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December 9, 2012
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What the hell am I meant for?

:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Photographer
It just donned on me that I have absolutely no goal in life, I am 15, yes that's very young and I shouldn't worry just now, but damn, it feels like I'm wasting my life. Now I didn't know where else to talk about this philosophical life-concerning subject, and yes, I'm aware most of you will scoff this off and scuttle around for a more important thread to answer to, but I sure as hell don't know where I'm heading to.
I might be exaggerating, I might be so extremely restless, I might be pathetic; well hell, I dive into depression out of nowhere, I caught myself today in such a mood-less situation that I'm listening to old Rock N Roll Elvis to lighten up my mood and make me FEEL something. I've been looking for SOMETHING to just fall on me and wake me up from my reverie, y'know practically lazying around waiting for an eye-opening revelation to hit me. Pathetic. What am I doing? What is this?
I try everything, catching up a music fever hoping I'll be a genius, trying to write something proper with continuity hoping I'll be a genius, delving deep into books/my own conscience estranging myself from my family and friends, hoping that revelation'll hit me and I'll be a genius. Pathetic.
I've been told I can write properly, and that was from several school assignments, I've been told I'm smart enough to see beyond our vastly engulfing society clogging our brains with garbage and I've been told I'm such an air-head that I disregard anything happening around me in reality. To what extent? Pathetic once again. But I have no skills I know of that I'd like practising and evolving, something that'll become a part of me and define me truthfully.
Who am I? How am I like? What am I?
I THINK a lot. I'm an introvert. Yet not too afraid of being social. Trying hard to be strong. Trying hard not to be naive, innocent and weak. I right philosophical stuff in my forgotten diary. I have weird ass moments. I've found out about lucid dreams and tried to have one, umm not as easy as it seems, got close once but flunked out. I'm intrigued by weird stuff. I'm intrigued by evil characters to the dismay of the people around me. I'm very very introverted so much so that only I know the weird-pardon-me-shit going through my head. I'm also very critical of myself, if you haven't caught up on it yet, jus' sayin'. I have a great imagination. I like good music because it makes me feel. I like good artwork because it makes me think and feel. I like being intrigued overall. I like knowing I'm meant for something.
I imagine ending up this important figure, handling important life-altering situations, revered by people. Vain, yes I'm aware. The goal is: Be someone big. But is that really what I want? It all started with what I wanted in the first place, and god strike me dead on the spot if I damned well know.
I'm sorry. But this is what's on my mind. Take it or leave it. :]
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Devious Comments

:iconsonrie-mucho:
Sonrie-mucho Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Do your best in school and what you like, and consider things you want to experience after school, like traveling or college. Now is a good time to think about this sort of stuff while you have the opportunity to do so; life at this age is an open book, you can do pretty much anything. I feel like I've wasted a good chunk of my life on being depressed at that age, so I encourage you to grasp and enjoy it. You could try new things, such as a sport or club, or even volunteer work. Try not to chase inspiration, because it likes to breeze in at the most unexpected time.
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:iconsonrie-mucho:
Sonrie-mucho Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I mean, when you think about these things, don't just sit there and think about it, but gradually work your way towards whatever it is your thinking about.
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:iconsaykha:
saykha Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Writer
In a way, I know exactly what you mean: I also felt like this. Actually I felt like this until I was 19: Life was meaningless, having no purpose. I mean, you get born, you grow up, you finish school, you work, you get married, you have babies, you die. I don't know about you, but knowing that life was nothing more than this kinda made me feel that it wasn't even worth living it. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't depressed or suicidal - I was just very unimpressed. Life didn't have much to offer.

Right now, I don't feel like this anymore: When I was 19 my mom decided to start dragging the entire house-hold to church. I decided to give this "God-thing" a chance, and realized that God was real after all. And to make things even better - He has a purpose for every single one of us - He made you, and He had a specific idea in His mind when He made you - You see, He has plans for you "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

You might discard this as nonsense, but I was a border-line atheist and God proved Himself to me. Please read my testimony here :pointr: [link] You are more important than you might think - and you might have a purpose beyond anything you have yet thought about.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thing is, soon you will be an adult and it's normal that you make these thoughts, you will probably go to college and you wonder what you will become, what you want, which road is the right one for you etc. These questions are hard for anyone else than yourself to answer, but there is no need to panic, you still have time, people are in their 30s and yet don't know what to do with their lives. It's also normal to be introverted, you know how much introverted I was? I had someone who ALWAYS hit me exactly those words on my head, and said that it would change with time, and it did. I feel totally different than before, and it feels great. I also didn't know what to do with myself, which road to follow, but guess what, everything turned out well :) today everything has to be fast and I'm sure you have friends that know their road etc, but it's not necessary that everybody knows their way, not in the same steps and pace, you are unique and you will find your way when the time comes ;)
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Photographer
Time and patience, it's what it always sums up to.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Professional General Artist
of course:)
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:iconbaseball777:
baseball777 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
teenagers are gay.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
...except for straight, bisexual and asexual teenagers.
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:iconxadeus:
xadeus Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
just pick one small goal at a time, and put your focus on it.
As time moves on, your understanding of how to direct your values to goals will grow.
That's how purpose is established - it's not always one big move.
Learning and dialing in your perspective is no small task - making things real takes practice and many tries.
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:iconsmilkey:
smilkey Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Pursue whatever you want. Enjoy what you have now. If you're too busy focusing on the big things, you neglect the small things. And you won't know the impact that those small things have on you until they're gone.

Thinking too much can be bad for you. I used to do that, but then I realized that there's not really much I can do to change them so I suck it up and keep going. I teach myself better discipline and patience because I've come to an age where I feel to awkward to discuss my problems with anyone. Just because my destiny's not here now doesn't mean it will never be there.

I feel that you are impatient.
Your purpose is something you build up to. It can be a surprise even. Just keep pursuing whatever, and your destiny will unveil itself to you.

You remind me so much of my friend :P ( He's all philosophical, depressed and troubled. In a way he's inexperienced because he doesn't seem to be trying to get himself out of depression...it seems that he is feeling too sorry for himself and that he feels that he isn't worth anything without that depression.)
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:iconlollipopsocks:
lollipopsocks Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist
Completely normal. Nobody knows who they are in their teens.
You're fine- you're at least asking yourself these questions.

There are people in their 20s and 30s, possibly older, who still feel lost, or who find their sense of purpose, only to arrive at a crossroads again.

Don't aim for being a revered figure though. Just aim to be the best you can be.
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:iconytcyberpunk:
YTcyberpunk Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You covered a lot in this OP, so I'll break my response down into a list.

1.) You have every right to feel restless and wasted, even though you're only 15; Mother Nature has our bodies and some of our brain chemistry ready to run into the "adult" world around our teenage years. Society has worked hard to help us repress this for a while, since it does take a few years for someone to really know their way around life and society well enough in order to live like an adult.

2.) On the bright side, it's 2012--soon to be 2013--and you have PLENTY of time to figure out what you want to do with your life, and develop skills. Most people don't get out on their own until 18 or 19 *at the youngest,* and many don't do it until well into their twenties (like me).

3.) If just being "someone big" is your goal, well, that's a lot easier to do nowadays than in past generations. You can go on a game show, a reality show, or set up a blog online or a You Tube channel. (Although, I'd highly recommend finding something you really like to do first, so that you have something to show people when you do this; as opposed to someone who's "famous because they're famous.")

4.) You mentioned that you think a lot, and that you like to get philosophical, and you sometimes write in a diary. You could turn THAT into a hobby, something that you could "put out there." You could start up a blog or a You Tube channel, where you discuss different philosophical issues, maybe.

5.) I'm 24, and in some ways, are in the same boat as you. So if it makes you feel better, that means you are almost a decade or so ahead of me in life.

6.) I like your masquerade avatar.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Photographer
I'll keep all that in mind, I appreciate the compliment ;], and I'm still surprised that people still do reply in order to help. You have many good points just like everybody else, and I suppose I'll always have something to go back to in the future.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Digital Artist
"What the hell am I meant for?"

Nothing. To be meant for something means that someone or something means it. Your existence is an accident and it's up to you to attribute to it whatever meaning you would like it to have because it belongs to no one else but you.

Think of what kind of life you would like to live, and work on living it. That can be your goal.


"I didn't know where else to talk about this philosophical life-concerning subject"

You could have tried the Religion & Philosophy forum a few lines down from where you found this one.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're not "meant" for anything. You can do what you want. Go nuts with it.
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:iconashiharalover:
AshiharaLover Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you sound like meeeee
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:icondjdanilly:
djdanilly Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
hello, I am a counselor, and a minister. Trying to find the meaning of life is on every-bodies mind. You just have to do what you love. I can help you with many issues, and can be a friend. Dealing with feelings is hard. Try when you feel something acknowledge it, and ask why. I am eager to help you. Contact me. I am here for free. Thank you.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student Photographer
I'll keep that in mind, thank you.
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
You want to be genius at something? That does set the bar very high--like a pressure cooker. That kind of perfectionism can suck the fun right out of life and turn you into a workaholic. This is just a suggestion: How about setting a goal to make life more fun and keep life simpler, with less analysis of things. Else, I'd be worried about you taking on too much responsibility.
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:iconwebnatu:
webnatu Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
I meant to say give you life advice....lol sorry about that I forgot one word on the first sentence. oops
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:iconwebnatu:
webnatu Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
I remember 15, probably had the same concerns as you. I can not give you a life, nor figure life for you. You are the only one that can actually.

What I can tell you is two things my grandfather told me on my darkest hours:

The only person you should aim to be is an honest one.

Then he follow, just go we the flow we taught you right, I trust you.

I know it might not be much, but for me become true depending on the many situations I faced. And now, is even more important, specially when I have to make business decisions that might impact a buyers consumer's behaviors. :)
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:iconsabhira:
Sabhira Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Life itself has no purpose. It's up to you to give it meaning.
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:iconmeddiefletcher:
MeddieFletcher Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Well you're still young, so don't worry too much. If you want to do something big, then find the big issues. I'm loving my aquatic science class that's teaching me about large problems we have created in our world. Like this article. [link] Maybe you can be somebody who helps keep us from killing ourselves.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Photographer
Interesting, and who knows? ;]
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
You have to find out what your path in life is for yourself, love.
It's something I've had to do, and you have to do it, too.
It'll be okay - sometimes we all have our apathetic times when we feel like
shit, and we can't function as normal human beings...but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel - even if the tunnels seems restricting.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Photographer
It's all about pulling through.
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:iconpassionatepremise:
passionatepremise Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student General Artist
:nod: Yes, you're right. <3
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:iconysliao:
YSLiao Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
What we're meant for in the world is something everyone should think a lot about, but not actually done. It's not an easily answered question, but it's definitely worth exploring. Only you can give yourself the answer, and I pray and encourage you to seek the answer out. :)
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:iconyami-joey:
yami-joey Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Do you know MBTI?
It's a personality test, and knowing my results has changed my perspective a lot. I've met people who have the same views as mine, people who I could relate to.

I believe we are meant for something.. maybe you'll find your passion someday.. right now continue to live, love, create. :)
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Photographer
Yea I've looked them up before, but the actual useful ones are the professional ones you have to pay for, and yea, I'm not sure which ones deserve the money if I'm even going to pay...
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
There is not a great "I was created for this purpose in life" that will drop out of the sky and reveal itself to you.

Many people have somehting like that in their life, they build it. My in-laws work with homeless teens. It's a driving passion for them, but that was their choice, they started with soup kitchens and moved on to teen specific.

WHAT you do is not WHO you are. And who you are will evolve thru your life. Especially over the next 10 years.

However, being intrigued by the evil people in the world, might point to a career in crime, perhaps a psych degree with a bent toward criminal profiling?
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Photographer
What you want is usually that which defines you as a person. But I do understand the necessity of patience; and that last idea might come in handy for the future. ;]
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Ah, but what I WANT and what I DO are two different things. So while what I want does, to some extent, exemplify me, it is not what I always have the leisure to do, and what I DO is often necessary to life and living, and many times not my first choice.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Photographer
Plus what we want and what we do are quite restricted when considering the consequences of our actions.
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:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Holy crap! I'm in my 20's and even being in college doesn't keep me thinking that.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I had the same thoughts growing up and really its not a smart thing to be dwelling yourself in such matters. Everyone will have their own chance and opportunity to become someone big and powerful it just matters how you step up to the plate and deliver. There is no way to truly know what you are gonna do with your life until you do it. I understand your introverted but you need to get out of the house and be extroverted here and there. Your thinking too much and not active enough. When your working out or phsyical active or interacting with people on regular basis it causes your brain not to stress on such matters like this.

Life lesson from me is.

Don't sit around thinking of what you wanna do and what you wanna be and how life should be. Instead just sit down research how to do it and just start working at it.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Photographer
'Tis be true, I've noticed the changes made when hanging out and preoccupying my mind, but these flashes of deep thoughts mostly occur at school, which is quite ridiculous.
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yea high school is boring and does that to you.
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:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
There is a good change you will live forever. Enjoy it.
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Photographer
Oh jolly! Imagine the outcome!
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Next time, break up the wall of words and also, get a hobby.

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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Photographer
hmmm hobby you say? I got many. I ain't got the time, for school clouds up my mind, horrible excuse I know, but I can't give it up. Apparently not even for some self-search-of-the-mind.
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Sounds like a good time:w00t:
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Photographer
Lord have mercy on me, it ain't "I right philosophical stuff", it'd be "write". -ahem- ;]
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
and not donned, dawned*
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