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December 4, 2012
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Saving a friend from himself...

:iconrapidfire1012:
Rapidfire1012 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
So my best friend of 15 years is at sort of a dead end in his life.
He goes to community college, takes 3 classes at a time, neglects those classes and barely passes them, he doesn't have a job and then he gets depressed because he doesn't think he's going to go anywhere. He lives with his parents and he likes to smoke weed and play WoW. I hate talking about him like this, but I don't know what to do anymore.

Before you start judging, this guy is one of the smartest people I know. He knows politics and computers and when you really get him going, he is so well spoken that it will make you go... "wow". However, it seems that he hides behind this whole, "I'm stupid and can't do anything" act.

I took him down to SMU for a campus tour so he could get some inspiration. I've offered to help him fill out job applications. I challenged him on multiple occasions to give up marijuana. And whenever I get upset and say that he is not trying his best, he gets mad at me and calls me a condescending asshole. I've started to come to the conclusion that maybe as his best friend, I have to be the bad guy. I have to be the one that challenges him to do better.

Some would say that I'm being too hard on him. But I think not. I'm not one of his friends that take him out to party, drink and smoke when he has bigger things to worry about. Some would see me as the asshole perfectionist friend. My life isn't so clean either, my grades could be much better than they are now. The only reason I do this is because I see how smart he is and how well he can do.

This kid has always had the easy way out. In 5th grade, he was taken out of the regular education program and put into a special education program that his mom made sure he was put in because he didn't feel like putting in the effort. While we were learning algebraic equations, they were learning 1+5=6. In highschool he went to a special needs school where the kids did absolutely nothing. He wasn't prepped at all. The teachers just let the kids work when they felt like it. And in the meantime, I'm at a public school fighting to pass. To be fair, I went to a special needs school from 7-10th grade, but transferred, and at my school they really made us work. Content-wise, the school was harder than the public school I went to afterwards.

Now he gets a $100 dollar a week allowance, a car and an overall easy life. I had to take the bus to and from school and work for the longest time. And if you're thinking it, yes I am sort of jealous. But I still worry about him.

And here we are in college, I'm somewhat prepped and he barely shows up to class.

"Oh he might have a learning disability."

He does. But I am in the 99 percentile of people with ADD. I take meds for it and every single day is a battle of concentration. We can't use our mild learning disabilities as some sort of excuse to be lazy. I'm a full time student, and I have a job.

When we were in elementary school, I always imagined us walking across the college graduation stage together, him being the best man at my wedding and us going to bingo night when we get old. But now it's just sad, the future seems fuzzy, and I don't really see him in it anymore.

How do I help him? I've tried everything. I just can't give up on my best friend.
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:iconflicher:
Flicher Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You have done so many things for him it is a shame for someone to act like that. It is wonderful how hard you have tried to keep his head above the water even though he doesn't seem to have any concept of money and the value of hard work. As long as you are currently not being harmed by his need to be depressing I would suggest you do be the bad guy. A friendship does not work if it is one sided nor does it work well if someone is lazy. You have done your duty as a best friend to push him towards being an adult, but his parents attitudes have caused him to believe that he can go through life this way.

If you still feel it is necessary to try and push him to grow up you will have to confront him as a bad guy, but do it in the right way. You have stayed around, because you care. How many people have stuck around for this kid? It seems like you are the only one.
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:iconrapidfire1012:
Rapidfire1012 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Thank you. :)

I won't give up on him just yet.
If he doesn't pull it together by the end of the next semester, then I think it'll be time to part.
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:iconmaryyana:
MaryYana Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012   Traditional Artist
He probably got on the wrong path already before 5th grade, one way or another, causing him to lose hope in either just the education part or the job part as well. It might have been a difficult time for him, or he actually has a learning disorder. 5th grade is already way too late to get him on the right road with that, and now is no better. I doubt this guy will end up with a job, so all I can hope for is that you have a good welfare system in your country. You pushing him will most probably push him, if anywhere, further from you. It's sad, but most probably true. I can understand why you are worried, I bet he can as well, and the only thing needed now is for you to understand why bothering him with this isn't very likely to help. Let him take his own consequenses and keep him as a friend.
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:iconkasimere:
Kasimere Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Filmographer
You can give up on a best friend, it's better to do that then let them drag you down.
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:iconrapidfire1012:
Rapidfire1012 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Even though he has changed a lot and we are going in different directions. It just seems kind of hard just to forget about somebody.
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:iconkasimere:
Kasimere Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Filmographer
It's hard but it's possible, and the best way.
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Also, don't feel jealous, sure he may get money, but he wont amount to anything, you, on the other hand can. Hes probably jealous of you.
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:iconrapidfire1012:
Rapidfire1012 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
I mean, I have my moments where the future seems hopeless too. He has a pretty wealthy family and all of the resources needed to get far in life. He just needs some drive. I have to apply for scholarships and loans while his family can just write up a fat check.
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Eh, my boyfriends family are well off, his brother can have anything he wants, but it still won't get him anything in reality. We all have to go through hardships, he just doesn't realise his parents wealth IS his hardship. Its their money, not his.
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:iconmaryyana:
MaryYana Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012   Traditional Artist
Exactly. He can't afford more than the very basics :lol:
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