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November 27, 2012


Replies: 52

At what point should I just give up?

OK, so first of all I joined Deviantart today, so my profile is blank.

For my entire life, I have strived to be different, mainstream society has always been a repellant for me, rather than a source of acceptance.

I'm one of those people with the black spiky hair, and the "screamo" music, and my entire life, thats who I've tried to be, my jeans are tight, and my band shirts are worn, thats just how I feel comfortable.

See, I live in Australia, the cultural wasteland of the world, schools have uniforms, and individuality might as well be banned. however, I'm a smart kid, I get good marks, so teachers let me off for my hair, it's not TOO extreme after all. but lately, the bullying has been getting to me, my mother always said "You can dye your hair black, but if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen", and with that, my resilience was somewhat boosted. But, with short hair "in" now, And myself becoming more noticeable amongst the common mainstream crowd, people are beginning to single me out, and it makes me feel like absolute crap.

My family doesn't like it either, I deal constantly with my dad's disapproval, and my 18 year old sister's tedious mocking. I use to use my house as a refuge, where the bullying would stop, but not anymore, it just keeps on rolling.

Last wednesday, before I went to school, I was doing my hair, and had a mental breakdown, this is the end of my second last year of schooling, and I just wanted people to leave me alone, so I could focus on my exams. with this breakdown, I cut all my hair off, it's short now, and while the bullying has slowed a little bit, I can't help but feeling that it's all too much, it feels like I've just been broken down until I had no will to try and be different.

Typing this down, I realise it doesn't sound like a huge problem, I have gone through worse, but I just feel like I've been robbed of my identity. All I want to know is, should I put my safety first, and just be like everyone else, or should I live on comfortable as who I am, but having to deal with people that don't feel the same?

I appreciate ANY comments that come my way, or even just an opinion.



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Devious Comments

kyupol Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
A couple suggestions... feel free to take my advice or leave it.

1) Stop listening to the screamo music. It is toxic and damaging to your spirit. Im not just picking on screamo music here. Im picking on ALL music. Rock, rap, pop, etc. All of it is just crap. Designed to rot your brain and damage your soul. I used to be a listener of hardcore death rock type music and gengsta rap. And I ended up angry and depressed and suicidal all the time... and with a very low opinion of women. The exact subliminal crap those types of music fed my brain.

Instead... listen to instrumental music designed to get your head relaxed and make you more spiritual. That or some of those "praise Jesus" music.

2) Never give up. Be strong. There is more to life than this. Trust me I had a bad life. Turned it around my friend. Cheers. :)
YSLiao Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Be comfortable with yourself, and be yourself. The world is a big place the further you travel. Those who don't feel the same as you will find other places to go. The tricky part is how to be yourself without elbowing and stepping on the toes of everyone around you. So you're going your way, but you're big, and you're kind, and you can embrace differences along the way.
TobiasWeinald Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well to me it sounds like you're so upset with the "mainstream", that you'd do almost everything to set yourself apart. To some degree I agree with that, since I fit that description a lot, too. But it also sounds like you were focussed so much on always doing the opposite of everyone else, that you lost yourself in the middle of it.

I mean, what is it that YOU really want (to be)? Do you really always have to be that extreme or is there some stuff of the mainstream that you're actually ok with?
Because look, there is no "mainstream". It's an abstract term, we're all just people. True, there are always majorities, supersticious bullshit or just plain assholes. But it's never as black and white as you may think. I met some people that always seemed very supersticious to me and in fact they were very smart people with interesting ideas. They just play a role because that's their way to protect themselves. You can never know, but that's another subject. Of course there will be always someone who's not ok with it, that will never stop. But then tell them to fuck them. Who are they to tell you who or what you have to be? If they need to attack someone else like this, it's just a sign that they need this to feel fine by themselves. And that's something I can only feel pity for. In fact no, not even that.

Perhaps it might help you to think about this:
Why do you put yourself under so much pressure? You don't have to be different all the time, just be yourself in the way you are happy with. That is what makes the difference.
ConstantVariation Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist
If you don't want to be mainstream, don't get upset if your not in the "it crowd" (that's mainstream). I think, if being different is really wrecking you to the point of mental breakdowns, take it easy and try something new - something ordinary and simple. You don't have to try to be unique. Really, everyone is different. Everyone, just look around you. Something about people's personality or way of talk, or dress, or hair, or taste is different, and they've made a certain name for themselves. You don't have to try too hard.
ellusivegman Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
First of all, if Australia is the cultural wasteland of the world, I can only imagine what that makes the US. Secondly, you make a conscious decision to try to stand out from the crowd (nothing wrong with that), yet you get butthurt when people start to single you out. I know that sounds a bit harsh but what did you expect was going to happen? And again, I don't want to sound like a douche bag or anything, but screamo music, and tight jeans are hardly underground, and unless you have been living under a rock for the past ten years then you would know how much that emo shit can make you a target for people.

My advice would be to own up to your new status. Because the way I see it, your only being picked on, not because of your personality, or your beliefs or anything, but because of the way you are dressed, which, unlike the aforementioned things, can be easily fixed with a simple wardrobe change. As a person who has been made fun of and excluded from things for most of my life, despite the fact that I dress like everyone else, I can honestly tell you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Khirate Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Personally, my personality is to never give up.

If you don't achieve your dream, then your life is worthless. If you live your life the way OTHER people want you to, what's the whole point of your existence? It might as well be all the other people living two lives, theirs, and then yours. As long as you're happy with yourself, everyone else can go fuck themselves. You can only care so much about other people's views of you before you realize that there's no way you can please everyone, though you do know what will make you happy for sure.
AmalaAzula Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   Digital Artist
You asked for the attention & now you have it. Deal with it. And there's a lot of people who dress and act like you everywhere. maybe not as much in australia. but there's still people like that. so you cant say you are your own individual if you're subconsciously following a fad. just saying. you might grow out of it, you may not. if you possibly think you aren't, prepare yourself for more negative attention.
AlleyInc Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've learned that you're going do deal with people who don't like you whether you try to blend in or not. I went through that in high school. Because I was different and because I did what I wanted with my outer and inner-self, I was isolated somewhat by the more "mainstream" crowd. But, because I didn't change no matter what people said or did to me, I got respect and acceptance from the people who mattered, which are the really good friends I have today. So, I say: live on the way YOU want to live on. At the end of the day, you weren't born to satisfy anyone but yourself. If people talk crap about you, you can do two things: 1) Ignore them and pretend they don't exist (my favorite method) or 2) confront them (some people don't recommend this because you might end up getting physical with the other person, but I say f*ck it, no one lives forever, and with some people, fighting them and standing up for yourself is the only way you'll gain their respect.) Love who you are, and who cares what other people have to say about it. (^_^)
in-Silent-Reverie Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student Writer
I'm 26 years old and today I realized I would never fit in.
The bullying will never stop.
The thing is, when you embrace yourself, you begin meeting other people who will embrace you, too.
Be safe, but be you. And when you can move, do it. Otherwise, all you can do is be proud of yourself.
Bagam Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What the first commentor stated: School is just a pile of sticky shit made to hold teenagers together in one place so their parents can go to work and know that thier children are in "safe hands", untill they can come back to pick them up.
However this creates the same society you have in a correctional facility (jail), People make their own groups and hurt each other, especially those who don't have a group (nerds).

life gets alot better after school. you'll see that none of what you learn and expierience right now has anything to do with the real world.

like paying the rent and shit...
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