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December 11, 2012
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Odd topic, I don't know what to do

:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Okay, I recently got a call from a doctor that my late fiancé would visit before and after a hunt, just as a health precaution, and, apparently, my fiancé had sperm placed in a sperm bank, just in case anything ever happened to him, and I wanted to still have his child… I've been thinking about this all day, and I don't know if I should or not. I'm asking the opinions of others around here, because I'm lost.
It's been quite a while since my fiancé died, and not a day goes by without me thinking of him, but I don't know if I should have the baby or not, because I'm afraid of something happening to me, and forcing my horrid childhood upon my child. What do you think?
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Devious Comments

:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
You know if you think you aren't ready that is fine. As long as you know where the facility is maybe you can ask to put it on hold just for you. You can deal with your other problems before you make any decisions. Life is about making hard decisions. Thanks
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know life has a lot of hard decisions, and I've decided that I will have the baby, it's just that I wasn't sure about it because I had a pretty horrible childhood, and I was afraid of something happening to me that'd leave the child in a similar situation, but as someone else said, the chances of something like that happening are pretty low.
Thanks for what?
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
I am a counselor inbox me
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Alright, thank you very much
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:icondancing-kiwi:
Dancing-Kiwi Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student Writer
I'm 15; I have no place to suggest anything to you.

But it just really..touched me. His gesture, a sort of last...gift?
Horrible words, I can't explain it. But I'm sure he was a very lovely man, & I think he would be content with whatever you choose.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I get what you mean, and I guess it was, kind of. He was terrified of anything happening to me since we first met, and it went from there, until, one day, we were talking about a hunting trip, and, for some reason, I brought up the what ifs about his death. It's funny how just a few what ifs can put a whole lot of reality into a person. He was one of the kindest people I've ever met, and I know he'd be happy with anything so long as I was.
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:iconmangekyomarie:
MangekyoMarie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Okay... I know personally if this happened to me (I'm engaged now) I would have my fiance's children. But that's me. There's things you need to consider... If you wish to marry another man in your future, some men wouldn't wish to get involved with a woman with children. It eliminates a lot of men from your dating field sadly. Personally I think if a man can't love and accept all of you, which is also accepting your child/children then he's not worth it. Not true unconditional love. Your fiance put his sperm placed in a sperm bank for a reason... Now it's your decision. Do you want his children? Do you want to be a single mother? Do you want them to have a father? Will you fall in love with another man for him to take the father role?

Questions you need to ask yourself... Look into your heart deep and follow what you think is right. God Bless.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've decided that I'm going to have the baby (though, I'm worried about the needles part) because I really do want to have his child, and I know I could manage as a single mother, my friends will help me if I need it anyway, but I could manage on my own too. The father figure part is just what I don't know about, it'd be good for someone to be there for him/her, but I think my fiancé was really the only man out there for me, so I don't know if it'd happen or not.
Thank you.
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:iconmangekyomarie:
MangekyoMarie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
I'm glad, don't worry. Everything will be fine and as I said before if you can't find another man who loves you unconditionally, than he's not worth your time. A good man will love you and your child. I wish you all the best. And it was my pleasure to help, if need anything feel free to note me. God bless.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Alright, thank you very much
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:iconmangekyomarie:
MangekyoMarie Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
My pleasure to help.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
^^
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait it out. Build a life to be able to raise his child later, if you will still feel like it. His seeds are safe in the bank, they won't expire there afaik.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Okay, thank you. I've already decided to have the baby now, because I am sure I could raise it.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D I wish you the best! Blessed be all three of you! :hug:
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you :hug:
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:iconmitchialia:
Mitchialia Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
The only thing is..who's to say you won't find another man? I'm pretty sure he wouldn't really want you to have another man's child and could be hurt if you chose someone else's sperm over his. Also if you're single and want a child I would suggest waiting until you have a father figure or life partner because you might not be able to afford it alone, children need a lot of attention from one parent or another so there always needs to be someone there to help raise the child, if something happened to you, they'd have that father figure or parental figure, and even in this day in age, complications can and do still happen in child birth. If your fiance is dead it's probably best for you to let him lie peacefully, move on and not create a child who's actual father is already lost when it isn't necessary.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know, and I have people around, who really want to help me, whatever I choose, who have said they'll provide the financial support, if I need it; they all want to be involved in the child's life, because we all miss him. My fiancé just wanted me to be happy, and so that's what I'll do, be happy. It was by chance that I actually met someone who liked me, because I'm 'difficult, and too instinctive' as said to me by one of my foster parents. I do things that are outside of the normal comfort zone of people; even a lot of the people I hunt with (so, in theory, I should have a closer bond with them) don't like me.
I know that children need attention, and that there are sometimes complications during birth, but I really want this.
I've decided that I'm going to have the baby, and my decision won't change now.
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:iconmitchialia:
Mitchialia Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
Your decision is entirely up to you. Just consider the future expenses and the fact that once you have a child you can never ever unhave it. Even though you might have family, if something comes up with them you shouldn't rely on them to take care of YOUR problems.
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have one living family member, who suffers from dementia, it's my friends who help me. I'm not in a bad financial situation at the moment, and I hope I won't ever be, but even if something did come up, I wouldn't go relying on others.
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
If you believe with all your heart that you're ready to have a child, be able to support it and give it all the love it will need without a father then I would say to go for it. However, if you're having doubts, are not sure if you can give the child the life it needs then I would consider waiting a while until you're in a position both mentally and financially to go ahead with it.

If you're still young then there's plenty of time for you to have the child, you don't have to rush into it or feel like u need to make a decision soon. Cryo-stasis technology is very advanced now and so you won't have to worry about his DNA being destroyed before you can decide.

Whatever choice you make I hope you the best and lots of Happiness. :hug:
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:hug: Thank you. I've decided that I'll have the baby, and hopefully all goes well ^^
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:iconl1lxfr3ak:
L1LxFR3AK Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, you say you want to but, you're not sure if you should. If you think you're strong enough to hold and care for a child for about 20 years, then go for it. If you think you shouldn't, its understandable
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for your input (it's all I can think of as a reply!!! XD) and I think I'd do okay, so I've decided that I will.
Now to call the doctor back =_=
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:iconl1lxfr3ak:
L1LxFR3AK Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Okay, good luck!!! Everyone will be here to support you!!!
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:iconlifeofroleplay:
LifeofRoleplay Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much ^_^
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:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Do you have any idea what it costs to raise a child these days from infancy to just 5 years old? So how are you going to support yourself, much less a baby? And just to clue you in, a mother of a newborn, even if she has a job, most likely will not be able to work for maybe 6 months. Take all that into consideration. And also think of any future relationships. Most people want their own kids, not someone else's. Especially not someone's kid that your wife will look at every day and think of their late fiance instead of you.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Why such an accusatory tone instead of simply mentioning it?
As for the second part, I would've assumed she was well aware of that risk without needing to be told. I assumed she wasn't even looking as she was going to have his child as well.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Well that was a bit... :lol: I don't know. I really just don't believe people would be that close minded, not wanting someone else's kid. I have so many friends with broken up families (granted, no dead family members) and they get along with their step-parents really well. If you really loved someone, would it matter if she/he already had a kid? I think not. Also, there are a lot of single mothers who are doing okay :shrug:
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wouldn't want to raise someone else's kid. Because i won't treat him like i would if i was a biological father. I don't think its fair for the kid. It will forever be in the back of my mind that its not my kid and subconciously i will treat the child in such a manner.

This is why i don't talk to girls with kids. But i might just be an asshole
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah, I don't really get that. At all.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The early years of a childs upbringing are the most important years of its life. They learn the most in that period time and sculpt who they are for the rest of their life. If i was the biological father i would be highly affectionate to the baby and the mother thus creating a normal relationship and not a dysfunctional one. But i am the type of person who doesn't really show affection for little kids at all. So the fact its not my kid it entice me to be affectionate. I dont even show affection to my second cousin who is family simply no emotion. I think its not fair for the kid to be forced into a family where the father doesn't truly love them.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
No one is forcing you to marry someone with a kid :shrug: "I think its not fair for the kid to be forced into a family where the father doesn't truly love them."
Not every man is someone like you, unwilling to raise a kid that's not his biological one. At least I fucking hope so.
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:iconmitchialia:
Mitchialia Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
The issue is more of the child being created unneccisarily with the DNA of a biological father that is already dead. The child would question WHY IS MY DAD DEAD? And there are always rifts about "real parents" even with an adobpted parents. So why, If she can find another man that she loves, doesn't she let go of the dead one that isn't there to support her or her child and create a child with her new lover? There are many psychological issues that can arrise in the child, the mother and rifts in the family unneccessarily and it's all over a stupid idea.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Ok.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You don't think its selfish of the mother and father to raise a child knowing he/she won't get the full 100% affection love and care? The child has no say in what happens nor does the child understand a real relationship. The child needs an appropriate father figure who will give the child the affection it deserves so the child can be raised appropriately. I understand life is hard and people need love but not everyone is cut out for everything and surely not everyone is perfect. I never said i wouldn't raise a kid that wasn't my own. I said i wouldn't love them.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Dandy. :lol:
So you're saying it's selfish to have a kid on your own or what? I really don't get your point. "You don't think it's selfish of the mother and father to raise a child knowing he/she wont get the full 100% affection love and care?" And why on earth would that happen? Are you saying it automatically happens if you get a kid and then marry some guy? I really, really have hard time getting you. I mean seriously.
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(1 Reply)
:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
I think that's probably not something anyone can help. But they don't need anything more than how you'd love a friend. Seeing as the biological father isn't around, it's not like you're any sort of lesser option. As long as you care about the kid it's all good.
It seems as though you'd rather not, and it's then probably best for you not to.
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:iconmitchialia:
Mitchialia Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
The issue is not neccessarily because she'd be a single parent with donated sperm, it's the sperm is coming from a dead man that she used to love and is probably using the sperm to mask the fact that she can't get over his death. Since he's never been in the picture for the child, adoption or donated sperm from anyone else wouldn't matter but createing a child from a dead man that the child could know who it was he came from and his mother's obsession with his death can create complicated psycological issues and unnecessary family rifts.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
She didn't even decide to have the child without encouragement despite having the funding and help, she made the thread to see whether she should respect her late fiance's will or not. So I find your wild assumption disgusting frankly.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yea this is what would go through my head. "yea why the hell am i taking care of someone elses damn responsibility. I get hes dead and everything but still"

If im really stressed that is. I won't mean it 100% but ill think it.

So i would rather have a guy who won't think that raising the child instead of me.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
It wouldn't actually be taking care of someone else's responsibility, it would be helping the mother as you love her, and admitting the kid is part of her life and just another person.
Probably for the best, yes.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
which isn't fair to the kid. I should want to be around the kid for being my kid. Not because its my wife's kid. That would mean i wont love my son/daughter
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Not in the truest sense I suppose, yes.
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(1 Reply)
:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Single mothers that have older kids, sure. Also how much of their earnings go to child care? You can not do that on a minimum wage job and be single without another income. That is why a lot of single mothers are also on assistance and welfare too.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Single mothers who have older kids- well those kids were once small, weren't they? Sure it's costly to raise a baby, but it's not really uncommon nowadays. Maybe it will be tough, but it will be worth it. I don't know anyone who would have regretted having a baby, no matter how hard it was. And she probably has family to back her up if needed. :B
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:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Family is definitely needed, but not all have families or have dysfunctional ones. Then there are the ones that have babies because they think it will save a relationship. When it breaks down they are the ones who will likely be on welfare.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Just one more thing... What's so terrible about welfare? :lol:
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:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
Welfare is meant to help people down on their luck. It was never meant to be a person's lifetime support.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh yeah, I forgot, USA :no:
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