Friend just came out as gay. What does he want/need to hear?

*IcePowers Dec 4, 2012 Student Writer

That question might not sound the same to everyone, so let me clarify by immediately saying that I would really like people who had previously come out of the closet to answer me on this. I honestly can't think of a better way to handle this than to try and learn from other people's internal experiences on the matter; what did YOU want to hear when you came out as gay/lesbian/bi/whatever? What, in retrospect, SHOULD have people said? What was bad for them to say? And I'm not asking this purely for anthropological purposes either. One of my friends is now identifying as homosexual. He's told other people, hasn't directly told me yet, but I know. Whether or not I should is immaterial, for I'm not gonna unlearn this fact.

So what do people want from their friends when they come out? Support? Indifference? Questioning to a reasonable degree? Questioning to an UNreasonable degree? I'm kinda bumbling around in the dark here.

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Devious Comments

~shannor Dec 9, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

I didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted everyone to treat me the same way they always had - as friend, as family member, whatever.

~Ali-St Dec 9, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

When you come out as 'not straight', I think it helps to know that nothing have changed. To know that you are still their friend and you view them in the same way.
A few of my close friends asked me about my preferences and things when I came out as bi, but most while we had been drinking. I think it is okay to want to know somethings about his sex life, if you want, but don't press him if you do.
Also, since he hasn't actually directly told YOU yet, but you know, don't push him into telling. Maybe give him incredibly small hints but don't confront him about not telling you yet. Some people need more time than others.
Coming out is very difficult so indifference is NOT helpful. Be happy for him that he can share that with you and tell him that if he does tell you, then move on.

I hope that helped.

~TheArtOfCBYoung Dec 9, 2012 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Pretty much all that I wanted to hear that nothing was different.

~pure-in-heart Dec 9, 2012 Student Filmographer

I don't like people making a it a big deal when they learn I'm gay. When I first came out to a friend, she told me that she loved and accepted me for who I was (cliche, I know) and proceeded to treat me how she always does - as a friend. She never pushed me to talk about my sexuality... Imo that's the best reaction I could have gotten... It helped; I grew up in a very homophobic environment, and it took me a while to learn that it's to be gay...

~pure-in-heart Dec 9, 2012 Student Filmographer

*ok... there should be an 'ok to be gay', dammit, I blew it... Imma go cry in the corner now, excuse me

~TokyoV Dec 8, 2012

I appreciated anyone that didn't make a big deal out of it. I felt like I was really abnormal, and I needed reminders that I wasn't.

~craigblackmoore Dec 8, 2012 Student General Artist

Say: Good for you. Don't look at my butt.

*EbolaBear Dec 7, 2012

get him a pink fedora for x-mas

*IcePowers Dec 8, 2012 Student Writer

Problem: I would end up keeping the fedora.

*EbolaBear Dec 9, 2012

Maybe there will be a buy-one-get-one sale!

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Friend just came out as gay. What does he want/need to hear?

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