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December 6, 2012
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Giving a friend space. A lonely living situation. How to deal with these things?

:iconi-dream-of-love:
I hope all this makes sense and is relatable. I do not mean to sound complain-y.... This is my raw insides right here-

So... I live with my fiance, who I love. But sometimes when I'm with him, I feel more alone than when I am actually alone. We've discussed it. He understands it, but it's just the way he is-- He goes off into his own world. I function fine when I am alone, but when he's right here with me, not saying anything to me from the time he gets home from work, 'til the time we go to bed... I get really lonely and ansy. I'm very introverted, most of the time. But when I'm with a close friend (like my fiance) I just want to bloom into extroversion. It's so frustrating to have to hold it in and give him his space!

I know what part of the problem is-- I am self-employed and I stay home all day long without talking to anybody. Sometimes I'll make a phone call or go to the library to work, but it's not the same as having someone there with you.... I know that I need to grow into a stronger person through this. I'm just not sure what to do.

I grew up with three siblings. I loved being able to go downstairs to the living room and talk with one of them when they were free. Then, I could retreat to my room when I was ready to be alone again, full of energy. In this living situation I'm in now, I'm alone too often. When he is home but in his own world, it can feel like the worst.......It doesn't help that we have a small one-bedroom apartment. Though it IS nice, when he IS feeling talk-y, that our drawing desks are right across from each others. ^^ I know it's unfair of me to want his attention all the time. He needs his space just like anyone does. Why does this drive me nuts so much? Do I just have to learn how to have fun by myself, like he does, I wonder? Or do I just need to talk to my girlfriends every single flippin' day? (I'd love to.... if they'd love to....):blush:

Thanks for reading, if you've read this! :aww:
Advice? Any advice would be so grand!! <3
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't really say what's right or wrong for you.

I don't think you boyfriend should go a whole day without bothering to talk with you, but on the other hand, you shouldn't rely on him for all your social needs.

Just ask yourself this: If he cannot (or will not) accommodate your needs, even though he knows it makes you feel bad, can you live the rest of your life like that?

I mean, if things will never ever change, can you go on like that? Is he really the one you should be with? Is it good enough for you?

Your needs clearly aren't being met at the moment, and maybe he shoudn't be the one to meet them all, but what if he's never willing to move just a tiny bit for you?
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:iconi-dream-of-love:
Thank you for your advice. I just talked with someone who has it a lot worse than I do... and it made me really appreciate what I have. I know the man I'm with wants me to be happy and can be made to budge at times. I think I've got to grow up and learn to take care of myself a little better. Thank you for listening to me. :hug:
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)

Btw, do remember that, just because someone has it worse, doesn't mean anything for you.

If you're unhappy in your relationship (and only you can tell), then that isn't any less, just because someone is more unhappy.

Just make sure you can live with your life. If you can't, you have to make changes.
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