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December 13, 2012
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How to respond to a love confession?

:iconharakyome:
HaraKyome Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist
A guy friend of mine just asked me out and I told him to give me time to seriously think about it. I think I like him but he's 6 years older than me and I'm just generally lost about what I should do. I'm in my 20s and well beyond high school, but I haven't had much relationship experience. I've asked several people already and the responses range from "wait a couple months" to "just go for it and see what happens". I've known him for about three weeks and we've spent a lot of time talking to each other, so I know him pretty well by now. It's been about a week since he's confessed. I'm still not sure whether I should wait a little longer or if I'm stringing him along by making him wait this long. I'm just really confused and could use some advice.
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Devious Comments

:iconmystichuntress:
mystichuntress Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Is he asking you out on a date, or is he asking for a relationship with you?
I'm still in high school, but from my point of view, there's no harm in going on a date with him. Maybe you can then see if he's right for you and decide whether or not you want a relationship.
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:iconknightster:
Knightster Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Do you love him?
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:iconflicher:
Flicher Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If by going out he meant just for dinner or something I would give it a try. There is no obligation to continue into a relationship if he only asked you to dinner.
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
I suggest you do whatever you want. And I'm guessing you're not super excited about this.

I don't know you, but based on your reaction, I'm guessing he likes you more than you like him. I'm guessing if you had strong feelings for him, you'd be super excited that he finally asked you out after waiting three whole weeks. (My husband asked me out after only knowing me for one week, and even that felt like forever.)

You have every right to say no...even if he seems like a nice guy. If he's not your type, then that's fine. You don't owe him an explanation or a date.
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:iconshintai88:
Shintai88 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Digital Artist
If your not ready tell them, If you want to take the next step take it.
Ask yourself what you want.
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:iconchaffee:
Chaffee Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
:icontacosteev: has it right
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:iconhametsunocharge:
HametsuNoCharge Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If you wanna try it out, make sure he knows it. Don't just say yes, because that can be taken different ways. Just ask him if he's ok with you two just hanging out and testing the waters. It sounds indecisive maybe but if you guys realize you don't click later it'd be a little less awkward maybe.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I'd say that you should date him/go out with, if you are interested in him. It's too soon to tell what he wants from you or how he sees things from his perspective, the only clear thing is that he is interested, but beware, he might also be a jerk and play with your feelings. You are young, don't worry about the age difference. You are probably nervous about experiencing something new, but thing is, you won't know how it is to date/be in a relationship unless you start letting yourself go there. As latter, you are young, you should go for it. And it doesn't even have to be a date, you can go out as friends, if it makes you feel more comfortable.
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:iconbaseball777:
baseball777 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Say yes, because you probably won't get another one.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Digital Artist
If you feel like you could be attracted to him physically then go out with him and get to know him. If the thought of being physical with him makes you awkward and uncomfortable then you should probably just be friends.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So, asexuals should never have relationships?
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Asexuals should probably never have relationships with non-asexuals since it wouldn't be fair to their partner to expect them to never have a physical component to their relationship, nor would it be fair to the asexual partner to expect them to have sex that they're not into for the sake of satisfying their partner.

I'm not sure how this is relevant to the current topic. Is the OP asexual and I missed that, or are you just playing devil's advocate in order to try to find some way to argue with me? If the OP is asexual then I'll adjust my advice accordingly. If you're just looking to pick an argument, maybe you should do that elsewhere instead of derailing her thread. If you're asexual and looking for advice to fit to your own life, maybe you should tell me about your own specific problem and I'll give you more relevant advice for you.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh wow, I bet asexuals are SO GLAD they have you to tell them who they should and should not be having relationships with. It's not like they have any AGENCY or anything.

You probably should shut up right about now about topics you know nothing about. You're about the last person I'd take advice from. And not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not asexual.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
LOL, you asked for my opinion. :lol: Did you ask for the sole purpose of getting butthurt or did you believe you were asking me for The Law According to RavynneNevyrmore?

Sure, I'll gladly shut up about something that I wasn't the one who brought up the topic and pointedly asked me for my views on.

You're either a moron or a very bad troll. Sadly these days I just don't rule out simple idiocy as quickly as I should.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Are you unfamiliar with the concept of rhetorical question?

Don't be mad, I'm just saying you should not give out advice hastily. Take it as it is and don't get all defensive. Do you know for sure that the OP is not an asexual, or that the guy the OP is talking about is not an asexual, or that either of them would not be satisfied with a non-physical relationship for whatever reasons?

I'm just saying, you shouldn't assume things about people and give out advice based on that. It seems to me you have this idea that physical sex is somehow inherently necessary in a healthy relationship. But for many people, this is not so, and no, not all of them are even asexuals.

Secondly, relationships between asexuals and sexuals can work just fine. There can be arrangements. A common arrangement is an open relationship where the sexual party is free to look for sex elsewhere, but the couple still shares a romantic relationship. Being asexual does not necessarily mean being uninterested in romantic relationships, or being opposed to hugging, cuddling, kissing, and other such forms of physical intimacy.

Please take this as a chance to learn and improve as a person.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Great. Provide me with the statistics that show that asexuals constitute a large enough percentage of the population that I should have taken them into account while making a general statement about relationships on a thread regarding a specific incident that doesn't involve any asexual individuals, and not an extenuating circumstance that can be considered, you know, circumstantial. If they make up more than, say, 7% of the population, then I'll make my best efforts to amend all future generalizations about relationship dynamics to include a disclaimer about asexuals. :roll:
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm going to stop responding to you now. You're obviously not in a responsive state of mind.

Happy holidays!
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
First off, if you've only known him for three weeks then you don't know him that well. If you seriously like him though, try going on a few dates. It can't hurt. Just be careful! Like I said, three weeks isn't enough to really know anyone. Take it easy and go somewhere public, that way you won't turn into a ball of mush and get too cozy with him if you know what I mean. ;)
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Why is it a bad thing to get cozy? I don't get it.

I like being cozy.
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
Being cozy isn't bad thing, but being too cozy can be if you get what I mean. He he. :D
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No? What is "too cozy"?
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
:roll:
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
:roll:
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Hi, we're big kids here and we say things like "Don't have sex with him" if we mean, "Don't have sex with him," not "Don't get too cozy if you know what I meeeeaaaan~ because talking about sex openly makes me blush, teeheehee oh gosh! :D"

Welcome to adulthood, assuming you're due to arrive here sometime soon.
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
I see. Well actually I didn't just mean, "don't have sex with him". I suppose I could have said something like, "don't let him finger f--- you, touch your boobies, stick his d--- in your mouth, or have sex with him if you're not ready". I just happen to find something more sexy about subtly. ;)
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Well we're not trying to be sexy here; we're trying to help the OP. So if you want to be helpful, stop being cute and be clear instead.

And by the way, it isn't cute.
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(1 Reply)
:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That doesn't answer my question. How can you be "too cozy"? It doesn't make sense.
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:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
TOO COZY! TOO COZY! :horny:
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Like, it's too comfortable and relaxing?

I'm puzzled. I'd think being cozy is a good thing. Especially if you're on a date with someone you like! I should think you'd want to be as cozy as possible.
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(1 Reply)
:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
if youre "not sure" about dating a guy and if you "think" you like him and asking other people if you should accept his offer, than i really dont think this is something on the right track. find someone that makes you blush by even looking at you, someone that you spend nights fantasizing and dreaming about, someone that you literally hold yourself from jumping all over and choking them to kisses. a relationship just for the sake of having one or just because someone asked you and you thought its impolite to turn them down is bound to be doomed
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, how about just be honest and tell him how you feel.

If you decide to go on a date with him, forget everything you've ever read from Cosmopolitan. If you've never read Cosmopolitan, go read one issue of it, then forget everything about it. Don't try to put on an act, just be yourself. Don't try to get him to like you by pretending to be something you're not, because it won't last in the long run. If it turns out you're not compatible for each other, it's better to find it out sooner rather than later.

Lastly, there's no pressure for you to be with someone. It's perfectly acceptable to be single, if you so choose. You don't have any kind of obligation to find a life partner, no matter what your parents or friends might tell you.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
That's ironic because [link]

"Who wants to seem stiff or eager to please because you’re following some lame set of guidelines rather than just being yourself? Which — trust us — is always more appealing than any script.

"The best strategy for a great first date is to go into it with the goal of simply enjoying yourself, instead of harboring an agenda to win him over,' "

— Cosmopolitan


But gosh it's fun to hate on that evil, shallow magazine industry, right? I mean, if it weren't for them controlling our minds we might have to accept responsibility for our own tendencies toward shallowness, superficiality, and manipulation. Good thing we have a universally accepted scapegoat.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Uh, wow, you sure showed me, cherry-picking that one little excerpt from cosmo that happens to go against all the other crap that they are usually spewing out.

But hey, when it comes to commentary on cosmopolitan, I'll refer you to the master:

[link]

There. That link shows in excruciating detail how horrible, narrow-minded, everything-phobic, totally out of touch with reality that magazine is.
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hello, I am a counselor, and minister. I know dating can be confusing. Dating is just that, getting to know each other. There is no time limit, we as woman have all the control. If a guy pressures you in any way, you have the right to change your mind and don't feel bad about it. If you know him well enough, just be honest and explain your situation. If he is a great guy he will understand and shouldn't ask further questions. These are your feelings, not his. Guys sometimes tend to want to conquer woman, and try to think for us. Stick to your guns and go with your instincts. You can ask him what he loves about you so much, ask about his past relationships. The rushing of feelings is sometimes due to loneliness, or other emotions they can't deal with. You shouldn't run from that either, a relationship is for both parties to grow. Contact me for any other questions. Thank you.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Whoa what? "we as woman have all the control"... seriously, what?

Control of what?
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well, control of relationships. Moreso that guys won't do anything that we don't say yes to. Not control, more say.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's a huge load of bullshit. Why are you even saying that?

If your definition of relationship is one where one party (regardless of gender) has "control" then please do everyone in the world a favor and never get in a relationship with anyone. Relationships are not about "control", they're about teamwork. A healthy adult relationship is between two equals.

And the "guys won't do anything women don't say yes to" bit. Yeah, that's how it should work (although sadly it always doesn't and you certainly shouldn't count on it). But it should also work both ways. Women shouldn't do anything guys don't say yes to either. Consent is not a gendered thing, you should respect it if someone says "no" no matter if they're a guy or a girl or a space alien.
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Professional General Artist
ok you misunderstood me, I was just emphasizing how guys today can be. Most of them are controlling and its hard to find a real guy. Sorry.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What's a "real guy"?
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:iconmercury-crowe:
Mercury-Crowe Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
A love confession involves the word 'love'.

Sounds like he just wants to date. Go for it. Free food if nothing else :)
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:icondancingintwilight:
DancingInTwilight Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student General Artist
take your time and keep him as a friend til you feel comfterble. dont lie to yourself
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think you should go for it, but be reluctant about sex for now. I've had a couple of bad experiences with these "month-long one-nighters", talking some in the beginning, sleeping with each other once or twice in the middle, and ending up uninterested by the end of the month. Just get to know each other's pros and cons a little more, and you'll be able to see if the two of you match or not.
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:iconslave2karma:
Slave2Karma Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
There's a difference between a confession of love and someone asking you out on a date and expressing an interest to be more than friends. How do YOU feel about this guy? If you like him and think there could be some potential, go for it. And remember that just going out for lunch or coffee isn't a commitment to go steady with the guy--it's testing the waters. So don't feel like you're under pressure . ^_^
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:iconharakyome:
HaraKyome Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist
I do like him and we share a lot of the same interests and viewpoints. Thanks. That makes me feel a lot less stressed. :D
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:iconslave2karma:
Slave2Karma Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Happy to help! :hug:
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I suggest just going out with him and doing something, but make sure to emphasise that you'll just be going out to try it, not to confirm you're going to have sex with him or anything.

Heck, just go out as friends and see where that goes.
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:iconharakyome:
HaraKyome Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist
From the general concession, I think I will. If things don't work out, he's said he's cool with just staying friends.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly. Doesn't hurt to try, I suppose.
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Six years is no age gap if you're in your twenties. You "think" you like him, so why wait a couple of months? Dating is for getting to know each other better - and a way to determine whenever you should just stay friends or more.

And don't take someone asking you out on a date as a "love confession". He is probably interested in you, yes, but that's probably it. He is interested in you and wants to take you out on a date to explore those feelings.
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:iconharakyome:
HaraKyome Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist
"More than friends" was also included. Does that mean something else entirely?
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