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December 22, 2012
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Friendship drifting apart... or crush drifting apart? am I too proud?

:iconfluffy-maple-vodka:
fluffy-maple-vodka Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
sorry if it's long...

I have this guy friend (let's refer to him as 'M') who used to like me. I didn't like him back, so I just didn't answer and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He told me how deep he likes me. We used to talk alot, call alot, Skype, text, etc. but as it became often and became like a routine I got tired of it. I kinda got annoyed.. I didn't answer to his calls nor texts that much anymore, and all our conversation go like, hello, what are you doing? So how's life?

Sometimes I really don't wanna talk, since I'm kinda introverted. I don't like sports that much, but he does. He has alot of friends, while I don't. We're different sections in our school, and we barely meet so yeah.

One time in August he asked me, "Wanna come over our house during Christmas break and introduce you to my friends?" then I said, "Yeah, I'd love to~. But after August or when November started... we drifted apart. He didn't send me messages anymore. I tried to send him a message but he won't reply. He didn't call me. He wasn't interested in talking to me anymore. I noticed he changed his group of friends too.

Then, he told me he had another crush on a girl. I tried to guess but he didn't tell me. For some reason, I got jealous abit but I said myself I didn't like him.. or I was just too proud or something?

And now it's almost Christmas... He still hasn't invited me to come over their house to introduce me to his friends... He chatted me yesterday, he said It's been a long time since I didn't go online it's because he has alot of things to do in their house. But, why didn't he texted me? I sent a message from him few weeks ago but he didn't reply... our communication really broke..

Oh, also around July I met this other guy (refer as 'K') and I kinda liked him a bit. M knew about this so I guess he tried having a crush on the other girl...

So, K's story is like a little bit of 'M'. We talk alot, call alot, etc. But then I knew he also have a crush on me. so we're kinda like MUs. He asked me if I can be her girlfriend but I said "no, you're 3 years older than me and mama will get mad at me, and other stuff". So it stayed like that...

then one day, when his friends were asking who am I, he said that I was his girlfriend. I was angry and stuff, it might spread the whole school and I might get a detention or something... yeah that's how our school is strict. He was showing off and stuff. I didn't like it, then I started complaining about it to my friends. Then one week after his birthday, I said it straight to him I don't like. I didn't had a crush on him after, too. I tried to make it politely but I think I was enraged. He got sad about it and I was really, really, REALLY guilty.

He tried to keep in touch with me coz he said I was the first one to like him... I listened to his severe problems and stuff.

Then, I also had a crush on this guy 'E' and I recently confessed to him... he's a friend of K. "I thought you like K? Why did you suddenly liked me?". He really didn't respond to my confession but it's alright. It's okay if he doesn't have an answer. I just wanna let him know... K doesn't know anything about it yet, I guess...

Then today he didn't send me anything. not even texts, I tried to contact him but he won't reply. I'm afraid K will drift apart like M... I don't want that to happen... I just see them friends, alright I'll admit... but my question is... did I do the right thing? Was pointing out the one I didn't like on K is bad? What should I do now? Am I too proud to be annoyed by their everyday text messages? please help me...
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Devious Comments

:icon76patty:
76Patty Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Calm down Vianka.. Okay lang yan :)) I mean, i think you should wait for the one who will really love you until you'll die. Be patient, Be strong. And have hope in everything.. Okay? :)
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:iconjessaflux:
JessaFlux Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012   Photographer
You sound totally mixed up and seem to be in to games. first you stop talking to him, and then he to you. I'd advise just to move on. You got too much baggage with this one already.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
It doesn't sound like E likes you.

If M drifted away from you, it was probably because he doesn't like you anymore, or he feels you have nothing to offer him anymore because either his desire for you has faded or he has come to realize you will never be with him. Basically he was only keeping in touch for the selfish reason of wanting you to be his girlfriend, and now that you no longer potentially offer that, suddenly your "friendship" is no longer important to him. He was "friends" with you for selfish reasons.

If K is going to be a baby about your lack of reciprocated feelings for him, I'd let him go. If friendship alone isn't enough for him, like it wasn't enough for M, then he is not worth being in your life. Men who only want to be your friend if/when they have some inane hope of getting with you are not real friends.

That said, lack of communication for ONE DAY does NOT signify "ignoring" someone! Jesus, I'd be annoyed as hell if even my best friends had to contact me every day. Don't you have a life that involves doing other important things, like schoolwork? Take care of your work and keep in touch with your friends every few days or so. Spend time with them on the weekends. You don't need an electronic umbilical cord.

Next bullet point. Before declaring that someone has "ignored" your text, employ the 24 hour rule. Sometimes people are doing other things and can't get back to you right away. Sometimes people have meetings or classes or phone batteries die and they can't get back to you for hours. Occasionally people have crazy hectic back-to-back days in which they don't have enough time to get everything done as it is and when they're finally done all they can possibly think about doing is sleeping and then as soon as they wake up they have to get to work/class and don't have time to respond to their social calls until well into the afternoon. But that is rare. Valid, but rare.

Basically there is never anything that people do that prevents them from responding to a text within 24 hours unless it's finals week or they're having meetings with the president. Whatever obligations people have within their day, whether it's school, a job, or sleep, there will be some point within a 24 hour window when they have time to view their text messages. And if they don't reply to you within 24 hours, they're ignoring you and you can be rightfully angry with their ass.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
what the bloody hell!!! why am i so inupdated?? :iconwuuutplz: and tell me, is K Kurt, M as someone i dont know but wanna know, and E is elijah? and dude, dont worry, i have love problems right now too. REALLY HARD ONES. well maybe for me at least, and i bloody hate it. so i just tell myself, " hell, im only 13, i have around 10 years before i should really have love problems." those problems turn into problems because you MAKE them into problems. if you didnt think about it much, it would be less a problem and things would be easier and you'd live your youth in a fuller way. so i think just focus on school and friendships more, and things will work out right with ur love life. and, its god's choice on who u will end up with, he knows you'll feel ever so happy with that guy. so you just need to believe God and leave that to him. and anyways, its not like youre planning to get married with a guy when ur 18 or 17, bloody hell. XD if you get a boyfriend this early, you might get pregnant and change your future forever. and if you have a boyfriend this early, one of you guys will get tired of each other, like, masasawa kayo with ur relationship cuz its so long, having to wait for 10 years. and what if you part ways in college and he gets another girl? youll just make a fool of yourself. so.... just aim on ur future cuz thats more important than puppy love. EVEN THOUGH IM SUFFERING ANOTHER PROBLEM IM STILL TOO YOUNG BUT IM WAITING FOR AT LEAST 3RD YR TO CONFESS TO HIM AGAIN OR TO THIS OTHER GUY I DONT KNOW XD you can have a bf in 3rd or 4th yr btw. start getting to know other guys, and what its like, since thats the normal age na for getting boyfriends, if youre THAT desperate, that is. xD ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST ON FB SO I CAN TALK TO YOU MORE. I MISS YOU. XDDD
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:iconbluegenesis:
BlueGenesis Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:| Way to act like a gossip (or in case you can't tell what I'm calling you in English, then I'm putting it in Tagalog: tsismosa). If your friend wanted to keep the guys's actual names anonymous, you shouldn't have said anything. If their names weren't mean to be revealed, then you're a bad friend who can't keep secrets.

Also, you're only thirteen. As far as I'm concerned, your preceptions on love are unrealistic and harmful to say. Just because some Filipinos in the Philippines get involved in teenage pregnancy while dating doesn't mean all Filipinos are like that. Geez. Because of views like yours, it's why I try to disassociate myself from Filipinos who think this way, never mind that I'm a Filipino too.

It's possible for teenagers to date without sex getting involved. It's not like every teenager has to be promiscuous in order to have a relationship. Otherwise, my own boyfriend and I would've done so when we were younger when we haven't until I was of age and established ourselves as adults.

Next time, think before you type.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I should probably be slightly annoyed that you said pretty much everything I did like I didn't already say it but I'm actually kind of glad. :lol:
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:iconbluegenesis:
BlueGenesis Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:rofl: Well hey, I got really annoyed by the way she was sprouting such nonsense. Being the same ethnicity as her, as well as knowing how most Filipinos are really like due to the fact I went abroad to the Philippines to finish my college studies, something inside of me snapped. She reminded me so much of most of the people I knew in college: being immature and childish. Christ, I felt like I was in high school all over again.

And given that the Philippines is a conservative country... There tends to be a lot of misconception, concerning sex education and the likes. So, as a Filipino born and raised in an American setting, my views are obviously different. So, I needed to be brutally honest as well as a little bitchy to get my point across.

^^; I'm sorry I repeated what you said in your own comment, though! I didn't realize this until I read your comment!
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
No no, it's great. Hammers it home. :thumbsup:
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
sorry, then. ill just delete my comment to help. and stop hate replies.
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:iconbluegenesis:
BlueGenesis Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That is not a hate reply. That is an honest reply from my prespective as an adult. If you can't handle reality as it is, then you're not ready for the real world.

And let me just point out that teenage pregnancy doesn't happen in the Philippines only. It happens everywhere, even in America. So, don't generalize that all teenagers who are in relationships end up having sex and the female always get pregnant. That is an unrealistic conclusion you've stated.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
sorry then, im only 13 xD im not very wise yet, and i guess im rather immature sometimes... sorry that i got carried away with my comment.
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:iconfluffy-maple-vodka:
fluffy-maple-vodka Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Lol its more like a friendship problem though. I see them as friends lol so I dont wanna lose them just because Im not interested or something. I'm outdated to you too dont worry. But I heard you confessed to that tall guy who went both Christmas party and Highschool dance? Im not focusing on love, though.

And dude, what youre trying to say is a committed love. Who can bear it in Highschool? No one naman diba. ofcourse no one can handle it in highschool, only adult people understand and fight for it. But for the bfs/gfs in our highschool, is just puppy love. And they have intercourse if they want to, coz they just want sexual pleasure, ofcourse. Also, a long distant relationship is meaningless. Like, you should let it go coz u know theyre going to drift apart, he'll make new friends and stuff.

A puppy love isnt wrong unless you put it on top of your work, obligations, etc. For me, its just an inspiration. Yes, everyone knows it will end except for the people who isnt experienced with love yet. Ofcourse theyd get in love drunk. This kind of relationship should NOT to be taken seriously.

Oh yeah. It's my choice not to be with them. I rejected them because its my choice, its because I have reasons and decisions for my own.

Thanks for the feedback.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yes indeed, ok. and i didnt confess to a "tall" guy. hes an inch or two taller than me, zachary, remember? he "bestfriend-zoned" me but now im trying to forget him and never fall for another person cuz ill just ruin myself. and who told u i confessed to a tall guy???
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:iconfluffy-maple-vodka:
fluffy-maple-vodka Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Ohh. and No I meant.. Okay I'll say his name. Mar-vin. XD you shouldnt let that bother you alot, and you have to get used to those (happened to me alot too) and atleast bestfriends kayo! Some thinks Im just a mere friend, not a best friend.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
can you make my comment a spam please? xD i wanna hide it. thanks XD he didnt like to say i was his bestfriend 'til i started crying, by the way. hes a malandi jerk so nevermind that xD
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:iconfluffy-maple-vodka:
fluffy-maple-vodka Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
how do you make it a spam? :o

ohh, it's kinda awkward xD
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i dunno how to delete my comment eh lol there isnt a delete button.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Jesus Christ if i knew you in real life I probably would ignore your friend request, too. I'm guessing if your friend here wanted to reveal the guys' actual first names she wouldn't have replaced them with initials. Way to be a douchey friend.

You're also seriously out of touch with reality. But the only thing I will point out specifically is this:

"if you get a boyfriend this early, you might get pregnant and change your future forever."

I don't know how old you and your friend here and those guys are, but I'm assuming around 13-15. Young teens and preteens can certainly have boyfriends/girlfriends without having sex, and it's when people like you say things like this and insinuate that the two can't possibly not go hand-in-hand at every age that makes them think they have to have sex in order to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

For adults, yes, sex is part of a healthy romantic relationship. For young teens, not necessarily yet. Your attitude about relationships and sex is extremely harmful to your "friend" and other peers.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you DO know that teens get pregnant right? i dont want it to happen to her.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
You DO know that teens only get pregnant when they have sex, and not simply by virtue of having a boyfriend, right?
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i know that, though i know that some people DO get carried away, dont they?
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Digital Artist
That is a possibility. You spoke of it as an inevitability.

"Young teens and preteens can certainly have boyfriends/girlfriends without having sex, and it's when people like you say things like this and insinuate that the two can't possibly not go hand-in-hand at every age that makes them think they have to have sex in order to have a boyfriend/girlfriend." —me, to you, 3 posts ago.

The less damaging way to voice your concern would be... Well, it would be nothing right now, really. If your friend wants to start a relationship you should support her and not saying things like "you might get pregnant!" Wait until she even has a boyfriend, and if you're close friends she will probably tell you things like "we kissed and he wants to fool around" or you might notice them getting closer physically and then could perhaps say something like, "Remember you don't have to have sex until you're ready," or ask if she's thinking about it and remind her to be safe if she is.

When you jump to the conclusion that if she's dating she's probably going to have sex, it creates an expectation. It makes it seem like the reason why you assume that is because that's how it works, and everybody does it. After all, assumptions are only logical when the correlation is more often the case than not. You're basically creating peer pressure by making it seem as though she would be weird if she had a boyfriend and did not have sex with him.
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:icontiramiizu:
Tiramiizu Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
oh, well im sorry then. i didnt mean of it to sound like as though its inevitable. and anyways i actually meant it as a joke, something like a sarcastic joke.... i never thought people would be so enraged by me cuz of what i said. i mean, from the start i was mostly joking.
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:iconashieepants:
Ashieepants Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
In short? No.

Nobody should be forcing you to like them, and if you get annoyed by their texts and what they say then that's totally fine. You don't have to like everything they do, and if they lost your respect and affection, then that's their fault.

You were looking out for you, and you also have feelings and concerns for others, that's evident in the fact that you now feel guilty. If they drift apart, then it's clear what their intentions were, and is probably for the best.
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:iconfluffy-maple-vodka:
fluffy-maple-vodka Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Yeah, I shouldnt be forced to like them its my opinion anyway. Its just that I dont wanna lose them just because I'm not interested in them. Im just not used to rejecting people.

Ohh.. So, I should leave it that way? Thanks for the advice.
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