A couple suggestions... feel free to take my advice or leave it.
1) Stop listening to the screamo music. It is toxic and damaging to your spirit. Im not just picking on screamo music here. Im picking on ALL music. Rock, rap, pop, etc. All of it is just crap. Designed to rot your brain and damage your soul. I used to be a listener of hardcore death rock type music and gengsta rap. And I ended up angry and depressed and suicidal all the time... and with a very low opinion of women. The exact subliminal crap those types of music fed my brain.
Instead... listen to instrumental music designed to get your head relaxed and make you more spiritual. That or some of those "praise Jesus" music.
2) Never give up. Be strong. There is more to life than this. Trust me I had a bad life. Turned it around my friend. Cheers.
Be comfortable with yourself, and be yourself. The world is a big place the further you travel. Those who don't feel the same as you will find other places to go. The tricky part is how to be yourself without elbowing and stepping on the toes of everyone around you. So you're going your way, but you're big, and you're kind, and you can embrace differences along the way.
Well to me it sounds like you're so upset with the "mainstream", that you'd do almost everything to set yourself apart. To some degree I agree with that, since I fit that description a lot, too. But it also sounds like you were focussed so much on always doing the opposite of everyone else, that you lost yourself in the middle of it.
I mean, what is it that YOU really want (to be)? Do you really always have to be that extreme or is there some stuff of the mainstream that you're actually ok with? Because look, there is no "mainstream". It's an abstract term, we're all just people. True, there are always majorities, supersticious bullshit or just plain assholes. But it's never as black and white as you may think. I met some people that always seemed very supersticious to me and in fact they were very smart people with interesting ideas. They just play a role because that's their way to protect themselves. You can never know, but that's another subject. Of course there will be always someone who's not ok with it, that will never stop. But then tell them to fuck them. Who are they to tell you who or what you have to be? If they need to attack someone else like this, it's just a sign that they need this to feel fine by themselves. And that's something I can only feel pity for. In fact no, not even that.
Perhaps it might help you to think about this: Why do you put yourself under so much pressure? You don't have to be different all the time, just be yourself in the way you are happy with. That is what makes the difference.
If you don't want to be mainstream, don't get upset if your not in the "it crowd" (that's mainstream). I think, if being different is really wrecking you to the point of mental breakdowns, take it easy and try something new - something ordinary and simple. You don't have to try to be unique. Really, everyone is different. Everyone, just look around you. Something about people's personality or way of talk, or dress, or hair, or taste is different, and they've made a certain name for themselves. You don't have to try too hard.
First of all, if Australia is the cultural wasteland of the world, I can only imagine what that makes the US. Secondly, you make a conscious decision to try to stand out from the crowd (nothing wrong with that), yet you get butthurt when people start to single you out. I know that sounds a bit harsh but what did you expect was going to happen? And again, I don't want to sound like a douche bag or anything, but screamo music, and tight jeans are hardly underground, and unless you have been living under a rock for the past ten years then you would know how much that emo shit can make you a target for people.
My advice would be to own up to your new status. Because the way I see it, your only being picked on, not because of your personality, or your beliefs or anything, but because of the way you are dressed, which, unlike the aforementioned things, can be easily fixed with a simple wardrobe change. As a person who has been made fun of and excluded from things for most of my life, despite the fact that I dress like everyone else, I can honestly tell you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
If you don't achieve your dream, then your life is worthless. If you live your life the way OTHER people want you to, what's the whole point of your existence? It might as well be all the other people living two lives, theirs, and then yours. As long as you're happy with yourself, everyone else can go fuck themselves. You can only care so much about other people's views of you before you realize that there's no way you can please everyone, though you do know what will make you happy for sure.
You asked for the attention & now you have it. Deal with it. And there's a lot of people who dress and act like you everywhere. maybe not as much in australia. but there's still people like that. so you cant say you are your own individual if you're subconsciously following a fad. just saying. you might grow out of it, you may not. if you possibly think you aren't, prepare yourself for more negative attention.
I've learned that you're going do deal with people who don't like you whether you try to blend in or not. I went through that in high school. Because I was different and because I did what I wanted with my outer and inner-self, I was isolated somewhat by the more "mainstream" crowd. But, because I didn't change no matter what people said or did to me, I got respect and acceptance from the people who mattered, which are the really good friends I have today. So, I say: live on the way YOU want to live on. At the end of the day, you weren't born to satisfy anyone but yourself. If people talk crap about you, you can do two things: 1) Ignore them and pretend they don't exist (my favorite method) or 2) confront them (some people don't recommend this because you might end up getting physical with the other person, but I say f*ck it, no one lives forever, and with some people, fighting them and standing up for yourself is the only way you'll gain their respect.) Love who you are, and who cares what other people have to say about it. (^_^)
I'm 26 years old and today I realized I would never fit in. The bullying will never stop. The thing is, when you embrace yourself, you begin meeting other people who will embrace you, too. Be safe, but be you. And when you can move, do it. Otherwise, all you can do is be proud of yourself.
What the first commentor stated: School is just a pile of sticky shit made to hold teenagers together in one place so their parents can go to work and know that thier children are in "safe hands", untill they can come back to pick them up. However this creates the same society you have in a correctional facility (jail), People make their own groups and hurt each other, especially those who don't have a group (nerds).
life gets alot better after school. you'll see that none of what you learn and expierience right now has anything to do with the real world.
I think you should stop trying to be different or whatever and just be yourself. You need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and just drown out the voices. Because they will always find something to call you out on. Something to bash you for. A reason to make you cry. Forever.
They will never change, so you should. Accept yourself, shut them out, and just be you.
firstly you are not an individual, i see little pricks like you at gloria jeans every thursday night.
2 dying your hair black and spiking it does not make you move away from the mainstream! it makes you shop at priceline!
3 School uniforms are to stop people from singling out each other because of percieved wealth for example the same school holds low income, working class, middle class and upper class children but who knows who is who? well or clothes are all the same! so little timmy over here isnt called poor!
4 who gives a fuck what teachers think, unless you go to a private school your hair can look how ever you want it too!
5 Grow a pair and deal with your situation! so you get picked on for looking different, fuck maybe dont try so hard to look different if you cant deal with ridicule!
6 STOP TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT! YOU ARE EITHER DIFFERENT OR NOT! DONT TRY TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT!
7 dont ever bad mouth this country! it is not a cultural wasteland, individuality is not banned! show some fucking respect to your home!
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in the post above are not representative of Australia and its inhabitants and were written by back-water irrit who possibly has an unhealthy obsession with guns.
I'm not really patriotic, but as another Australian I feel it's my duty to inform everyone that not every Australian is a pillock who posts degrading comments to people seeking help with their problems.
you wanted attention, so you do what all these poor saps do and you post a forum thread about how hard it is to be you and i have to admit some of these people need help but nowhere in your post did i see anything about having a problem. it was a speech about how different you are and how you get picked on for it. and as i said! if you cant handle criticism don't try to be different! I also dont know why you believe i have an unhealthy obsession with guns.
i dont want people thinking your the representation of australia, a whiny bitch who not only brings problems on themselves but then cant handle it and needs to bitch to strangers to make themselves feel good. your "duty" as you called it, is to shut the fuck up and stop being an attention seeker!
im not close minded i just dont listen to complaining
this is a website devoted to art not understanding pussies
so you dont shop at priceline....but you still put product in your hair...dosnt matter where you shop, your a girl.
and you got to a private school where it has stricter rules about clothing and appearance, so obviously the kids are not going to be exposed to different appearances, and yet your suprised your picked on.
you know what i was taught "Crying dosnt solve anything"
and guess what i dont care if you think im terrible and going to hell, you know why, because i dont give a flying fuck what people think of me. thats why i never need to complain to get attention and have strangers feel sorry for me.
go cry about your problems somewhere else if you wont upload art to an ART WEBSITE!
I can't wear tight jeans. it just doesn't fly my way. Spiky hair? Not with this curly nappy hair. Screamo? Definitely No. No. But that's what I dislike. I won't tell you I do. I like different things. You like to be different because you are at your most comfortable. Safety way equals easier way. But that's not your way. Choose your way and unless you believe that their is something very negative about you then change it. People after a while will admire you instead because of it. So wear those jeans tight, Spike that hair up! Get good grades because after all, your grades are what show after high school, not your jeans.
Being bullied by other kids definitely doesn't make life very bright. But if you want to show them you just don't care about what they think, then you should continue being exactly who you are - nothing less. You only live once, you know. So be who you want to be, and not what a bunch of jerks think you should be. If the bullying is really extreme, then take the issue to someone important - the vice principal, or a counselor, for instance. It's their job to make the school safe, but they can't read minds.
That being said, I think you'll find that this mainstream stupidity generally fades away as the years pass. You only have to put up with it for so long, so get those high grades, graduate, and then you'll be able to be as different and awesome as you want while the rest live out their miserable lives as normal people!
Hope I helped. And also, thanks for becoming part of the DeviantArt family. This is an awesome place to express yourself.
I was very much like you through school. and I was also constantly bullied. the difference with me is that i NEVER got good grades (hao do you do it!? lol) except in art. I live in the USA, and idk how it is in Australia, but teachers where I grew up (wyoming--middle of no where haha) didnt like that i learned differently than other kids. I got better grades when they started letting me draw in class. It helped me focus.
anyway. back to you. sorry
bullies dont stop. I know how hard it is. It sucks if someone doesnt like you they will find something to pick on you for. and if people are jealous of you, they will definitely look for it harder. You can be stronger than them. "if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen" well you can, even if it feels like you cant. I know its hot. sometimes it feels like its just too hard to take it anymore.
every once in a while, go cool off in the "livingroom" if you need to. Thats what I see you cutting off your hair is. just getting a break. there are plenty of unique short hairstyles out there. my sister has really short hair and she does all sorts of things with it. I used to have really short hair too.
those are all my sister. the one of two girls is two of my sisters. remember that YOU are who makes you unique, not your hair too :3 you dont ever have to give up. taking that heat every day is the best way to throw it in their faces that they havent won.
I was kinda the same at school, different than the rest of the kids, not because of my clothes or hairstyle, but my because of my personality. People found me weird, I didn't talk much, said strange things, and I didn't hang around pupils. I felt horrible, I was one of those pupils who wanted to achieve the greatest grades ever and didn't care about anything else, and many others became jealous of me, they started bullying me and tried to sabotage my attempts for good grades. I've also had stupid teachers who made my life a hell. But guess what, the only unique thing about something or someone, is to be different. So, you were born an original, don't become a copy. Don't become the same as all others, I love black spiky hair and tight jeans don't listen to anyone who tries to bring you down, it's because they feel bad about themselves. You have the right to be exactly who you are, and to be accepted for that! why become like the rest of them, just for friendship? that is no real friendship my friend. A real friend accepts you for who you are. And guess another thing, sure you feel bad right now, and your family doesn't make things easier for you, but eventually those stupid kids and teachers will disappear from your life, you will grow up and move on, become someone of great importance it's that age when those stupid kids don't take school seriously and enjoy teasing others.
What makes you think the attacks will stop if you do change your hair? You'd be showing people that they're able to manipulate you, and that could just make things worse.
The trick is confidence. If you feel confident, you'll look confident, and there's not much point in making fun of someone who's confident. It's not always easy, I realise, but I think that's what you need to be aiming for. Just try not to overcompensate for it or anything, because then it'd be obvious you're trying too hard. Small steps. You'll be fine.
Show them you are not going to take that, if they mess with you stand up and say "WHAT? YOU DONīT LIKE HOW I LOOK? SO FUCK YOU!" Then everyone will see the scene and would respect you, and if someone do it again, show respect again. Go to the gym, make a group of friends and always stay with them, believe me, you donīt want to be like the rest of the people, fight for your identity, violence itīs not the best way to do it, just show them that you could break their faces.
Everyone's different. And school is just a sick imprisonment for all the more unique ones, like you. People tease you cause you're much unique than they are. Just remember: They laugh at me cause I'm different. I laugh at them cause they're ALL the same!
So don't give up, and strive for exellence! Sorry if I'm no help.. I'm not good at these kinds of situations.
I think your mother actually said something very true.
You can't blame others if they don't like how you look, and you can't change them. You can only change how you handle it, either cut your hair (just as an example) or ignore them.
If you want to look differnt, there always will be bullying, most of it in school. You say you want to look different, (for me, that's about the same as "standing out"), but complain about actually standing out. If it would be your skinn colour, your body, maybe even some diability or missing limps, I would completely understand that you just want to be acepted as you are. But in your case it comes down to hair and clothing you CHOOSE.
So you really need to figgure out one thing: can you stand the heat? If you can't, keep your hair short. If you can, there shouldn't be a problem. That may sound harsh, but "being yourself" ("being not mainstream" as you want to be) can be rather hard. I mostly wear men's clothes three sizes to big for me, I don't do makeup, I speak my mind and I actively play recorder. Oh, and I DON't do sports. (Somehow people think girls in men's clothes should do that...) And I still survived school. Of course there was bullying. Of course there where problems. Yes, I cried a lot (at home). I never wanted to be different. I never wanted to stand out. I acidentally did it by being who I am. And still I survived school without becoming someone else.
School and society can be deep shit. But if it's just hair and clothing, you can DECIDE. Either take it or give up, it is your decission. But take it seriously. You know how bullying feels. And you won't be able to stop it. So please give my greetings to your mom, who seems to be a very intelligent and wise woman, she's absolutely right.
Well, I don't know if you do already, but one important thing about being different is that it's not only the differences which call persecution; it's coming off in a way that looks like persecution would be easy. If you learn how to don a demeanor that you have an absolute right to act the way you do, and act and move very deliberately in a way that doesn't just take infinite shit, then shit comes less.
Hair is just an accessory. Clothes are just clothes. The way to stand out is through your personality and that's the thing you should care about, be proud of and claim as your true identity. Whether you need to wear a uniform for school, a suit for a job or cut your hair, that's the one thing that will always truly be you. The rest are just things. Doesn't mean you can't have preferences as far as clothes and such go but they shouldn't be the leading things which define who you are and they certainly shouldn't make you feel incomplete as a person if they're not there.
While I agree that personality is the most concrete thing that defines what one really is, I would also have to say that clothing and hair still play a significant role. They are a reflection of who the person is and what they like, which may even make it easier to find like-minded individuals who would probably have similar interests if they find you wear similar stuff
People say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but in many cases - those with unusual or bizarre looks have personalities just as unique, it is that which makes them want to feel as different on the outside as they do on the inside
Oh I agree, I didn't say he shouldn't express himself in that way, just that he should build up confidence in himself as a person. Someone saying they feel broken, destroyed and not whole anymore after a haircut isn't good. Those things should be fun tools one enjoys for socializing but not a crutch required to function.
Unfortunately confidence can be very hard to build up no matter what type of person is, especially when the very people they spend the most time with treat them like shit I finished high school 6 years ago and I still get esteem issues and a feeling that people are judging or forming negative opinions about me even if they really aren't. All drawbacks from a school experience that sounds pretty similar to what this guy is saying (maybe that's why I felt so compelled to comment )
Some people might preach that "If you don't want people criticizing your looks, then just dress normally". But that kinda sucks, while people are entitled to not like a person's image-choice (there are certainly some types of fashion trends and icons I despise) it shouldn't be a reason to try and incite anti-social behaviour. Some people (myself included) feel very ordinary when looking "normal", almost like being in the wrong body, your mind is resting in something that doesn't represent it well, all out of fear of wearing what is the right "shell" for it because of what some douchebags might say about it Humans love variety in all facets of life - activities, food, locations, etc. Yet many somehow hate variety in each other
I've had some similar experiences as far as the school goes, and it did suck. I've never been happy with my appearance anyway, even aside from clothes so at one point I just didn't feel like I had any choice but to get past that since it's what I'd been given to work with. Making that decision was a huge load off. I guess not everyone's able to get un-stuck from that and I certainly can't blame a person for that. Just figured I'd give that poke anyway since it helped me. And yeah, we are a sadly intolerant species.
Well I can't stand screamo music as much as I can't stand rap, but I am an advocate for spiky hair and tight jeans
I'm sure there are other countries that are worse cultural wastelands than ours, but I would agree even the US (which is typically scoffed at by the rest of the world for "lack of culture") has more diversity than us. Then again, it's a bigger and older population, maybe it and several other countries have had more time to grow Then again Australia does have a culture - but sadly for people like us - that culture centers around cricket, football, meat pies, heavy drinking, wearing thongs when it isn't even hot nor there's a beach in sight and a bunch of other crap I wouldn't touch with a ten foot didgeridoo I remember my "long" hair was the cause of verbal bullying in school on many occasions, and in one occasion it provoked a physical attack. I guess it riled some idiot up that much I put long in quotes because as you said - with the popularity of really short hair on guys here - anything more than a couple of inches is considered "long" It is also considered emo, geeky, or whatever. Unless you're Brad Pitt, then it's suddenly the hottest thing ever I think I recall one of the "popular" guys in my class having a couple of others praise him on his hair when it wasn't radically different than mine at the time
It becomes easier to be an individual with age. I wear certain clothes and act certain ways that I wished I could as a teenager but dared not to. I got enough unwanted lunch thrown at me as it was. I'd say high school is more about surviving, even if that means swallowing your pride and just trying to fit it, which was a daily struggle for me. Now I don't have to care anymore
School is pretty much a guantlet of shit during the hardest period of your life as you try to figure out who you are and what you want. Anyways, if you're not hurting anyone or yourself, learn to ignore what people say. They're not worth your time, just do what makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and the people you care about while doing your best to leave school with both feet on the ground. You'll end up very unhappy if you remove parts of yourself everytime you meet people who don't like it.
I remember in my first year of high school a kid was chased around by at least one hundred students (no exaggeration), simply because he had a mullet. I later moved to another high school and lo and behold... Everyone and his pet monkey had a mullet.
I hate to generalise, but most kids are really, really dumb. The few who strive to be different than their cookie cut-out peers are almost always persecuted for it. There's not much you can do about it unfortunately.
Personally, I too was bullied in high school. Looking back at how I was then and how I am now, I can see that I was offended far too easily, I even got to the point where if someone at school said "Hello," I would just assume they were mocking me.
Anyway, I hope it all works out for you, school can be a really trying time. If it's any consolation, I remember that a few years after high school, one of my most prominent bullies came up to me and apologised for his actions. I'm sure many of your bullies will also grow up feeling remorse for how they treated you.