Kinda sounds like you need to sort some old stuff out first. I don't know what it is that is eating at you, but it will continue to eat if you let it.
There is probably something you want out of life, but you just think it's impossible. I don't know what that may be, but there's a chance that it's something that a LOT of people have done. And those people aren't any better than you. No one is better or more important than you.
I'm not ambitious either. A part of me actually didn't WANT to be successful because then my family would get to swagger around all smug, thinking they did something right. A part of me always kinda thought that if I turned into a suicidal loser, they'd learn some kind of "lesson".
But that shit gets old and the only person that ever suffered was me. You don't have to want a lot out of life. I don't see anything wrong with just making a small living and having more time to spend doing things you like.
If you feel that someone has wronged you, call them out on it. I wasted a lot of time hating people in secret. I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I'd rather be wrong than take the chance you continue to suffer in silence...
Try writing more, try finding better places to publicise it, try thinking about how you can improve on your story. Feedback shouldn't be limited to good/bad, it's really about improving your skills. You can write, so it's a start, but implicitly by starting you have the goal of improving. There is also, of course, life beyond your story. If you feel that the rest of your life is depressingly empty, you implicitly have the goal of making it less so. Most importantly, you have the goal of finding things you enjoy and doing them.
So you have goals, whether you like it or not, it's just a question of how you can aim to achieve them.
Flicking through your replies, it sounds to me more like you're depressed that the one person who read your story didn't like it. Soo, make it a goal to find someone who will read it and like it. That's a good next step, isn't it?
Hmm, in that case maybe you could extend the dream to sharing it with the entire world. And when I say that, I mean try and get it published, as a novel if it's that length or in a magazine/newspaper/anthology/whatever if it's just a short story.
Improve yourself. Set another goal. You had someone read your story without telling you? Great! Now improve on it. Improve on your story, go and write more, and start thinking about other people, not just you. What about your reader? Don't you want them to hear the rest of your tale? Write it for them. Don't leave them hanging, silly.
You can't let things keep you down. I mean, I have a story nobody reads, not really expecting them to either (It's a pretty old peice of work anyway...xD) but I do it anyway, for myself, and to improve so that one day, I'll be able to revamp the story altogether and have people read it.
And hey, telling people that your story exists isn't BAD. It's called publicity. If you don't tell them that it exists, how will they know? Some people need prodding, silly, especially with long running stories on deviantart, unless they're fanfiction. Original stories are sadly mostly noticed on FictionPress (the 'Original Story' version of Fanfiction.net xD) instead of DeviantART. You want more readers? Why not go to FictionPress and put your story there, see what results you get? Try something new, Miranda, don't give up, keep your head held high. I know you can do it. :3
Well, if your previous life goal was to have someone voluntarily read your story, why not expand from that? If writing is something you're interested in, then why not have your next goal be to have someone read your story and like it? Then have someone read your story and say that it should be published? Then work towards publishing it, maybe even getting it well known? If you're going to have life goals, they might as well be big ones! Yes, achieving all that will likely take a good deal of work, rewrites, revising, and edits, but that's what life goals are for! Something big and seemingly unobtainable, but maybe one day you can look back and say "holy cow, I did it!"
Wow, I don't know if I'm ever going to get there, but there must be something. I mean you said in the comments above that you just wanted one person to read your story without you asking them too... but you're only 17, there are is so much more to life that you could try to go for. Right now you need to try to relax, try writing more. Focus on something that you used to love.
I think your problem is that you've set the bar so low for yourself, for whatever reason, that it's hard for you to imagine anything better without someone showing you there are other things worth doing. You need to be less cynical about life and realize that there are things worthwhile in this world that are bigger or better than your current self. You have the ability to make more friends, build strong relationships that you will value and give you purpose in life, make incrementally bigger goals that improve yourself or help others in their own struggles, etc.
You said your goal was just to get someone to read your story without you asking them to. That's a pretty small goal, set so low that you made it too easy to achieve. That's about as much of a goal as going a week without having to ask someone else to wash your dishes. The thing about goals is that they should be difficult to achieve, not easy. If they aren't hard, they're not worth working for. You should start by setting a harder goal than what you've already done. Why not set your next goal to be getting 50 more fans that read your story? Or how about completing X number of stories by the end of next year? How about instead of writing, you set a goal to learn another form of art so that you expand your artistic abilities and give yourself more to do with your life? Or maybe you can make your goal be to create your own website where people can share stories or teach people how to write better? Think about what it is you want to do. It could be improving on what you know or it could be something you've seen other people do that you want to try, like doing a marathon or losing weight. Don't think about whether it has to have a point and don't worry about mistakes or failure. The experiences you have in trying to reach your goal and then reaching it is what adds value to your life. Even failing adds value, because you're learning from your mistakes. Did getting someone to read your story really have all that much of a point or help you learn anything? Probably not. Do you really want to do nothing else with your life and gain nothing more?
Yes, I know. You meant to drink alcohol and harm my system and kill my braincells and make me crazy and stupid and vulnerable for a while then wake up with a migraine. All this for a reason to live? Seems a little much for something like that.
Hey, don't say that. She might have had bad experience with alcohol/alcoholics. You don't know. Although I agree her response was a little rude, she's in a bad mood. (I mean, she IS having a goal crisis kinda. Of course she's going to be bitter.)
Yeah, but still. She's a friend from my school, you see, and she's been going through a tough time lately. I'm just defending my friend here. Although I agree that she's probably complicating her life, I'm just trying to avoid her getting hurt more than she is already, you know? Not that her reaction was justified, but hey.
You have basically answered your own question. It seems as though you have made up your mind about you WANT to do next, even if you havent put it into words.
To be brutally honest, a personal dream doesnt count for much. Your one amongst billions. If I were you I would focus less on your dream and pay more attention to the one thing that is going to stick around when your gone, your legacy. Do something that will get you remembered. Meet your life partner. Have a family. If you seriously dont think your capable of that, then you havent tried anywhere near hard enough.