Anyway ANOTHER thing is that SHE needs to admit her faults and mistakes instead of BLAMING OTHERS FOR THEM. Today the dog chewed on her "expensive insolene comfy shoe-thingies" AND SHE blames me. WELL EXCUSE ME I was keeping an eye on the dog YOU UNGRATEFUL Bitch: I fed him, took him out many times, came out to keep an eye on him EVEN WHEN MAKING cookies and doing laundry.
AND ANOTHER THING NOT ONLY WILL I keep her from ruining Christmas-BUT ALSO FROM RUINING OUR SPECIAL DAY OUT TOMORROW: RED ROBIN, MALL, AND BOOKSTORE. I've been busting MY ASS Off with my college work and to me this day out sounds like a pre-graduation celebration from GRADUATNG FROM COLLEGE! AND I WILL NOT LET HER LITTLE WHINY, SPOILED, TEMPER TANTRUM ASS RUIN THAT FOR ME!
Chemical imbalances aside, it could just be simple memories of this holiday turning into stress - every single year - that has her even more stressed and on guard.
Why not talk with her, ask her what would make this holiday feel better for her? Try to focus on positive stuff but if she mentions something negative, listen as well. Write it down with her, see if there's a workaround or way to nix that bad thing.
"So board games are stressing, but movie night would be funner, check! Any movies you think would be great for the season?"
She could also just have a huge workload and feel obligated to do more than her share of things. Try to see if it's that and work out a list of things you can all delegate out to the rest of the family.
So instead of her just working on the special dinners all by herself, let someone else pick up one of the dishes, or bake the desert at a relative's house. Stuff like that, share the burden or cut out the extra unneeded stuff.
Also, if you don't already, keep charts going or mark your calendar so events are easier to prepare for. For example:
- A list of cards mailed out or received and by whom. Include addresses to keep it together.
- A master list of 'gift wishes' and single lists that each family member can have for themselves. They can mark off when they find what they're looking for, etc.
- A list of family traditions, movies/games and dates they're enjoyed on. Include also new traditions that the family wants to try out.
- A list of foods to bring for the big gatherings, who will bring what, make sure every one is up to date.
Make sure your mother has access to these so she's aware of what's going on and that she can see a lot of folks are pitching in. That in itself should help a ton.
Until you move out and away from your family, your gonna have to deal with it unfortunately. People, especially your parents, arent going to change unless THEY see a good reason to. Its highly unlikely anything you say will change her behavior. Same thing happened with my mother until I moved out. Now she begs me to come to Christmas every year .
Sounds like she needs help with more than just her christmas spirit :/ I've known many parents like that... Some needed to get a divorce, some needed to be told that their kids will leave them if they don't get better. Your mother may be really unhappy about something, but I guess it's not very easy to talk to her about it... You can't talk to your dad or some other adult? And how old are you? Do you still live at home? o:
With people who are like that, I normally do this: I do my very very best to behave and be helpful, so they won't hve a reason to be angry with me. If they still are, I politely ask them why they are mad. If they don't have a real reason (which they won't have), then it's time to have a discussion about their issues. Why are they made without real reasons? What comes out of it? What's the reason behind it? It really sucks but usually works.
Aw man! Sorry to hear about it, Meg-chan. I guess some parents can be like that around the holidays, what with shopping, planning the family get-together, work (especially if its a retail job!), and everything else. Stress can add up and cause some people to snap... Yes, it is wrong of her to do that, but I hope she realizes what she's doing to her family.
OHMYGOD. That's sounds just like my mom. O___O we call her "the Grinch" around this time of the year... She's always "stressed" and gets extremely worked up over the littlest thing, then takes it out on my sister and I! And if our dad isn't around to calm her, we have to hide ourselves in our rooms just to stay away from her rage storm... Seriously. You can hear her stomping around when we're a good two levels up from her...
My mother is exactly like this. It didn't work when I was younger but nowadays I threaten to leave since nothing else works. If I ask her why she's lashing out she'll give some really convoluted, untrue reason and then talk in circles forever. Sometimes when we have outings and I have a feeling she'll throw a fit I make sure I have people in the area willing to get me if I actually do leave because it's really frustrating.
This will probably not work, but it might be worth a try:
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and that you think she is behaving strange. Let it all out and then if she gets angry, try to reason with her (if she gets aggressive or violent, just walk out). Is there other people in the family who feels the same way? Have a family meeting and try to talk it out.
If it just around Christmas and such then there is probably a holiday stress/angst that she lets out on you. It's not okay, but if there is a reason to why she is moody, then there is something to solve.
It means that when you talk to her about what she is doing wrong/when she is throwing a tantrum, you have to start all sentences with an "I" instead of a "you". "You"-statements feel like attacks at a person, and when a person is already unstable (just like your mother most likely is currently, since she is aggressive) an attack will only make them even more unstable. So instead of saying "You are always yelling and angry!" you should say "I don't feel comfortable when we talk, because the tone get's aggressive," or something like that.
You need to turn the conversation around so it doesn't seem offensive, even if it wasn't meant to be an offensive conversation it can often feel like that, when the "You"-statements are used rather than the "I"-statements. c:
No problem (: I had it explained to me by my shrink, because I needed to get a way to really talk with my mother as well (instead of just her talking to me and the other way around), so it's recommended by the professionals as well, haha!
Tell her that when she does ___________ you do not want to be around her.
And then when she does __________ walk out. Leave the house, go elsewhere.
This will probably actually maker her worse. But you can not control what she does, and you can not make her improve her behavior, you can only control your behavior, and the best thing to do with a person like this is to walk away.
The nicer I tried to be, the more I tried to help, to more understanding I was, the worse she got.
A drama queen needs an audience.
As I have grown up I have walked away. It's not gotten any better on her end, so we sometimes spend years not talkings, but any holiday spent without her is still more stress-free than those with her, because despite wanting her to be the type of mom who is in my life and happy for me, she never was, and never will be.
And I wish I had started walking away sooner. Because she has pulled this crap on my kids (her grandkids) as well, and it would have been easier on them if we had more distance between us when they were younger.
I can relate to this. I had a mother who was similar, although more with guilt trips and depression but it was year round. After years of trying to help her, I walked away to save my life and sanity. It's sad there's so many folks who go through stuff like this - family should be about love and joy.
I'd say helping out around the house might diminish her stress: Do the dishes or the laundry or some other chore without her asking you to. And when/if she is stressed out, avoid being there when she snaps by politely excusing yourself from the room and going elsewhere. ^_^
"Mother? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. Gonna bash 'em right the fuck in! ha ha ha"
Duct tape her to a chair and make her drink a whole bottle of lemon juice. Knock her out and violently scrub her skin with an SOS pad. Shock treatment therapy for 10 min straight. Pluck each one of her head hairs out one by one, then pour bleach on her scalp.
Making people eat bad things is a great way to handle situations.