I would actually agree with you on the point where people want to get to know you if you're a 'good artist' :< And that is something that just sucks ass. Being a "good artist" doesn't make a person more interesting or a good person to talk to. It's a ridiculous assumption many people have, and unfortunately a lot of people actually believe this is true.
I can sort of relate to your issue here because I've been thinking stuff like this too at some point in my life. Things like I'm a boring person, and I also don't have many close friends because I sometimes feel that I can't relate to them. A close friendship of mine broke down because of that recently. I would like to say to be yourself. I've had issues too concerning who I am and how to discover myself, but the more I spoke to people, the more I got to know about the kind of person I am. It's crazy but it totally works.
And perhaps to sort out the drawing problem, try brainstorming the things you like and the things you don't like. Look at photography. Draw from still-life. Try traditional perhaps? For some reason going traditional makes me feel awesome. Hope I could help even a tiny little bit man
I know being a good artist won't fix peoples personality problems but if anything it will at least boost my confidence a little. and your right about finding out more about yourself , even just by talking to people on this thread I've become more open minded about the world. I know now that I just need to have the confidence to introduce myself to more people so that's all I can do for now. Thanks for all the advice it honestly helps. Good luck with the traditional art I'm also just doing some background sketches so well see how that goes
I've realised its more about a generalisation I've created over the years that its improper to introduce yourself to strangers in public or rather just out of place because everyone has their own circle of friends. I had this idea that if I became sort of egomaniac I would have more confidence to overcome this perception.
There's probably an underlying feeling of alienation to go along with it which is what's really driving your choices.
If you can't find some minor form of commonality with someone, you won't be able to connect with them. Approaching someone with the mentality of "You are so different." or "You are hostile." will cause a self-fulfilling prophecy and you won't be welcomed. Monkey see monkey do.
Also: Becoming an egomaniac will distance you further from people as you see them as your inferiors.
Its hard to relate when the only thing that I have in common with everyone else in my country is that I was born here. Apart from that there's nothing else; I wasn't raised here, I don't speak the native language(out of pride), I don't enjoy the naturally accepted past times. Thanks for the advice I can only try and forget about these things and have a more open mind when it comes to socailising.
I have some depressive issues etc. Definitely don't restrict yourself to trying one thing; try writing poetry and prose, making music of some kind, maybe computer programming, just look for thins that can keep your mind occupied. The internet can be helpful too, if you really have too few people around where you are try finding a small to medium sized online community you can fit into based around something you enjoy or like doing. Realspace stuff is generally ideal, but building up links with people and building up confidence in the nicer & safer bits of the net is certainly better than feeling alone.
Dude I have the same problem you have, and it's been eating at me for years. I tried to act more popular but the shit that comes out of my mouth just don't quite do what other people's words do. I even took classes on how to communicate. Trying to be popular just isn't working, even after years of trying. It still eats at me now, but I'm starting to accept that I can't be who I'm not. Some people can do that, change themselves to match their visions. I can't tell you how much happier they are, 'cos I'm not them, and I don't know them well enough for them to disclose that information to me.
There are people who are indifferent, or out right hate art for various reasons, but are brilliant and quite likable in their other characteristics. If you're not that into digital art or visual art in general, don't waste your life going into it.
It's a long process, but you gotta find out what really makes you stay up late at night, forget to eat and pee, when you're doing it. Accept that, get good at doing it, and you should meet like-minded people that way.
Well good luck to both of us, as I'm not out of the woods either.
Thanks for the reply .They say your meant to grow out of it and its just a phase like those angsty teen years. That being said Your probably right though about just having to be yourself. If I can't change though Ill have to find a way to stay mentally sane without friends like getting people to stroke me ego.
Yeah, I get the ego thing. I won't really call it ego though, more like confidence in yourself, which doesn't just grows out of a vacuum like some miracle. You do need friends who appreciate your characteristics and skills to help grow your confidence. On another hand, other people's appreciation can't be the majority of your self-confidence food, or you'll crash one day badly. You need to be just somewhat more self-reliant than friend-supported.
You don’t need to brag about getting high or flirt with people to make friends or get involved in a conversation. I have friends who party and I have ones who’ve never partied a day in their lives, and I love them all equally. To make friends, you don’t need to be anyone else but yourself—just start putting yourself out there. Join some clubs that reflect your interests, do volunteer work, go to public events that catch your eye (concerts, museum openings, gallery events, festivals, whatever you’re into!). Talk to people, ask them about their interests and share some of your own! Just do what comes naturally and don’t be afraid to share that with others and you’ll meet people like you.
Being a good artist has nothing to do with making friends—some of my best friends had no idea I was an artist when they first met me, some didn’t even find out for months. Don’t feel that by mastering art you’ll become popular, because this just isn’t true. I’ve met fantastic artists who are extremely unpleasant to be around, and I’m far from a spectacular artist yet I’ve made many wonderful friends just by being my dorky self. I’m sure the same will be true for you. ^_^
As for improving art, try taking some life drawing classes. Fastest way to improve guaranteed, and you’ll meet some other aspiring artists in the classes as well!
Thanks for the reply. There's not many art related clubs here its very unpopular here most people don't even know what the pencil is for. Going to events rather pointless also if your going by yourself and its impossible to meet new people like that anyway because for me its rude to just starting to strangers. I would imagine they would just get freaked out and grow a instant dislike of me. I must sound ungrateful but I'm really not because your advice would be good for normal people but I'm a real difficult place at the moment and it just wouldn't work for me.
With all do respect, how do you know it won't work if you don't try it? If you really do want change, it's going to be necessary to break outta that shell a little bit. It's really not that big of a deal, if someone approaches me at an event and is nice and friendly, I'd be inclined to introduce myself and get to know them. ^_^
I know they won't want to socialize with me because they won't have a reason to. In terms of girls I'm not hot,I'm not funny, I don't have any talents to interest them and of course I don't have a lot of money. Those are the only things girls care about. When it comes to guys its easier but still they tend to only want to be your friends if you have something to offer them. I'm also going to stop now because I don't want to irritate you
You're not irritating me at all, but I am wondering where it is you got this idea about women. I'm a lady and I have TONS of male friends who aren't attractive, aren't funny, aren't particularly talented and poor as dirt. Those most definitely are not the only things ladies care about, and I think if you actually took the time to put yourself out there and talk to people, you'd find that out instead of making these assumptions based on crude stereotypes.
Because its reality ? Carefree women like you are very very rare. Since I came to SA 4 years ago I've only met 2 people similar to you( I know that's horrible but its not like I can change everyone in this pathetic country)
It most certainly is not reality, and it's extremely closed minded of you to write people off like that. I have tons of lady friends who are the exact same way as I am when it comes to making friends, and they come from all over the world. There is no preset for humanity or gender--people are all unique, and if you put yourself out there and look in the right places, you'll find people like you. Like I said, art galleries and drawing classes. Give it a try, sir. You may find yourself surprised. ^_^
I'm not close minded your just very na´ve, the whole world is not like deviantart. I'm going to thank you though you've cleared things up for me. - I know what the problem is now.I've been trying to make with friends with understanding and smart people like you when there arnt any in my country. So the only thing left to do is force the rest to respect me and throw themselves at me. People my age are so stupid you know they'll do it.
Instead of trying to become someone totally different to be popular, you need to find your strength and start to play up to that. There is SOMETHING that you enjoy and do well, if you don't know what it is you need to start to explore.
You won't be happy if you make up a personality you think people will like then pretend you are that way. Even if they do fall for it, you're going to get more and more unhappy because you're ultimately ignoring your own needs.
I mean, cookies are popular, but if you hate to cook you don't open a bakery. You pick something you LIKE to do.
'I dont really like drawing and I hate the lengthy digital art process but I have to to do it to become a better artist so people will want to be friends with me.'
I'm sorry, but that is the worst reason to do anything, EVER. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you don't care for your art, you are not a good artist. You will never be as good as someone who cares- you may have more technical skill, but you will still not be as good.
And your friends are going to make you spend all your time doing something you hate. Because you are lying to them, telling them you like it. Then you're going to start getting angry that all they want to do is sit around and have you draw them stuff, and feel like you're being exploited, and they aren't your real friends. And all of that is totally true- but it's also your fault.
You're not suddenly going to become an exciting playboy person. What you'll do is become a poser. I mean, that's really the definition of the word- playing at something to be popular. You'll be faking it, and people will know.
Yes, to an extent you need to emulate what you want to be- acting confident will eventually make you confident, smiling will eventually make you happy. Practice makes perfect.
But there is a big difference between acting cool and being cool. You try to act cool, you'll get laughed down the hall. In fact, and you'll realize this when you're a lot older and talking to people you went to school with, the coolest kids don't know they are cool. You can't bestow that label on yourself, it is given to you.
If you want to be happy, then stop trying to figure out what you think other people like and figure out what YOU like. And DO that. MAKE yourself happy.
When YOU are happy with yourself, then other people will like you.
And life is what you decide to make it. It doesn't matter how good or bad your life is from an objective standpoint- people with 'good' lives are miserable and people with 'bad' lives are happy. Not all of them, of course. The point is, whether you are happy or unhappy isn't in your circumstances, it isn't in the way people treat you, it's the way you decide you want to see the world.
I have major depression issues, and other things wrong with my brain that really, really make it hard to function sometimes (officially, I go to the doctor). And I have old injuries and pain. And sometimes that really just sucks.
And for the majority of my younger life, I was really unhappy. For lots of reasons. I mean, my childhood sucked.
Then about ten years ago, I decided that needed to stop and that, screw it, I was gonna be happy. So I taught myself to stop focusing on bad things, and find whatever good comes from any situation.Because there is ALWAYS something. Even if you are having the worst day in the world, or month, or year, there are always going to be little things that ARE good. SO you think about THOSE instead.
Learn to step back and laugh. When you aren't caught up in how serious everything is, it gets a lot better.
wow thanks for the thought out reply. I cant respond to all you've written but you make a good point about finding something I enjoy personally. I dont know why, maybe its just fear but Ive never broadened my horizons beyond art so I think trying new things will do me some good.
On the whole poser thing Its more the depression than anything else. A big part of me believes having people look up to me and stroke my ego will make me feel better so It just makes sense to become that "guy". But theres always been a small part of me that still believes that just being storm is enough. I just have to somehow find some more motivation to belief in it.
I hated school. High school was the worst. Really, I felt rejected and alone, everybody hated me...then ten years later I'm seeing people that I thought didn't even know I was alive and being told I was one of the coolest kids in the school....it's funny.
Ego stroking doesn't really make you feel better, because it's fake, too. People do it to get a higher status by associating with someone like that. But they aren't real friends, and won't hesitate to drop you when someone higher on the pecking order comes along.
Lots of artists are also good with music, if you've developed some skill you probably have a little bit of an eye for composition and things.
Probably heard this already, but you are loved for who you are. Someone human out there enjoys your company. Don't expect them to flat out say it. And your an artist; practice. Ive always told myself "You are your worst critic." Don't be discouraged.
OH and believe it or not; there's someone far greater loving you more than anyone can.
There are some people that I would like think enjoy my company like my family and work colleagues but what good is that If IM not happy?. I can never befriend the type of people I would like to hang out with
Maybe they are not the friends you need. Families (you're stuck with em) need to change for you! Work colleagues you must show compassion for, but a true friend watches out for you're best interests; not a totally character change.
What makes you think you need to change in order to be more comfortable with yourself. I think the root of your problem is your inability to accept who you are and the fact that maybe you're just not an extroverted person like most people.
I'll be honest. You sound like a perfectly intelligent person, which makes me wonder if this is a troll post, because I have a hard time believing that an intelligent person would even think like this. To me, your awkwardness and reserved nature would come off as charming. If you were an "exciting" playboy type of person, I would want nothing to do with you. Same with the flirting. Nothing irritates me more than someone who acts like that. The most interesting people in my life are the shy ones, because when you can get them to open up, they are actually the most fun and comfortable to be around. Most of my boyfriend's friends are loud and social, and I would much rather be around my two close friends who are quiet and dorky.
I've come to regard it as a general rule that people who do stupid, obnoxious things and talk about getting high all the time aren't the kind of people you could ever rely on. They're only your friends while you're being stupid like them. Most of my little brother's friends are those kind of people, and he may as well not have any friends at all. Not one of them truly cares about him. I'd rather be lonely than be surrounded by a bunch of fakes.
If you don't like making art, don't make art. It's as simple as that. Find something you do like that comes naturally to you. People aren't drawn to great artists, they are drawn to people who are comfortable in their own shell and who have found their talents rather than forced them.
I try and be calm about It and just try to accept who I am but I just cant do It. Not when I have panic attacks almost every time I go to a place with lots of people or when im just alone.
And people do call me sweet and cute and stuff like that but Its always just older people who know nothing about me. I appreciate your comments and In a different country (like England) your advice would definitely work where I am right now being myself has gotten me nowhere and thats not looking to change anytime soon.
I'm sad for you, in that case. No one should feel like they have to change the core of their being just to fit in in the world -- not when they are already a decent person who has nothing wrong with them.
I still freak out a little when I'm around a lot of people, but I'm better now than I was. At one point in my life, I couldn't bring myself to walk to the end of my driveway and get the mail alone. I don't think I had any real reason, I was just afraid of everything and miserable all the time.
The thing that changed that for me was finding a couple of people who like me for who I am (and yes, that is possible, regardless of where you live), and encourage me to be the best I can be. They didn't try to change me, but I changed for the better because I was around people who loved me. I'm still my same shy, reserved self, but I have finally figured out how to be comfortable with that now. Because of that, I'm in a happy relationship, I have a couple of trusted friends, and I finally managed to learn how to drive -- something that terrified me before.
You'd be amazed at how many positive things happen if you just learn to change the way you perceive yourself, and stop caring about the way others perceive you.
There was a time when I had lots of friends just being who I am, that was back in school when I lived in England. The people there are amazing and very understanding so It was easy. In south africa you have to change or die of depression.
I didnt even think about the perceiving thing you mentioned. Ive been so focused just on improving my image in life like aiming for a high paying job, wearing expensive clothes, becoming the best artist in my country...all just so people can like me. I think the only thing I can do is like you said, just try harder to find people who accept me and my socail awkwardness.
People who accept you for who you are are the only ones worth the effort. A high paying job, expensive clothing... none of that means anything in the long run. Right now, I'm still looking for a job. I wear cheap Walmart clothing. I don't have enough money in the bank right now to fill up the gas tank in my old, beat up '94 car. And I'm still happy.
Money and status won't make you happy. You would still be uncomfortable and miserable because you'd be struggling constantly to be something you aren't, and depressed because you can't be honest with anyone in your life. Making quality friendships and relationships isn't easy, but it's definitely worth it if you ever want to feel truly good about yourself. Knowing someone loves you because of who you are is the best feeling in the world, and it lasts a lot longer than a pair of expensive shoes.
There are people everywhere who feel the way you do. You just have to look harder to find them because they're probably just as afraid to be themselves as you are. It is a great comfort to have someone who understands what you're feeling and to be there for someone when they are going through the same troubles you've been through.
I know how you feel, being naturally reserved myself I actually tend to get cranky when I'm around people for too many hours of the day.
Being likable or liked has nothing to do with better artwork. I've been one of the best artists in any school I was I growing up, it never made me popular, it just made people try to get me to draw things for them. You have to learn to accept and appreciate how awesome you are!
It's hard and it's still an ongoing process for myself, but people are attracted to confidence! Confidence is what's going to get you out of your shell, confidence in a relationship is what's going to elongate those friendships, and confidence in yourself to not take it personally if things fall through. You can't truly love others until you love yourself, the relationship with always become corrupt.
As for your artwork, it's okay to set it down and walked away for a long while, I have tons of unfinished projects from years back that I'm just now looking at. Sometimes it just takes that extra maturity and discipline to sit down and hold still, and just a smidgen of that confidence to not beat yourself up in the early stages about how it's turning out.
My suggestion would be to try a different form of art. Against my will I became a photographer for 5 years, I never enjoyed it but I found that I loved photoshopping and editing the photos themselves. Challenge yourself to do something different, I watches a video of a guy who painted a picture using a toothbrush, just because he was having an artists block and needed to break through it. And I've read articles about artists suffering from the same boredom or lack of satisfaction but just had to train themselves to work through it and work everyday.
Yeah Its just something that happens I get real jealous of everyone around me. I know Its horrible thats why Im trying to change.
And the reason why I havent tried a new art is become Im not a naturally creative person. It took me years to become as good I have when we're talking about manga/semi-realism art. And that was something Ive beeng doing for like 10 years, how long will It take me to learn a new trade?. Im going to try and find the motivation though despite of this to maybe learn to play the keyboard. Thanks for your advice
You dont need to CHANGE, you need to grow and develop as a human being, to change yourself is essentially lying, your playing pretend! To change yourself implies that there is something wrong with you which there IS NOT!
Art takes time to develop and grow with you as an individual! You don't find a medium that's going to suddenly make you an amazing artist, what it does is open doors you once thought weren't even there. Don't try to be someone your not, embrace who you are and associate yourself with people who will enjoy your company!
As opposed to meeting people who just want to party, those people will just bring you down, take a photography course, or a live drawing session, associate yourself with LIKE souls as opposed to feeling like you need to fit some mold.
I've been trying to fit in and change myself since I was a small child. I looked at my sister who was social, skinny, beautiful, and smart and thought to myself, "she is happy but I'm not, so to be happy I must have to be like her!" So I tried to change, and all I was doing was trying to force things that were not natural. And it just made me more and more depressed.
I picked up that mentaly that there is something wrong with me a few months ago because of how everyone else was finding their way in life and I wasnt. And its still there today Everyone else my age is always just having fun and going out with friends while im alone every weekend just with my art.
I dont know what else to say except thank you for your comment and I hope I can follow your advice to not try so hard.
just because everyone else is doing it or experiencing life a certain way doesn't mean you have to as well. I am in the same dilemma. But instead of following what I thought I was supposed to do, I challenged myself and did something different. And defining MYSELF as opposed to letting others define me, changed my perspective on how I want to be as a adult.
I've thought there was something wrong with me too, but there isn't. I just want to be the very best me I can be, and that goes by no one else's idea of what is normal, because in the end when I look back at my life when I'm old and gray I will know that I let no other individual or establishment define my life. Because no one else has to live my life, or experience the things I have.
It isn't wrong to change yourself. But if you do it for the wrong reasons, it won't work out for you. We have core personalities we can utilize, we cannot become another person altogether. But that's good, trust me! You'd probably expect this advice; but be yourself! The changes you make to yourself can include becoming more social/talkative, or maybe a few other small things which can add up. If you're in college/school, I would reccomend a human relations class. It helped me. Or you could research it a bit for tips on learning about yourself, etc. Because you need ot know yourself before you change anything.
To change, you'll have to motivate yourself. That motivation is something you'll have to find. You cannot change yourself if you don't want it (though I don't reccomend a personality overhaul).
Be comfortable and get yourself around people. If you would also like to do this with an emphesis on art, I might suggest one thing I have done in the past — free request through livestream. I drew for people, which inproves my art, I met people, which is just fun, and finally I talked with them through chat services while I drew for them. I met many people, and it was a lot of fun!
"we cannot become another person altogether". This has always been in the back of my mind but I never wanted to accept It because that would mean I would have to live the rest of life friendless, loveless and talentedness because thats the way Its been for years now
I cant be comfortable with myself when I have nothing to show for my 21 years on this earth. Thank you for the comment and All I can say Is your words have been taken to heart even though it doesnt sound like it
As you age, you change. Even just a little bit in terms of experience and maturity. These are things you utilize to add more to what you already are. I used constantly avoid social interaction, be very shy, etc. I can't say it is all gone now, but as I've grown I have made some changes in being more social and significantly less shy.
You're not stuck as the "same person" for the rest of your life. Act on things you want to alter about yourself and practice them. Target in one key things, for example I targeted my shyness, and act against that impulse. Find strategies. Act.
I don't have much of significance to show for my 21 years on this earth, either. I don't have anything worthwhile to leave behind... but, we never will if we don't take the steps to do it. These things don't just happen, it is a lot of hard work.