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December 9, 2012
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What the hell am I meant for?

:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Photographer
It just donned on me that I have absolutely no goal in life, I am 15, yes that's very young and I shouldn't worry just now, but damn, it feels like I'm wasting my life. Now I didn't know where else to talk about this philosophical life-concerning subject, and yes, I'm aware most of you will scoff this off and scuttle around for a more important thread to answer to, but I sure as hell don't know where I'm heading to.
I might be exaggerating, I might be so extremely restless, I might be pathetic; well hell, I dive into depression out of nowhere, I caught myself today in such a mood-less situation that I'm listening to old Rock N Roll Elvis to lighten up my mood and make me FEEL something. I've been looking for SOMETHING to just fall on me and wake me up from my reverie, y'know practically lazying around waiting for an eye-opening revelation to hit me. Pathetic. What am I doing? What is this?
I try everything, catching up a music fever hoping I'll be a genius, trying to write something proper with continuity hoping I'll be a genius, delving deep into books/my own conscience estranging myself from my family and friends, hoping that revelation'll hit me and I'll be a genius. Pathetic.
I've been told I can write properly, and that was from several school assignments, I've been told I'm smart enough to see beyond our vastly engulfing society clogging our brains with garbage and I've been told I'm such an air-head that I disregard anything happening around me in reality. To what extent? Pathetic once again. But I have no skills I know of that I'd like practising and evolving, something that'll become a part of me and define me truthfully.
Who am I? How am I like? What am I?
I THINK a lot. I'm an introvert. Yet not too afraid of being social. Trying hard to be strong. Trying hard not to be naive, innocent and weak. I right philosophical stuff in my forgotten diary. I have weird ass moments. I've found out about lucid dreams and tried to have one, umm not as easy as it seems, got close once but flunked out. I'm intrigued by weird stuff. I'm intrigued by evil characters to the dismay of the people around me. I'm very very introverted so much so that only I know the weird-pardon-me-shit going through my head. I'm also very critical of myself, if you haven't caught up on it yet, jus' sayin'. I have a great imagination. I like good music because it makes me feel. I like good artwork because it makes me think and feel. I like being intrigued overall. I like knowing I'm meant for something.
I imagine ending up this important figure, handling important life-altering situations, revered by people. Vain, yes I'm aware. The goal is: Be someone big. But is that really what I want? It all started with what I wanted in the first place, and god strike me dead on the spot if I damned well know.
I'm sorry. But this is what's on my mind. Take it or leave it. :]
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Devious Comments

:iconsonrie-mucho:
Sonrie-mucho Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Do your best in school and what you like, and consider things you want to experience after school, like traveling or college. Now is a good time to think about this sort of stuff while you have the opportunity to do so; life at this age is an open book, you can do pretty much anything. I feel like I've wasted a good chunk of my life on being depressed at that age, so I encourage you to grasp and enjoy it. You could try new things, such as a sport or club, or even volunteer work. Try not to chase inspiration, because it likes to breeze in at the most unexpected time.
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:iconsonrie-mucho:
Sonrie-mucho Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I mean, when you think about these things, don't just sit there and think about it, but gradually work your way towards whatever it is your thinking about.
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:iconsaykha:
saykha Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Writer
In a way, I know exactly what you mean: I also felt like this. Actually I felt like this until I was 19: Life was meaningless, having no purpose. I mean, you get born, you grow up, you finish school, you work, you get married, you have babies, you die. I don't know about you, but knowing that life was nothing more than this kinda made me feel that it wasn't even worth living it. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't depressed or suicidal - I was just very unimpressed. Life didn't have much to offer.

Right now, I don't feel like this anymore: When I was 19 my mom decided to start dragging the entire house-hold to church. I decided to give this "God-thing" a chance, and realized that God was real after all. And to make things even better - He has a purpose for every single one of us - He made you, and He had a specific idea in His mind when He made you - You see, He has plans for you "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

You might discard this as nonsense, but I was a border-line atheist and God proved Himself to me. Please read my testimony here :pointr: [link] You are more important than you might think - and you might have a purpose beyond anything you have yet thought about.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thing is, soon you will be an adult and it's normal that you make these thoughts, you will probably go to college and you wonder what you will become, what you want, which road is the right one for you etc. These questions are hard for anyone else than yourself to answer, but there is no need to panic, you still have time, people are in their 30s and yet don't know what to do with their lives. It's also normal to be introverted, you know how much introverted I was? I had someone who ALWAYS hit me exactly those words on my head, and said that it would change with time, and it did. I feel totally different than before, and it feels great. I also didn't know what to do with myself, which road to follow, but guess what, everything turned out well :) today everything has to be fast and I'm sure you have friends that know their road etc, but it's not necessary that everybody knows their way, not in the same steps and pace, you are unique and you will find your way when the time comes ;)
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:iconnarcoticxdreams:
NarcoticxDreams Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Photographer
Time and patience, it's what it always sums up to.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
of course:)
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:iconbaseball777:
baseball777 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
teenagers are gay.
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:icondelusionalhamster:
delusionalHamster Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
...except for straight, bisexual and asexual teenagers.
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:iconxadeus:
xadeus Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
just pick one small goal at a time, and put your focus on it.
As time moves on, your understanding of how to direct your values to goals will grow.
That's how purpose is established - it's not always one big move.
Learning and dialing in your perspective is no small task - making things real takes practice and many tries.
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:iconsmilkey:
smilkey Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Pursue whatever you want. Enjoy what you have now. If you're too busy focusing on the big things, you neglect the small things. And you won't know the impact that those small things have on you until they're gone.

Thinking too much can be bad for you. I used to do that, but then I realized that there's not really much I can do to change them so I suck it up and keep going. I teach myself better discipline and patience because I've come to an age where I feel to awkward to discuss my problems with anyone. Just because my destiny's not here now doesn't mean it will never be there.

I feel that you are impatient.
Your purpose is something you build up to. It can be a surprise even. Just keep pursuing whatever, and your destiny will unveil itself to you.

You remind me so much of my friend :P ( He's all philosophical, depressed and troubled. In a way he's inexperienced because he doesn't seem to be trying to get himself out of depression...it seems that he is feeling too sorry for himself and that he feels that he isn't worth anything without that depression.)
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