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December 10, 2012
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My Father...

:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
I just... I want to talk about this, because...it's important to me. To the subject at hand. My father Erwin, has a very low blood cell count because there is something wrong with his bone-marrow. But you see, I used to hate my father. When I was little, (I was born in Chile, South America) my father used to leave my mother, (he is Chilean and my mother is Australian) for days and days on end. He's an alcoholic and still was at that time, and once, my mother said that... he never wanted me. I used to hate him - despise him, for drinking alcohol, and I still dislike that trait. (I hate alcohol in all forms, and I also don't like drunk people or people who drink a lot).

So now...I actually care about him...and worry, but...
It still hurts me to know that earlier on in his relationship with my mother, he used to verbally abuse her.

I'm so worried...but...

I don't know whether or not this'll help me...all of this worry... *sighs*

I think we're getting back on good terms. I...hope.
But it hurts me to know that if...he passes away because of the bone-marrow thing, I...I'll feel so guilty for hating him for so long and not being a good daughter for him, s-so... *trails off*
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:iconsylveradrake:
SylveraDrake Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know what you mean, hun~ I'm the same way with my father. He may not have abused my mother or my family, but he really has hurts us, and even after these years I'm having trouble forgiving him.

But, it's important to live with what you have. You may not be able to forget, but you can forgive~
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student General Artist
You're right... :heart:
I can't forget, but I need to forgive, and you and others, are helping me...<3
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:iconsylveradrake:
SylveraDrake Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
n_n :heart:
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:icontobiasweinald:
TobiasWeinald Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Nobody can ask you to forgive him except yourself. People say you shall always remember the dead ones as they were in life, well you will see how that will be when it happens.
But trust me, while you still have the chance, take it. You don't have to run in and force a situation to come clean with all the stuff now. Perhaps none of your will even mention those things. Perhaps you will talk about completely different things, perhaps not talk at all, just spend time together. Whatever.

But do it. Not for him, but for you. Otherwise you will never forgive yourself. If you cannot forgive him, then do it just to proove that you are not like this, that you were at least there. Because those things can haunt you forever, otherwise.
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
I... *speechless*

...

I'll...do it for myself.
I'll forgive him, as much as I can...if that's possible. I'll probably even say that "I forgive you," to lessen the strain. But...I won't force it...as long as there's time, I should be able to forgive him for all of the hurt he's caused, and I have caused too.
Life's too short to be wasting time.

...Thank you, love. This means...so much to me.
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:icontobiasweinald:
TobiasWeinald Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well I'm glad if you found it helpful. But somehow this decision cames a little fast. I mean, I think it's the right choice, just I doubt it will all go as you expect it. In such moments people rarely do what they planned to do. So, maybe think it over. Prepare yourself what you want to say but let the situation come to you as it happens. You cannot force this.

Still, I wish you the best, I can only imagine how this must feel and honestly, I also wouldn't know how to deal with it exactly. Well good luck.
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you for all your advice, hun.

And I tend to speak before I think, so to speak...but I have been wondering about this for a while, so it hasn't just come straight off the top of my head. I've just been a little uncertain as to what I should do - as would anyone in my view be, as well.

:)

And I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours, too. There should be more people like you!
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:icontobiasweinald:
TobiasWeinald Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well then I guess there's nothing more to sayabout it.

Thank you, I actually came here for the second time already (it's 4:47 here) to ask for advice about my sleeping problems, lol. But everytime I stumble over threads like this so I forget my own stuff. Well, I guess tomorrow night I might post it.
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student General Artist
:) Yes, I think not. xD

You're welcome.
You have sleeping problems?
What seems to be the problem, hun? Maybe I can help...? <3 :huggle: :)
-I tend to forget about posting my problems to help people, too... xD
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:iconkemcar:
kemcar Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
All I can say is forget about the past and try to start afresh, since you and your father are going well now with each other I would suggest that you both be good to each other, try to make each other happy, and don't worry about death, you cannot help it, so live the life you both have at hand.
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