Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Details

Closed to new replies
December 9, 2012
Link

Statistics

Replies: 55

Why am I still single?

:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ok, so it's been a VERY long time since I've been in a real relationship. In most of my past relationships, almost all of the guys have dumped me. However, they never tell me why. Some say the usual "It's not you, it's me" bull crap, but they never give me a straight, honest answer.

As of now, I have been single for over a year and a half. For some reason, not a single guy has bothered asking me out or anything. I've been told by several different people that I am pretty, funny, and smart, so I am not sure what is repelling the guys away.I also have a bunch of guy friends that enjoy hanging out with me and vice versa, but they don't seem to be romantically interested in me.

I want to improve myself, but I have no idea what I need to change if no one tells me what I'm doing wrong. I am completely lost... How can I better my chances at being in a lasting and meaningful relationship?
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconincandescentinsanity:
IncandescentInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student General Artist
Focus on more important things. I've been single all my life and I'm fine
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been used to being single a majority of the time, but nothing is better than being with someone that is truly special. You may say that you're fine, but deep down I'm sure you're wishing for the right person to come along too.
Reply
:iconincandescentinsanity:
IncandescentInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student General Artist
I am, but I'm not that concerned over it. Although, from your perspective, you've experienced what it's like to be with someone, and I haven't. You can miss being in a relationship, and I can't. So I really can't say anything on the matter
Reply
:iconbonnieknox:
BonnieKnox Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The moment you stop looking for a boyfriend it appears. OK, not always, but if you are too eager they perceive it and yo appear as needy. The worst thing a person can do is looking like is begging for love.

It happened to me before. Now, that I am comfortable with myself and ignore them, guys approach me more. I just have became lazy for relationships, or I like the one who is shy and too scared to date anybody.
Reply
:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
I'll tell you what you are doing wrong! You're too focused on being in a relationship! You're too focused on the whys! :nod:

Things just happen. Most relationships don't work out, even when people like each other enough to get married. Go out with your girl friends, have a few drinks if you're of age, and try asking someone out yourself. Don't worry if he says no, don't assume he's your soul mate if he says yes, and DO NOT be afraid to dump HIM if you just aren't feeling it.
Reply
:iconthenaughticallife:
TheNAUGHTicalLife Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional Writer
I don't think it should be a matter of changing yourself to become more accessible to men. As easy as it is to say, you shouldn't worry about it. Just make yourself open and live life.
Reply
:icontr1ggerhppy:
tr1ggerhppy Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
We need to talk...
Reply
:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Accept this: You're simply not going to click with just anybody. As long as you concentrate on improving yourself with what benefits you, not with regards to what you think will get you a boyfriend, it will be fine. It will work itself out as long as you have an active social circle, preferably with different types of people.

This is actually the problem for a lot of people. They let themselves be put down by the fact that they can't make anybody dig them - which is simply ridiculous . Considering how many people there are, you're just going through a very small sample. Especially if these samples are taken from a homogenic group of people, aka same friend-circle.
Reply
:iconkraziekat2112:
KrazieKat2112 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You can't keep wanting to be in a relationship. The right one will come when they're ready. : ) Love isn't something that should be pushed. :huggle: If it makes you feel better I've never been in a relationship or ever been asked out XD And no one ever complements me saying you're pretty, smart, or other stuff like that.
Reply
:iconsomedaysakuhin:
SomedaySakuhin Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hmm... Were your former boyfriends similar to each other?
Maybe all of them have a certain issue that keeps them from staying in a relationship so maybe it's not mainly because of you. It could also be that they just weren't mature enough yet.
Or maybe you didn't have enough in common?

Still it is good to reflect on your own actions. Maybe a certain habbit of yours has been irritating them.
It's difficult since they didn't want to tell you.

I think that for a long relationship it is necessary that you can communicate well. So the partner needs to be ready to answer such uncomfortable questions like problems they have with you as well.

(I never used "maybe" so often before I guess... ='D)
Reply
:iconworkoutprogress:
workoutprogress Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012   Photographer
A lot of this comes down to what kind of a guy you're looking for. What do you expect in a relationship?
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, I'm not expecting to find a perfect man, but I would like to be with a guy who is smart, eccentric,creative, and has a sense of humor. I also want us to have the same interests.
Reply
:iconworkoutprogress:
workoutprogress Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012   Photographer
I can relate. Feels like everybody is gingerbread a lot of the time... all shaped more by their societal cutter than their own ideas. Finding that in someone you're attracted to is rare.
Reply
:iconavenvia:
Avenvia Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
Be more proactive. Most guys are shy and just as scared of rejection as you are; why should they take all the risk? Become more confident and more effective at conveying romantic interest. Don't flirt with every boy you see, but if you like one you have to show it. Not many guys (unless they're really drunk and/or horny) will bother with a girl that doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship and that's not exactly surprising.

But yeah, become more confident. A year of being single is not the end of the world and it makes you seem slightly desperate that you're so worried about it. People can sense desperation and generally avoid it.
Reply
:iconmatthewmatters:
MatthewMatters Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Professional General Artist
Look -- it's not the 18th century anymore. You can ask guys out too.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm aware of that. I have tried to ask a guy out before, but it didn't go well at all.
Reply
:iconmatthewmatters:
MatthewMatters Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Being afraid of denial is the one thing bound to make one unlucky with love :P
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
The guys could just be leaving you if they think there's no future (ie booty) with you, or if they've already had their fill of said booty.

I mean, you are dealing with guys your age right? So the sexy time is still a big deal to them kids.

Unless you're a mega-bitch, you don't need to change. Just relax and meet people.
Eventually you'll find something you'll want to tag.
Reply
:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
maybe guys don't realize you are interested in them romantically. maybe you should try flirting more idk XDD i don't mean dressing in tight/revealing clothes, i mean just act more cutesy and girly and playful, so that guys see you as flirting instead of being just another friend who casually hangs out with them.

i guess those guys who dumped you were afraid to hurt your feelings. well they should have been more honest with you. but also, you might want to think back on those relationships and see if there were any warning signs that things weren't going well. then hopefully you can avoid those things in your next relationship.
Reply
:iconrizhnir:
Rizhnir Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
There's someone out there for everyone, is what I believe.

You just gotta keep rolling the dice and learn what you can from the past.
Reply
:iconsunnyeclipse:
SunnyEclipse Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
How old are you, first off?
And second, no need to worry about improving yourself. Your partner will accept and adore you for who you are.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm 19.
Reply
:iconspookyink:
SpookyInk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012   Traditional Artist
Are you attractive?
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
According to family, friends, and acquaintances,they say that I am pretty. However, one guy rated me as a 7/10, so I'm not exactly perfect.
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
They're either lying to you (a 7/10 is pretty good) or you're such a horrible person no one wants to be with you.

Somethings up. You just gotta figure it out.
Reply
:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been single my whole life and i still am and im 22. So i kinda fail to see the problem here? 1 year isn't long at all. Just means your having a dry spell and not many guys are currently interested in talking to you. Maybe you have too much time on your hands to think/contemplate about these things and could use that time doing something productive? <--- honest thoughts since you want honesty and what not.

I think if you just took it easy and stopped stressing about it and went out and had fun things would fall in place. Most of the girls i would approach or try to talk to are girls who give me attention here and there and don't force me to do all the work. But then again, i've been single for 22 years. What the hell do i know
Reply
:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i've never been in a relationship before and i am 21. glad to see someone else like me lol

idk i just don't have the need to be in a relationship yet.

and yet some people my age are getting married @___@ i don't understand them but whatever. XD
Reply
:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The girls ive approached to date which isn't many. Just werent interested. Not many girls approach me, so i just never dated. I move alot and had an undiagnosed mental illness for most of my life.
Reply
:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i don't really approach anyone to date -___- (and it's extremely rare that someone approaches me, it hasn't happened in years.)

aww i am sorry you had to deal with those tough problems. i don't have any tough situations like that but... i guess i just never cared about being in a relationship.

for finding a good relationship, everyone has a different time that's right for them. so ours will come when the time is right, we just happened to take longer than most other people and that's okay. ^__^
Reply
:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yea pretty much. My psychiatrist tells me that there are people who cant live their life without being in a relationship. He also says that people who are in relationships usually can't handle their own emotional stress by them self. He basically gave me praise for being able to be single so long saying most people can't do it.
Reply
:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
haha, well i think the explanation for that is simple- there are other great relationships like family and friends. and also, favorite hobbies. for me, it's drawing, which i am very passionate about. so there are other good things in my life now that i channel my emotion into, and that's why i don't feel the need to be in a relationship.

sometimes i do wish i had a BF though =(

but then i remember that it will happen when the time is right and there's no need to be upset about being single for a long time.
Reply
:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
but don't forget you gotta put yourself out there and enjoy life while you still can! Go out and meet guys dont judge or anything just meet new people. Pretty soon we will get at an age where we are all busy with our careers and this won't be as much of a luxury as it is now.
Reply
:iconsachi-pon:
Sachi-pon Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you're right, i really do have to keep that in mind.

thanks for the watch!! =D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconladyzelda1:
LadyZelda1 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
So do you put out or what?
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've only "done it" with a couple of them. I've dated them for a long time before we did anything sexual.
Reply
:iconmrspeedypanda:
MrSpeedyPanda Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Get in touch with a brony?
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Why? They just want man action.
Reply
:iconmrspeedypanda:
MrSpeedyPanda Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
lol pony action?
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
That too
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol, that might actually work, but I only know a couple of bronies irl.
Reply
:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012   Digital Artist
Maybe because of that very out look of wanting to improve yourself because you think you're doing something wrong. What's wrong with just being who you are? Don't get me wrong self-improvement is a great thing, but for those reasons no, it's terrible. The fact that you feel like there is something wrong with "you" that needs to be changed is the thing that is wrong, and it comes out subconsciously, and other people can pick up on that, and it turns people away. It's the fact that you are looking for something to be wrong with you rather than being happy with who you are and realizing that it's better to be loved for who you are, not change to fit into a relationship.

Which is why you think that "It's not you, it's me" is bullshit. In reality that's about as straight forward and honest an answer as it gets. It means there isn't anything wrong with you, you're just not the one. You're not doing anything wrong in a relationship, so stop looking for a reason to put the blame on yourself. Is that really what you want? If anything the only thing you're doing wrong is trying to find something wrong with yourself.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, I've never look at it that way before. I guess you're right. Maybe it really isn't me.

Then again, maybe I do have some flaws. For example,my mom always points out my negatives, so it makes me feel a little self conscious.

I just want someone to to truly love me for who I am for once...:(
Reply
:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012   Digital Artist
So don't do anything to change yourself just to get a date, trust me, that never ends up good. Self-improvement is fine as long as it's for the right reasons, and it's something that you yourself honestly want because of you and nothing else.

Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect. I'll give you an example. Right now I am in love with an amazing woman, but shes got some really major flaws. Flaws that in other people, only added to my disattraction. Yet in her, I see nothing wrong, and I never want her to change. For some weird reason it's a combination of everything, even those flaws that make me love her. If she didn't have those flaws I wouldn't love her like I do.

The best way to make sure that someone loves you for you is to always be yourself. If you are, it won't just drop out of the sky, but eventually you'll find something that fits you perfectly.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, I think I get it now. From now on, I'll just be me and hope for the best. Thank you so much for your advice! :hug:
Reply
:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Try hitting on some guys that strike your fancy. Don't wait for them.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've tried, but I get nervous and shy...
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Just walk up to them and either attack or flirt. One or the other. :P
Reply
:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist
I know it is nerve wracking, but from a guy's perspective, flirting helps. If someone doesn't get the vibes you're into them, then they may not act.
Reply
:iconxxcystalthewolfxx:
xXCystalTheWolfXx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I guess you're right. But the problem is that I am a little awkward when it comes to flirting. Plus my shy personality doesn't help. ^^;
Reply
:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
the problem is that I am a little awkward when it comes to flirting.

Then you should learn to be more aggressive. I'm pretty awkward at the subtlety stuff too, so if I meet a guy that I'm into and I don't necessarily see him as my future husband, I'll skip the subtlety and manipulation and be much more up front about what I want without playing games. Unfortunately those guys are never going to take you seriously so you won't find a relationship that way; it's the bullshit games that guys get hooked on and that's what makes them like a girl. But you'll have a little more confidence in yourself if you know that your lack of success isn't because you're completely undesirable, which will either make guys more attracted to you, and/or make you like yourself better regardless (which frankly is more important since there's no one you'll ever spend as much time with as yourself).

Don't think of it as a permanent strategy, but as an exercise.
Reply
Add a Comment: