of the time, he tells me all kinds of stuff that basically undermines everything I am. So I just disobey. I tell him, "I disagree." and that's it. I don't make a big deal of it. If he keeps up nagging me, I simply look at him and say nothing. Or I say "I understand." [unspoken is my thought: but I disagree] That's what I do. It's good to respect and honor your parents, but it isn't good to let them destroy you. Just ignore them/ quietly disagree with them and fill your life with people who will help you to be the person you're meant to be. If you do this enough you will have enough positive energy that your mom's negativity won't bring you down.
I don't have any such issues but can say that you can try bearing with your mom, because there comes an age where people become nagging with their children. Maybe your mother too is going through that phase, so try to ignore her hurtful comments for the time being and give her some space, hopefully it will help.
My mom used to do that too, until about the thousandth time that I told her I didn't need her putting me down and I was happy with the way I looked. You said you were happy with yourself (which is really great), so I guess your best bet is to ignore her and not respond to any of the hurtful comments; who knows, maybe if she doesn't get any reaction out of you she'll stop. Or maybe she won't, in which case you either tell her to shut up or continue to ignore her.