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December 12, 2012
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What to do if someone likes you but you don't feel the same?

:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My issue is probably a lot less important than anyone else's here but this has happened to me a couple of times and I usually just ignore it until it gets awkward... X_x

I do know that this person likes me (or at least its very likely) but he's never said. I could give you all the reasons why but I want to keep this short (because I know a lot of people don't like reading the long ones sometimes :P)

The last time a guy liked me and I didn't like him I just ignored it and ended up having to spend loads of awkward time with him (because we were in the same uni classes) and I was too polite probably. Sometimes I said I had to go, because he could talk to me for up to 2 hours after class each day, but he would keep talking anyway and I wouldn't want to say any more rudely so I just had to hang round with him. (avoiding him after class didn't always work)

This situation has come up again and its already happening to start all over again :( but neither of these guys told me they liked me and I know if I somehow gently tell the guy I don't like him he'll probably say he never liked me either (well I'm assuming) and It'll be really awkward.

Otherwise, I could wait until he says something but with all the time that I end up spending with them (and the last guy's inability to ever tell me) isn't looking too good. Even with excuses it can be hard to 'get away' from them (I know that sounds mean but spending at least a couple of hours with one person every day is just too much for me.)

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Devious Comments

:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hello, I am a counselor, and minister. To me I think you just need to find some self confidence. It's ok if you don't feel the same about a guy. Don't feel bad for them or for you. Life is about making hard decisions. You will feel much better about yourself when you state your likes and dislikes. If you still don't know it's ok to not date at all too to get your emotions in check. Maybe you just have a certain type of guy. Evil forces try to get at you by showing you what you don't want so you know what you do want. =D. Contact me, if you have any other questions! Thank you.
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:icondancingintwilight:
DancingInTwilight Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student General Artist
:/ no idea, in hung up on a guy after 2 years. and im in a happy-ish relationship. and i never ever see the guy. not even pictures.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I wouldn't give any positive signals, I wouldn't ignore but let's say I would keep it on a friendly level. I agree with the others that say you shouldn't let them be like that for months, it's not right. Be polite, but at the same time honest.
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You'll have to just be outright with it.

He will probably be hurt, but it's much better in the long run than letting him continue thinking that he's getting somewhere and potentially stalking you.
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He has used the word stalking in reference to a previous girl he liked so that's kinda worrying :P I'll just have to get it over and done with when I can in the nicest but also most forward way. Thanks for your comment.
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. You're welcome.
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
'Thank you for being interested, but I don't feel that way'.

As long as he doesn't TELL you or try to do anything about it, he can be attracted to you all he wants. You don't really have that much control over who you like. But he needs to keep it to himself and understand you are NOT interested.

I have cut off friendship with a couple guys over this same situation. I generally tell people I am not looking for romance (I'm married, anyway, but that doesn't stop them) and if I ever suspect- or worse yet hear them say they have 'fallen for me' that is the end of our relationship, period. They don't see me again.

I don't like hurting people or leading them on- or what they may see as leading them on. I don't want all this love crap clogging up a friendship, particularly since I know without a doubt I will NEVER feel the same way.

I knew a guy who was pretty convinced I was going to leave my husband for him- even though I'd taken pains with him to make it clear I wasn't looking for someone else (the situation was kind of odd, I was in one city with my kid, my husband was in another a couple hours away renovating a house and stayed there since he didn't have a car). We were doing OK as friends then he started looking at me that way and I reminded him of my rules.

Sure enough, after knowing eachother for a little while he started going overboard, came to my house one night at 3AM stressing out about not having a girlfriend, not to much longer later maybe a couple weeks, he came by the house again and said 'Hey, you know that thing you told me never to say to you..?' and I just winced and said 'Sorry, man. You know the rules. Bye'
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, that's crazy O.o Even when you're married. I know now I just have to let him know. I just have to work up the courage and be able to take his reaction. Thanks for your help.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Give them a quick pity-fuck and then let them down easy.
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Ooh, I tried that once. Wound up with a stalker.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You were too good in bed. What you do is you rub a dead fish to your armpits and don't shower for 3 days. Then when you get to the sex part you'll holler german porn movie replics all through it.

If the person still has a crush on you after that you have no choice but to move to Russia. They probably won't though.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Sorry, but I don't have time for this. Bye!"
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist
I normally just ignore it and continue being friends. If they bring it up then let them down, otherwise I wouldn't say anything. Another tactic I use is drop hints...something like "you're such a good friend, I hope that never changes" or "you remind me so much of my sister/brother". Those usually let's them know it won't go further than friendship.

We all have crushes that might be anything but. No sense feeling awkward. Better than them not finding you attractive :P
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well I hope to mention to him in a subtle way that I'm not looking for any relationships now for a number of reasons but with the way he's been acting I might unfortunately have to be more forward with him :/
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist
Sadly sounds like he's acting a bit desperate. Folk need to learn desperate isn't attractive. Good luck!
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks :P and thanks for the advice
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist
You're very welcome!
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
"Sometimes I said I had to go, because he could talk to me for up to 2 hours after class each day, but he would keep talking anyway and I wouldn't want to say any more rudely so I just had to hang round with him."

There's being nice, and then there's not standing up for yourself.

If a guy starts talking to you, and you don't find him attractive, you're certainly right that you should smile and make polite conversation for a minute or so instead of throwing your drink in his face and flouncing off. :)

But if the polite conversation keeps going on and on, and you don't feel like continuing it, you're more than justified in stopping. Saying "I have to go." is a perfectly polite way to end the conversation. If the conversation doesn't end, you aren't stuck between being rude or being trapped...just say "I have to go" again. After that, don't say anything else but "I have to go" until he lets you go. After a while, he'll clearly understand that you want to go. So if he keeps talking after that, he's trying to trap you into spending more time with him. That's a very mild form of sexual harassment. At that point you're well within your right to say something a little more blunt. Something like "I keep saying I have to go. Why are you still trying to talk to me?"

Talking isn't the only situation. I've had one guy keep inviting me to go places with him. He wouldn't take no for an answer unless I justified my answer by telling him exactly what I was going to do instead. And looking back on it, I shouldn't have tried to justify anything. "Because I don't want to go." is a perfectly fine answer, especially when used to answer every further question beginning with "But..."

Always remember that it's possible to do only what you're comfortable with and still be polite. Just repeat yourself and ask uncomfortably blunt questions such as "Why aren't you listening to me when I keep saying _______?"
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for such a long/helpful comment. He's actually started asking me to hang out with him like you've mentioned and its during exams so I told him I couldn't but then he said that I could work til 8 and then watch movies with him as a break from work. (He said this again when I told him a second time I couldn't) So you're right. I guess I find it easier to stand up for others than myself because I always feel guilty or selfish or something.
I just have to be a bit more courageous because I know what you're saying makes sense. Thanks again.
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:iconelizabethshay:
elizabethshay Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Having the same problem right now, its awful but you got to be straight with them, or you face very awkward months and plus you wouldn't want to accidentally lead them on either
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hate it when this happens D: But you're right and from the way he's been talking to me I think he thinks that I like him :( Good luck with your situation and thanks for the comment.
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:iconsilenoswithaleopard:
silenoswithaleopard Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I just try to be as straight forward as possible- it will be awkward either way might as well not drag it on :|
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's true, I'll try and mention that I'm not looking for any relationship the next oppertunity I get and then, if I need to, be more specific (but hopefully he'll get the point :P) Thanks for commenting.
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:iconsomedaysakuhin:
SomedaySakuhin Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
Waiting until they say something is probably taking too long, you feel uncomfortable now already.
So, maybe you could try talking about it directly when such a situation occurs again and your both alone.
If the guy then says he didn't like you from the start... well that's his problem then if it's untrue, right?
You might also try pointing out e.g. that you like him as a good friend (or something like that, it just really has to be true) when there's a fitting opportunity.

It's not easy but waiting probably won't solve anything.
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:iconhitachiin-sister:
Hitachiin-Sister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're right, I was trying to think of ways around it but there isn't any better way really. Thanks for the advice.
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:iconsomedaysakuhin:
SomedaySakuhin Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
No problem, hope it works out fine!
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:iconikiska:
iKiska Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student General Artist
Well whatever you do, don't lead them on for months, sleep with them, and say you're just friends after. It makes them feel really shitty! :dummy:
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh honey :hug:
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:iconikiska:
iKiska Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student General Artist
I was still in the depths of butthurt when I wrote that. :lol:
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:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I guessed. :lol:
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