My friend might commit suicide if I tell him this?
I am a 19 year old male.
A few weeks ago, I met a guy named Eric. We became friends right away because we were united by a common interest: videogames.
Since I was having so much fun playing games with him, I suggested that we should be roommates! Oh, how I wish I wouldn't have said that...
I later found out that he has MANY qualities that make him a bad roommate:
1. He's lazy
2. He stinks (He never takes a shower)
3. He's clingy
4. He has major anxiety and paranoia
5. He begs for money
6. He whines when things don't go his way
7. He keeps odd sleep hours (stays up until 3am most nights)
8. He tries to get me to drive him places (He has his own car and a driver's license, but he is SCARED to drive! He is 21 years old)
9. He disses my other friends so that I'll hang out with him
10. He uses the money he could be using for food on videogames. When he runs out of money(and consequently, food), he'll beg me for BOTH of those things!
Anyway, I do NOT want to be this guy's roommate. I need to tell him soon, because he told me that the only reason he's staying at college right now is because I am going to be his roommate next semester. He even gave me one of those creepy overly-intense smiles when he told me that. You know the viral video "Overly-protective girlfriend" on Youtube? It was like that.
I am worried about how to break the news to him. He has MAJOR anxiety issues, and he has even told me before that he has been suicidal at certain points in his life. I was going to tell him why he was a crappy roommate and then walk off, but I feel that I need to approach the situation differently. Maybe approach him with an explanation like, "It's not you, it's me" or something like that? What do you think?
A few weeks ago, I met a guy named Eric. We became friends right away because we were united by a common interest: videogames.
Since I was having so much fun playing games with him, I suggested that we should be roommates! Oh, how I wish I wouldn't have said that...
I later found out that he has MANY qualities that make him a bad roommate:
1. He's lazy
2. He stinks (He never takes a shower)
3. He's clingy
4. He has major anxiety and paranoia
5. He begs for money
6. He whines when things don't go his way
7. He keeps odd sleep hours (stays up until 3am most nights)
8. He tries to get me to drive him places (He has his own car and a driver's license, but he is SCARED to drive! He is 21 years old)
9. He disses my other friends so that I'll hang out with him
10. He uses the money he could be using for food on videogames. When he runs out of money(and consequently, food), he'll beg me for BOTH of those things!
Anyway, I do NOT want to be this guy's roommate. I need to tell him soon, because he told me that the only reason he's staying at college right now is because I am going to be his roommate next semester. He even gave me one of those creepy overly-intense smiles when he told me that. You know the viral video "Overly-protective girlfriend" on Youtube? It was like that.
I am worried about how to break the news to him. He has MAJOR anxiety issues, and he has even told me before that he has been suicidal at certain points in his life. I was going to tell him why he was a crappy roommate and then walk off, but I feel that I need to approach the situation differently. Maybe approach him with an explanation like, "It's not you, it's me" or something like that? What do you think?
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I am not going to college because I can't afford it as I am taking care of a lame room mate and I can't afford both. So I guess we won't be room mates there after all. So to ease that pain we should go our separate ways now so that you can find someone new to sponge off of before school starts.
I think you should tackle this head on. No lies or anything, just tell him that this arrangement isn't working out for you and is giving you stress. Don't be mean, just be honest. If you want to say it as "it's not you, it's me", then you can say that you want a change in lifestyle and you want a roommate that you can share this with, which is being responsible, independent, capable and so on. But the truth is that it IS him, not you.
The sooner and more directly you deal with this, the faster it'll be over. It will get worse before it gets better, because he WILL try to guilt trip you, he might even threaten to kill himself (he won't, people who will commit suicide will usually not announce it to the world). Good luck though.
The sooner and more directly you deal with this, the faster it'll be over. It will get worse before it gets better, because he WILL try to guilt trip you, he might even threaten to kill himself (he won't, people who will commit suicide will usually not announce it to the world). Good luck though.
He did try to guilt trip me...so much so that I almost feel bad for leaving him. He said that his life would be an "empty black hole" if I left him, and that me being his roommate was the thing he had most looked forward to in a long time. When I tried to walk away he said "I don't know what I'll do now...just start all over I guess...back at the beginning...with nothing, and no one."
Those words stung. I want to think that I did the right thing, but he made it seem like I did the wrong thing. Part of me just wants to say, "Oh, he's just being manipulative. I shouldn't take him seriously." but my compassionate side is crying out to help make him feel better.
Those words stung. I want to think that I did the right thing, but he made it seem like I did the wrong thing. Part of me just wants to say, "Oh, he's just being manipulative. I shouldn't take him seriously." but my compassionate side is crying out to help make him feel better.
He's making a fool out of you. Go back and read what he said, what a drama queen this guy is. He's trying to throw the blame at you when he is the one who is a sleaze and a burden, and he knows this. Something like this happened to me and from a family member too.. you need to know that you are not responsible for others' feelings. You are not responsible for babying him. You HAVE to always put yourself and your well-being first - he can take care of himself just fine, he's just too lazy when you're there making it so easy to be taken advantage of. Use your head.
Are you planning to move yourself? Maybe find a new smaller apartment to live in, and let him know you need to move to cut back on expenses (or similar).
If you need to, feel free to explain to him that you're struggling with your current position. Then help him find a new place so he doesn't think you're totally cutting him off. After you move maybe try severing a few contact ties just in case he tries to be overbearing (or constantly asking for money) after you're not roommates.
Though I assume you learned a similar lesson I did once: Don't room with friends.
If you need to, feel free to explain to him that you're struggling with your current position. Then help him find a new place so he doesn't think you're totally cutting him off. After you move maybe try severing a few contact ties just in case he tries to be overbearing (or constantly asking for money) after you're not roommates.
Though I assume you learned a similar lesson I did once: Don't room with friends.
Get rid of him. Get rid of him NOW.
He sounds like a guilt tripper, and a moneycunt. You don't need that. ¬¬
He sounds like a guilt tripper, and a moneycunt. You don't need that. ¬¬
Have you ever seen the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? It's off the air now, but the whole point of it, was 5 gay men would come to a slob straight man's house and fix him up so that he could ask his sweetheart to marry him (or so that she wouldn't leave him). The transformation that some of the guys went through was amazing. Now obviously you're a guy, but you can use the same methods.
This might not solve everything, but here's an idea:
Buy him the coffee table book
'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - The Fab Fives Guide to Cooking, Dressing, Decorating, Grooming, and Living Better'
Tell him that it's not a gay thing, it's a way to be a cool guy. Tell him gals love a confidant man who can cook and shave, and knows how to show them a good time.
Also, tell him that he has to read the book, and adopt some of its ways before you will agree to be roommates with him. Offer to do it with him. I bet with a bit of practice, you could both become some of the most popular dudes on campus.
Might not completely solve the problem, but it's worth a try.
This might not solve everything, but here's an idea:
Buy him the coffee table book
'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - The Fab Fives Guide to Cooking, Dressing, Decorating, Grooming, and Living Better'
Tell him that it's not a gay thing, it's a way to be a cool guy. Tell him gals love a confidant man who can cook and shave, and knows how to show them a good time.
Also, tell him that he has to read the book, and adopt some of its ways before you will agree to be roommates with him. Offer to do it with him. I bet with a bit of practice, you could both become some of the most popular dudes on campus.
Might not completely solve the problem, but it's worth a try.
I'd be honest and diplomatic about it. Don't lie or be cliche but say something to the effect that you'd rather move out due to personality conflicts. I'd point out a FEW things that bother you and that you see as unhealthy and see if he is willing to seek help.
Lightning-13 has some pretty good points though.
Lightning-13 has some pretty good points though.
difficult situation, really. Seems like whatever you choose to do, someone will suffer. If you stay, you will suffer, and my guess is that you won't stand to be with him for a long time and someday he will find out about it anyways. But if you tell the truth/lie, you will still feel bad about it, and I don't know what your friend will do, does he have other plans? (not that it is your problem but just thinking that he might do something crazy.., you know, he tells you that he stays only for you .. )
Honesty lasts longer, but I do agree that a little lie is sometimes better. And the other thing is, is there a way to help this dude? I mean, literally.. I know games can be addicting and make you spend hour after hour playing, but seriously, he can hardly survive because of them, not to mention his other problems..
I think that you could tell him that your parents won't let you just like SpookyInk suggested, say that you so much wanted to be roommates and looked forward to it, but on second thought when you announced the news to your parents, they objected for several reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if he called your parents, you could always tell your parents to say no and be strict on the phone xD my parents work that way even if I don't tell them lol.
do NOT tell him the truth in black and white, like point out his problems and the way he lives, he will take it the wrong way. Besides, it's not your problem, it's his. You could try and help but in this case I think he is in need of someone professional, he will surely deny everything you say.
Think this through because if something smells fishy in the end Eric will find out the truth, it's probably not a good idea to rent at another place now that you told him you want to be roommates, because in the end it will be clear that you chose this place to be alone (even if you tell that you got a better deal with rent and such, it goes against friendship, he will ask you why you chose between him and the better deal, since you will be roommates, you will be helping each other with the rent anyways).
Honesty lasts longer, but I do agree that a little lie is sometimes better. And the other thing is, is there a way to help this dude? I mean, literally.. I know games can be addicting and make you spend hour after hour playing, but seriously, he can hardly survive because of them, not to mention his other problems..
I think that you could tell him that your parents won't let you just like SpookyInk suggested, say that you so much wanted to be roommates and looked forward to it, but on second thought when you announced the news to your parents, they objected for several reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if he called your parents, you could always tell your parents to say no and be strict on the phone xD my parents work that way even if I don't tell them lol.
do NOT tell him the truth in black and white, like point out his problems and the way he lives, he will take it the wrong way. Besides, it's not your problem, it's his. You could try and help but in this case I think he is in need of someone professional, he will surely deny everything you say.
Think this through because if something smells fishy in the end Eric will find out the truth, it's probably not a good idea to rent at another place now that you told him you want to be roommates, because in the end it will be clear that you chose this place to be alone (even if you tell that you got a better deal with rent and such, it goes against friendship, he will ask you why you chose between him and the better deal, since you will be roommates, you will be helping each other with the rent anyways).
It's not your job to take care of your roommate's feelings. Pretending it is just makes you an enabler.
Honestly, in most any situation, even if you think it will hurt his poor widdle feelings, I'd say to tell him the truth about why you don't want to be his roommate any more. One of the things a roommate needs to learn to be a good roommate is to handle confrontation about their quirks. You've been friends with him for a while so you probably know best how to discuss your concerns with him in a way that he'll listen to. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that you've done everything you can to solve the problem productively.
If you're absolutely certain that there isn't any way to break the news to him in a way that will ever influence his behaviour for the better, then remember that he's your roommate and not your husband. You really don't owe him an explanation as to why you would move. You can just tell him that you've found a living arrangement that you like better. If he makes the mistake of prying further, that's his problem.
Honestly, in most any situation, even if you think it will hurt his poor widdle feelings, I'd say to tell him the truth about why you don't want to be his roommate any more. One of the things a roommate needs to learn to be a good roommate is to handle confrontation about their quirks. You've been friends with him for a while so you probably know best how to discuss your concerns with him in a way that he'll listen to. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that you've done everything you can to solve the problem productively.
If you're absolutely certain that there isn't any way to break the news to him in a way that will ever influence his behaviour for the better, then remember that he's your roommate and not your husband. You really don't owe him an explanation as to why you would move. You can just tell him that you've found a living arrangement that you like better. If he makes the mistake of prying further, that's his problem.
First of all, it's not your job to make your life miserable for this guy. If you can't do it, tell someone who cares about him (parents, counselor?) that you're worried about breaking the news and go find another arrangement fast.
Egh, made my skin crawl a little to read some of his qualities 
But as previously suggested, I'd try pulling that you got a better deal with rooming elsewhere, or defer it to your parents not being comfortable with you rooming with him because of the habits he keeps (and put it to you being understanding of such, just so he doesn't behave in a creepy manner with you... like actually confronting your parents about it).
But as previously suggested, I'd try pulling that you got a better deal with rooming elsewhere, or defer it to your parents not being comfortable with you rooming with him because of the habits he keeps (and put it to you being understanding of such, just so he doesn't behave in a creepy manner with you... like actually confronting your parents about it).
I'm sorry you have to go through with this 
Are you able to get in contact with Eric's parents (or yours) at all? Even a counselor of some kind will help. This guy really sounds like he needs therapy.
Above all, don't do anything risky or impulsive that could set him off somehow (I'm speculating, since I don't know Eric well), since you are afraid that he would commit suicide.
Are you able to get in contact with Eric's parents (or yours) at all? Even a counselor of some kind will help. This guy really sounds like he needs therapy.
Above all, don't do anything risky or impulsive that could set him off somehow (I'm speculating, since I don't know Eric well), since you are afraid that he would commit suicide.
Maybe tell him you are going to room at this other place because you got a better deal with rent and such? I would come up with an excuse xD Or...xD if you are desperate maybe tell him you are gay and don't feel comfortable rooming with him. haha 
I don't think it's doing either of you any good to be around each other, just from what you said. He gets to continue acting like this and you end up pulling out your hair.
It is his responsibility how he reacts to life, not yours. I've known people to weaponize suicide to force pity, it is really ugly and immature.
I don't think you should act callously or abruptly. I also think that your not really going to get a satisfactory answer from a form because the situation sounds more complicated than that. Look closely at the situation as it presents itself.
It seems like you know what you want to do, just think carefully before you make any change. Thats all I got.
It is his responsibility how he reacts to life, not yours. I've known people to weaponize suicide to force pity, it is really ugly and immature.
I don't think you should act callously or abruptly. I also think that your not really going to get a satisfactory answer from a form because the situation sounds more complicated than that. Look closely at the situation as it presents itself.
It seems like you know what you want to do, just think carefully before you make any change. Thats all I got.
Go ahead. Tell him about everything you have in mind. But make sure you convince him that you tell him that to help him. Gosh, this is some serious case man. That one guy is probably one of the worst guy you could've ever found in society. But seriously, if you hold it in your mind, he would never realize this. Even if he kill himself, it's not your fault.
I'd say that your parents won't let you be roommates with people they don't know. This way the blame is on them instead of you.
You saying anything negative towards him will make him think you hate him or some stupid shit like that.
Joke about how your parents are very over protective of you since they want you to achieve and do your very best.
A lil lie is better then the truth sometimes.
You saying anything negative towards him will make him think you hate him or some stupid shit like that.
Joke about how your parents are very over protective of you since they want you to achieve and do your very best.
A lil lie is better then the truth sometimes.