Close your eyes... take slow deep focused breaths. And ask the Holy Spirit of God to come to you.
Also... checked out your gallery for 2 seconds and why do I pick up "confused and hurt soul."
And Adam Lambert did not die for you on the cross to take away your sins.
And due to the hostility towards Christianity in this PC world... let me stress that this is not an attempt to force my religion down your throat. But a suggestion you may or may not choose to do. Its just something that worked for me. You have choices.
I checked the rest of the thread, and saw your reply with more info. It helps to cry, it's a release, that unless done will be replaced by painful brooding over it. When you have bad moments in your life, you think that it'll eventually end, and you'll have your good ones again. And you know you tend to have more highs than lows, or the good parts are worth it.
So you have friends that would hate to see you go, and you have someone to love, but you want to end your life because you don't see the "point" to it anymore.... Tell the story to one of your friends and ask them to slap you for me.