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December 13, 2012
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Which girl?

:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   General Artist
So I have a girl friend, and another girl that's interested in me. I'm not doing anything with the other girl. Just for disclosures sake.

This is the third time I've dated the one that is my current girl friend, things are great this time. The first two times I ended it because of personal problems but those have been resolved. Everything is healthy it seems.

The other girl, is amazing too. She fell for me pretty fast without either of us meaning to. We have nearly everything in common, she's stunning, and funny. There's nothing not to like about her. We love all the same music, we have similar goals in life, want similar things. It's astonishing that anyone could match me so well. She really wants to be with me.

She has no idea I have a girl friend already, that sounds bad that I didn't mention it but we we're both keeping it a secret for a reason. If I put it up to a coin flip I'd come out with a great girl friend either way, but someone is going to get hurt.

Also, to consider. I'm in the Army and I'm being deployed sometime next year. That factors in a lot.

I'm happy with my current girl friend, but I'm really interested in the other girl. I don't feel like there's a right choice, so I would appreciate some outside thought on the matter. Either way I'm probably a dick, but I honestly wasn't looking for another girl and I have remained loyal.
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Devious Comments

:iconshakuchan1995:
ShakuChan1995 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Listen to your heart, but don't pospone your decision. If you don't decide now, you might hurt both. How would it feel to your gf knowing that you're into someone else, and how would it feel to the other girl that you're only fooling her since you're already in relationship?

Choose the one with which chemistry works more, and consider for which one would you do more, accept their mistakes and even in hard moments, try to make things better and not only care about self...and which one would do it for you?
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:iconsukesha-ray:
Sukesha-Ray Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I don't know if you should date. I mean, I could be wrong but you are going to be deployed soon right? I just feel like it would be difficult to have a long distance relationship. But that is just me.
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:iconooninayumeoo:
OoNinaYuMeoO Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i think you'll see what happens next ^^
i mean if the "other" girls is really interested in you she won't let it drop, and if you love your girlfriend you won't let her drop ... so maybe you need time...

i'd add that you always know what you lose but not what you'll get
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:iconimdsound:
IMDSound Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm a military brat and I've plenty of my buddies (who joined after highschool) whose relationship get's torn apart because of deployment. It will happen to me too, as I plan to enlist after college. I think the heart only has room for one significant other, you seem to like the second girl and you've already been with your current girlfriend twice before and those times plus this one has resulted in some kind of problem in the relationship. Don't you think it might be time to just let it go with her? That Johnny Depp quote in of the comments posted here is great. Just remember you'll get deployed and a lot of girls can't stand that type of distance for so long. Good luck, man.
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:iconwisewoodrow:
WiseWoodrow Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
Depends which one you like more, bro.

If you want to date the other one just because she likes you...



...

No.
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:iconsilverfang-chaos:
Silverfang-Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
I'm gunna quote Johnny Depp "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldnt have fallen for the second"
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:iconimdsound:
IMDSound Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Damn that's a good quote.
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:iconsedonaandlilly:
sedonaandlilly Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Artisan Crafter
Sometimes if you are too much like another person you don't get along well
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:iconprairielily:
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It just sounds like simple infatuation, not really love. But to be honest? Stay with your current. There must be some reason you went back to her after the breakups.

But if you do break up again, I don't suggest getting back together. There should be a limit.
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:iconcalkubo:
Calkubo Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
Obviously by how you describe them you prefer the second girl. I'd say date them both, if things actually start getting serious then pick one.
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:iconprairielily:
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, no, No! That's a terrible idea. =/

You'll lose both of them if you take this crappy advice and they find out you cheated on them.
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:iconcalkubo:
Calkubo Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
That's a very big IF. And I'm not saying he is supposed to make them believe he's gonna marry them or it's a formal relationship.
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:iconprairielily:
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're damn right it's a very big IF. He shouldn't take your advice at all. Which, in case you didn't know, is what the IF was referring to: "if you take this crappy advice".
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:iconcalkubo:
Calkubo Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
More like IF they find out. Seems that wasn't clear enough for you :iconlinkrapefaceplz:

If he has to pick one, then pick the second girl, because if he really cared about the first one he wouldn't even be asking this.
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:iconprairielily:
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I ignored any retarded implication you may have had, just as I do right now. If that's how you personally operate, then I hope no-one decides to be with you, because that's sick. You're either in a relationship where (in this case) you promise monogamy, or you're not in that particular relationship at all.

But that's just not true. Humans aren't singularly focused creatures with emotions.. It happens all the time that you feel infatuation for someone else even while in a relationship. That doesn't mean you aren't happy with the current person. Besides, infatuation like this sounds like, often doesn't last very long at all.
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:iconcalkubo:
Calkubo Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
When you ignore something, usually you don't even reply to it. So this is a bad example of "ignoring" something. You don't even know what a sickness is. You're in a relationship where you promise "monogamy"? Uh, what? Apparently you don't even know what a "relationship" is either.

Dating two girls will let him make up his mind once and for all. Maybe he will realize what he has now and actually value it, or on the other hand realize that he actually doesn't like the girl that much and save both of them some precious time. So my advice is pretty much as acceptable/shitty as yours, whichever way you may want to see it.

I hope nobody makes the mistake of being nice to you because you'll probably be imagining your wedding already.
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:iconprairielily:
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ignoring implications, for those of us who can't read. That meant that I took it exactly for face value and nothing more, which means that my response to you reflected that.

Yes. When you are in a relationship (unless expressly stated otherwise) you're making a silent promise to the other person that you'll be monogamous. Which is why engaging in sexual or romantic actions with the person other than the one you're dating is, in the traditional sense, is called "Cheating". Cheating, for those of us without scumbag ideals such as yourself in a traditional relationship, is bad. This is a traditional relationship, one that about 85% of people commit to.

Now, if OP were to have told us that they said to their current girlfriend "I want to date you, but I won't be exclusive to you", then this would be a whole different situation. The way it stands, anything he does with that other girl is cheating and disloyal to his current girlfriend.

Dating two girls will make him into a scumbag (Like you, who is promoting this behavior) who only cares about what he wants instead of the feelings of either of the girls, which would be harmed by him taking your shit advice. What he needs to do is just make a damn decision and stick to it instead of pussyfooting around. Either break up with the girl he's with and pursue the other one, or shut up about the other girl and be happy with his girlfriend. It's that simple.

Actually, my current boyfriend is very happy with me and neither of us will be getting married any time soon (if at all). So good job. You promote infidelity and you're a presumptuous asshole. :iconclapplz:
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(1 Reply)
:iconflicher:
Flicher Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Not disclosing the fact that you are currently in a relationship maybe a determining factor for the other girl. I say you be honest to both of them.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   General Artist
I've done the complete open honesty route before, didn't quite pan out for anyone. If I'd done something I needed to confess I would, but all of this is pretty much an accident. Which I may have taken a few wrong turns down, but right now everything is being done as safely as it can be.
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:iconflicher:
Flicher Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Then continue on that path.
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
I think if you leave a relationship it should be because it's a bad relationship, not because someone new showed up. If you have no skill at loyalty then I think you could end up leaving the next person and the next person and so on because there will always be new and exciting people who come into your life--we're all compatible with many different people--but that kind of instability can cause suffering.
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:icondancingintwilight:
DancingInTwilight Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student General Artist
happens to me all the time. to be safe, I stay loyal to the one that makes me happy
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
I have read your case. For the record, I am a lesbian also. I am a counselor, and a minister. We as spiritual feelings have to let feelings flow through us. As humans, we let our emotions take the best of us. Anything you put out in the universe you will get it, and from the tiniest thing deep down. When you broke up with the first girl, maybe it was for yourself, and maybe you were wanting another different girl. Things happen for a reason. Yes someone is going to get hurt, that is a part of life. Part of growing through life is about making hard decisions, you being in the military is much worse. You have to trust your instincts, and ask yourself what do you truly want. Even to be by yourself is best. Sometimes evil spirits like to confuse you when you still aren't ready emotionally for a relationship. If you aren't, start something slow, or if you want to be promiscuous own it, and don't lie about it. That only brings bad karma. Contact me if you have any other questions. Thank you.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012   General Artist
For the record, I'm a guy..
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
omg so sorry lol, the same response goes.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012   General Artist
Lol it's okay, I just had to reread everything I typed to see where I might sound like a lesbian haha.
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Professional General Artist
ok no problem thanks, did you make up your mind?
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012   General Artist
I am currently under a new set of parameters. New girl is mad that I told her I would rather wait and I'm not ready. I also need to talk to my girl friend to see if she's ready for me to leave for a year. It's still complicated but It's being handled as well as it can be I suppose. Thank you though. :)
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well you know military relationships can be wierd. You never know what could happen. Only the true ones will stick it out.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   General Artist
It does throw the proverbial wrench into the works I suppose.
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:iconamalaazula:
AmalaAzula Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   Digital Artist
A person can have a lot of things in common with you and be amazing but may not be the right person for you. When you meet new people, it's not love at first sight, it's infatuation. If you are more interested and infatuated with the other girl, you aren't being fair to your current girlfriend.
I'd never want to be in her shoes if you chose to break up with her for another girl that caught your eye. It's heart breaking. Who knows how much your current girlfriend cares about you. But I'm pretty sure she'd be hurt.

You being deployed to the army doesn't help the situation either. You could have a girlfriend and be in the army but would you honestly think that that girl would stick around to wait for you? I'd say don't have a girlfriend at this moment.
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:iconincandescentinsanity:
IncandescentInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student General Artist
Mix it up a little. Date a guy. Or a dog
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Maybe you yearn more for the other girl because things are exciting between you two, you know, you can't be with her because you have a girlfriend, which makes you interested even more, curiosity takes its place, you wonder how it would be if you were together etc. It's like you have this huge question mark in your head. But yet you are happy with your current girlfriend. Thing is, you don't know how things will end up, maybe you break up with your current gf and once you start something with the other realize that she was totally wrong for you, because it's another thing to be friends and lovers. And maybe things might go wrong with the current gf you have and vice versa, that the other girlfriend is the perfect match for you. OR maybe both could be wrong, it's too soon to tell.

I think it's wrong from you to feel this way, to have this interest for somebody else while being in a relationship with someone else, but of course I don't judge because I've also liked two guys simultaneously! focus on your relationship, make it work, and keep some distance (or a lot..) with the other girl. You don't know how things will evolve between you too. If you are more interested in the other girl though, and you can't let go of the thought of never finding out how things could have been between you two, I'd say you owe your gf an explanation, the truth, even if it's low, there is no point in being curious in something else and restraining yourself from being there 100%, I mean, you are not honest to yourself or to your gf. Yes somebody will get hurt, but such is love, what can you do? Either way, do something about it. Stop being curious in the other girl, leave your current girl, or stay alone is a third option since you have other business affecting your life. Somehow, try to clean your mind, ask yourself what you want, what matters to you more.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
I think you don't understand something.
You're not supposed to find your loved one replaceable, or just "ok".
I realize you could have multiple friends and like them all the same, but when you're considering potentially being with that person forever, they should be the best person for you.
If this new girl, doesn't even firmly convince you to leave your current gf, it seems like she's just another nice person for you. Ultimately you would treat a rel. with either sort of casually, and though it might be pleasant, I imagine you could find someone you're really fond of and have both of you enjoy yourselves much more, without it being something temporary until the next best thing.
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
If I were either of those girls, I would be pretty upset, I would leave them both alone frankly. Its selfish of you to potentially really hurt two people.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I agree!
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:iconerarosaimmortal21:
erarosaimmortal21 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
By the sounds of things you've described the second girl better than your own girlfriend! That's not a good sign, you are already having second thoughts. Deep down you know who you really want that person it's the girl you're with. Now, get on with things and end the current relationship before you destroy the girl you're with. Soon there will be unhealthy tension between the both of you. You aren't happy with her! So move on!!! I'd pick neither of them and carry on with your life.

Anyone can get "hurt" in these situations, you just have to deal with it.
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
If you even consider leaving your girlfriend - then do it. It's not fair to her to have a partner who is yearning more for someone else. And the way you write about it it doesn't seem like you got feelings enough left for her, anyway.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   General Artist
Well I think it's poor taste to break up during the holidays. So there's time for things to develop more clearly, or time for things to go to hell in a hand basket. It's not a familiar predicament for me. I'm usually doing well when one girl wanted me, who would of thought two was worse than none lol. :/
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
It's even poorer taste to pretend that everything is fine during the holidays and then dump them when you planed to do it all along.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   General Artist
I haven't decided anything.
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:iconcatapultedcarcass:
CatapultedCarcass Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds like you don't love your current girlfriend but you are with her because you feel you owe her love.
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:iconmr-ie:
Mr-Ie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   General Artist
I thought I did, possibly I'm just fickle. :P
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:iconcatapultedcarcass:
CatapultedCarcass Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can only work with the post, which I am sure could never reflect the full extent of your feelings on the matter.
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The way I look at it, is if you really REALLY wanted to be with Girl 1, then Girl 2 would never have struck your interest, and especially not to the level that you are seeing complete compatibility between you.

To put it simply, if you have to choose between two people, pick the second one, because if you really wanted the first one, the second wouldn't even have crossed your mind.
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:icondivine--apathia:
divine--apathia Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Seeing as nearly no one is 100% monogamous (even though we have one-on-one relationships, Over the course of our life we end up having multiple one-on-one relationships), that doesn't really work.
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes but I'm talking about a society where people usually work on the basis of one-on-one relationships, and when one member of a relationship has lost interest and is yearning for someone else, then it is only fair to move on from that relationship so as not to hurt the person who is still fully committed to the relationship.
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:icondivine--apathia:
divine--apathia Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
So what happens if someone falls head over heels in love with two people at the same time? Does that mean they don't actually love them?

What happens when someone is going through a rocky part of a relationship? Do you give up a relationship the moment things go hard (pun not intended)
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No it doesn't mean they don't love them.
You hope that they are both up for a poly relationship and hope it works out and that nobody develops stronger feelings for anyone else in the relationship, or that no one gets jealous.
Or else you realise that very few people are up for living that way, and try and figure out where to go from there.

No, you don't. Obviously.
But if he was in theory, to spend all of his time thinking about this other girl, hanging around with her and not giving his girlfriend attention, then it would not be fair on his girlfriend.
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:icondivine--apathia:
divine--apathia Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I've been in that situation, and I'm not poly. :B
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