A need to change myself and insecurity
So Its occured to me that Im always just miserable these days no matter what supposed good fortunes befall on me like a job and financialy well-off family. For me the root of the problem is my inability to change my way of life so I can be more comfortable with myself.
One of these changes would be for me to become a more exciting/playboy type person. I havent had a real friend in 4 years (well at least one that I kept in contact for more then a week)and the reason for this is become im way too boring and dont talk enough about silly things like getting high and whatnot. And obvoiusly flirting a lot also seems like the only way to make friends nowadays but again I suck at this because of how reserved I am. I keep telling myself go on storm all you have to do is act cool and talk giberish but It just doesnt come.
The second thing that would help relieve some of my insecurity is for me to become a better artist. I dont really like drawing and I hate the lengthy digital art process but I have to to do it to become a better artist so people will want to be friends with me. The better artist you are the more people will be attracted to you as a individual becuase of how talented you are, Its the reality of the world. My problem is that I cant focus for long periods of time and I only end up working on my art 1/2 hours a day because I get bored of It. So how do I fall In love with art again and make it easier for myself to improve?
Any advice on these subjects is appreciated thank you. Also sorry in advance for any spelling or grammer errors.
One of these changes would be for me to become a more exciting/playboy type person. I havent had a real friend in 4 years (well at least one that I kept in contact for more then a week)and the reason for this is become im way too boring and dont talk enough about silly things like getting high and whatnot. And obvoiusly flirting a lot also seems like the only way to make friends nowadays but again I suck at this because of how reserved I am. I keep telling myself go on storm all you have to do is act cool and talk giberish but It just doesnt come.
The second thing that would help relieve some of my insecurity is for me to become a better artist. I dont really like drawing and I hate the lengthy digital art process but I have to to do it to become a better artist so people will want to be friends with me. The better artist you are the more people will be attracted to you as a individual becuase of how talented you are, Its the reality of the world. My problem is that I cant focus for long periods of time and I only end up working on my art 1/2 hours a day because I get bored of It. So how do I fall In love with art again and make it easier for myself to improve?
Any advice on these subjects is appreciated thank you. Also sorry in advance for any spelling or grammer errors.
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I would actually agree with you on the point where people want to get to know you if you're a 'good artist' :<
And that is something that just sucks ass. Being a "good artist" doesn't make a person more interesting or a good person to talk to. It's a ridiculous assumption many people have, and unfortunately a lot of people actually believe this is true.
I can sort of relate to your issue here because I've been thinking stuff like this too at some point in my life. Things like I'm a boring person, and I also don't have many close friends because I sometimes feel that I can't relate to them. A close friendship of mine broke down because of that recently.
I would like to say to be yourself.
I've had issues too concerning who I am and how to discover myself, but the more I spoke to people, the more I got to know about the kind of person I am. It's crazy but it totally works.
And perhaps to sort out the drawing problem, try brainstorming the things you like and the things you don't like. Look at photography. Draw from still-life. Try traditional perhaps?
For some reason going traditional makes me feel awesome. 
Hope I could help even a tiny little bit man
And that is something that just sucks ass. Being a "good artist" doesn't make a person more interesting or a good person to talk to. It's a ridiculous assumption many people have, and unfortunately a lot of people actually believe this is true.
I can sort of relate to your issue here because I've been thinking stuff like this too at some point in my life. Things like I'm a boring person, and I also don't have many close friends because I sometimes feel that I can't relate to them. A close friendship of mine broke down because of that recently.
I would like to say to be yourself.
I've had issues too concerning who I am and how to discover myself, but the more I spoke to people, the more I got to know about the kind of person I am. It's crazy but it totally works.And perhaps to sort out the drawing problem, try brainstorming the things you like and the things you don't like. Look at photography. Draw from still-life. Try traditional perhaps?
For some reason going traditional makes me feel awesome. Hope I could help even a tiny little bit man
I know being a good artist won't fix peoples personality problems but if anything it will at least boost my confidence a little. and your right about finding out more about yourself , even just by talking to people on this thread I've become more open minded about the world. I know now that I just need to have the confidence to introduce myself to more people so that's all I can do for now. Thanks for all the advice 
it honestly helps. Good luck with the traditional art I'm also just doing some background sketches so well see how that goes 
it honestly helps. Good luck with the traditional art I'm also just doing some background sketches so well see how that goes Yes yes update moar!! 
I want to see a ton of new art in your gallery!
I want to see a ton of new art in your gallery! 
Is your problem more about insecurity in yourself or the way you interact with people?
I've realised its more about a generalisation I've created over the years that its improper to introduce yourself to strangers in public or rather just out of place because everyone has their own circle of friends. I had this idea that if I became sort of egomaniac I would have more confidence to overcome this perception.
There's probably an underlying feeling of alienation to go along with it which is what's really driving your choices.
If you can't find some minor form of commonality with someone, you won't be able to connect with them. Approaching someone with the mentality of "You are so different." or "You are hostile." will cause a self-fulfilling prophecy and you won't be welcomed. Monkey see monkey do.
Also: Becoming an egomaniac will distance you further from people as you see them as your inferiors.
If you can't find some minor form of commonality with someone, you won't be able to connect with them. Approaching someone with the mentality of "You are so different." or "You are hostile." will cause a self-fulfilling prophecy and you won't be welcomed. Monkey see monkey do.
Also: Becoming an egomaniac will distance you further from people as you see them as your inferiors.
Its hard to relate when the only thing that I have in common with everyone else in my country is that I was born here. Apart from that there's nothing else; I wasn't raised here, I don't speak the native language(out of pride), I don't enjoy the naturally accepted past times. Thanks for the advice I can only try and forget about these things and have a more open mind when it comes to socailising.
I have some depressive issues etc. Definitely don't restrict yourself to trying one thing; try writing poetry and prose, making music of some kind, maybe computer programming, just look for thins that can keep your mind occupied. The internet can be helpful too, if you really have too few people around where you are try finding a small to medium sized online community you can fit into based around something you enjoy or like doing. Realspace stuff is generally ideal, but building up links with people and building up confidence in the nicer & safer bits of the net is certainly better than feeling alone.
Dude I have the same problem you have, and it's been eating at me for years. I tried to act more popular but the shit that comes out of my mouth just don't quite do what other people's words do. I even took classes on how to communicate. Trying to be popular just isn't working, even after years of trying. It still eats at me now, but I'm starting to accept that I can't be who I'm not. Some people can do that, change themselves to match their visions. I can't tell you how much happier they are, 'cos I'm not them, and I don't know them well enough for them to disclose that information to me.
There are people who are indifferent, or out right hate art for various reasons, but are brilliant and quite likable in their other characteristics. If you're not that into digital art or visual art in general, don't waste your life going into it.
It's a long process, but you gotta find out what really makes you stay up late at night, forget to eat and pee, when you're doing it. Accept that, get good at doing it, and you should meet like-minded people that way.
Well good luck to both of us, as I'm not out of the woods either.
There are people who are indifferent, or out right hate art for various reasons, but are brilliant and quite likable in their other characteristics. If you're not that into digital art or visual art in general, don't waste your life going into it.
It's a long process, but you gotta find out what really makes you stay up late at night, forget to eat and pee, when you're doing it. Accept that, get good at doing it, and you should meet like-minded people that way.
Well good luck to both of us, as I'm not out of the woods either.
Thanks for the reply .They say your meant to grow out of it and its just a phase like those angsty teen years. That being said Your probably right though about just having to be yourself. If I can't change though Ill have to find a way to stay mentally sane without friends like getting people to stroke me ego.
.They say your meant to grow out of it and its just a phase like those angsty teen years. That being said Your probably right though about just having to be yourself. If I can't change though Ill have to find a way to stay mentally sane without friends like getting people to stroke me ego.Yeah, I get the ego thing. I won't really call it ego though, more like confidence in yourself, which doesn't just grows out of a vacuum like some miracle. You do need friends who appreciate your characteristics and skills to help grow your confidence. On another hand, other people's appreciation can't be the majority of your self-confidence food, or you'll crash one day badly. You need to be just somewhat more self-reliant than friend-supported.
You don’t need to brag about getting high or flirt with people to make friends or get involved in a conversation. I have friends who party and I have ones who’ve never partied a day in their lives, and I love them all equally. To make friends, you don’t need to be anyone else but yourself—just start putting yourself out there. Join some clubs that reflect your interests, do volunteer work, go to public events that catch your eye (concerts, museum openings, gallery events, festivals, whatever you’re into!). Talk to people, ask them about their interests and share some of your own! Just do what comes naturally and don’t be afraid to share that with others and you’ll meet people like you.
Being a good artist has nothing to do with making friends—some of my best friends had no idea I was an artist when they first met me, some didn’t even find out for months. Don’t feel that by mastering art you’ll become popular, because this just isn’t true. I’ve met fantastic artists who are extremely unpleasant to be around, and I’m far from a spectacular artist yet I’ve made many wonderful friends just by being my dorky self. I’m sure the same will be true for you. ^_^
As for improving art, try taking some life drawing classes. Fastest way to improve guaranteed, and you’ll meet some other aspiring artists in the classes as well!
Being a good artist has nothing to do with making friends—some of my best friends had no idea I was an artist when they first met me, some didn’t even find out for months. Don’t feel that by mastering art you’ll become popular, because this just isn’t true. I’ve met fantastic artists who are extremely unpleasant to be around, and I’m far from a spectacular artist yet I’ve made many wonderful friends just by being my dorky self. I’m sure the same will be true for you. ^_^
As for improving art, try taking some life drawing classes. Fastest way to improve guaranteed, and you’ll meet some other aspiring artists in the classes as well!
Thanks for the reply. There's not many art related clubs here its very unpopular here most people don't even know what the pencil is for. Going to events rather pointless also if your going by yourself and its impossible to meet new people like that anyway because for me its rude to just starting to strangers. I would imagine they would just get freaked out and grow a instant dislike of me. I must sound ungrateful but I'm really not because your advice would be good for normal people but I'm a real difficult place at the moment and it just wouldn't work for me.
With all do respect, how do you know it won't work if you don't try it? If you really do want change, it's going to be necessary to break outta that shell a little bit. It's really not that big of a deal, if someone approaches me at an event and is nice and friendly, I'd be inclined to introduce myself and get to know them. ^_^
I know they won't want to socialize with me because they won't have a reason to. In terms of girls I'm not hot,I'm not funny, I don't have any talents to interest them and of course I don't have a lot of money. Those are the only things girls care about. When it comes to guys its easier but still they tend to only want to be your friends if you have something to offer them. I'm also going to stop now because I don't want to irritate you
You're not irritating me at all, but I am wondering where it is you got this idea about women. I'm a lady and I have TONS of male friends who aren't attractive, aren't funny, aren't particularly talented and poor as dirt. Those most definitely are not the only things ladies care about, and I think if you actually took the time to put yourself out there and talk to people, you'd find that out instead of making these assumptions based on crude stereotypes.
Because its reality ? Carefree women like you are very very rare. Since I came to SA 4 years ago I've only met 2 people similar to you( I know that's horrible but its not like I can change everyone in this pathetic country)
It most certainly is not reality, and it's extremely closed minded of you to write people off like that. I have tons of lady friends who are the exact same way as I am when it comes to making friends, and they come from all over the world. There is no preset for humanity or gender--people are all unique, and if you put yourself out there and look in the right places, you'll find people like you. Like I said, art galleries and drawing classes. Give it a try, sir. You may find yourself surprised. ^_^
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Instead of trying to become someone totally different to be popular, you need to find your strength and start to play up to that. There is SOMETHING that you enjoy and do well, if you don't know what it is you need to start to explore.
You won't be happy if you make up a personality you think people will like then pretend you are that way. Even if they do fall for it, you're going to get more and more unhappy because you're ultimately ignoring your own needs.
I mean, cookies are popular, but if you hate to cook you don't open a bakery. You pick something you LIKE to do.
'I dont really like drawing and I hate the lengthy digital art process but I have to to do it to become a better artist so people will want to be friends with me.'
I'm sorry, but that is the worst reason to do anything, EVER. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you don't care for your art, you are not a good artist. You will never be as good as someone who cares- you may have more technical skill, but you will still not be as good.
And your friends are going to make you spend all your time doing something you hate. Because you are lying to them, telling them you like it. Then you're going to start getting angry that all they want to do is sit around and have you draw them stuff, and feel like you're being exploited, and they aren't your real friends. And all of that is totally true- but it's also your fault.
You're not suddenly going to become an exciting playboy person. What you'll do is become a poser. I mean, that's really the definition of the word- playing at something to be popular. You'll be faking it, and people will know.
Yes, to an extent you need to emulate what you want to be- acting confident will eventually make you confident, smiling will eventually make you happy. Practice makes perfect.
But there is a big difference between acting cool and being cool. You try to act cool, you'll get laughed down the hall. In fact, and you'll realize this when you're a lot older and talking to people you went to school with, the coolest kids don't know they are cool. You can't bestow that label on yourself, it is given to you.
If you want to be happy, then stop trying to figure out what you think other people like and figure out what YOU like. And DO that. MAKE yourself happy.
When YOU are happy with yourself, then other people will like you.
And life is what you decide to make it. It doesn't matter how good or bad your life is from an objective standpoint- people with 'good' lives are miserable and people with 'bad' lives are happy. Not all of them, of course. The point is, whether you are happy or unhappy isn't in your circumstances, it isn't in the way people treat you, it's the way you decide you want to see the world.
I have major depression issues, and other things wrong with my brain that really, really make it hard to function sometimes (officially, I go to the doctor). And I have old injuries and pain. And sometimes that really just sucks.
And for the majority of my younger life, I was really unhappy. For lots of reasons. I mean, my childhood sucked.
Then about ten years ago, I decided that needed to stop and that, screw it, I was gonna be happy. So I taught myself to stop focusing on bad things, and find whatever good comes from any situation.Because there is ALWAYS something. Even if you are having the worst day in the world, or month, or year, there are always going to be little things that ARE good. SO you think about THOSE instead.
Learn to step back and laugh. When you aren't caught up in how serious everything is, it gets a lot better.
You won't be happy if you make up a personality you think people will like then pretend you are that way. Even if they do fall for it, you're going to get more and more unhappy because you're ultimately ignoring your own needs.
I mean, cookies are popular, but if you hate to cook you don't open a bakery. You pick something you LIKE to do.
'I dont really like drawing and I hate the lengthy digital art process but I have to to do it to become a better artist so people will want to be friends with me.'
I'm sorry, but that is the worst reason to do anything, EVER. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you don't care for your art, you are not a good artist. You will never be as good as someone who cares- you may have more technical skill, but you will still not be as good.
And your friends are going to make you spend all your time doing something you hate. Because you are lying to them, telling them you like it. Then you're going to start getting angry that all they want to do is sit around and have you draw them stuff, and feel like you're being exploited, and they aren't your real friends. And all of that is totally true- but it's also your fault.
You're not suddenly going to become an exciting playboy person. What you'll do is become a poser. I mean, that's really the definition of the word- playing at something to be popular. You'll be faking it, and people will know.
Yes, to an extent you need to emulate what you want to be- acting confident will eventually make you confident, smiling will eventually make you happy. Practice makes perfect.
But there is a big difference between acting cool and being cool. You try to act cool, you'll get laughed down the hall. In fact, and you'll realize this when you're a lot older and talking to people you went to school with, the coolest kids don't know they are cool. You can't bestow that label on yourself, it is given to you.
If you want to be happy, then stop trying to figure out what you think other people like and figure out what YOU like. And DO that. MAKE yourself happy.
When YOU are happy with yourself, then other people will like you.
And life is what you decide to make it. It doesn't matter how good or bad your life is from an objective standpoint- people with 'good' lives are miserable and people with 'bad' lives are happy. Not all of them, of course. The point is, whether you are happy or unhappy isn't in your circumstances, it isn't in the way people treat you, it's the way you decide you want to see the world.
I have major depression issues, and other things wrong with my brain that really, really make it hard to function sometimes (officially, I go to the doctor). And I have old injuries and pain. And sometimes that really just sucks.
And for the majority of my younger life, I was really unhappy. For lots of reasons. I mean, my childhood sucked.
Then about ten years ago, I decided that needed to stop and that, screw it, I was gonna be happy. So I taught myself to stop focusing on bad things, and find whatever good comes from any situation.Because there is ALWAYS something. Even if you are having the worst day in the world, or month, or year, there are always going to be little things that ARE good. SO you think about THOSE instead.
Learn to step back and laugh. When you aren't caught up in how serious everything is, it gets a lot better.
wow thanks for the thought out reply. I cant respond to all you've written but you make a good point about finding something I enjoy personally. I dont know why, maybe its just fear but Ive never broadened my horizons beyond art so I think trying new things will do me some good.
On the whole poser thing Its more the depression than anything else. A big part of me believes having people look up to me and stroke my ego will make me feel better so It just makes sense to become that "guy". But theres always been a small part of me that still believes that just being storm is enough. I just have to somehow find some more motivation to belief in it.
On the whole poser thing Its more the depression than anything else. A big part of me believes having people look up to me and stroke my ego will make me feel better so It just makes sense to become that "guy". But theres always been a small part of me that still believes that just being storm is enough. I just have to somehow find some more motivation to belief in it.
I hated school. High school was the worst. Really, I felt rejected and alone, everybody hated me...then ten years later I'm seeing people that I thought didn't even know I was alive and being told I was one of the coolest kids in the school....it's funny.
Ego stroking doesn't really make you feel better, because it's fake, too. People do it to get a higher status by associating with someone like that. But they aren't real friends, and won't hesitate to drop you when someone higher on the pecking order comes along.
Lots of artists are also good with music, if you've developed some skill you probably have a little bit of an eye for composition and things.
Ego stroking doesn't really make you feel better, because it's fake, too. People do it to get a higher status by associating with someone like that. But they aren't real friends, and won't hesitate to drop you when someone higher on the pecking order comes along.
Lots of artists are also good with music, if you've developed some skill you probably have a little bit of an eye for composition and things.
Probably heard this already, but you are loved for who you are. Someone human out there enjoys your company. Don't expect them to flat out say it. And your an artist; practice. Ive always told myself "You are your worst critic." Don't be discouraged.
OH and believe it or not; there's someone far greater loving you more than anyone can.
OH and believe it or not; there's someone far greater loving you more than anyone can.
There are some people that I would like think enjoy my company like my family and work colleagues but what good is that If IM not happy?. I can never befriend the type of people I would like to hang out with
Maybe they are not the friends you need. Families (you're stuck with em) need to change for you! Work colleagues you must show compassion for, but a true friend watches out for you're best interests; not a totally character change.