Which girl?


Mr-Ie's avatar
So I have a girl friend, and another girl that's interested in me. I'm not doing anything with the other girl. Just for disclosures sake.

This is the third time I've dated the one that is my current girl friend, things are great this time. The first two times I ended it because of personal problems but those have been resolved. Everything is healthy it seems.

The other girl, is amazing too. She fell for me pretty fast without either of us meaning to. We have nearly everything in common, she's stunning, and funny. There's nothing not to like about her. We love all the same music, we have similar goals in life, want similar things. It's astonishing that anyone could match me so well. She really wants to be with me.

She has no idea I have a girl friend already, that sounds bad that I didn't mention it but we we're both keeping it a secret for a reason. If I put it up to a coin flip I'd come out with a great girl friend either way, but someone is going to get hurt.

Also, to consider. I'm in the Army and I'm being deployed sometime next year. That factors in a lot.

I'm happy with my current girl friend, but I'm really interested in the other girl. I don't feel like there's a right choice, so I would appreciate some outside thought on the matter. Either way I'm probably a dick, but I honestly wasn't looking for another girl and I have remained loyal.
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ShakuChan1995's avatar
Listen to your heart, but don't pospone your decision. If you don't decide now, you might hurt both. How would it feel to your gf knowing that you're into someone else, and how would it feel to the other girl that you're only fooling her since you're already in relationship?

Choose the one with which chemistry works more, and consider for which one would you do more, accept their mistakes and even in hard moments, try to make things better and not only care about self...and which one would do it for you?
Sukesha-Ray's avatar
I don't know if you should date. I mean, I could be wrong but you are going to be deployed soon right? I just feel like it would be difficult to have a long distance relationship. But that is just me.
OoNinaYuMeoO's avatar
i think you'll see what happens next ^^
i mean if the "other" girls is really interested in you she won't let it drop, and if you love your girlfriend you won't let her drop ... so maybe you need time...

i'd add that you always know what you lose but not what you'll get
IMDSound's avatar
I'm a military brat and I've plenty of my buddies (who joined after highschool) whose relationship get's torn apart because of deployment. It will happen to me too, as I plan to enlist after college. I think the heart only has room for one significant other, you seem to like the second girl and you've already been with your current girlfriend twice before and those times plus this one has resulted in some kind of problem in the relationship. Don't you think it might be time to just let it go with her? That Johnny Depp quote in of the comments posted here is great. Just remember you'll get deployed and a lot of girls can't stand that type of distance for so long. Good luck, man.
WiseWoodrow's avatar
Depends which one you like more, bro.

If you want to date the other one just because she likes you...



...

No.
Silverfang-Chaos's avatar
I'm gunna quote Johnny Depp "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldnt have fallen for the second"
IMDSound's avatar
Damn that's a good quote.
sedonaandlilly's avatar
Sometimes if you are too much like another person you don't get along well
PrairieLily's avatar
It just sounds like simple infatuation, not really love. But to be honest? Stay with your current. There must be some reason you went back to her after the breakups.

But if you do break up again, I don't suggest getting back together. There should be a limit.
Calkubo's avatar
Obviously by how you describe them you prefer the second girl. I'd say date them both, if things actually start getting serious then pick one.
PrairieLily's avatar
No, no, No! That's a terrible idea. =/

You'll lose both of them if you take this crappy advice and they find out you cheated on them.
Calkubo's avatar
That's a very big IF. And I'm not saying he is supposed to make them believe he's gonna marry them or it's a formal relationship.
PrairieLily's avatar
You're damn right it's a very big IF. He shouldn't take your advice at all. Which, in case you didn't know, is what the IF was referring to: "if you take this crappy advice".
Calkubo's avatar
More like IF they find out. Seems that wasn't clear enough for you :iconlinkrapefaceplz:

If he has to pick one, then pick the second girl, because if he really cared about the first one he wouldn't even be asking this.
PrairieLily's avatar
I ignored any retarded implication you may have had, just as I do right now. If that's how you personally operate, then I hope no-one decides to be with you, because that's sick. You're either in a relationship where (in this case) you promise monogamy, or you're not in that particular relationship at all.

But that's just not true. Humans aren't singularly focused creatures with emotions.. It happens all the time that you feel infatuation for someone else even while in a relationship. That doesn't mean you aren't happy with the current person. Besides, infatuation like this sounds like, often doesn't last very long at all.
Calkubo's avatar
When you ignore something, usually you don't even reply to it. So this is a bad example of "ignoring" something. You don't even know what a sickness is. You're in a relationship where you promise "monogamy"? Uh, what? Apparently you don't even know what a "relationship" is either.

Dating two girls will let him make up his mind once and for all. Maybe he will realize what he has now and actually value it, or on the other hand realize that he actually doesn't like the girl that much and save both of them some precious time. So my advice is pretty much as acceptable/shitty as yours, whichever way you may want to see it.

I hope nobody makes the mistake of being nice to you because you'll probably be imagining your wedding already.
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Flicher's avatar
Not disclosing the fact that you are currently in a relationship maybe a determining factor for the other girl. I say you be honest to both of them.
Mr-Ie's avatar
I've done the complete open honesty route before, didn't quite pan out for anyone. If I'd done something I needed to confess I would, but all of this is pretty much an accident. Which I may have taken a few wrong turns down, but right now everything is being done as safely as it can be.
Flicher's avatar
Then continue on that path.
JericaWinters's avatar
I think if you leave a relationship it should be because it's a bad relationship, not because someone new showed up. If you have no skill at loyalty then I think you could end up leaving the next person and the next person and so on because there will always be new and exciting people who come into your life--we're all compatible with many different people--but that kind of instability can cause suffering.
DancingInTwilight's avatar
happens to me all the time. to be safe, I stay loyal to the one that makes me happy
djdanilly's avatar
I have read your case. For the record, I am a lesbian also. I am a counselor, and a minister. We as spiritual feelings have to let feelings flow through us. As humans, we let our emotions take the best of us. Anything you put out in the universe you will get it, and from the tiniest thing deep down. When you broke up with the first girl, maybe it was for yourself, and maybe you were wanting another different girl. Things happen for a reason. Yes someone is going to get hurt, that is a part of life. Part of growing through life is about making hard decisions, you being in the military is much worse. You have to trust your instincts, and ask yourself what do you truly want. Even to be by yourself is best. Sometimes evil spirits like to confuse you when you still aren't ready emotionally for a relationship. If you aren't, start something slow, or if you want to be promiscuous own it, and don't lie about it. That only brings bad karma. Contact me if you have any other questions. Thank you.
Mr-Ie's avatar
For the record, I'm a guy..
djdanilly's avatar
omg so sorry lol, the same response goes.