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December 4, 2012


Replies: 10

Some questions about long term loss of a parent/close relative

StormAndy Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
It's personal and not really sure if they'll be many people on here who can first hand relate to this. But I'm looking for the opinion from those of you who have dealt with close loss of a parenting figure in both the short and the long term. I've been loosing/lost my father to a mental condition called Alzheimer's and finally just over a year ago he no longer remembered me or could speak and legally required to be in an EMI home.

Do you keep hold of what you have left of them and spend time thinking about them on purpose or do you try not to until it catches you off guard. Do you subtle things in their memory?

Did you find counselling helpful? If so why? I personally found it more disruptive than helpful, since it only reminds me of the state of mental torture that isn't yet over and how there is actually nothing anyone can do. Yet no matter how well you rationalize this you can't really come to that conclusion with your loved ones. So talking just never seemed to help.

How did you rationalize and cope with the sadness of knowing it will always be worse for them in the long term if you lost your relatives to a degenerative disease?

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Devious Comments

GDSWorld Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I haven't dealt with such pain personally but the only advice I can give you is that you have to help yourself.
Its difficult when there are things stopping you from doing that but the only person you can help is yourself so try to live in the present and whatever is happening is not your fault.
By helping yourself you can help others.
I know its easier said then done but hopefully it helps you in a positive way.
Floppy-Doggie Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
The more support you can get from people who understand what you're going through, and Alzheimers itself will make you feel better. Even if you can't talk about it, we understand and we'll be there for you.
Please, come over Christmas, it might help. You're part of our family.You're always welcome here.
StormAndy Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
Yeah I was interested to see what people here would have to say, I can talk about it but its like talking about a subject people don't understand to someone. Spoke to some older people online who lost the relatives that way. Never any young though so they never tend of lived with it or/and have solid adult memories of that person.

Don't worry I'll come over :P even have your Christmas present haha might be a little out of touch though it's been a year almost now.
Floppy-Doggie Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
Awh, thank you :')The last time you came over we'd just intoduced Penny to the family! She's so big now O.o
We should make some definate arrangements, anyway. How long are you home for?

We understand more than you think.Mum talks about him every day, but you two have had a different relationship with him as a father.iI's probably more painful for you because you haven't had the support from him at this time in your life.
StormAndy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Haha yeah I thought she'd be grown now x3

What ever's convenient, drop me a message on Skype pretty slow at checking DA. Didn't attend University this academic year, I've been away from home at times but I'm going to be here all December.
Floppy-Doggie Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Ok, I'll drop you a message soon :')
C-y-n-d-i Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
When someone has a terminal illness or an illness that will alter them before they finally pass, you do a LOT of grieving before they actually go.

His mind forgot, but his heart never will.

Something you can do is take in photo albums from when you were a kid. He might recognize little kid you even if he doesn't recognize adult you.
StormAndy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Ah, thanks for the suggestion but he's far past that. He has some memory/relation to his home 40-50 years ago. His speech makes little to no sense but some of his mannerisms still remain.
C-y-n-d-i Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
:hug: Maybe you can dig up old photos from his childhood? He might find comfort in them even if he can't outright tell you.
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think I can help you here. In 3 days, it'll be 7 years since my mom died of breast cancer that she had for 3 years before finally dying. Even while she had the cancer, I was very upset, since in a way I felt death was inevitable, even when I hoped she'd get better. So I feel like we all started grieving before she was gone. Being as it's been about 7 years now, just thinking about it isn't so bad (and I probably briefly remember once a day), but really delving into it still makes me upset, and I feel that's okay. I accept she has died, and there has even been some good that happened afterward, even if there was a lot of bad.
My family did go to counseling for it, but I don't recall the therapist really talking about my mom very much, more often it was my plans for the future (since I was in high school at the time of the counseling).
Considering my age, I never really thought of it as getting worse as much as her having cancer at all was bad. It was upsetting when she was in the hospital, and it was upsetting when she was at home struggling to do day-to-day things and becoming bedridden.
All I can say is that it will be hard sometimes, and talking about it will get easier as time goes on.
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