Some friends to talk to?


Empty-Escape's avatar
ahh this is my first time using this forum... I basically made this whole account for drawings that I draw to get my anger and sadness out (it's quite different from what I usually draw, and I don't want to seem like I'm having mood swings on my main account @__@)

anyways, recently I started realizing that I can't show all my emotions to people around me... because I'm usually a very happy person, so people tend to assume that I'm actually happy 24/7. I laugh off a lot of jokes people make about me, when they call me stupid and stuff I know they're joking, but some jokes really go over the line... sometimes they even jokingly hit me... but I know they didn't actually mean to hurt me or anything, no matter how much it hurts, I just laugh it off... I guess it's my own fault that I'm at this stage right now, I made myself become a pushover, and my friends almost "bully" me sometimes. For example, friend A drove friend B's car and got a dent on it, friend A doesn't get blamed because.. she's a really pretty girl..? *sigh* and then, I make a bad joke to friend B that offended him alittle, he threw literately everything around him to my head, roll of tape, really hard heavy pill bottle, some box thing... it was really hard to hold my tears in at that point

this kind of stuff happens so often lately, so I just started staying in my room more (I live with these friends that treat me like this).. and I still have to be happy when I see them and stuff.. because it's just so, out of character? for me to be sad or get hurt...

something happened with my boyfriend also, even though he lives in the US and I'm in Canada, we talk everyday through skype and texting for hours and we never run out of things to talk about, I know we really love each other, but fights can't be avoided in any relationship right? I used to get mad at little things alot, but I've been trying really hard to do better. In a long distance relationship, jealousy is a big problem, and basically any fight that happens, becomes 10x worse since we can't see each other. During the last fight that we had (don't even remember what it was about haha;; ), he said that he didn't want to see me sad and crying anymore, and I realized how much it hurts him every time when I cry, and when he tries so hard to make me happy but I just can't get happy... so I started holding in my emotions from him too and.. everything builds up so fast.. I end up crying alot when I'm by myself so no one would see..

ahhh idk if this sounds too immature or childish, maybe I'll look back at this later and realize how stupid I am @__@ but, if anyone has any feedback I'll be glad to hear it!! ;u;

Thank you for your time!
Comments8
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TokyoV's avatar
My comment would just be reiterating the first two responses, but I will add that the stress caused by your "friends" is going to negatively effect your relationship with your boyfriend who, unlike these friends of yours, sounds like he actually cares about you . If you won't stand up to them for yourself, at least do it for your relationship.
Empty-Escape's avatar
ahh okay!! I will try harder to stand up for myself ;__; thank you for taking your time to reply!
I too would say that you have to work on the impression you give others about yourself. If you laugh off all the jokes people make about you, how do you expect them to take you seriously. Moreover how can you allow someone to throw things at you for no fault of yours, and then be friends with them again. I think its time you took yourself seriously and maintain your dignity, people who do these things to you cannot be called friends by any means.
Empty-Escape's avatar
ahh thank you so much for taking your time to make this response!! I guess that makes alot of sense yea... I will definitely try harder! >__<
FIRSTxAIDxKIT's avatar
You do realize that someone THROWING shit at you is abuse, right?

If you don't want to be a pushover, stop laughing at people's abuse and stand up for yourself.
Empty-Escape's avatar
ahh yeaa but I think it's just his really agressive bad temper sometimes @_@;

I tell them to stop all the time and it kind of sounds like me joking back and it's just so hard to suddenly act different in front of them, but I will try harder!!
Thank you!
FIRSTxAIDxKIT's avatar
Stop making excuses. Throwing stuff at people is NOT OKAY.