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November 30, 2012
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Just genuine...

:iconchain-of-ashes:
Chain-Of-Ashes Nov 30, 2012  Student Writer
For the past two years I've been struggling with relationships in my life. I know many, many people struggle, I'm not special. But I am a guy with terrible luck who needs advice from people on how best to carry on. So let's get down to it [Warning, relatively long post and much digression before reaching actual thing I need advice with].

My problems started 3 years back after a really ugly break up. I say ugly because our relationship was really doing quite well, on the surface. However, after finding out about rather constant unfaithfulness on her end of the relationship, I ended things, much to her surprise. As it turns out, the night before she had told the boy she had been cheating with that she couldn't do it because she cared about me far to much (I heard this all from him, not her. She still denies the cheating to begin with).

It was a good step for me. I got my life on track with where I wanted to be and really got happy with myself as a person, which is something I had always struggled with. For the next year and a half, I lived the single life, with no interest in trying to change a thing about it.

Then I met someone whom I genuinely shared a strong bond with. For many months we got to know each other and spent much of our time together. She in every way led me to believe she shared the interest in me I had for her. On the evening in which I was going to express taking our relationship to the next level, she decided to tell me of her boyfriend of 6 or 7 months whom I had gone to high school with. I happened to know that he had been very promiscuous in the past months behind her back. Not feeling right telling her how unfaithful he had been, I simply asked her politely to leave.

I was crushed, having so blindly put my heart on the line with this girl, which was my own mistake but it is part of my character. I love very blindly and very strongly, which is part of what got me into this entire mess.

From that point, I "spiraled down" so to speak, finding myself looking for anyone to return any sort of affection because, in my heart, i felt as though a hole had been formed and needed to be filled. I'm not proud of desperate I became, nor can I explain exactly why. But in my confused state, i ended up in a relationship with a girl whom I had met recently. I won't go into excruciating details, but she was very attention seeking and interrupting my basic daily functioning. She would cry if I did not give her constant attention, I could not spend time with friends or attend a part whether alone or with her, and I entered a state of depression because I was so emotionally drained trying to deal with her. When home, my mother could tell I was not acting myself and showed considerable worry for my health. Finally able to see that no matter what she needed I was not happy and could not continue, I ended that relationship as well.

Though I showed immediate improvement in my emotional levels, I still felt so desperate for something in my life and I not soon after sought it out in my ex who had just gotten back from a year of studying abroad. We had always been very close friends, even after our break up and so it seemed okay to become involved again.

Again sparing excruciating details, while gone she had developed some very severe mental problems, mainly anorexia (Which caused her to become very selfish and she reverted to much more baby-like state of acting when she had a problem, and she also had very hindering views of herself and her body). These problems got in the way of us having a successful relationship, and when she decided she wanted to move to Texas, we just broke it off, thinking it would be better for the both of us.

I moved as well, hoping to make a fresh start. I became very good friends with my neighbor, we had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company thoroughly. We spent much of our time together and then, one night, decided to attend a party together. There she met a boy, the one hosting it, who immediately became very handsy with her. He took advantage of her politeness and herself, and in the following week proceeded to stop her from spending any time with me whatsoever. He convinced her that he was more important and that she should, ultimately, date him instead. While I had never confessed my feelings to her(myself being hesitant after rushing into relationships in my past and not wanting to make the same mistake), I had become quite enamored with her. In fact, she had become one of the most important people in my life because of her willingness to listen, to talk, to have fun, to encourage me to better myself, I could go on. Despite her actions showing my her character, I still found that I just could get past her. I desperately wanted to be with her, and with this new heartbreak I finally snapped. I spent multiple days not leaving my room except to eat.

So, ultimately what I want to ask here is, from one deviant to the community, how can i recover and go on? If anyone knows ways to cope with loneliness, feeling hopeless or helpless, anything, it is greatly appreciated. What can I do to try and get better, besides just waiting. Possibly find a way for me to feel positive about dating again, as well, because i am absolutely bitter towards the entire concept of relationships and happiness.

Thanks in advance
:peace:
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AlleyInc Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can't say that I've been through as many relationships as you have, but I've broken up with one person multiple times. My advice to you: don't focus on relationships right now. Right now, you're feeling bad about what's happened to you, so you don't want to start something with someone new with these feelings bringing you down, because then it will more than likely just ruin the next relationship. Recovering won't be easy, but it's possible. 100%. The main thing is WANTING to move on. If you really don't want to move on, you won't. You'll just keep going back to the same people who made things bad in the 1st place, or you'll stay bitter and never recover, and you probably won't better yourself that way. What I've learned from my experiences: it can't rain forever. Meaning you may feel shitty and down about everything now and you may feel like you'll never find the love you deserve, but you will and when you do when the time is right, you'll look back and see that the bad times are learning experiences. There are going to be people who don't treat you well, and there are going to be times when you just want to give up on it. But, at the end of the day, you need to think about yourself, so keep your head up and just focus on you. Love will follow suit.
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